Go Away I'm Watching Porn
by Third Fang
Summary: Issei Hyoudou is the Sekiryutei. Not many people knew how powerful he is, or what he's done. And he's perfectly fine with that. He's done with people. All he wants to do is sit back, relax, and watch porn without being bothered by school or homework or devils or fallen angels or annoying conspiracies and why the hell won't they just leave him alone already! Perv OP Issei Harem.
1. Prologue

Prologue: This story, and frequently sex, begins the same way they end: with lots of screaming.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Outside the realm of all realities and universes:

The Multiverse was a big place.

Obviously.

Infinite worlds. Infinite possibilities. Infinite species, abilities, languages, people…

No. Infinite was the wrong word to use. Infinite was more applicable to the endless variables that a single universe could recognize.

Unregisterable was a more accurate term. Not exact either, but closer to the mark.

Infinite was generally used more often than not for those unfamiliar with the intricacies of the expansive beyond though. It was a catchier word that needed less thought to get.

Gods. Rules. Powers. Most of these were thrown into a perpetual loop once outside the realms that kept them stable since they were conceived. What worked in one universe did not work as well in another. To assume otherwise would either lead to death or endless humiliation.

However, that did not mean that there were powers that did not encompass all worlds and realities.

"Booooooored."

Nor did that mean that all these powers were reasonable, mature, or rational.

Floating in an abyss that had no color, and all colors, was what appeared to be a human. An oddity already, seeing as he was not being torn apart by the endless forces about him.

He was relatively tall and fit, but on the skinny side of things, as though something would be wrong if he ever put on serious weight of any kind. He had long brown hair in a lazy ponytail, with a few bangs to cover his relatively handsome face. Sunglasses that covered his eyes. Tan cargo pants. A white t-shirt with black tribal designs on it, a black trench coat, and tan boots.

Appearing to be in his mid-twenties, the oddity didn't seem to be at all perturbed with being in the middle of nowhere. Rather, he didn't seem interested in it at all.

He had no real home to go to. He had family, but they were busy with their own chores and projects, managing worlds, organizations, or ensuring that the other major multiversal powers that be stay in their place.

The man was known as Ghost. In many circles he was reviled as The God of None, _The End_ , an absolute function designed to wipe out the entire Multiverse if he so chose.

In others, he was considered an annoying asshole. The kind of guy that just wouldn't shut up for a good laugh unless you beat him unconscious, which admittedly wasn't that hard to do if you could land a blow on him.

In other circles, he was known as that poor fool that had been desperately looking for a way to off himself for who knows how long now. A mortal cursed with an extreme form of immortality that no mortal, god, demon, or unknown eldritch abomination had yet to find a way around as of yet.

They were all true to one degree or another. The stories varied from place to place. But the things that they could agree on though was that…

 _Click-Click Zoom-Zoom Iyaaan._

"… Eh?"

… He was equal parts colossal jackass, and unrestrained pervert.

 _There is a breast-loving Dragon living in the edge of a certain country._

 _The Dragon goes for a walk when the weather is good._

 _Dragon Dragon Oppai Dragon._

 _Grope-Grope Suck-Suck Pafu-Pafu._

The man looked around, turning his head all around to try and find the source. It wasn't unheard of to get messages and errant signals in the space between all realms accidentally, but even so this one was… new.

There are so many types of breasts.

 _But he likes the big ones best._

 _The Oppai Dragon also flies today._

 _In an edge of a certain town, the Oppai Dragon was laughing._

 _Even on a stormy day, the Oppai Dragon becomes happy by pressing breasts._

"… Snk. Pffft. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE FUCK!? WAHAHAHAHA! IT'S SO STUPID! IT'S HILARIOUS! BUT IT'S STILL SO FUCKING STUPID! AHAHAHAHAHA!" The man burst out laughing at the lyrics. The tune. The lyrics. The singer. It was as if someone had decided to cross a bad preschool television show's intro music with the deranged ramblings of a drunk Dungeons and Dragons Master.

 _Dragon Dragon Oppai Dragon._

 _Click-Click Zoom-Zoom Iyaan._

 _He has seen lots of breasts, but he likes big ones the best._

 _The Oppai Dragon also pushes today._

"Ahahahaha! Eheheh. Aha. Ah. Woo." It took a good while for the immortal man to calm down from his bout of hysteria. He didn't expect to be bombarded with something that outlandish in the middle of literally nowhere.

He had to see where the hell the song came from, and hopefully meet this Oppai Dragon in person, if only to see what in all the realities out there had spawned something as absurdly stupid as an "Oppai Dragon"…

And then maybe dress up his boss, Zuzushi, the creator of this Multiverse, the all-powerful Sky Mother, the Demon Dragon Goddess… Thing, as one when her guard was down just to fuck with her.

That'll show that walking purse to snitch right after they pulled a mass prank spree on the rest of his family so they could get their hands on the weed and booze that was confiscated earlier that year.

What? Being a Multiversal force of existence was taxing at times. God level ganja and booze was good stuff. Trans-reality was better, but the stuff didn't store well, so that was normally first come first served.

With just the smallest bit of focus, he managed to isolate the general chain of realities and timelines that spawned the ridiculous song. He wasn't looking for any one of them in particular, just so long as the "Oppai Dragon" existed in it. Being overly specific was pointless for something like this. What point was there in complaining what quarter you found on the street when the vending machine nearby would accept it all the same?

Traversing an immeasurable distance was the equivalent to floating a few meters to the side for the man. Dimension travelling was less a means of moving through the standard three dimensions and more through the fifth and above.

"Dragon Dragon Oppai Dragon." He hummed to himself as he made his way to his general target…

A skewed perception of reality here. A twist of timespace there…

"Click-Click Zoom-Zoooooou don't look like an Oppai Dragon."

And he was stopped on the edge of the Universe he guessed he was going for by a very big, very red, and very irritated western style Dragon.

Great Red, the Dragon of Dragons, _Dream_ itself, growled menacingly, though to most mortals, the sound would be the rough equivalent to an avalanche.

At one point, it had been the Oroboros Dragon, the Dragon God, _Infinite and Nothing's,_ Ophis' job to dwell in the realm between worlds and the beyond. To serve as the buffer and filter to prevent the outside from interfering with the world. However at some point, Ophis abandoned her position. Be it for a moment or an eternity, it did not matter. The realm had been left defenseless, and so be it from convenience or instinct, the Great Red took over the territory and assumed the role as protector.

Not that anyone else in the lesser lands below knew of it.

"Hey hey. Calm down. I'm not here to wreck anything. You guys are good. I'm just here on my own time." Despite the disgusting size difference between the two, the human male didn't seem to be intimidated by his roadblock in the slightest.

"███████!"

"Oi! Language asshole! This might be your territory but I'll still kick your ass if you keep that shit up!" The human snapped, not blown away by the titan's rumbling. Really, the size difference between the two was comical. The fact that they were having a conversation at all in the first place was in the same realm of fantasy as the actual sight of the two in the kaleidoscopic realms. It simply did not make sense if witnessed from the perspective of a mortal.

"████-"

" _ **I said be mindful of your tongue, Guardian."**_

They were on the edge of reality and everything, and yet Great Redhad never felt so confined in its entire existence. The limitations of the seemingly endless Dimensional Gap that they were in seemed to be on full display, outlined and bending to the orders of the thing that had dared to cross through its realm.

He could feel it. Something would come to pass that even he was powerless to halt should things persist.

 _The End of a Dream._

The faint scent of something ancient beyond time met its nostrils. Something familiar, nostalgic, and yet terrifying all the same triggered his instincts.

"███████." A normal human would not have been able to tell the difference between this growl and the last, but that was to be expected, and the human in front of the Great Red was not normal.

"Yes. I'm one of Zuzushi's current attendants. You have nothing to worry about. I'm not here to carry out any jobs. Just fulfilling a minor curiosity that led me here by chance." Ghost eased up on his power. He personally didn't like strong arming others to listen to him or throwing his weight around. It was too much work as far as he was concerned.

Ever since he started working for his boss, he carried about the scent of a Dragon. All his family did to one degree or another, but his was the strongest. Most of the beasts across reality knew their progenitor's scent by pure instinct, even if her name and existence were forgotten across the ages.

"▄▄▄▄▄." Great Red was not among the masses though. He was definition turned corporal, existing since the beginning of his time. He remembered the fleeting dregs of Zuzushi's power and the immeasurable importance that she had to all realms.

"Don't tell her that. Despite being an old hag that's supposed to be above all that shit, Zuzushi's head is like a fucking balloon. Thing inflates and deflates more than a set of hyperventilating lungs. There's a Dragon's Pride and then there's being that attention whore." The man crossed his arms and sulked.

He long since gave up the number of times he's had to hold back his boss whenever someone spoke her name without her permission. A dragon's hoard and den was almost everything to them, but to hoard her own name was taking it to new levels.

"▄▄▄██."

"All right. All right. I got it. Calm down already. I'll let her know to visit when I get back. Can I go now?" He groaned. All of the older sentient and rational Dragon always acted the same around him. They all wanted to meet Zuzushi. They all wanted to speak with the great mother. They all wanted to bask in the existence that their images were based off of.

"▄▄."

"Thank you." The human floated through the kaleidoscope of the Dimensional Gap and looked around. It was only now that he realized that he was in fact inside one of the universes he had aimed for, and around him were several dimensions that combined made up this realm. "Heaven. Hell. Mortal. Eldritch. Norse. Greek… geez, talk about hating your neighbors. Not much originality. They don't even bother sharing the same world. Hey Red! Quick question! You know of any Oppai Dragon?"

His question went unanswered. The Guardian of this universe had already left to another part, already losing interest in the visitor.

"Dragon of Dragons, feh. Well he's meeting the title at least. Dragon's pride. Dragon's temper. Dragon's attention span." The immortal deadpanned.

Well. He'd have to just look the old fashioned way then. Oh well, he'd have to start with the tried and true method of finding odd things in the multiverse: When in doubt, start in Japan, if there was a Japan at least.

Plus, the gratuitous and crude mix of English and Japanese in "Oppai Dragon" kinda gave it away to begin with.

o. o. o.

The Caucasian man walked out of an alleyway onto one of the busy sidewalks of Tokyo Japan as if nothing was wrong. His short sleeved coat was slightly out of the ordinary, but not too peculiar.

"Ok. Tokyo. Same old. Same old. Now how to find this Oppai Dragon." Ghost breathed in the polluted city air deeply and took in the sights. Half of him partially expected Godzilla to show up, or at least Great Red to follow him here. Tokyo was frequently nicknamed a matchstick city after all. Place was a magnet for cosmic horrors.

Exhibit A, himself.

He felt a tug on his pants.

"Can't just ask people randomly. Don't know how well known the mystical is around here. That and just saying Oppai Dragon makes me feel retarded, and that in itself is impressive. Hearing it must make me really look crazy. Don't want to get arrested for sexual harassment right out of the gates again. That just makes everything a pain in the ass later."

Another tug on his clothes was made.

"Probably should start with the local mystical races. Hopefully they're conversational. I sense a good number nearby. If they're this concentrated in an urban area, they should be pretty organized…" He paused as his clothes were tugged again. Come to think of it, there shouldn't have been anyone near him last he checked.

He looked down to see a black haired gothic Lolita girl that barely looked older than thirteen with black tape crosses covering her nipples tugging at his clothes.

Exhibit B. Ophis.

"Grandpa. Help me make Baka-Red get out of my home."

It took the immortal man a few moments for his mind to process what exactly just happened.

"Sorry. I'm more than willing to do roleplay, but I'm not into Lolis." He intelligently replied, his mouth working before his brain did.

In his defense, he had sworn off Lolis after that one incident involving a great deal of alcohol, some false identification, and a good deal of police.

You just couldn't tell with those little blighters. It was like they wanted you to guess their age wrong.

"Make Baka-Red go away please Grandpa." The girl asked again, her tone dead even, as though she didn't hear what he had said earlier.

 _Infinite_ and _Nothing._ That was what he felt from the human shaped dragon next to him. Absurdly powerful as far as the locals went. Right up there with that Great Red he had just met. He probably replaced her at some point, which explains a few things.

"I'm not your Grandpa." He lamely retorted.

"But you smell like Grandma." She countered factually.

His eyebrow twitched as several people walked past him, whispering unkind things that they thought he couldn't hear. He had been accused of many things, but smelling like half-dressed gothic Lolita's Grandma was a new one. "I work with and for your Grandma. You don't really have much practice with conversation, do you?"

The girl didn't move for several moments, as though contemplating his question, before continuing to tug on his pants again. "It doesn't matter. You're as strong and important as Grandma. Grandpa, make Baka-Red go away."

"… Yep. Nope. Not doing this." Ghost turned around, quickly dislodged himself from Ophis' grasp, and walked into the alleyway he had just come from, instantly vanishing the moment he was out of the public eye.

o. o. o.

In Kyoto, the immortal appeared on top of a random building without a sound, flash, or pulse of power. It was though he was just there after a point in time.

"Ok. Let's try this again. Kyoto. Less combustible than Tokyo, but a bit higher on the mysticism scale due to the history. Good natural energy flowing around the place. Lots of otherworldy powers being sensed aaaaaaaa…"

"Grandpa."

"…aaand this is going to be a thing, isn't it?"

o. o. o.

Kuoh:

Issei Hyoudou wasn't happy.

The seven year old boy was sulking on the park swing by himself, alone. His best and really only friend Irena had moved away just a few days ago, and he was feeling lonely, as any child his age would feel.

Unlike other children his age, he had an unnatural fixation with breasts. Shortly before Irena left, a strange old man had appeared in front of him and other children at the park when their parents weren't around and started telling them all about the marvels and beauty of breasts. Oddly, he couldn't seem to remember the stories themselves in detail, but they did trigger something deep inside of him. A respect and borderline zealot like worship of the female body part that seemed odd, even for him at times.

Still, even the revelation that he had received did nothing to hide the pain that came from Irena's departure, and the loneliness that accompanied it.

"Hah. What's the point of enjoying oppai if you don't have people to share them with?" The boy lamented to himself, not at all aware of just how badly his words could be misinterpreted. True he had never seen real breasts in person, but that didn't prevent them from enjoying their existence.

"Gotta hide. Gotta hide. Gotta hide. Gotta hide. Gotta hide. Gotta hide."

The boy blinked as the endless mantra of a strange man that hadn't been at the park just moments earlier caught his ears. The weird guy was looking around frantically for something, and…

"Whoa. You're really fast." The boy's eyes widened as the man seemed to teleport and move at fast forward speeds all around the area.

"That candy can only stall that annoying trap for so long. Damn it. I'm not getting arrested for pedophilia again!" The stranger didn't seem to hear him as he continued to scour the park for something.

Due to being born from the universe itself, and being the embodiment of _nothing and infinite,_ Ophis was essentially tapped into reality itself, meaning that so long as he was in the universe, she'd be able to track him as easily as thinking about him. It didn't help that as an outside entity, Ghost naturally stuck out more to her than anything else in the Universe. Literally.

That didn't mean that Ghost didn't know ways to get away or around her abilities. He knew a few dozen actually. The problem was that some of them involved actually tearing apart the local timespace, which was rude, in bad form, and would piss off more than a few of the locals. Others required him to use a bit of extra juice to use, which was also in bad form since it would trigger a few alarms in the process and again piss off the locals. And the few that he did know that wouldn't cause a huge stir among the populace either needed a few moments to prepare, or required him to not be the focus of anyone's attention in the first place.

Jumping dimensions wouldn't work either, since she'd easily be able to follow him through the chaotic realms that pretty much entailed everything and nothing at once.

As for fighting her? Yeah, he'd easily be able to pull that off. Only problem is that doing so would probably wreck half the universe in the process from the aftershock of it all and make him start the search all over again! Plus he didn't want to fight her. He wasn't the sort of incompetent asshat that couldn't get anywhere without throwing his weight around, starting fights left and right and killing everyone that looked at him funny.

Great Red was an exception. That guy wasn't the type to back down once stirred up unless he was made to back down.

He just needed her to look the other way for two… bloody… seconds!

"Pedo-what?" Issei tilted his head to the side in confusion, unfamiliar with the word.

"I know I sensed a small spatial gap around here somewhere." The man ignored the boy, continuing with his search at clearly inhuman speeds. "Just gotta stow away for a little bit, wait for the runt to lose interest in the area, then slip out. Easy. Just. Gotta. Find. The fucking…"

The two paused as they faced one another, as if the elder had just noticed the younger's existence.

"… You said a bad word." Issei intelligently accused, pointing at him with his left hand.

A left hand that held a dormant Sacred Gear. One that housed the spirit of the Crimson Welsh Heavenly Dragon Ddraig.

The immortal paused.

On the one hand, he wasn't going to hurt the kid, and it was to get rid of that annoying Dragon that was stalking him.

On the other, his siblings would never let him hear the end of it if they found out he had decided to hide from a little girl by hiding in a little boy.

Ever.

All the way in Hokkaido, Ophis finished the giant ice cream cone that she had been snacking on for the past three minutes.

It was at that moment that Ghost uttered two words that frequently preceded many major and significant moments in human history across many and all realities.

"Fuck it."

Before Issei could react, the man charged at him and dove headfirst right at him… and somehow twisting himself and space around him to _vanish_ into his left hand.

"Eh? EH? EEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH?!" The boy shouted in progressively increasing confusion and alarm, staring at his left hand all the while. "I'm magic?!"

While the incredibly confused and freaked out child was staring at his arm as if it had suddenly grown a new head, Ophis appeared a short distance away, looking around curiously. "… Grandpa was here… but now he's not. He's not in this dimension. Maybe he's fighting Baka-Red."

Issei, completely unaware of the Oroboros Dragon's brief presence, was too preoccupied with flailing his left arm about wildly. "What the heck!? This is weird! Get out! Get out of me!"

" _Oi oi! Calm down kid! I'm gonna leave soon so cool your jets. I just gotta wait for that annoying infinite dragon chick to look away for a bit longer before I can leave without being noticed."_ An annoyed voice echoed in the child's mind. _"I don't like this anymore than you so just relax already."_

"How can I relax when I have a creepy old guy inside of me?! How did you even jump in me in the first place?" The boy yelled out frantically, which was understandable since he was scared and confused as to what just happened.

" _Creepy old… eh screw it. You're technically right about that. This is pretty freaky for someone that has no idea what's happening. As for how I did it… well you're not that normal either kid. I'm not the only one here in you."_

Issei paused. "Not the only one? You mean there's more freaky old people in me?! When did that happen?! Get him out!"

The voice laughed. _"Freaky old people? Hah. Well, I guess you can call this guy freaky and old. But from what I can tell, he's been here way longer than me. Probably been here since you were born actually. He's part of this… how do I describe this so a kid can understand? Ok! You were born with a magic box in you. And this dude I was talking about comes with the box. I just jumped inside of it as well earlier and am sharing it for a bit so someone can't find me for a few minutes. Don't ask why you have the box or what it is, 'cause I don't know and I don't care. Does that make sense to you kid?"_

The boy started to calm down, looking at his hand nervously. "I… guess so. So you're just going to leave in a few minutes? It's not going to hurt? Can you get the other guy out too?"

" _In order? Yes. It shouldn't. And I can, but you wouldn't want that. This guy is part of the box and if I take the box out, well… taking out the box is like taking out your heart. You kinda need it in order to live for some reason."_

"How did you even jump into me in the first place? Are you magic?" The boy asked, becoming less scared and more genuinely curious.

" _Kid, we'd be here all week if I tried to explain that to you. It involves a lot of big complicated words and stuff that would confuse most adults. Let's just say I'm really good at impro… at making things up as I go along."_ Ghost mentally groaned, knowing that he had to use really dumbed down words so he wouldn't confuse his ride. _"As for magic? I… ok. You know how there are lots of books and stories and some have magic work one way or another? Well I do a bit of all of that. A little here. A little there. Some work for me. Others don't. I don't know about the magic_ here _exactly, but I know enough in general to play with the rules a bit."_

Issei opened his mouth to ask another question.

" _Meaning I can't teach you magic until I know how things work here. And that's if I wanted to teach you in the first place."_

The boy closed his mouth.

" _Kid, fair warning. Learning magic and doing cool things like throwing fireballs and etc. etc. might not be the best idea for you. I haven't been here for a while, but I can already tell that there are some really powerful guys out there, and you're… not."_

"I'm not?" He blinked.

" _You have Pokemon here?"_

"Yes?" That was a weird question from the boy's perspective. Everyone knew about Pokemon. Why wouldn't he have it?

" _You're a level 3 ratata. At best. The guy I was just hiding from? Arceus, easy. Or at the very least Giratina. Not only that, but he's a character that was plain cheating and at level fifty million, with impossible stats, abilities, and moves that no one else has. You would have been wasted just by being looked at. It's best just to leave them alone and not attract their attention."_

He didn't bother telling Issei what he was. He doubted that the boy would understand the analogy of him being part of the rules of the actual game itself.

The boy suddenly felt nauseous and sat back down on the swing. "I don't like this anymore. Please go away."

" _Yeah yeah. Don't worry. I was about to leave anyways. Just gimme a sec…"_

 _Click._

"Click?"

" _Uh. That wasn't supposed to happen."_

" _ **Nggh."**_

"Ossan. Was that you?"

"… _Noooo. That was actually the other creepy old guy in you waking up. He looks like the cranky sort that doesn't like getting up early, so I'm just going to…"_

Issei didn't know how to describe it, but he felt an uncomfortable lurch in his body. It didn't have any real source, like when his stomach sometimes hurt from eating too much, but it didn't feel like when he was sick a few weeks ago either. "Ow. What was that?"

" _Ah! Damn it! What the hell?! Why is this thing warping around my being?! I haven't even touched anything in here! Get. The fuck! OFF!"_

" _ **Mmm. What? This voice is coming from… inside?"**_

Had he been standing, Issei would have fallen down. All of his senses felt like they were being crossed. His vision was getting blurry and twisted. Colors, sounds, smells, and tastes were all in places that they shouldn't be, mixing and spinning all over the place. He couldn't even really control his body anymore as he tried to keep himself together, barely managing to let a whimper of pain and fear leak out from his lungs.

" _Wait. Wait. This thing in the kid was actually a dormant shapeless tool with this guy's soul as the core… but if me being here accidentally jumpstarted it so it triggered and is starting to take actual form now, then that means… oh shit I fucked up. Crap crap crap move move move!"_

 _ **[Dragon Booster!]**_

Issei's twisted mind and body suddenly seemed to shift all of its focus into his left arm. All at once, the limb was _burning, red, power, fire, hunger, rage, pride, potential, fury_ , and a whole assortment of other sensations that he couldn't even begin to describe…

… But at the same time, something was wrong. How he knew it was wrong in the first place he didn't know, but he could tell that something was trying to push itself out of the chaos in his left arm as everything was coming together.

Up. Out. In. Down. Folding. Shrinking. Expanding. Issei felt like his entire body was a piece of silly putty or chewed up gum being played with as something desperately tried to get out, yet at the same time was obviously making sure that he didn't break or fall apart in the process.

Every passing instant he felt something inside of him solidify. As though he was being baked and the slop that he started off as was turning hard. His head. His feet. His heart. Everything was pushed up against to their limits until he seemed to snap back together like a rubberband and his body lurched to the right to his other hand.

Issei didn't know when he collapsed, falling off of his swing. All he was aware of was that when he finally woke up, his everything hurt, but didn't at the same time.

"Owwww." The boy grabbed his head in pain, only to flinch as several sharp things stabbed the top of his skull. "Owww! What was… that?"

His left hand had changed. It was encased in weird red metal, like the armor of those western knights he saw on tv, only this one was covered in large green jewels. Gems bigger than he had ever seen. Even bigger than the ones he had seen at the jewelry stores that he occasionally walked past when he and his mother went shopping.

" _ **Oh? So you called me out. Partner. I'm surprised."**_ A new voice echoed in his head, this one deeper and older sounding. The giant green jewel on his hand that reminded him of a cat's eye glowed as it did so. _**"You're incredibly weak compared to my previous users, but then again, I don't think I've been woken up when they were this young either."**_

"… Eh?" The boy's brain was about to shut down. He was reaching the end of his limits on what he could take.

" _Hey, you might want to take the ambiguity down a notch. I've already confused the poor kid enough in the span of ten minutes."_

"… Eh?" Issei turned his head to his right arm…

It was almost identical to his left, only the colors and the gems were different. Instead of crimson and emerald, his right arm was ebony and silver.

The only other real difference was that the gems were designed slightly off and creeped him out. They looked like a milky white cat's eyes in general, as though they were all blind. The middle parts, the iris, were even creepier, as they were literally stitched shut by thin black threads up their entire lengths. The stitching was uneven and erratic at that. A sloppy job, even by Issei's inexperienced standards.

" _Sorry kid. I kinda screwed up. Didn't know what that "magic box" in you actually did and well… I'm stuck here too now. Learn from this. This is what happens when you look before you leap."_ The first strange old guy laughed embarrassed.

"You… You're stuck? You can't go away?" The boy hesitantly asked his right hand, shaking all over by this point.

" _When I activated this armor of yours by accident, it molded itself around me and my power as well as the other guy. It's like getting stuck in cement that's hardened. I don't know about my new roommate here, but I can technically leave when I want. It's not hard at all for me. I'd just have to… well… break the magic box. And like I said earlier, you kinda need it to keep on living."_

" _ **But the boy does not need you."**_ The older voice growled menacingly. _**"I do not know who or what you are, but you will suffer for trespassing into my host human. My flames will burn your soul to ash for your transgressions and… and…"**_

The boy shivered at the cold and murderous voice that reverberated from his left hand. It was really scary. He didn't like it at all.

"… _**Great Grandfather?"**_

" _Oh come on! Again?! For the last time I'm not your bloody ancestor! I just got adopted into the damn metaphysical gene line! That's all! I'm more like a step-grand-uncle at best! I'm not even close enough to warrant showing up at family reunions!"_

"Eh?"

"Grandpa. I found you."

"Eh?" Issei blinked in even more confusion as a strangely dressed girl with tape over her very small oppai somehow appeared next to him and was poking at his right arm.

" _ **Ophis?!"**_

" _Son of a Bitch!"_

"Eh?"

"Hello Ddraig. You woke up early." The new girl briefly looked at his left hand before resuming at poking at the right. "Grandpa. Hurry up. Beat up Baka-Red."

It was at that point that Issei finally surpassed his limit on what he was willing to deal with, and did what any scared and confused seven year old boy would do.

He screamed, cried, and ran home as fast as his short legs could, calling for his mother the entire way.

o. o. o.

"And that's the story of how I got two Sacred Gears, met Ophis, became aware of the mystic world, and spawned my abnormal trauma and aversion to masturbating with either of my hands out of fear that doing so would prompt one of the eldritch abominations in them to do horrible things to my mind, body, and or soul."

The Occult Research Club and the Kuoh Highschool Student Council didn't say anything. Instead, they just settled for sitting and standing in their respective places, staring at Issei like braindead fish.

With a straight face that even Sona would approve of, Issei held up his cell phone and took a picture for later amusement.

o. o. o.

Issei's Room ten years ago:

" _Hey kid."_

"Go away. You're not real." The poor child was crying in his room. The weird armor on his arms had vanished at some point during his run back home, so his parents didn't believe him about what had happened.

" _It's messed up and crazy, but real all the same. Both me and this giant red grump in your other arm."_

" _ **Don't bring me into this."**_ Ddraig snorted from what felt like a deeper part of the boy's body. _**"The boy is weak and too young to fight the white bastard, and his mind is in shock. He's of no use as he is and he will not listen to us either. Call me when he proves otherwise…"**_

"Why are you still here?" The boy sniffed as he felt the scarier voice go away. He didn't know what to do anymore. He thought that he felt alone when Irena left, but now was worse. No one could help him and the world felt bigger than anything else he could have imagined, and it terrified him.

" _Well, like it or not. We're stuck with each other. Unless of course you don't mind dying so I can leave. I'm known to be a bit of a jerk at times, but I still have standards. Killing kids because I screwed up is just poor form."_ Ghost reasoned. _"Anyways. We might as well get introductions done with since they're overdue. My name is Ghost. The guy that just left that speaks as though he has perpetual flaming hemorrhoids is Ddraig, or at least that's what he told me. If it makes you feel better, he's a really big red dragon, and dragons are always awesome."_

"My name is Issei. Issei Hyoudou." The boy sniffed, too tired to process that apparently he had a _really big red dragon_ inside of him. "Yeah. Dragons are pretty cool. But they're not as great as oppai."

"… _Eh? Oppai? You serious? What are you, like, six? Can you even hit puberty this early?"_ Even a renowned pervert like Ghost was surprised by the sudden change of topic to his field of preference.

"I'm seven. Yeah. Oppai. They're great. So soft and warm. They're the greatest thing ever." Fire started to burn within Issei as he focused on his calling in life.

" _I… have you even… this, really is a new one for me. Ok. I'm going to hope that your folks gave you the talk and move on. Against my better judgement, what do you want to be when you grow up kid? Ddraig and I are stuck in you so we might as well set some long term-"_

"Harem King."

" _\- goals say again?"_

"I gonna be a Harem King. I want a harem, no, the ultimate harem of women. The best harem with the best oppai. All mine to take care of and enjoy."

" _I just, well ok then. You apparently want a harem."_

"I _will_ have a harem."

" _I stand corrected."_

The immortal was caught flat footed. He was known for his own questionable tastes and choices over the eons, but he had yet to encounter a child of all things so dead set on having a harem. True some royal idiots over the years made similar claims, but that was simply out of expectation and entitlement. This kid, Issei Hyoudou, had the harem as his actual life's goal, and there was a damn _fire_ behind that drive too.

Not much focus for the fire other than directed at "women and oppai" at the moment, but a fire nonetheless.

But there was something in the way the kid made his declaration. Something that indicated that there was another reason why the kid wanted a harem that even he didn't get yet.

Something more, _instinctual_.

This kid might be more interesting than he first thought.

Oh well, it's not like he was going anywhere anytime soon. Should be fun to see what kind of chaos he can stir up this time.

Plus, pleasing women in all sorts of ways was a bit of a hobby of his. It might be nice to pass down some of the torch's flames.

" _Say, Issei. What exactly do you know about making and maintaining a harem?"_

o. o. o.

A/N:

You can't see me right now, but I am smiling like an evil madman.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Perverts and unfortunate people who have no libido, I give you, "Go Away. I'm Watching Porn." My answer to the horrible phenomena that I consider the general Highschool DxD fandom.

Bad smut? Nope. Shitty writing? Hell no.

Emo issei because his parents died, turning him essentially into batman with superpowers? Fuck! No!

A character that is named Issei Hyoudou but has pretty much everything that made him Issei Hyoudou stripped away like he's been neutered? Making him a generic wish fulfilling character that any idiot can write that's fulfills the most uncreative quota of "strong boring generic "mature" character beats the enemies and has lots of sex?"

Hold on. Let me check…

"OOOOOOOPPPPPPPAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!"

That's a nope there too.

Ghost: But don't I technically qualify as…

You're an immortal Universe destroying dumbass that got stuck in a seven year old boy hiding from a gothic loli that wouldn't stop stalking you across japan, all in search of the "Oppai Dragon" which you only wanted to find because it sounded absolutely retarded and you wanted to see it for yourself for laughs. That and you have a personality that people either love or loathe with every fiber of their being and are perfectly aware of it and don't care.

Ghost: And I concede to your logic. Wait… am I going to be stuck in the kid for the entire story?! That means I'm gonna be blueballed for at least a decade!

Sucks to be you.

Ghost: FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

Ok. Seriously though. Despite the anime essentially being softcore porn, the actual extended story, world, and base of Highschool DxD from the light novels is actually really good. I've read a good number of the light novels, I think I stopped at around 14 out of laziness, and while there were ups and downs, there is a good deal of thought into how the powers, groups, and characters all function.

To be honest, it reminds me of Naruto. Good setup, world, and mechanics, but it just utterly fails when it comes to certain parts in the main story.

(Though to be honest, in terms of actual long term plot development, DxD makes more sense than Naruto's, though that isn't saying much.)

And both main male characters just being so, SO stupid they should be shot for the sake of the world's gene pool.

It works for Luffy from One Piece because he's not _trying_ to be smart most of the time, and more importantly, he's not a bloody over optimistic idiot that excuses all of his actions on infantile morals. Luffy is an idiot that excuses all of his stupid actions on the fact that he's a selfish idiot that punches people that piss him off. Bad guy did something to make his friends sad. He gets angry and goes through a crapton of hoops to beat them up. End arc. And it WORKS and we don't waste time on meaningless character development for him so we can focus on… pretty much wasting time on slightly less meaningless character development for everyone else.

For Naruto, it was just Kishi dropping the ball and forgetting what the hell he was trying to do in the first place and just giving up, saying fuck it, and essentially shipping SasuNaru for three fourths the publication.

For DxD… well, I don't really need to go into detail there, do I?

Not that the ero bits were wrong. Hell, I'm actually making that part of the damn story come hell or heaven… pun sorta intended, but I'm developing Issei in the process.

This is Issei's story. He's perverted. His parents are still alive. And he's not. The Fucking. Batman.

Seriously, we really need to stop killing the MC's parents all the time. What are we, Disney?

But, regardless, that doesn't mean I didn't screw him over.

I have fucked him over. Big Time. To be honest, I believe he's one of the most traumatized characters I've ever written, and it will _**show**_. In fact said fuck over will be a big part of this story.

Will he be strong? Will he be in solid fights? Will he have a harem?

It's a DxD fic guys. I really can't answer that better than that.

Will the story be amusing?

 _I'm_ writing this thing. If you don't know who I am, look at my profile and see the numbers on my other fics. I can back this claim.

Ghost: So long as you ignore the first twenty chapters of YAWALEH.

… So long as you ignore the substandard quality of my literally earliest work… Asshole.

Ghost: You're the lazy shit that won't edit and fix the damn things.

Fuck you. Ok, this is getting way too long. I just needed to get this out of my system.

Bottom line? Issei Harem eventually. Screwed over Issei. Solid plot. Good writing and actual character development. No meaningless smut. Lots of obnoxious humor. Lots of epic.

OP Issei, but that's mostly because unlike other guys out there that just beef him up on mystical steroids, I actually was creative with the Boosted Gear while working within its limits to… well… break the ever living fuck out of the damn thing.

To be honest, Ghost doesn't really do much in general during the fic.

Ghost: Woohoo! Naptime!

And, most importantly, shorter chapters.

For those of you that don't know my standard, I tend to make 20k+ word chapters on average. No, I'm not stretching the truth. Truth be told, I made this thing in two days.

Really? I'm doing this fic to practice shorter chapters and a new style of writing plot wise in for later projects. I don't know how long this story in particular will go on for, but out of the several potentials I had in my head, this one was the most fleshed out.

This isn't taking the place of my normal monsters, TTRT and FFD. I'm still popping out one of those a month, like I always do. This is just a side project that I'll do when I'm satisfied with my progress on the others first. Quick and easy chapters that won't get in the way of the others.

Ok. I've rambled on long enough. This A/N is way too long. Thanks Arrixam for giving me your thoughts on this.

Anyways. Review! Worship the Log! I'm actually writing a story with the word Porn in the damn title and it's probably going to end up one of the highest ranked fics in the fandom! And Review AGAIN!


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Boy meets girl, loses interest, and turns back to the porn on his computer.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Kuoh:

Raynare hated her mission.

She hated it very, very much.

Being born after the Great War, she had always been unappreciative of the tentative peace that existed between the Angels, Demons, and Fallen. Aggressive in nature and nurtured by the stories of old, she like many others, yearned to prove herself worthy to her kin and especially to her superiors.

Espionage. Sabotage. Assassination. Seduction… _especially_ seduction. She didn't care so long as she moved up.

Anything to get her name noticed by those with ten and twelve wings.

Anything to get even just one more pair of wings herself.

Three years ago, she had thought that she would have opportunities by the boatloads to do just that, when the tentative peace, and the secrecy of the mystic world, nearly shattered into tiny bits… but her held breath was wasted. The balance had been rocked, but still frustratingly held firm.

Then her hopes had gotten up when Azazel, the leader of the Grigori himself, called her for a special mission that he claimed required her special list of skills, dedication, and history…

Her hopes had slowly died a dogs death over the course of the past six months.

Reconnaissance.

She had been given the job of a security camera. For six months. On a single two story building in Japan. Owned by, and occupied by humans.

They weren't even interesting humans either. It was just some boring middle aged woman that was aging fairly well and some dumbass that never, and she meant _never,_ left the damn building. The only reason why she even knew he existed in the first place was due to Azazel informing her in the first place.

… And the occasional shouting matches that she could hear from the other side of the street and thirty meters in the air.

But for some reason that no one ever bothered to inform her about, both people in the building were considered VVIPs.

By _everyone_.

Angels. Fallen. Demons. All three factions had an invested interest in the people there, and had set up their own protections on the property. She had honestly never even heard of an occasion where all three had come to a unanimous decision on something like that before outside of the current pseudo peace that they had agreed on at the end of the war, let alone for something so insignificant.

Sadly her curiosity could only keep her interested in the place for so long before the long periods of nothing finally defeated her patience.

The building itself was dull and generic, like all the others in the entire area, but magically the place was a bloody hidden fortress that no one would notice or be able to enter unless they knew it was there to begin with.

Even Azazel had warned her that under no circumstances was she to enter the building without explicit permission from those inside.

Six months.

Six months of absolutely nothing.

The mother was fairly active. Food shopping. Yoga. Part time jobs. Neighborhood clubs. What appeared to be the occasional date here and there, but those rarely lasted long. She was clearly single from the lack of a ring on her finger. It was a bit of a shame, as she was fairly attractive in a natural sort of way.

The son, she knew jack about other than he was a shut in that had a good pair of lungs on him if the yelling was any indication. Obnoxious brat was probably some massively overweight slob that rolled better than he walked.

How on earth were these two important to anyone?

It was nine at night and she had had enough for now. Humans rarely if ever went out this late for anything and she doubted that there was a force on the planet that could get past the barriers around the place without anyone magically aware in the city _not_ noticing.

She really needed someone else to split this job with. It would look bad if she switched off from this supposedly incredibly important task, but she couldn't help it if it was confirmed to be incredibly dull and tedious.

o. o. o.

"Issei!"

…

"Issei!"

…

" **ISSEI!"**

"What!?"

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET MILK FROM THE STORE!"

"I told you I'm watching porn!"

"The porn can wait! I promised the club I'd make cake for the meeting tomorrow and I need milk!"

"Then make it tomorrow before you go!"

"It needs to set first before it can be eaten! You know that better than I do! You're the self-proclaimed mega chef!"

"You never said you were going to eat the thing!"

"Don't you dare be an over analytical ass to me young man!"

"You're almost forty! Your digestive system can't process sweets like they used to! Are you trying to give yourself an excuse to get a new wardrobe?!"

"I'm a woman! I don't need an excuse to buy a hundred new wardrobes, and I'd still look great in all of them! Just like I don't need an excuse to cut power off to your side of the house and take out the wireless if you don't get off your ass and get the damn milk!"

The top half of the Hyoudou residence shook as though something large and heavy had been dropped onto the floor. There was a minute or two's respite as the sounds of someone moved across the rooms upstairs before a door was slammed open and closed.

Issei Hyoudou sulked as he stomped down the stairs like a petulant child and shot his mother a dirty look. "Seriously. Why are you cooking something like a cake this late?"

Messy brown hair. Chocolate brown eyes. Red tshirt under a vertically striped black and white unbuttoned collared shirt, tan pants, and white sneakers. He was slightly tall for his age, and appeared to be in decent shape under his clothes. All in all, he appeared to be your standard teenager. Anger, vulgar vocabulary, and all.

The only part of his image that was remotely out of the norm was the thick white cloth with peculiar letterings that was neatly wrapped around his right hand and arm. It was done in a way that many in Japan would assume it was merely his way of making an edgy fashion statement had they not known that he didn't care at all about his appearance in general.

Asami Hyoudou gave her son a dry look from the kitchen. "Well I would have started it earlier if someone had actually listened and gotten me the milk already while I was busy with my part time job. You know. The one that's _outside_ the house?"

"Funny how your tune changes when we aren't comparing checks." He grumbled as he walked past her and out the door.

She looked at her son's back and opened her mouth to say something, but caught herself at the last moment and shook her head. There was no point in escalating the argument when she had opened herself up bringing up her job and outside. "Just, just don't get into any trouble. Please?"

Issei's expression softened slightly, but he didn't turn around. "… It's a late night in mid-March Mom. Cold enough that the only people still outside right now either have something more important to do or are homeless. I'll be fine."

"Says the idiot that forgot where the closest local store to his home was." Her lips twitched in amusement. "You'd have trouble finding your bathroom without your phone's GPS."

"It was a stupid mistake that happened three months ago! It could happen to anyone!" Despite his language, the blush of embarrassment was clear for anyone to see.

She sighed as his image vanished outside. "Five. Four. Three…"

The teen stomped his way back into the house and up the stairs, making an effort to not look or address her at all as he did so.

She smiled smugly as he quickly made his way back down less than a minute later. "Forgot your wallet and cell phone Mr. Genius?"

"Shut up!"

"And pass up this easy win?" She smiled coyly, greatly enjoying the hybrid groan and lamentation of embarrassment as he exited the building the second time that night.

It was brief moments like this that she enjoyed. She knew Issei didn't mean to lash out at her as viciously as he did, but these days her son rarely spoke to her about anything with much enthusiasm unless it had something to do with his… ugh. Hobbies.

She missed him. She missed the little innocent and wide eyed boy that her son had been just a few short years ago. His peculiar desires and aspirations had always left something to be desired, but his drive and heart had seemed to be utterly unstoppable. It was honestly terrifying to see such a small boy accomplish so much. Nothing seemed to be too big for him to figure a way around or dissuade him from his end goals…

… At least, that's what it had looked like at the time. Before the incident.

Now he rarely left the house for any reason without an argument, much less his room. It was only recently that she had managed to get him to do this much without resorting to drastic measures.

At least he managed to keep himself busy and productive, though not in ways that she particularly supported.

She let out a long, tired sigh. Her eyes wandered around the home they had been living in for the past few years after moving back to Japan. It was nice. Cozy even. But rarely did it feel like a home like it should have. It felt more like a place to hide in at times. A place to just shun the outside world.

She leaned back against the counter and brushed a hand on the top of it, shifting the small pile of papers that she had been occupied with for the bulk of the day without Issei's knowledge.

The more she thought about it, the more it appealed to her. Both of them needed a change.

o. o. o.

"Seriously. Why does she need milk this late? This is just flat out sketchy." Issei grumbled to himself as he walked up one of the streets that led to his home. Thankfully, there was a local gas station nearby with an attached shop nearby so he didn't have to walk too far to get what he needed… or risk getting lost.

Again.

He didn't at all seem to be bothered by the chilly night air or his dark surroundings as he continued his trek, uttering curses and meaningless insults at people that weren't there.

Nor did he seem to note the fact that the few insects and animals that were up and about this late at night were suspiciously absent, making the walk home unnaturally quiet compared to the trek he had just made to the store.

"I mean. Just look at the setup. Handsome guy walks into a local store late at night asking for some milk? Just make the place abandoned and the person at the register be Anri Suzuki or Asa Akira and you'd have a quick five dollar gonzo plot right there, not that those two would ever work on anything so low budget. He'd wake her up at the counter from her napping on the job and say, 'Sorry to interrupt. Where do you keep the milk?' and she'd look at him half asleep and half thirsty as hell, and say…"

"Issei Hyoudou. Correct?"

"What? God no. That's terrible. I don't do pornos and even if I did I'd never use my real name even if someone else was using it. I'm not some pathetic idiot that hoists my delusions onto the actors. That's just career suicide. Plus mom really would murder me if she ever found out. And creepy… wait." The teen paused and rose his head to look for the person that addressed him.

Two people stood in his path about twenty meters away from him.

One of them was massive. Standing at over two meters tall, the giant was made of pure muscle, the man bulged out of the clothes that most people would be swimming in. The brute seemed to be a cocky piece of shit if the smug look on his face was any indication.

The other was a rather short blonde foreign girl. She was exceptionally beautiful with a great figure that was impossible to hide under her peculiar choice of clothing, a mix of everyday clothes underneath a select choice of individual pieces of armor. Enough to hide most of her body and enable her access to nearly all of her physical range, but not enough to protect against heavy or remotely precise strikes.

"… Nope. Wouldn't work. You," Issei pointed to the largest of the pair, "Would just hog all the attention in every scene you're in and you," He shifted to the smaller, "While attractive, have shit for fashion. Unless you're trying to aim for attracting nothing but weebs and nuts with armor fetishes. Kinda a narrow and niche target if you ask me."

"… What." The larger of the two flatly and intelligently responded to Issei's ramblings.

"Sorry to break it to you big guy, but you're better off working independently. Huge guys like you are a niche fetish. If you try to get into the system, the best you'll make is a half assed blowback B lister, and that's after years of likely being nothing but a fluffer behind the scenes. You'd make better money working in fast food joints in some places."

"Looks like the rumors were right. His mind is perpetually in the gutter." The girl giggled as her partner was being torn down for a prospect he'd never consider.

"Remind me again why we don't just beat this idiot half to death first and recruit him afterwards?" He looked down at his partner, clearly not amused.

"Weren't you listening during the meeting at all? This guy's the Sekiryutei. You know, the guy that started that whole mess with the dragons a few years back? He's supposed to be crazy dangerous." The girl pouted and put her hands on her hips as though it would help her argument.

"This wimp? Crazy yes, but I don't see how he's dangerous at all. I mean look at him. His eyes are dead as hell." The loud man pointed accusingly at Issei.

It was true. The teen's brown eyes were particularly dull and glazed, as if he was half asleep and not at all paying attention to the conversation. No life. No energy. No goal. No purpose. They were the eyes of someone just walking through the steps of day to day life on autopilot.

"Hmm. It is true. He does look pretty lifeless." The girl mused, looking at him with the smallest hint of skepticism. "I suppose those rumors are true. Guess that's why some are calling the Sekiryutei the 'Neutered Dragon' now."

"Hmph. How disappointing." The larger of the two crossed his arms and threw Issei a dirty look. "I wanted a worthy beast to beat half to death, not some broken whelp. Why the boss wants him is anyone's guess."

"He's still the wielder of a Longinus. He has some use I think." The girl shrugged, as if writing off her target as a lost cause already. "I guess Boss is just being greedy. Two Dragons is better than one, even if one of them is clearly better than the other."

"Can I go? I have to get this back home or else mom is gonna have another bitch episode. Between you and me, I think she's hitting her midlife crisis, and most of the time I'm the only viable target she has to take it out on so I'd rather not give her an excuse to go off on me again today." If he had heard them, Issei didn't bother at all to react to it, instead lifting the bag holding the liter of milk he had been sent out to get to prove his point.

"And what makes you think that we're going to let you go?" The giant grunted, reaching the end of his patience with the snarky kid.

"Beeeeecause you're _not_ an asshole, and have better things to do than bug people that are trying to do errands late at night?" Issei suggested, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"Wow. He's completely clueless." The girl stared at him in genuine awe.

"Whatever. I have better things to do than to waste time with a couple of blowbacks." Issei didn't seem to care in the slightest what the pair intended for him and started to move forward in their direction. "I still have to finish watching Megumi's latest work and then make that article by tonight. Fuck, I hate all nighters. Assholes thought it would be a good idea to spring this shit on me at the last moment. I told them not to try that again, but of course those idiots didn't bother to listen to my advice. Let's see how they like it when I triple the fee…"

"Screw it. We just need him back alive. They never said he had to be in ideal condition. There's no way I dragging this idiot with us back to HQ with the ability to talk." Stepping forward, the big man cracked his knuckles. "Jeanne, you want in on this?"

The woman sighed to herself, taking out the rapier that she had on the side of her waist. "Hah. You're so violent, Heracles. If I leave it to you, you'll probably kill him by accident."

"And they have corny overused stage names. Screw blowbacks, these two are clueless civilians." Issei shook his head in pity, clearly unconcerned or unaware of their intention for him.

The two sides slowly closed in on one another, walking at a casual pace. One side with a clear goal and mission in mind. The other just wanting to get back home and finish watching his quota of porn.

o. o. o.

"Why did you call me?" A handsome, silver haired teen drawled in minor annoyance. His tweaked glare didn't falter from being matched by four pairs that were just as violent or sharp as his. "It's not exactly easy to get time away from Azazel these days. Not with all the extra work he's giving me."

"You knew what you were getting into when you joined the Chaos Brigade." An older and taller male confidently stated, as if talking down to the accuser from a higher position. With black hair, a pretty face, and perfect stature, he was the picture perfect image of a leader that anyone could get behind. "Our timing may admittedly be unreasonable, but that makes the reason even more important. Vali."

The Hakuryuukou, the White Dragon Emperor, rolled his eyes and snorted. "Then get on with it. Unlike you guys, I do have other things to do with my time."

"Cocky bastard." Heracles growled and took an intimidating step forward. "Give me a minute with him alone Cao Cao and he'll watch his mouth around us."

"Oh? The juice junkie wants to throw down? I normally try to avoid picking fights with the impaired, but there are always exceptions." Vali's cocky smirk widened into something that didn't hide the eagerness to cause pain and shed blood.

"Stand down. Both of you. I didn't call this meeting so that you two could brawl like a bunch of back alley thugs." Cao Cao firmly put his foot down. "Vali. We intend to enlist the Sekiryutei into our forces. Since you have a prior history with him, I would appreciate it if you would be generous enough to share what you know about him with the others."

The silver haired half devil blinked. Then he blinked again. Then he snorted and turned away. "And here I thought you needed me for something important. You want that jackass to join the Chaos Brigade? Ha. Good luck with that."

"Hm? Why's that? You don't think he's worth our time?" Jeanne asked curiously.

"If you don't know by now, then I'm not going to bother." Vali brushed her off.

"I don't see what you have against it. It is common knowledge that his second Sacred Gear, Blind Eternity, is sealed off. Without it, he shouldn't be too much issue using force to make him comply if needed. He's supposed to be just a normal human without his powers." Cao Cao probed, apparently succeeding in getting under Vali's skin as the latter stopped in his tracks.

"Seriously? That's all you managed to figure out about him?" He dryly looked back at the four as if they were idiots.

"It's surprisingly difficult to get any information about Issei Hyoudou's past outside of unfounded rumors. Say what you want about them, the Three Factions are quite capable in the art of hiding away others when needed. We could probe deeper, but that would risk exposing ourselves prematurely." Cao Cao shrugged, as though his shortcomings were not his fault.

Vali snorted disbelievingly before shaking his head. "All right then. Just because I pity you guys so much for going through with this, I'll give you a freebie about my rival. If there was one word to sum up Issei Hyoudou's ability with his Sacred Gear and his fighting style, it would be without a doubt, complete, and utter…"

o. o. o.

Thump.

Thump.

" _Bullshit."_

Issei blandly looked down at the bodies of the pair that had confronted him.

The giant of a man that looked like he could kill an elephant with his bare hands was now a mangled and distorted mess, his body twisted in a way that would make people have to pause and think for a moment before they could call him human. It was a medical miracle that he was still breathing.

The beautiful blonde on the other hand was completely naked, eyes and mouth wide open as if in the middle of a bloodcurdling scream so wild that she was actually foaming at the mouth despite the fact that she didn't have a scratch on her. Less than a meter away, her sword was on the ground, intact and just as unblemished as she was.

The still standing teen took in the image of the two before focusing on Jeanne in particular. He didn't seem to be particularly pleased or elated by the sight of a naked and beautiful woman writhing helplessly almost within arm's reach.

Nothing else had changed. The road was undamaged. The lights were still on. The mailboxes on the side of the road were completely intact.

Calmly, he lifted his normal human left hand into a half praise in front of his chest and bowed. "Thank you for the meal."

And with that, he dropped his hand, turned around, and continued to walk back home as if nothing happened.

"… I'm starting to see why people make such a big deal about you."

Issei didn't stop walking. "Just ignore the voyeur Issei. They'll leave you alone if you leave them alone."

To his side, an extremely handsome man with pure white hair leaned against a fence. His clothes were more elaborate than that of his comrades, gold and white silk with ornamentation that belonged to a church. His smile was soft, but his eyes were sharp, as if staring down a strong enemy.

"I've been with them for only a short time, but even I can say that I've never seen someone take down Jeanne and Heracles in less than three seconds with just one hand." The man continued, not taking offence to being brushed off. "True, they didn't take you seriously, but even so I doubt that there are many that could pull it off so easily. They should have taken that guy's warning about your abilities more seriously. I can certainly see why he'd call you bullshit."

Issei finally stopped, sighed deeply, and turned to the newcomer. "You know, they're going to die soon if you leave them like that."

The handsome man chuckled and pushed himself off the fence. "No doubt on purpose so that I would have to bother helping them instead of bothering you. After all that trouble to stay hidden too, and none of us knew that you were aware of us in the first place. I wouldn't be surprised if you planned this whole thing to happen so that the Fallen Angel stalking your home wouldn't notice a thing too. You don't want the extra attention."

Nothing but silence. Not because Issei was stunned by being caught, but because the teen had already turned around and started to walk home again in the middle of the man's dissection of his actions.

"… Eh?" The Christian blinked, completely caught flatfooted by the Sekiryutei's actions. "O-Oi! Are you really just going to walk away like that?!"

"I have more important things to do than waste time with a voyeur that talks too much." Issei lazily shouted back. "Go away and rethink your life if you think this is a good way to pass your time."

The accused voyeur laughed in disbelief. Vali was right. The Sekiryutei was a complete jackass, and recruiting him was more than likely a lost cause. Now, at least. "My name is Siegfried. Issei Hyodou, a fair warning. This is likely not the last time the Chaos Brigade will try to recruit you. We will likely be more aggressive next time now that we know how dangerous you can be. Will you join us now and save everyone the trouble?"

"I don't do mass orgies with strangers. There's no telling what shit you idiots have contracted and spread around." Issei flatly shot him down without hesitation.

"S-Seig." The rasping, inhuman gurgling of Heracles caused Siegfried to grimace. He doubted that he'd be able to snag the Sekiryutei in the time needed to retreat with his comrades to keep them alive. The pair of them were in terrible shape, and he was willing to believe the boy's statement that they would die soon without help.

"Before you go though, I do have something to say to your leader." Surprisingly, Issei broke the silence first.

"Really? What is it?"

Even from that distance, Siegfried could see the brief and small twitch of amusement on the boy's face.

o. o. o.

"Well?" Cao Cao looked down at his underling as the report was made. "What did he say?"

The swordsman shifted uncomfortably, clearly not wanting to relay the message. "He… he said that Confucius is an overrated hack that takes credit for his student's achievements, and that Journey to the West is an overused and over told story that holds no weight and its only purpose these days is to give unimaginative authors inspiration for cheap comic books to earn a quick buck, ultimately summarizing it as the ancient whore of Oriental stories that just won't fade away or die already."

The office was dead quiet for several minutes.

"I'm starting to see why Vali reacted the way he did when we brought up the Sekiryutei."

"I'm of the same opinion."

The two paused for another period of time.

"Seig. Are you certain that my name never came up in conversation with him around?" The leader frowned.

"Absolutely." Siegfried grimaced, knowing exactly what that meant.

"… I see. If that's so, then it's best if we put our plans for him to the side for the time being."

o. o. o.

" _ **Partner…"**_

"They were tracking me from my cell phone's GPS. Must have slipped in some malware in one of the emails I actually bother will. It's the only way they could have timed that ambush so perfectly despite the fact I rarely leave the house. Guess they finally figured I categorize all their recruitment emails as spam." Issei absently played on his cell despite it being a liability. "Gonna have to ask 'Zaz to set up a new plan. Might have to use two cells now. One for emails and one for GPS."

" _ **They know where you live. Whether you like it or not, things are bound to pick up again eventually."**_

"Well good luck with that. They're going to be too busy running counter espionage protocols for at least the next half year to bother with making any more major moves. Throw on the Fallen's espionage and technical resources dedicated to making sure I'm left alone, and all three faction's magics protecting home, and it's clear that it's going to take a long time for anyone off the books can get to me without getting noticed."

" _ **Like tonight?"**_

"We both know what would happen if I actually didn't want to deal with them. Seriously. 'Chaos Brigade?' What kind of comic book name is that? They might as well call themselves 'Team Rocket'. No professionalism in it at all. Small wonder they couldn't do jack unless I held their hands without their knowing."

" _ **Yes. They would have merely lost patience eventually being subtle and gone after your mother."**_

Issei stopped momentarily at that statement, but he caught himself and proceeded moments later. "Mmm. They probably would have. And they would have regretted it soon afterwards too."

It was the unnatural coldness to his voice that caused Ddraig to leave the topic alone. It was the sort of biting chill that preceded a never-ending fire from hell that would shatter whatever and whoever was in its way.

It was a vast difference from the seemingly infinite heat and fire that the child used to have.

" _ **You can't keep going on like this, Partner. This isn't you."**_

"I know I can't do this forever, Ddraig. I don't have to though, do I?"

The Welsh Dragon grunted something incomprehensible under his breath before giving up on the conversation and receding into the Sacred Gear. Moments later, his left hand was back to being just human flesh and blood.

Just in time for Issei to walk in the front door as though nothing had ever happened.

"I'm back."

o. o. o.

Issei, Seven years old:

"Why are we in my room?" Issei asked curiously as he looked at his armored arms. "I thought I was going to start training today."

" _We can't train until we know what you can do kid."_ Ghost reasoned from his right. _"There are right and wrong ways to do it depending on what you are capable of doing. Do it right and you could be one of the most unfair things on the planet. Do it wrong and you'll end up as stupid looking as a dog chasing its tail... or Crypt."_

"Crypt?" Issei blinked in confusion.

" _My brother. He… well, long story short, he's so crazy that he thinks the floor is his rival, perpetually speaks nonsense, and rolls on the ground to get to places more often than he walks."_

"That's… pretty crazy." The boy had to agree with him.

" _ **If you don't mind, I'd prefer it if we got back on track."**_ Ddraig cut in. _**"The sooner you get stronger, the sooner I don't have to worry about you being an easy target for the White guy."**_

"White guy?" Issei frowned.

" _Ddraig's rival."_ Ghost clarified. _"Apparently he's also in a Sacred Gear. His user and Ddraig's tend to fight more often than not whenever they meet up, regardless of time and place."_

"Even if one of them is eating dinner?" Issei couldn't imagine someone being rude enough to interrupt the other while they're eating. That's just bad manners.

" _ **Hahaaa. You really are innocent, aren't you kid? Training you is going to take longer than I thought."**_ The dragon in his left arm chuckled with some remorse.

" _Heheh. Just means more fun for us."_ Ghost laughed, clearly more amused than his roommate. _"So Ddraig, what can you do? I know the general idea of how these Sacred Gear things work, but considering what my range of powers are, testing the one I'm in here and now might not be the best idea at the moment. We'd need somewhere more wide spread and private for that, just in case."_

Issei looked at his right arm skeptically. Was the creepy old guy that jumped into his arm really that powerful?

" _ **It's called the Boosted Gear."**_ Ddraig decided to humor them. _**"Using my abilities, it can double the user's strength, power, speed, and other skills every ten seconds. So, first you can double your strength, then after ten seconds its times four, then after another ten seconds, by eight, and so on. There's another, weaker Sacred Gear called Twice Critical that does something similar, but only by the minimal double effect."**_

"So you mean I can be super strong and super fast with you? Cool!" Issei stared in amazement at his left arm.

" _Eeeh? An exponential power magnifier conceptual ability? I've never seen a dragon have one of those before."_ Ghost sounded impressed. _"Let me guess, the stamina drain for using the boosts is proportional to how much power you used."_

" _ **Mmm. You are correct."**_

"Uh. Proportional?" Issei was clearly unfamiliar with the word if his attempt at pronouncing it was any indication.

" _It means the more you do while charged up, the more exhausted you'll be once it wears off."_ His right arm surmised. _"Overdo it and you can easily end up hurting yourself real badly. Killed at worst."_

The boy gulped heavily. He had seen characters in his favorite shows have to train hard and have powers that were dangerous. He was no different it seemed.

" _ **There's a limit to how much you can boost yourself as well. You are but a boy. If you tried to make it so that you were as powerful as the heroes of old, your body would fall apart from the strain. That's why we need you to start to train yourself so that you can use our powers more efficiently."**_

"That means better, right?" The boy hesitantly asked. "If that's so, then I'll do it."

" _For the harem."_ Ghost threw in. Anyone could tell from his tone that he was incredibly amused just by saying it.

The hesitance and uncertainty was instantly gone. "For the harem!"

" _Eeeeeheheheheheheh."_

" _ **Mmmmngh."**_ Ddraig clearly had other thoughts on his current partner's logic.

"So what do I do now then? Running? Push ups? Sit ups? I don't know if there are any waterfalls near Kuoh so I don't think I can do meditation." The boy bounced eagerly, the word 'harem' echoing in his skull.

" _Wait. Hold on there, kid. I want to check on something first before you go all Rocky five on us."_ Ghost chuckled. _"Ddraig. Level with me. That doubling power of yours. Is it specifically geared towards power in general, or can it be used conceptually? Like, doubling one's sharpness of vision, or doubling the mass of an object, etc, etc."_

" _ **Oooh? That vague branch?"**_ Ddraig sounded like he was recalling fond and amusing interesting memories. _**"Every now and then I'd have a peculiar partner that would use my powers in such a way. Mostly for magic and magnifying their dragon fire abilities for creative uses. Maximum results with minimum effort. Seeing over one hundred kilometers with one's bare eyes. Driving enemies insane with pain by causing the smallest of scratches. One woman was capable of melting entire castles with the smallest embers. Another could bore out tunnels with a cleverly applied yet simple earth spell. It was always amusing to watch my abilities used in such flexible and interesting applications."**_

Issei shivered. The things that Ddraig was talking about were impressive and all, but he really didn't want to do that. He just wanted to be strong enough to make his harem happy and protect them.

Ghost on the other hand…

" _Eheheheheh. Oh. That is interesting. And if the kid wanted to make a rock double its size? Or double its mass? Or double the effect of gravity on it?"_

" _ **He'd have to actually be intimately knowledgeable and aware of what the rock was, and the aspects of it that he wanted to change were, but yes it is possible."**_ Ddraig agreed. _**"Doubling power and other physical performance is simply the easiest and most natural application of my powers. It is admittedly more draining and demanding to double actual physical size. Both on the user and the recipient. But it is possible."**_

" _Iiiinteresting."_

Issei was really starting to get creeped out by Ghost. He didn't like it when people used big words around him when he was right there. He was only a kid, and he wasn't super smart like some of the other kids in his class.

" _And if we were to do something even vaguer and simpler than that. Say, double the rate that he learned by reading, or double his ability to naturally retain information while he read it…"_

He really didn't understand what the guy in his right arm was getting at, but he could instantly tell that Ddraig did as the dragon's emotions spilled out into him.

" _ **Oh? Oho. Hohohohoho. Interesting indeed. Yes, I see where you are going with this. And Partner is still young. He has so much time to grow and develop. An opportunity like this is rare. And while we're at it, he can apply the same process to his body when he physically exercises…"**_

" _Ah, but that's physical. He'd have to limit that or he really might damage himself permanently."_ Ghost now had the same eager tone that Ddraig did. _"But if he read up a bit on how exercising works in general and doubled that process…"_

The poor, unfortunate, and terrified child named Issei Hyoudou could barely hold back his tears as his left and right arms began to laugh in a way that he was absolutely certain did not belong to good guys.

" _Heheheh. Don't be scared kid. You should be happy."_ Ghost tried to soothe his host, but failed to remarkably due to the incredibly sketchy and predatory tone he had.

" _You might actually end up strong enough to break the system by the time you're ready to get your harem after all…"_

o. o. o.

A/N:

And so it begins.

It's a bit darker than most of you were expecting, isn't it? Like I said, this Issei is traumatized as hell, but I still kept the things that make him Issei. He's a pervert beyond perverts. He will fight tooth and nail for those he cares about. And, he has the social etiquette of a banana slug.

Really. Half of the things he's going to say are going to be porn or boob related when he decides he doesn't care.

The best way I can chalk up his current personality is by equating him to House, only with far more porn on the brain. Fucking hilarious to listen to, but not exactly a nice person… And completely miserable.

I've slipped in a good number of callbacks to events that happened between past 7 year old Issei, and present day Issei. No I'm not going to spell it out for you. Not for a while. Most of the characters in this story won't know what it is either, and that is done on purpose. That lack of information is going to be the center of a good portion of this fic, and drive a buttload of character development.

On the plus side, I've muzzled Ghost. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Ghost: I will have my revenge! In the flashbacks!

Shut up and go back to sleep.

So… that's about it. Gotta get ready for work tomorrow and stuff.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF CAKE ISSEI'S MOM WAS GOING TO MAKE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Swag does many things. Until it doesn't. Then it's just kinda… there.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Raynare hated her job.

That had already been established.

It was for that reason that she was both elated and terrified when Azazel showed up one day without warning while she was half asleep staring at the building and asked how she was doing.

"Yo Raynare."

"Wah!? Ah?! Azazel-sama?!"

Dressed in a casual, yet clearly stylish getup consisting of tan slacks, a black undershirt under a white buttondown and designer shoes, the twelve winged leader of the Golgari looked more to be a wealthy middle aged entrepreneur or business owner on his day off than a supernatural powerhouse. His nearly perpetually easygoing expression complimented the scrubby facial hair he had on his chin and his odd hair, which was completely black save for his blonde bangs. One that was clearly amused by his underling's reaction if the smirk on his face was any indication. "Long day I take it?"

However, more than anything else, it was the man's eyes that were always considered his defining feature. Regardless of how he spoke and looked, his gaze was perpetually that of a hunter's. It was said that Azazel was always planning and on the hunt for something, be it a woman, an enemy, or a traitor, and that his mind was as sharp as his piercing gaze.

"I! That is! I mean!" The two winged woman stumbled over her words in an attempt to find the right excuse for her poor conduct.

"Hahaha. Don't worry. I'm familiar with how badly boring jobs like this can eat away at you. Boredom can be maddening, even to the strongest of us." Her boss snickered and took her image in.

Raynare was beautiful. There was no question about it. While female Fallen Angels always seemed to have the greatest genetics designed for seduction outside of the succubi species, Raynare seemed to exemplify this more so.

Large breasts and hips with a small waist. Hair almost as dark as his wings. A face that was almost intoxicating and capable of dropping any guard. She could seduce almost anyone she wanted with incredible ease. Her rather useful ability to adjust her physical age a good decade up or down only extended the range of her prey and beauty to new heights.

Unfortunately, her beauty could do nothing about the rather concerning personality of hers. Her loyalty was unquestioned, but the hunger she had to prove herself was just as vicious if provoked.

She was outfitted rather simply today, deciding to forgo her sadistically tantalizing garb that consisted of little more than a black leather bra and panties that barely functioned as such, accompanied by a matching spiked polder on her shoulder, gloves and thigh high boots. Instead she was in a black skirt and top with a thick white pullover over it.

Then again it was early March. It got chilly up here where the wind speeds were higher, and despite what other land based beings thought, Fallen Angels, like Angels and Demons, got as cold as everyone else if they were stuck up there for long enough. Oh sure they had magic and energy to keep themselves warm, but not even the most dedicated of their forces would stay up at high altitudes for extended periods of time with little to nothing on without a damn good reason.

Speaking of which, they should probably land on a building soon. Thanks to a common spell, they weren't at risk of being seen by the mundane on the ground below, but this still was Devil territory and they could see past the spell if they bothered to look.

"A-Azazel-sama! What are you doing here so suddenly?" The underling finally found her tongue looking around nervously. Clearly this wasn't the first time she had been nodding off on the job.

"What? I can't come over again and see how my adorable Raynare is doing every now and then?" He grinned. They both knew he was teasing her, but neither really cared. Azazel's whimsical personality was well known among the ranks.

"Yes! I mean no! I mean, you're our leader!" She frantically tried to come up with the right thing to say. "Not that I'm ungrateful for your attention, but why have you shown up to visit me so suddenly when you tend to be so busy?"

Her question was a valid one. Everyone from all three factions knew that Azazel was a bit of a workaholic. When he wasn't managing the Fallen, making plans, or searching for Sacred Gear users, he was often tending to one of his dozens of pet projects that he had just for fun.

"Well, who said I wasn't just here for fun?" He shrugged helplessly, turning his attention down to the building that had been the focus of their attention for the last half a year. "I know you send in reports, but I decided to check things for myself. Take things on from a different angle."

"A different angle?" She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Mmm." He seemed to be more focused on the building as he lowered himself down onto a nearby roof. "Raynare, care to tell me what you've learned so far?"

"What I've learned?" She landed next to him, confused as to where he was going with this. "There's not much to them. Two humans live in the building. A mother and son, Asami and Issei Hyoudou. Asami is a pretty standard single mother. She works. She gets food. She goes out on dates sometimes, though the relationships rarely last past two or three outings. Other times, she goes to a local salon to get a manipetti. Issei on the other hand…"

"Go on. I know enough of the situation to be aware that you won't have much." Azazel sighed, already knowing why she hesitating.

"… He's a shut in." She relented. "I've never seen him leave the building. If I didn't go through the mail and hear him sometimes argue with his mother, I wouldn't even know his name."

"He yells?" He sounded genuinely intrigued with her comment.

"You can hear him from here sometimes. It's hard to miss." Raynare shook her head in embarrassment, recalling the arguments and the vulgar language used. "The local police have been called over at least twice because of it by the neighbors, which is surprising considering how the people in this country tend to stay out of the business of others. On a side note, Issei is bilingual and occasionally switches to English when agitated. There's more ways to swear in it than in Japanese."

"No kidding." She didn't know why her boss seemed actually pleased by what she told him, but there was no mistaking the glint of amusement in his eyes and the eager way he rubbed his chin in thought. "That kid always did have a viper's tongue when pushed. No restraints at all. He's probably worse now than back then too."

"Back then? You know them?"

"You could say that." He evaded the question as if it didn't matter, though it was obvious to anyone that he knew more than he let on. "Anything else? You said you went through their mail."

This time Raynare donned a disgusted grimace and didn't bother to hide it. "It's mostly porn. Honestly, I didn't even know that there were so many magazines still publishing these days, what with the internet and everything around. DVDs and paraphernalia. He gets a ton of packages from other adult sites as well. I think he might be bisexual or have an addition to odd fetishes because one of his packages actually had vibrators in them."

"Hahahaha! Ah. He's screwing with adult toys again? That takes me back. I actually forgot he used to do that." Whatever Raynare was expecting from her boss from her report, that clearly wasn't it. The Leader of the Grigori was not repulsed at all by the news. In fact, for some bizarre reason he almost appeared to be relieved.

"Ahahah. Ahah. Eeeeeh." She clearly had different thoughts on the matter, but laughed along, more out of confusion than anything.

"Right. Enough talk." The man clapped his hands together as if trying to psyche himself up. "Care to join me?"

Under normal circumstances, Raynare would be over the moon and ecstatic about hearing those words from her beloved leader. Under normal circumstances, she would not have just talked to her boss about a teenage hikikomori shut-in and discussed about his daily XXX rated postal deliveries.

"Hah? Yes! I-I mean, what? Where are we going?"

Azazel ignored her confusion and walked to the edge of the building they were on, lazily pointing to the house that she had been stalking for the past half year. "Dinner. I'm somewhat expected, but I don't think they'd mind my adorable niece to come alone with me."

"Dinner?! N-niece?!" Never had her hopes skyrocketed and then shattered so quickly in tandem.

"Better hurry. I'm getting pretty hungry. I was working on a new project today and missed lunch in the thrill of things." He casually hopped off of the roof and landed effortlessly onto the streets below without anyone noticing him.

"There?! W-Wait!" She honestly had no idea what was happening. Things were moving too quickly to get a grasp on. Azazel himself had warned her never to enter the property without permission from the tenants and here he was just walking up to the front door, knocking on it, and waiting as if it was just any other place.

She barely managed to speedwalk to his side, straighten out her clothes quickly, and reduce her age to that of a teenager since she was supposedly pretending to be Azazel's niece when the door opened.

"Hello? Who is… Azazel-san? Is that you?" Asami Hyoudou opened the door and greeted them first with confusion then surprise.

"Hey Asami. Long time no see. Hope you don't mind if I drop by a bit early. I know you wanted to get together later but I was in the area and well…" The Leader of the Grigori laughed as if he was just an old friend of the woman's, smiling nervously as if he was pushing his luck and scratching the back of his head.

"Oh! No! It's no trouble at all! Not after all you've done to help us out." The woman shook her head in denial with a faint blush of embarrassment on her face. It took her a few moments to notice that he wasn't alone. "Oh! I'm sorry. How rude of me. I'm Asami Hyoudou. You are?"

While she was a bit flustered with how quickly Azazel dragged her into things, Raynare was at the very least capable on improvising and adapting quickly. She bowed politely and smiled kindly. "It's nice to meet you Hyoudou-san. I'm Yuma Amano. Thank you for allowing my Uncle and I into your home on such short notice. I know how much of a handful he can be at times."

She didn't mean to let slip that last bit, but honestly Azazel did deserve it. He seemed to agree with her cheeky comment too if his clearly amused laugh was any indication. "Haha. Yeah. I do get carried away on occasion. Wouldn't be the first time someone in the family complains about my habits."

"Yes well. I know someone that could do with a few dozen less bad habits myself." Asami dryly agreed and made no effort to send a mild dirty look up the stairs. "Come in. Please, don't let me stop you."

"I assume that Issei's still being difficult." The elder guest noted, taking off his spotless shoes in the greeting area.

"And then some." She sighed. "He leaves his room without too much issue at least, but getting him outside takes a war and a half. I had to prod him for half a day just to go out to get some milk just last week. It was past nine by the time he set his foot outside."

Raynare looked confused on the outside, but inside she was screaming her head off and seething in rage. The perverted nutjob actually left the house after she left?!

"You don't say." If he had any thoughts on his subordinate's screwup, he didn't show it through the bitter smile he gave his host.

"You should have seen it. I finally managed to get him out of the house to do some minor shopping and errands about half a year ago, and the 'genius' winds up completely lost. He barely managed to find his way back home after wandering around town for five hours." There was no attempt to hide the vindictive pleasure she had in recalling the story. "You have no idea how good it feels to hold it over his head to get him to shut up when he gets out of hand."

"He actually got lost getting groceries? We're talking about the same Issei, right?" Azazel genuinely had trouble holding back a belly laugh from the story. "Well at least he's leaving the building now. Last time we talked in person he barely left his room."

"That part wasn't hard to be honest." Asami shrugged. "All I had to do was cook for myself and feed him ramen and other cheap microwaveable meals for a few weeks. Set up a few fans in the right spots and finally cracked under the pressure. Speaking of food, I haven't started on dinner yet."

Azazel gave the woman a wry grin, as if planning a mean joke. "Well, I could eat here, or we could go out."

"We could. But knowing Issei…" Asami's smirk matched his. "Let's ask him. Shall we? It's only fair."

Standing in the background, Raynare could only fume. She had no idea what was going on, or why her leader had dragged her into this place to begin with, but she did know that she hated to be ignored and brushed off to the side like this.

"Issei! Come down! We have company!" The matriarch of the household called upstairs.

"Go away! I'm watching Porn!" Despite living for over two millennia, Azazel was fairly certain that he had never heard anyone ever say that before and actually mean it. Raynare was of a similar opinion.

"It's Azazel-san! He's come to visit!" Asami didn't give up.

"That probably explains why I'm smelling shameless-post-prime-man-whore and cheap cologne from way up here!" This time Raynare didn't bother to hide her expression of complete and utter disbelief. True, the leader of the Golgari occasionally grated on the nerves of others and prompted some unkind things to be said about him, but she had never seen or heard of anyone tear into the Fallen Angel so viciously while he was right there.

Yet despite the absurd level of disrespect he was being shown, Azazel seemed to progressively just grow even more amused. "First of all, you know damn well that Creed is anything but cheap! Second! Your mother and I are thinking of having dinner together and if we can't eat here we'll have to go out for it! Together! Alone!"

The two grownups shared knowing and amused smirks when Issei didn't respond to Azazel's ultimatum. Together, the pair held up open hands and counted down.

Three.

Two.

SLAM!

Raynare didn't know what to expect, but she clearly didn't anticipate a clearly _not_ out of shape sweaty slob to blur past her down the stairs, around the others, and straight into the kitchen. The disappearance of the unidentified body was soon followed by the sounds of cabinets being opened and pots and pans being moved in great number.

"Do you think he noticed that we weren't exactly alone when he came down?" Azazel smirked, glancing at his "niece".

"Wait for it." Asami grinned.

"… Son of a bitch! Zaz you lying fucker!"

"Zaz?"

"At least that part of him hasn't changed. To be fair, the word "alone" is pretty subjective and flexible." Azazel snickered, clearly amused by Issei's predictable reaction and the bewildered look that his underling was shooting him. "I'm not going to push my luck and expect anything extravagant, but I'm assuming that he hasn't let his culinary skills go to waste?"

Raynare was more worried about Issei remembering to wash his hands before he started to handle the ingredients than his supposed skills getting rusty.

"He hasn't gotten better if that's what you're asking." The woman sighed, resting her cheek on a hand. "He did get a little sloppy when he finally decided to start cooking again, but as soon as he realized it he spent a good few weeks cleaning his skills up. He made a wonderful dinner and cake for my thirty-fifth birthday. Honestly, it's one of the few skills that I'm glad he worked on in that bizarre conquest to…"

The third wheel in the group blinked in confusion as Asami trailed off and stopped talking. It was obvious that the subject was highly sensitive to the family in general.

"Hey. Cheer up. We all have odd habits from time to time. What happened, happened." A mature hand patted the mother's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"He didn't do it." She crossed her arms and hugged herself, as if trying to provide extra warmth. "You know he didn't do it Azazel-san."

"Mmm. We all do. But there's little we can do about that now." His almost perpetual smirk of amusement dropped. "Best thing we can do is move on. One step at a time. That's why I'm here after all."

"You got it done already?" She blinked in surprise. "But I only forwarded you the papers yesterday."

He winked. "I know a few people. People that also know the truth and want to help out in their own way. Issei's a special kid. He's worth the extra effort."

 _Special kid?_ Raynare definitely heard that right. Did that mean all the hell she had gone through and this secret treatment was all for him? This shut in porn addicted loser?

"Thank you." Asami attempted to dredge up a smile. "Though, I don't think Issei wants to be seen or treated as that anymore. Honestly, he still doesn't want to deal with people in general, let alone spend enough time with someone long enough for that to happen."

"He's completely fine with locking himself away from the rest of the world." He shook his head. "Can't say I blame him for wanting that after what he's been through. Still, that's no reason to pull you down with him. We need to drag him out, for both your sakes."

"Drag?" The woman cringed.

"Yuma" blinked in confusion. The woman's reaction was odd. She didn't seem to be worried about her son's welfare at all, rather she seemed to be under the impression that forcing the rude little shit outside was a bad idea and would lead to a good deal of problems.

"Ok. Wrong word to use, but you get my point. Both of you can't keep on with this." Azazel backpedaled, clearly knowing what the single mother was getting at if his matching cringe was any indication.

"He's the one you need to convince. Not me." Shaking her head, Asami noticed Raynare and flushed. "Oh. My apologies. I shouldn't have ignored you for so long. Please, let's go to the living room. Would you like something to drink?"

"Ah. Some water would be fine please." She really was a bit thirsty. Cold dry air at higher elevations was murder on the throat, mystical disposition be damned.

o. o. o.

It was a pretty normal house, all things considered. The furniture was comforting, and relaxing. Not expensive, but not cheap either. A fairly up to date television in the living room. Pictures on the walls and furniture. Plants every now and then to add a little color. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary. It was a very welcoming environment.

It made Raynare want to shoot herself out of boredom. She wasn't particularly used to or attracted to this sort of setting.

She should have at least allowed herself to be eighteen for the visit. At least then she could ask for some alcohol and get herself plastered enough to make this annoying play tolerable.

"He didn't."

"He did. Idiot completely had no idea that his wife was right behind him when he said it too." Azazel chuckled, a half drunk glass of wine in hand.

At the very least, Azazel could have waited until she was out of the room before he started hitting on the human!

"So Yuma-chan. You're Azazel's niece?" The conversation unexpectedly turned to her.

"Ah? Um, yes…"

"She's a distant relative, to be honest. She calls me uncle more out of formality than anything." Her boss came to her rescue. "She's actually closer related to Baraqiel. You remember him, right?"

"That large stern man with dark hair? The widower, right?" Asami looked sympathetic. "What a shame, losing his wife and daughter like that. He was gruff, but kind. How is he faring?"

"Baraqiel-sama? He's… busy." Raynare had to scrounge up what little information she had on one of the other leaders of the Grigori. It wasn't a lie. She was distantly related to him, _very_ distantly related, but she barely talked to him for that to matter in the first place. "He's not an easy man to speak to and keeps to himself most of the time."

"Poor thing. Working yourself to death to forget the past is no way to grieve." Asami shook her head. "And what about you? Why are you here in Kuoh Yuma-chan?"

"I'm here with Ojii-san helping him out with a few small projects. Almost like an internship." Now that she had gotten her bearings, she managed to come up with a solid vague story that could cover her actions and position.

"Working under Azazel-san himself? He must work you relentlessly, what with how successful he is."

Relentlessly was one way of putting it. Oi. What was with that amused look in Azazel's eyes?

"Food's done! You can stop hitting on my mom now you George Clooney wannabe!"

"Hey! That's uncalled for!" The accused shouted back with mirth. "Everyone knows Clooney's gay!"

"And he still gets more pussy than you do! Practice your failure on someone else!"

She wasn't in the habit of doing this, but _thank God_.

She didn't know what was being made, but Raynare wasn't particularly excited for something that a single kid made that could feed four people in under an hour _is that a prime rib roast_?!

Indeed. Despite being in a Japanese home, the meal served was without a doubt western. No, it was more of a hybrid mixture of Eastern and Western cuisine. The prime rib was half intact and cut up on a wooden board in the middle of the table, glistening with juice and red as can be, but there were other dishes around it as well, some were at their seats already served and others were free to access whenever they pleased. Miso soup. Green Bean Shiraae. Fried rice. A whole range of assorted sides to compliment the beautiful main course.

"Not a bad spread." Azazel and Asami didn't seem too surprised by the meal as they sat down. "The roast is a nice surprise. I'm guessing you had to cheat a little to thaw it out in time."

"No. I used magic. With a magic wand and skirt." The chef sarcastically grumbled as he washed his hands in the kitchen.

"Don't let Serafall know. That's her territory you're stepping on." The elder fallen muttered under his breath before drinking to avoid the questioning look that his underling gave him.

"Can you use that magic to get me another roast? I believe I told you that I had plans for this one, but I suppose you just weren't listening. What a surprise." Asami sighed, clearly not surprised by what had just happened.

"You had this thing in the freezer for over a month. Everyone knows you have to cook top quality cuts as fresh as possible. Any longer and it wouldn't have mattered if this was top end or bottom cut. I'll order you another rack from Kobe tonight." Issei shook his head as he finally walked into the dining room and made way to his seat.

Raynare was pleasantly surprised. The hikikomori not only had a useful skill, but he wasn't terrible to look at eitheeeeewait a second. "I… I'm sorry. Did you just say that we're eating _Kobe Beef_?"

"Yeah. It's not the best prepared since _someone_ decided to leave the thing in the freezer for a month and I had to dethaw it using unorthodox methods, but yeah. Alcohol money cow everybody. You can practically taste the mortgage money in the au jus." Issei shrugged as though he hadn't just scrounged up a meal using literally the most expensive and infamous cut of beef on the planet.

"Glad you think I'm worth the effort." Azazel grinned. "Looks great as always Issei."

"Prime Ribs are quick and easy. Just rub, bake high, and bake low." The teen yawned. He clearly didn't seem to notice or care at all about the significance of the ingredients he had just used. "Spent more time working on everything else."

"Well it certainly looks like Yuma-chan is appreciative of your efforts." The mother grinned as she saw her other guest unconsciously start to drool and stare at the meat like a starving dog.

"Women learn how to cook to keep men around." Azazel preached wisely. "Men learn how to cook to get women to come over in the first place."

That apparently was the wrong thing to say if the nasty look Issei gave him was any indication.

"Kobe… beef." Raynare didn't seem to pay attention to the conversation. It wasn't that she didn't eat well over her lifetime. Azazel had always ensured that his fallen brethren had enough financial support to live somewhat comfortably if needed, and their ever useful magic often covered the minor things that said finances couldn't.

But even many of the higher ups balked at the idea of whimsically having something as extravagantly expensive as Kobe Beef as a meal except for the most elaborate and important of occasions. For people near the bottom of the totem pole such as herself, she was lucky if she even had a chance of being security for such events.

She took back everything she had said and thought about Azazel recently, this mission was worth it.

She also would deny to the end of days that she got a bit wet when she had her first bite of the succulent meal.

In fact…

"… Ah?" She blinked in surprise as she reflexively put down her knife and fork, looking at the empty dishes in front of her and the mostly eaten spread in the middle of the table.

"Back with us I see." Azazel smirked, the dishes in front of him empty as well. "That sometimes happens when people try Issei's steaks for the first time. The good ones at least."

"It's… gone?" Already? That was unfair! Unreasonable! Inhumane! Give her back her happiness!

"Funny. I seem to remember a certain middle aged has-been mooching off of my generosity a while back because he can't cook or clean for shit." Issei grumbled, prodding the last of his food with a fork, ignoring his female guest crying crocodile tears and staring at her empty plate like a kicked puppy.

"Issei!"

"No. Let him have that one." Azazel didn't lose his good mood. "It's true. I did kinda abuse him a bit for his talents way back under the pretense of giving him more practice."

"Kinda abuse?" The Sekiryutei scoffed. "Only 'kinda'?"

"It wasn't that bad." The fallen defended himself, hands up in surrender.

The younger male glared at him, his dead eyes never wavering or faltering from the falsely amicable eyes of the predator in the room. "… Chandelier."

Surprisingly, the latter flinched. "Ah. I uh, ok. I may have forgotten about that one."

"Chandelier?" The females in the room blinked in confusion. Neither had any idea what they were talking about.

"He knows what he did… or he claims he does at least." Issei didn't back down, his voice ominously even.

It did nothing to hide the clearly vicious and evil aura that hovered around him, or the unsubtle murderous glare that was directed at the Ultimate Class Fallen.

"It was a pretty wild night. I never said I remembered _all_ of it." Raynare doubted that even the upper echelons of the Grigori had ever seen their leader shrink like a guilty child as much as he was now. "… Like how we managed to get the jacuzzi and my 78 mustang on the roof before anyone noticed, or where the hell we got that dog that Shemhazai took in. Should not have thrown away the original collar."

Wait. What?

"And you wonder why Vali doesn't respect you anymore. I'll give you a hint. It wasn't puberty. What do you think was going to happen when impressionable youths have you as the one they look to for advice?" The teen's words were visibly stabbing the powerhouse in the heart.

"The youth of this generation are so cruel." Azazel literally wept.

"There there." Asami patted him on the shoulder sympathetically, knowing full well just how harsh Issei could be at times.

She probably wouldn't have comforted him if she knew about the incident in detail.

The room was full of awkward silence before Issei sighed deeply. "All right. I give up. What the hell do you want from me?"

"Issei?" His mother looked at him confused.

"Don't "Issei?" me. Zaz never comes over on the fly unless it's either important or planned. You've been avoiding eye contact with me for the past few days, meaning guilt, sorrow, or reluctance, so obviously you know what's going on. Not to mention you are barely putting up a fight when we've been arguing lately. And the clueless 99-60-90 eye candy is clearly as in the dark as I am when it comes to what's going on. Either a spontaneous decision, or she's going to go through the same thing as me." The teen dryly picked apart the situation.

"Eye candy?" Raynare grunted, clearly not amused with her new label before pausing. "Wait, how did you get my sizes? … And my waist is a 58!" Did she gain weight? She couldn't have! She was a Fallen! It took forever and effort for one of her kind to pack on pounds!

"You two clearly have something in mind for me, and the third wheel is being dragged along for either convenience or to play a role in whatever you have set up. The fact that you haven't gotten to the damn point already is means that it's either something bad or something that I'm going to want to murder someone for as soon as I hear it. Making me cook dinner was a way to distract and calm me down before breaking the news so that I'd be less inclined to actually go through with reacting in full force. A nice try, but if any of you care to remember, I'm not stupid and _I refuse to be led around like some gullible fucking dog again_."

 _The beast stirred._

"What the hell was that?" Raynare flinched and looked around frantically. For a moment she had just felt as if there was something much bigger and vicious than a human was in the room. Every one of her instincts were suddenly on full alert and screaming at her that she was in danger.

"I'm here in peace. No need to fight. Was just trying to set the mood." Azazel surprisingly backed up and lifted both hands in surrender.

"Issei. Issei, honey please calm down. We didn't mean to hurt or trick you. It's not like that, I promise." Asami rushed to her increasingly agitated son's side. The physical contact between them seemed to calm the young man down.

"You're right. We should have told you earlier. But you aren't exactly the easiest person to break unexpected news to either Issei. I'm not blaming you for it. Just stating facts. We were simply playing it safe." Azazel regained some of his composure.

The short tempered young man breathed out harshly before closing his eyes. "Just get to the damn point already."

The mood in the room was tense. It was as though if something was pushed too far, something would happen that would be impossible to take back.

 _What on earth is going on? Why am I here for this?_ Raynare screamed in her head, watching it all unfold.

Azazel shifted uncomfortably. "Well. We've all known each other for a while now. Your mother and I have been talking…"

"If the next words out of your mouth indicate that she's pregnant or you're getting married, I'm murdering you here and now before going on a worldwide crusade of fire and blood." Issei held up his right arm, completely covered in wrapped cloth, and reached out with his left hand.

Raynare's eyes widened as she noticed the fabric for the first time. It was blatantly obvious to her that the arm was encased in an absurdly powerful seal from the markings stitched into the fabric. Judging from the marks, the material, and the feeling, it was something straight from Heaven itself.

What was this nut doing with something as high quality as that?

"Agh! Son of a bitch!"

Oddly enough, before Azazel could plead his innocence, Asami reacted first in the form of yanking on her son's ear hard. "You are damn right you are. I'm the head bitch in this household, meaning when I say you do something, you do it with a smile on your face young man. No I'm not pregnant or getting married. Who I get with ultimately is none of your business regardless. I believe we've already had that discussion. Now, you are going to shut your mouth and let Azazel-san finish or you're not going to use this ear for a week if I have any say in it."

"Heheh. While I wouldn't be against spending more time with you Asami, I know better than to touch forbidden fruit." Asami Hyoudou was a very appealing woman, there was no doubt about that. However those that knew her were fully aware that even if her unstably protective son wasn't a part of the picture, she wasn't going to think of marriage anytime in the near future.

"You're too kind Azazel-san." The single mother smiled a kind and gentle smile. The one that any husband, father, child, and male in general knew and feared from the bottom of their hearts to be the harbinger of doom and pain.

"Ow ow ow ow ow! I get it! Zaz isn't playing homewrecker! Get off me already!"

"Then drop. Your arms. Now."

Grimacing, the boy complied, though not without a few dirty looks and vulgar words to show that he wasn't particularly fond of being manhandled.

"Continue." The Matriarch smiled as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Yes. Well." Azazel coughed, pretending to not enjoy the surly pouting Issei had while rubbing his ear to make sure it was still attached. "Issei. Seeing as you don't want to beat around the bush, I might as well get to the point."

Instead of saying anything, Azazel took out a thick manila envelope and handed it to the teen. It was the sort of thing that most people would see when dealing with important documents or forms.

Appearing the very definition of skeptical, Issei stared at the parcel for a few long moments before quietly taking it and opening it up. As expected, there were a good stack of papers inside that slid out rather easily.

On the top paper, in big letters, it said "Kuoh Academy".

"… High School." The young man's voice was as dry as the Sahara. "You are sending _me_ to _High School_. If this is a joke, then it's sick and twisted on at least half a dozen levels."

"Issei, just listen. The new year is about to start and…" Asami tried to speak, but was cut off.

"How do you _think_ this will actually _work_?" The young man wasn't giving them any room to argue. "Unless you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly good with people, period. Let alone outside. And you just expect me to waltz into a place filled with dumbasses that are too busy learning how to aim their dicks right or gossiping about half assed five minute idols and not start something up the moment I open my mouth? Seriously? Hell, I'll probably be kicked out the first week for reaming the secondhand teachers into inconsolable messes! Couldn't you have just tried stuck me in some city club or organization to waste my time outside of the house?"

"The catch is that _we_ can keep a better eye on you there." Azazel dropped his easy going demeanor and leveled with the young man. He was no longer playing the role of the old family friend, but the leader of a powerful organization. " _We_ have left you alone for a good while Issei, and you know that all of us intend to keep you out of _our_ side of things for as long as you want. You've been through enough. No one is arguing otherwise. But on the flip side of things, you are still considered a significant person by a good deal of powerful individuals out there that are still interested in, and weighing decisions, on your health and condition. There are many loose ends that still need to be tied that only you can do. Sooner or later, you _will_ have to show to a few key events, for _everyone's_ sake, regardless of what you or I want. Don't pretend that you are not aware of this because we both know that you are a terrible liar. I admit that we are controlling some of your actions by doing this, but we both know that all things considered, I'm not being unreasonable with this approach."

Raynare didn't miss the skin contact that Asami made with her son just before he began to work himself up again, cutting him off instantly. "You need this Issei. You barely had any friends your own age growing up, even before what happened. I'm not saying you have to do well at Kuoh. I know you better than to judge you on stupid grades. But please, just try to enjoy yourself again. I don't want to forget what you looked like when you were actually happy."

"Someone has to remember, I guess."

The Fallen in the room doubted that Issei intended to say it out loud, even if it was under his breath.

"Jasmine's with us on this too. She actually was the one that came up with the idea." Azazel threw in, bringing up a name that Raynare wasn't familiar with. "She wanted us to do this last year, but you had yet to even leave the house then and thought it was a bad idea. I believe her words were to 'kick your mopey ass to the bus stop and chain you to the post if needed'. She'd do it herself, but you know how busy she is these days."

Issei brought a hand up to his head and cradled it. "… Yeah. That does sound like Onee-chan."

"I'll see if I can free up some time in her schedule to visit." Azazel negotiated. "It has been a while since you two have caught up in person. I bet she'd like it if you showed her around the area."

"Don't push it, Zaz." The growl indicated the opposite intended effect.

"Pulling back."

"… So?" Asami started with some hesitance.

"So, I'll… think about it." Issei grimaced, clearly not liking the decision before turning to Raynare. "I take it you're going to be his faithful mole dog snitch thing following me everywhere?"

Asami facepalmed. "You got my hopes up, and then you just had to stab it in the face, didn't you Issei?"

" _Excuse_ me?" She didn't expect him to turn his attention to her so quickly, but then again she had not expected this roller coaster of a conversation either.

"Sorry. Mole dog snitch thing is too demeaning, long, and unsexy." Issei sarcastically apologized. "I'll just call you Zaz's old dusty pet cougar. Cougar for short. That's sexier, right?"

She saw red. The boy must die.

"To answer your question, yes. She is going to join you to Kuoh." Azazel shot his arm out to keep Raynare seated before she could explode or say something, although that wasn't needed. The instant he confirmed Issei's suspicion, her head snapped in his direction.

"What?!" When the hell was Azazel going to tell her this?!

"Sweet. I have my very own pet cougar. What's the lease? Do I get a collar and leash too? Does she have her shots? Is she checked for ticks? Is she trained? What tricks does she know? Wait, what are the laws in Japan when it comes to exotic pet ownership?"

"Issei. Darling. You're doing that talking thing I told you not to do."

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" Azazel deadpanned, moving closer to his underling so he'd be in a better position to hold her back.

"You're the one that said I need to enjoy things more and act my age."

o. o. o.

The door closed behind them.

"Well, that went better than I thought." Azazel smiled, chipper and happy as though nothing odd had happened. "I think he likes you."

"Azazel-sama. When were you going to inform me that I was going to have to go to a mortal high school?" Raynare ground out irritably. "And why, more importantly, do I have to keep an eye on that loud mouthed, perverted, human dumbass?"

"Well, other than the fact that you clearly need to be in a better position in order to watch him properly…" The leader casually sniped, not missing the fact that she had been skimming on her duties, "I suppose you should have a better idea of who Issei Hyoudou for this."

She was reaching the end of her patience. She had no idea what the hell was going on or who this brat was, and she wasn't going to do another damn thing until someone explained to her what was going on. "And?"

The man made way to the street. "… Yy Ddraig Cysgu."

She paused, not expecting the sudden change in dialect to old Welsh. "The Sleeping Dragon?"

"That's what the guys in the know refer to him as when they don't want to draw outside attention to him in general." Azazel nodded. "Issei's special. He's human for the most part, but instinct wise, he's all Dragon. So much so that other dragons recognize him as one of their own with just a glance. I've even seen Ophis treat him as kin believe it or not."

That had her stop in her tracks. "O-ophis?! You're kidding right? Why on earth would the Infinite Dragon God bother with that loud mouthed brat?"

"No clue. They met before I even knew he existed, and they never explained how." He shrugged. "Desire. Obsession. Possession. Hunger. That kid acts on his wants and needs regardless of who or what is in his way, and its damn near impossible to change his mind when it's made up. Problem is that after a certain event a few years back, he's pretty much gone into hiding and as you can see, really does not want to go outside again. To be honest, I'm surprised we managed to convince him to go through with going to Kuoh on the first try, and _without_ Jasmine's help no less. I might be from the old man's loins, but Asami is the real miracle worker here."

"Why call him the Sleeping Dragon though? And why is he so important in general?" She frowned. She had a whole slew of other things to call the brat, and none of them were flattering.

They stopped at a cross walk. "… There's a whole slew of reasons why we call him that. I guess the best way to put it is that it's his nature in general. You heard of the old saying "don't wake the sleeping dragon", right? Well, Issei's essentially that sleeping dragon… no, more like the personification of all sleeping dragons, but more so. And his house can be considered his nest. Had you tried to sneak into his home or wake him up, we likely would not be having this conversation."

She scoffed. "Him? Kill me? Azazel-sama, that boy is just a whiny little brat of a human. I could take him on easily."

"Mmm?" Her superior rose a skeptical eyebrow. "Does that mean you're confident enough to go back in there and kill the guy that destroyed my arm?"

"Of course I am. It would be easy to…" She paused as his words caught up to her. "Y-your arm?"

"Yep." Casually reaching with his left hand, he grabbed his right forearm, twisted, and pulled off everything from his elbow down. "This one. You know the story how I got this, right?"

She knew the story. Everyone knew the story. There was not a damn person remotely involved with the mystical world that didn't know the story.

"But, but you said that h-he was called the-"

"Those in the know call him that to keep his anonymity." Azazel shrugged, putting his limb back in place and flexing the mechanical fingers to see test to see if it was working. "Me, Michael, Sirzechs, Ajuka, Serafall, and Falbium. And a scarce few others. It wouldn't do to bring up Issei's name in public after that episode he had. While he did do a good deal of damage, none of us hold a grudge against him for it. If you think this is bad, you should have seen the shiners he gave Ajuka and Michael."

Raynare swallowed heavily. "Y-you mean, in there, that we just had dinner with, that that perverted hikikomori jackass is the…"

"The current Sekiryutei. The bearer of Boosted Gear and Blind Eternity. The one that called nearly all the world's dragons to arms in a blind fit of rage almost five years ago, nearly collapsed all the major factions in a single sweep, and fought all six faction leaders at the same time to a standstill."

He was talking to her as the Leader of the Grigori. The master of plans and owner of the most devastating and vicious mind in the immortal realms.

During the Great War, the Devils had the Satans. Heaven had God.

And the Fallen had HIM.

Unlike the others mentioned, he was still around.

"And he is the person you are going to follow, keep an eye on, even help if he asks, and most importantly, _keep him calm_. And this time, you are going to do it without question or sleeping on the job."

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Arrixam again for reading it over and pointing out some things for me.

To be honest, I wasn't planning on this chapter to be as dark as it was, or as long, but it was needed to really drive home just how messed up Issei really is. He really does not have a personality that meshes well with other people, and it's not something that's going to change anytime soon.

On a side note, said personality will lead to lots and lots of lols as he rips on… pretty much everyone in the DxD universe. Trust me when I say this, no one is safe from him. NO ONE. And Raynare the Cougar is suck in striking distance for almost the whole ride. Heheheh.

I would have put another flashback at the end of this chapter, but it was too long as it was, so I put it off for the next one.

Speaking of Raynare, I made up her distant relation with Baraqiel. It's a bit of a stretch, but considering certain facts about her appearance… eh, I'll leave that bit a surprise.

Yeah. I know. The cooking bit's been overdone. Before anyone asks, no, Issei isn't a cooking nut. He's good at cooking, but that's because it's a skill he developed "FOR THE HAREM", and no he's not some five star chef. Or four star chef. He's just good at cooking. He's developed several skills "FOR THE HAREM" just for their sake which will be elaborated on later, but cooking was just the most practical. Prime Rib really isn't hard to make so long as you do it right. It's just expensive.

As for why he has Kobe Beef in the first place, well, let's just say he's not desperate for money, and as a guy that rarely/never leaves the house, he allows himself to splurge on a few nice things for himself and his mother every now and then.

Before anyone asks. Jasmine is an OC. She's not showing up anytime soon, but she has a major role to play in the backstory and things to come, as will another OC that… well…

… Everyone in the story and the readers are going to want to murder the bitch when the full story gets out. Why? Spoilers and I'll leave it at that.

I also used the chapter to build up Issei's mother as a character. I don't think her name was ever mentioned, so I just called her Asami. Now, to anyone that considers her bland and not really worthwhile to play around with, let me just remind you of one thing…

… _She_ was the one that pushed _Asia_ of all people to do the _Naked Apron_ in the main story. Not Kiryu.

Yeah, just dwell on that bit for a while. Let it mull in your head for a bit.

It's gonna be a while for the next chapter. I really gotta start on the next ttrt.

Oh, and I'm from Connecticut, so, Go Patriots. Don't get caught cheating this time.

Next chapter, the first day of school… with all the joys and headaches that come with it.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! AZAZEL HAS SWAG AND GETS ALL THE MILFS EXCEPT ASAMI BECAUSE HE WOULD BE MURDERED! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Why are assholes and jerks so popular at school? Easy. School is boring as shit and they're usually the most interesting things around.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

While he didn't particularly care much for appearances, Azazel was fully aware of how important they were.

Designer clothes. Expensive fabrics. Appealing cologne. Eye catching, yet subtle accessories. The man utilized it all to its fullest for so long that it had become a part of his standard appearance. A habit that he could care less about if it wasn't so intricate to his day to day job as the leader of the Fallen.

And then there were times like this.

Sitting in the middle of what he liked to call his workshop. Dressed in nothing but an undershirt and boxers, surrounded by countless trinkets, papers, electronics, and the occasional alcoholic container. His normally stylish hair was all over the place.

It was one of the few places that Azazel could without a doubt say that he could relax and just be himself, and, dare he say it, actually have fun without a single care in the world.

Or at the very least, talk to people more casually than he normally would.

"You're serious."

"Yep." The Leader of the Grigori smirked as he focused on his sixty inch 4k TV, head-shooting one of his opponents from across the game map. "He caved in on the first visit. I'm just as surprised as the rest of you. Asami really is a miracle worker. If it wasn't for her no shit taking attitude and her priorities, I'd almost say she's a solid recommendation for that project you're working on Michael. She has more patience and done more miracles in the past few years than half of Heaven."

"I have no idea what project you are referring to." A calm and peaceful voice claimed innocence through the Headset that the Fallen was wearing. "However, I must commend your efforts. The rest of us were rather wary of contacting young Issei in person, let alone persuade him to go to Kuoh. You're the only one of us that still has a credible relationship with them. We were under the impression that he is still… antagonistic, to our side of the world."

"You're not far off, Fuck! Ajuka you bastard!" He flinched as his character was taken down from the side without warning.

"No scope."

"Bullshit." The Fallen pouted, before sighing deeply. "Issei's still a complete mess. One look at him was enough to tell as much. He's recovered enough to talk shit to pretty much everyone, but he's jumpy as hell. Kid nearly "woke up" at the mere thought of us using him in some hidden long term agenda. Right at the dinner table too. Honestly, that kid. I don't know what sends chills down my spine more. Juggernaut Drive or him when he fully "awake". I don't even want to remember when it was both."

"That's not a good sign." Falbium yawned, not caring at all that his avatar was blown up by a grenade. "We're supposed to make sure he doesn't go off like that again. It's why we've left him alone for this long. Are you sure it's a good idea to send him to Kuoh?"

"We're running out of time. It's a blessing the Dragons have been this patient with us to begin with." Azazel sighed, moving his newly respawned character to the closest powerup. "That being said, I think its best if you warn your siblings not to get ahead of themselves when the year starts. Sera. Sirzechs. If Issei thinks we sent him to the school just to get turned, he'll raze the entire place to ash as a start. Civilians and all. I'm not joking either."

"Don't worry! My adorable Sona's smart enough to know when something important is going on." Serafall cheered as her character came out of nowhere and took down Azazel's character with a shotgun shell. "Woot! Killing streak!"

"Son of a bitch Sera you camping cosplaying gnome!"

"It's all skill! Skill, magic, and a buckshot up your dusty crow ass!"

"Not sure about you guys, but I still don't know if exposing Serafall to violent video games was a good or bad decision." Falbium spoke what was on the minds of every male there. "Whose idea was it again?"

"I'm more worried about Rias and her peerage." Ajuka added his two cents to the conversation, while trying to change the topic so people don't remember that this monthly get together of theirs was his fault. "She's going to get more desperate to obtain strong individuals for her peerage soon, what with Riser pushing the issue as of late. Her queen isn't going to take well to Azazel's underling in the school either, given her disposition."

"And considering the fact that _someone_ has been in the market for mutated pawn pieces and been donating them generously as innocent brotherly gifts to their younger sibling as of late… certain assumptions might be made and not taken well." Azazel's tone was clearly warning said specific someone to not do anything stupid.

"Sirzechs. While some might consider your actions generous, might I remind you of an old adage that even we in heaven adhere to: The path to hell is paved with good intentions. Although, if we are being more specific, I suppose it is the path to Cocytus." Michael lectured, though only those that knew him well could hear the very clear and strained warning that he was pressing.

"Yes. Yes. I understand you all loud and clear." The current Lucifer relented with a patronizing tone. "I'll warn Rias to be a bit more careful around Issei when he arrives, and I'll refrain from giving her any more possible gifts in the near future."

"Politics and paranoia aside, is it safe to put him in Kuoh in general, Azazel?" Akuja droned. "Even before the incident, Issei had trouble relating to his peers… or anyone for that matter. And that's not even including his reaction to large crowds. The only person his age that anyone could see as his friend was Vali, and that in itself was a peculiar relationship for obvious reasons."

"Eh. You probably have a point there. Issei's surly as can be these days. He goes from zero to infuriating at the drop of a hat, only now he actually means it. Brat had the nerve to call me a post prime man whore as soon as I entered the door."

The game was put on pause as everyone in the conversation took the time to laugh incredibly hard. Even Michael couldn't hold back a few amused chuckles.

"I know right." Azazel snickered. "I'm a bit aged, but I'm not that old. Finely seasoned at most."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. Or should I say, whoever?" Serafall jabbed mockingly.

"Depends. What day of the week is it?" The accused played innocent.

"It is comforting to know he at least still has his sense of wit and lack of filter." Sirzechs sighed. "Of course, it will probably cause headaches down the line, but it is an indication that some parts of him survived the ordeal."

"What about… you know. His goal?" Serafall hesitantly asked, as if crossing into a taboo topic.

And like that, the energy in the group was drained. "… I didn't ask. Considering how badly he reacted to the thought of being used, I decided it was best not to bring it up for the time being."

"I assumed as much." Ajuka surmised.

"This won't go over well with the others." Michael sighed.

"At the very least, he's been working on the side again. Even if it is merely a way to distract himself." The Fallen tried to pick things up again. "Writing articles. Tweaking adult toys. I hacked his bank accounts again recently and he's been investing and shifting money about for the last year. Plus, at the very least, he never really stopped giving advice and help to the girls in my other ventures."

"Say what you want about Issei, even depressed his mind is rarely out of the gutter." Sirzechs joked.

"It might be the gutter for most people, but for him I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of the few places he still feels a shred of comfort anymore." Falbium yawned. "That kid was different from the start. Who knows how he's developed while secluding himself away from people for so long?"

o. o. o.

"What the hell is this?"

Raynare shot Issei an annoyed glance as they stood in front of the gates to Kuoh Academy. "What are you babbling about now?"

Issei didn't bother looking at her as he shot suspicious looks at all the girls passing them. "This place. The uniforms. You actually expect me to believe that an academic institution with as high a reputation as this one has _corsets_ as part of their school uniform? What is this, a half assed eroge? This can't be legal."

The fallen looked at him as if he was stupid before pointing at herself, also dressed in the standard female school uniform. "You just noticed that? Not when, oh, maybe when we met before coming here?"

He turned to her with an uninterested and blurred gaze as if he had better things to focus on. "I thought that was just you being your natural cougar self and wanting extra attention."

The Fallen's fists tightened dangerously.

Ever since they had first talked a month ago, Azazel had all but instructed her to get closer to the family, coming over nearly every day to the point that she now stayed in one of the guest rooms of the house.

And every day, Issei pushed her patience and self-control to the limit relentlessly with his never ending insults, comments, and near inability to see or call her anything other than a cougar.

"Really. A corset? Does anyone here know how expensive it is to make a quality one meant for daily use? Even if they were mass produced, there's no way that these things would last more than a few months and still be affordable and included in a school tuition." Issei lost interest in her and immediately went back to his main gripe for the moment. "Either this place really is as prestigious and obnoxiously expensive as they tout themselves to be, or the uniforms are so bloody fragile that a stray scratch could tear the whole damn thing apart like tissue paper… and if they're that careless, then that also means that the skirts are light and short enough that a simple gust of wind could…"

Before Issei could finish his sentence, a gust of wind blew across the campus, flipping up nearly every female student's skirt to reveal a cornucopia of panties and the occasional bare bottom.

"HOLY FUCK I'M IN A BUDGET EROGE HIGH SCHOOL!" No one looking at Issei missed the fact that his nose was bleeding, his cheeks were blushing, and his eyes were staring at as many backsides as possible.

o. o. o.

"Issei Houdou. I was somewhat hoping to speak to you sometime in the near future, however this was not what I had in mind."

"We couldn't even make it in through the front gates." Raynare cradled her face in her hands, mortified by her situation. She really didn't care about high school in general, she was several centuries old and didn't need it after all. But still, there was only so much embarrassment she could take, and not even making it through the main entrance before being dragged away by the irate devils that owned the place was far past her threshold. "We didn't even make it to the opening ceremony. Azazel-sama. Why? Why me?"

"I am a victim of poor upper management and planning." The accused crossed his arms defiantly. "The administration clearly needs restructuring."

In front of them, sitting behind a desk that was significantly too large and expensive for a normal student to possess on campus, sat Sona Sitri and her peerage, all staring at them with unreadable expressions.

"We _are_ the administration." Sona's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Issei blinked several times, his face indicating that he was clearly not impressed as he looked at the people he insulted. "… I'm not apologizing."

"He does not speak for me." Raynare rose her hand. "Please do not include me in whatever decision you make for him."

"She'll still watch though. She gets off on it. Like a cougar." He accused.

"How is that anything like a cougar!?"

"You would know. You're the cougar."

"For the last time, I'm not a cougar!"

Sona coughed loud enough to gain control of the conversation again. "Hyoudou-kun. Allow me to get introductions out of the way first. My name is Sona Shitori in public, however you may be more familiar with my real name, Sona Sitri. I admit, I do not know who you are, or why you are attending Kuoh Academny, let alone with _certain_ company. When I was informed of your arrival and your importance, I had come with… expectations of your behavior. Expectations that are not being met."

"Well that's your problem for getting your hopes up." Issei deadpanned, not at all sympathetic to Sona's position. "Whoever told you about me either skimmed the details or purposefully left them out to screw with you."

"You seem rather certain of that." Outwardly, Sona was as stern and confident as a general. Inwardly, she was already screaming at her sister in frustration.

"Considering that the only people that make a big deal about me know exactly who I am, what I am, and why I'm here in the first place, yes." Issei's disposition didn't change. "And I'm not the sort of generous idiot that tells everyone my life story at the drop of a hat, so don't bother asking."

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"This entire school is one giant sexual harassment fiasco just waiting to happen!" Issei exploded, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation, causing everyone to jump in surprise. "Why wouldn't I be a bit frustrated by the shortsightedness of this whole thing and make it easy for you enablers!?"

"… Eh?" Sona blinked in surprise.

"Criminally short skirts that are kicked up when there's practically no wind. Corsets. A high school environment where the vast majority of the population is clearly female. And just to go for broke, let me guess, you guys still have the girls wear bloomers of all things during gym class outside." Issei listed his gripes, slowly working himself up. "I'm a healthy, warm blooded male and enjoy a good show as much as the next one, but come on! And you expect me to believe that the entire student council is all female?! Where's the camera?! Where's the lotion!? How long have you been practicing your stern businesswoman and stacked secretary combo shtick?!"

The entire student council, primarily the accused "stern businesswoman and stacked secretary", Sona and her Queen, Tsubaki, could not help but gape with wide eyes and stare at him as if he was insane.

Raynare on the other hand, sighed and took out her cell phone. "Issei. If you don't calm down and shut up, I'm calling Asami-san and telling her that you managed to get us in trouble before getting into the damn building. If my memory is right, she said that she'd baste your workbench in cooking oil before setting it on fire in the back yard if you caused any problems on the first day of school."

"Don't you dare." Issei growled, glaring at his watcher menacingly.

"Try me, brat." Raynare countered, not budging an inch.

The two squared off for what felt like a solid half minute before Issei cracked first and sulked into his chair like a petulant child. "… Cougar."

"Humph. As much as I despise devils, being around you is clearly a greater evil in my books." The fallen snorted, putting away her phone before turning to the audience. "To sum up this hikikomori idiot in one word: difficult. He rarely listens to what anyone has to say. I've had to be close to him for a month and he does nothing but make life hard on everyone around him. Anything sex or fetish related sets him off and it's near impossible to shut him up when he gets going outside of using his mother against him. At the very least, he keeps his hands to himself. Shy loser probably hasn't touched a woman in his life other than his mother."

Issei flinched at that last comment and glared murderously at Raynare, but surprisingly held his tongue.

From what the Fallen had seen, Issei had two general settings. The standard was quiet, bitter, and sullen, and the second was agitated, mouthy, and easily excitable. So long as nothing was around that particularly interested him, the idiot seemed to just walk through life like a robot with dead eyes. A snippy comment here and there, but otherwise pretty low maintenance, which was a genuine surprise to her when she had first seen him like that. Hell, the kid even had a habit of falling asleep pretty much anywhere absurdly quickly if there was nothing to focus on.

It was when he was agitated that he became a major pain in everyone's asses. He'd viciously lash out at anyone and everyone that made the mistake of grabbing his attention. Any subject that he found issue with would be the subject of his overelaborate and seemingly never ending ranting and scrutiny. She had seen him once go on and on about some article in a porn magazine for nearly four hours before he realized that she and his mother weren't actually listening and stomped up back to his room.

As much as she hated to attribute the brat with anything grandiose or notable, she had to admit that "Sleeping Dragon" was an appropriate moniker, even if it wasn't as flattering as most people would first assume. To be honest, she wouldn't be surprised if he was genuinely bi-polar, but she wasn't that well learned on psychology so she couldn't make the diagnosis herself.

"Hikikomori?" One of the members on the council couldn't hold back her surprise.

"It does say that he's been homeschooled for the past five years." Sona glanced at Issei's transcript papers. "To be blunt, I find the fact that he was able to pass the entrance exams to the school in question."

Issei rolled his eyes. "Yes well, if you are as important as you make yourself out to be, then you know that the exams in my case are merely formality. Not that you care much for the reputation of this place to begin with."

"Excuse you?" The student council's voice turned to steel.

"Lady, I don't know much about demon culture, but most humans tend to be conservative enough to ask questions when jailbait are expected to go to school in public wearing stripper clothes. I understand that women are expected and encouraged to utilize their rights of independence and individuality these days in more developed countries, and that Japan's population is on the decline, but seriously? I can't walk to the fucking bathroom here without getting a face full of panty shots."

While the student council stared at him gobsmacked, Raynare, who was clearly more used to his ranting, shot him a wary look. "Not that I'm agreeing with you, but why are you complaining about that? I thought a perverted idiot like you would rejoice over something so stupid."

"It's too easy damn it! I could be prosecuted for peeking even if I wasn't actually doing it just because I was in the area!"

"Of course it is." And like that, the feeble hope that the Fallen had gotten up had been murdered viciously.

"Do you know how easy it is for any guy here to get accused of sexual harassment here? I turn to the left. Bam! Panty shot. I sit down for lunch. Bam! Panty shot. And don't even get me started on going up and down stairs! It would be like opening a bag of skittles in the Middle East! Camel-toe the rainbow! _Taste the rainbow_!"

Most of the student council took an uneasy step back away from the eccentric teen.

"I'm pretty sure there weren't any black skittles." Raynare muttered, already worn out for the day.

"Black liquorish. Sold only in Europe." He did not even hesitate on the response.

"I… I'll take your word for it." It wasn't often that Sona Sitri's mind had to play catchup in a conversation that she started.

"I think they're still on the market. You have to get them in boxes though. Best bet is to buy them through England. Shipping might take a while though unless you expedite it." Issei was clearly focused on the candy now.

"I was talking about your issue with the female school uniform skirts." She quickly tried to take control of the discussion again.

"Oh yeah. The sexual harassment trap that is this institution."

"… _That_." She didn't honor the subject with that title. "I will, address the issue, and see if it actually is worth my time. It is the beginning of the year, so I can manage some financial gymnastics to change things. More importantly, Hyoudou-san, is you and the way you conduct yourself."

"… I'm still not apologizing."

"I can see you used the word "difficult" rather generously." Sona turned to Raynare.

The Fallen smiled innocently. "I have other words to use, but they aren't suitable for delicate ears such as ours."

"Don't leave her alone with impressionable young boys here. She'll eat them up. Like a coug-ugh!" Issei's trademark insult for Raynare was cut off by a swift jab to the stomach by the accused.

"Continue." Raynare practically glittered with false purity.

"Hyoudou-san. You have missed the entrance ceremony due to your behavior, but allow me to give you the short version. You are expected to represent the school both inside and outside grounds. You are expected to behave yourself, and perform to your fullest. You are expected to enjoy yourself and your youth while preparing to the future."

No one missed his expression turn slightly annoyed and irritated by this point.

"Most importantly, you are expected to support your fellow students and help them reach success, ensuring the safety of your comrades." Sona's eyes narrowed, as if daring him to speak out of turn. "That means I expect you to participate in class and not to disrupt the lessons. You may have been given a free ride into this school, but should you under-perform you will be kicked out."

Oddly enough, Issei snorted in amusement at her threat and looked at her skeptically. "Under-perform? They really _haven't_ told you anything, have they?"

"Meaning?" Sona's unamused expression didn't change. A brief glance at Raynare told her that the Fallen didn't know what he was alluding to either.

Before anyone could say another word, the school bell rang.

Yawning widely, Issei stood up. Despite his earlier energetic behavior, he stood with a slight slouch and half lidded eyes. "You'll have to wait to find out. Or not. It doesn't really matter to me. I could care less either way. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to class."

He turned to leave, but stopped after the first few steps.

"…"

"…" 

"…"

"You forgot where our classroom is." Raynare deadpanned.

"Why the hell did I agree to come to this cruel trap of an establishment?!"

o. o. o.

Rias watched as the two new second year students were guided by Sona's reluctant pawn to their class. "Well?"

Sona impassively turned to Rias, gently patted her on the shoulder, and then walked away. "You can have him. If you can. Good luck. You'll need it."

The Gremory blinked in genuine confusion. "Eh?"

o. o. o.

Issei, 7 years old:

"Uuuuuugh."

That lifeless groan pretty much summed up how Issei looked and felt as he let his face drop into the textbook he had been reading.

Six months.

He had been reading and training for six months since the day his arms got possessed by a dragon of destruction and a creepy immortal jerk.

Six months since he started to use the Boosted Gear to accelerate his ability to learn and retain information. Six months since he started to read ahead of his class. Six months since he started to actually think and see the world around him.

Six months since he started to exercise and hurt in ways that he was sure his body wasn't supposed to hurt.

Six months since he started to read up on how the body works.

Six months since he started to realize how boys and girls were really different in ways other than the magnificent existences that were oppai.

Six months since he realized that if he wanted a harem, he was going to have to work for it.

Endurance to pleasure multiple women and make them happy. He wanted a harem, but it was pointless if they were sad all the time. He wanted the women around him to be happy. That should only be natural.

Knowledge to make sure that if something went wrong with the home or if someone got hurt, he would know how to deal with it. Home ownership and management. Taxes. Laws. Women were impressed by men who knew what they were doing, and more so when they could solve everyone's problems and be helpful.

Money, because that was obvious. If he was going to live with a bunch of women, he wanted them to live in a big house, with a pool, and not have to worry about something like money. But from the way his parents argued sometimes about how expensive things were, just supporting a normal family was going to be hard. Heck, even getting the books he studied now were making them pause and worry about finances. And if he wanted a big harem, which meant that eventually he'd have a lot of kids. The bigger the family, the more money it would cost, so he would need A LOT of money to keep everyone happy…

… Family. Yeah. The harem would be his family. It wouldn't be a normal family, but it would be his. To support. To feed. To protect. He loved his mom and dad, but _the Harem_ … he'd do anything for _the Harem_ …

It had taken him a while to figure that out. He was still a kid. Big and complex things still made his head hurt trying to think about it, but he was getting better at it. He didn't want to deal with all of it before. So much so that he would yell at Ghost-Ossan and Ddraig when it felt like it was too much, stupid, or unfair to be true.

But… if he was bad at taking care of the Harem… everyone would hurt. Everyone would be made fun of. It would be hard to live together, and no one would be happy. Even an idiot like him understood that.

He read about it. People that were sick and starving. People that were enslaved. People that were used by their bosses or the gangs in the area. Alone or in families. It didn't matter. The strong preyed upon the weak. He didn't like it, but it was truth regardless of where you lived.

The idea of that happening to the Harem though, his family…

 _Unacceptable._

More.

He needed more. More power. More money. More strength. More knowledge. More resources. More allies. More everything. Enough to protect them from everything should something happen to him. Anything less was not worth his time.

He was young. He had time to grow. To learn. To hoard. But he didn't have that excuse forever. He'd hit puberty in about five years, that's when people started to realize the other gender, maybe even start having relationships.

He'd be a registered adult in about ten. He'd either go to college or have a job by then. In a society where polygamy was looked down upon. That was fine. Having a Harem didn't necessarily mean that you were married to all the women. It was an easy thing to get around really.

"Marriage" itself these days just made it easier to register family units to governments. Family lines. Paperwork. Taxes. All formal bureaucracy that got in the way because of stupid puritan standards that have been around for far too long as far as he was concerned. The label didn't actually matter in the end. In harems, everyone got along with everyone to begin with, at least the good ones did, so while _legally_ he may be married to just one woman on paper, he could still live with all of them in one big happy family in the end. Same building. Same resources. Same life. Heck, so long as he made enough money, which he was intending to, he could give every woman in his Harem the weddings they had always wanted as well, legality be damned. Weddings were just expensive parties and ceremonies in the end after all. The paperwork to make the marriage itself legal normally was done way before it.

However, all of this did not stop two simple facts.

"Boooorrrriiiiinnnnggggg."

Academics, basic or not, tended to be dull as sin.

And Issei, like any usual seven year old male child, hated studying things he did not care about.

"Issei! Come down for dinner!" From downstairs, he heard his mother call him.

"Haaaaaai." With a series of wet sounds, Issei pulled his face off of the textbook paper his face had been stuck to thanks to the drool that had been leaking from his mouth. Great, now he was going to have to wash his face first before getting food.

Behind him, the eighth grade mathematics book lay open, drying from the saliva still stuck to its open pages.

It had been almost six months since he had woken up his Sacred Gears. Boosted Gear and the recently dubbed Blind Eternity.

It had been almost a month and a half since the Boosted Gear had evolved into a Sub-Species.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Not much to say here. First half of the school day done. Issei is a bit crazy when he's worked up, but that's not stretching things. Sona is immediately turned off by him, and most of the student council thinks he's a creep.

A bit more insight into how his current mind works in the next chapter, but that's for later.

Ghost: Does it make me a bad person if I want Skittles after reading this?

No, it just makes you sketchy as hell.

Ghost: Ok. Just checking.

Gonna finish the next chapter of TTRT. Should be done by Friday.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! THE RAINBOW TASTES LIKE SALT AND COTTON FOR SOME REASON! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: An idiot is one dimensional. A normal person two dimensional. Real genius doesn't have dimension. They have goals, and countless angles to reach them.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"Brother, why did you call me back home so soon before the next term?"

In the office room were two beings known as devils.

Siblings, obvious by their matching facial features and luscious crimson hair.

One, an extremely handsome man in his mid to late twenties, sat behind a desk. He was dressed in elaborate clothing suited for that of a ruler, or a conqueror. A representation of power and authority. Yet, this was all betrayed with a kind smile and gentle features.

He was Sirzechs Lucifer. One of the Four Great Satans. Current leader of the Devil Race.

And recognized by reality itself as one of the top ten most destructive forces that exists within it.

The other was a young woman. A teenager with the body that most women would be envious of, mortal or not. An enormous chest, wide hips and thin waist. Her long, thick vermillion hair splayed out behind her, in contrast to her brother's straight and slick locks.

She was Rias Gremory. Heir to her family name and younger sister to Sirzechs.

"Is it that odd that I wish to speak to my adorable little sister before she starts her final year in high school?" Sirzechs avoided the question. "This is a very important time for you after all."

"For me, or for politics?" The younger sibling was not amused by his comment, crossing her arms in distrust. "Even if what you said was true, you would not have called me over on such short notice and meet me in person. Did something happen?"

Lucifer chuckled in amusement before leaning back on his chair. "Your keen mind is matched by your sharp tongue Rias. You will do well as the next matriarch of the family, though your patience still needs some work. Then again, perhaps that will be tempered as you become more involved with this unsavory game that nobles play. I fear the day that you truly invest yourself in such an unsavory occupation. It doesn't suit someone as lovely as you are."

Rias sighed and looked at her brother with mixed emotions. "You say that as though I have a choice in it in the first place Sirzechs. You have already made your position on the matter clear to everyone with your arrangement between me and Riser. Or are you telling me now that you are changing your mind?"

His mind had been made up from the start, but it was not what Rias would expect. If it were up to him, Riser would not be allowed to even utter Rias' name, let alone marry her. However, once he had taken the name Lucifer, his obligations to his family had become next to worthless in the grand scheme of things.

That stupid blonde fool nearly damned them all, and five years later he was being rewarded for it. Was it not enough for the Bael Family, their mother's family, to wallow in its stagnancy, but now it had to drag others in it as well?

To think that even the power of being a Super Devil and the authority of Lucifer was not enough… Politics was truly the greatest tool of evil out there.

He would have to risk so much just to save Rias. He hoped his gamble paid off.

"What I think of the matter no longer affects the agreement Rias. Even if I were to throw my weight around, only more problems would come of it." Sirzechs deflected the question before taking out a few sheets of paper. "We are getting off topic. This is the real reason why I called you over."

Shooting her brother a dirty look, Rias glanced down to see two profiles. A human teen a year her junior and… "A Fallen?"

"They're going to be students at Kuoh." Sirzechs supplied. "Second years. Given how your Queen reacts to… extended family members, I thought it would be prudent to give you enough time to prepare her."

That was certainly one way of describing Akeno's vitriol fueled opinion of the Fallen, and that wasn't even taking her father into account.

"Why the boy though? It says he's human." Rias inspected his paper a bit more thoroughly. Issei Hyoudou? It says he's confirmed to have a Sacred Gear, but its name is blacked out. Actually, a suspiciously large portion of his profile was redacted. It made her feel like she was reading something from a spy movie.

"He's the main reason why we are here." Sirzechs got to the heart of the matter. "Issei Hyoudou is a person of great interest and importance not only to us, but to all three Factions. So much so that all of us have been keeping tabs on him discretely for some time. The Fallen is Azazel's contribution to keeping an eye on him. Michel does not have the means or the resources in Japan to have someone at this time, though if the year started a few months from now that would have been different."

Rias blinked in genuine surprise. This boy was that important to the three Factions, and they were just signing him up to the Academy as if he was another kid? "Why is he being sent to Kuoh in the first place? What faction does he belong to in order to warrant such attention?"

"Issei's situation is… unique." Sirzechs was not going to explain to Rias the whole story. If he did, she would probably get overconfident and use it against Issei in the worst possible way without realizing it. Partial information was just as bad.

His adorable sister was smart and confident, but she had a bad habit of getting in over her head at the worst of times due to her stubbornness. The incidents involving Gasper Vladi and Yuuto Kiba were prime of examples of that.

If only Rias knew just how much trouble she had caused when she took those two in…

"Meaning?" She arced a delicate eyebrow.

He sighed. "If there was a group or faction that Issei officially belonged to, it would be the Dragons."

Her breath hitched and her eyes widened in genuine surprise. "The Dragons? How? Other than Tanin and a few other that had already made agreements with select individuals, the Dragons have shunned the three Factions entirely. And yet a human is somehow accepted as one of them?"

"It's confidential." He spoke to her not as her brother, but as Lucifer. "I will not say how this has come to pass, or why he is enrolled in Kuoh specifically. I will not even dissuade you from coming into contact with him or offering a place in your peerage if you so choose."

Her eyes lightened with hope at that last part, as he knew she would be excited about it.

"However, I must warn you that it is very unlikely he will agree to it in the first place. Issei experienced poor encounters with the three Factions in the past, and has become an extreme recluse as a result. So much so that we consider it a miracle that he was able to be coaxed into coming into a school in our territory in the first place. I believe you are familiar with someone in a similar situation."

The image of an effeminate cross dressing vampire flashed through Rias' mind. "I think I am getting the picture…"

Sirzechs frowned. "Unlike Gasper, Issei is the type to lash out violently rather than run and hide if he is pushed into a corner or agitated without reason. Even though he is a human, he has a Dragon's temperament. He is not weak, just the opposite. The mere suspicion that he's being used or tricked by someone else is enough to make his emotions and pride go rampant. If you try to approach him in a roundabout way like you would another to other nobility or someone that you believe is weaker, it would not end well. I do not want to see what a confrontation between him and your peerage would result in."

Rias visibly flinched. She did not like the idea of being looked down upon, but she also did not like the idea of her precious peerage being hurt either. "Make up your mind Sirzechs. You warn me about how dangerous he is, but at the same time you are subtly encouraging contact. Which is it? What do you want me to do?"

Sirzechs sighed, looking down at the recent photo of Issei. The dead look in the teen's eyes was a severe contrast to what he had just a few years ago. "I a merely giving you an idea of what Issei Hyoudou is like Rias. He's a rather complicated individual that distrusts literally everyone in the world save for a handful of individuals with fingers to spare. Ideally, it would be grand if you and Sona established a positive relationship with him, but realistically, from the reports we have received, it would be a difficult thing to accomplish. To be honest, we would be surprised if he makes even a few solid friends while at the school."

Rias didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if she was unused to taking care of broken or emotionally damaged individuals. Her entire Peerage consisted of them. Issei's personality sounded like her Knight's shortly after he was resurrected, only far more severe.

The anger of Kiba mixed with the reclusive habits of Gasper, and the temperament of a Dragon. That was not a pleasant combination in the slightest to imagine.

"What happened to him?"

Sirzechs couldn't help but snort bitterly. He leaned back and played the long series of events that made Issei what he was today. "We'd be in here all day if I had to go over everything that happened to him. But if I could point out the biggest one… it would be he was robbed."

"Robbed?" Whatever Rias had expected to have happened to Issei, being merely stolen from did not cross her mind at all. "Of what?"

A smile of self-loathing made its way on Sirzech's face. He could still remember that blood curdling roar that echoed throughout the underworld. The pure agony and pain behind it was something only a freshly shattered child could manage.

"Everything that gave him reason to keep going forward."

o. o. o.

Ruruko Nimura, Sona's pawn, knocked on the door to classroom 2-C, before entering. "Excuse me. I'm from the council. I'm here with two more students."

The teacher was an unimpressive middle aged man with average looks all around. An easily forgettable character that could be replaced in an anime for a more important one at any given time and no one would bother to ask what happened to him. "Hm? Oh, Nimura-san. Please. Come in."

The Pawn opened the door wider and turned around. "Ok you two. This is where I… huh?"

Raynare blinked in confusion at the bewildered look on the girl's face. She clearly didn't do or look any different than she had five seconds ago. So by process of elimination…

"Where did Hyoudou-san go?"

Indeed. Issei, who had been right next to her just a few moments ago was no longer there.

Really?! Seriously?! What was he, seven?! Did she have to keep an adult magazine on her at all times just to keep him in place?! And just after that close call with the devil that's in charge of the area!

Quickly looking around, the Fallen spotted a flurry of movement enter a doorway before exiting her sight. A quick look up revealed that said entrance was the boy's bathroom.

He couldn't hold it in? No, he couldn't just let them know he had to go on the way there?

Or maybe he had cold feet… no. There was not a single humble bone in that ass' body. He was probably just doing it to annoy her.

He wouldn't run away. If there was a single person on the planet that could cow the fool, it was his mother, and he had promised her that he would at least try to go through the school without screwing it up for everyone.

Then again, he was already off to a shitty start. No pun intended.

"He's in the bathroom. Hopefully he'll wash his hands before leaving." She sighed, knowing that the less problems he caused, the less she'd have to deal with. "I'll just have to go ahead. Thanks for your help."

The Devil looked at the Fallen warily before nodding. "Please enjoy your stay here."

With a brief bow, the girl turned and walked over to a nearby classroom labeled 2-A.

"I assume you are Amano Yuuma-chan?" The teacher spoke up, catching her attention again. Really. This man is so forgetful. She's going to forget his name every time she looks away from this weakling.

"Yes Sensei. Sorry. Hyoudou-san had to go to the bathroom. He'll be right back." She hated it here and would leave the first chance she got, but that didn't mean she would act out on her emotions here. A bad reputation would just make this place even more unbearable than it was already going to be.

"Oooooh!"

"She's so cute!"

"Her hair is so silky and smooth!"

"She's so hot!"

"And her tits are massive!"

"I know!"

Eh? What?

Allowing herself to stop squinting, Raynare spotted the idiots that despite all logic and rationality, somehow had even less tact than Issei. Something she had thought impossible until that very moment.

It didn't take her long to find the culprits. Partially because the two were ogling her like a piece of meat to the point that they were actually drooling. Partially because everyone else was glaring at them like something unsavory that had just been stepped on.

She could tear them to pieces. See them cry and squirm. They would be good outlets to vent her frustration on since Issei seemed to be practically immune to insults, but she couldn't do it here. Not yet at least.

"Hello everyone. My name is Yuuma Amano. Pleased to meet you."

It was a pretty standard introduction. Fake smile. Fake name. Fake backstory. She didn't sense any Devils in the room, but then again her detection abilities weren't the greatest. She wouldn't be surprised if all the Devils in the school knew of her by now. She had been told that there were two High Class Devils here. The Council President was obviously one, but the other was still a mystery.

She gave them the standard bullshit backstory. Moved in from abroad, or another part of Japan. Enjoys fashion and other teenage girl dredge. It was all copy paste by this point, and it took her less than three minutes to get accepted by everyone there. All lies. All fake as hell. She didn't care so long as they got off her back. She didn't care about the worms around her. They were so easily fooled by a pretty face it was disgusting.

She had barely sat down when Issei opened the door and warily looked inside. He didn't pay Raynare any more mind than everyone else in the room. "Guess this is the place."

"Issei Hyoudou-san, I presume." The teacher greeted him. "You came just in time. Amano-san just finished her introductions."

"Tch. It's just a dude. What a buzz kill." One of the two perverted idiots grunted in disappointment.

"Wait… wasn't he that crazy guy that was screaming about the school being an eroge this morning?" The other idiot shifted his glasses suspiciously.

Several students whispered nervously, recalling the episode Issei had before he had even entered the gates of the bloody school.

Raynare simply smiled and looked around curiously, silently praying that she wouldn't be associated with the jackass just because she was seen with him earlier.

"Hyoudou-san. Can you introduce yourself to the class and tell them a bit about yourself?" The teacher spoke up a bit louder to distract everyone from the rumors.

Instead of saying anything right off the bat, the brown haired teen merely gave the room another look over, breathed in deep through his nose, and then shrugged before walking to the front. Already he was disturbing the people there with his dull, almost dead gaze. Even after spending nearly a month with him, Raynare had yet to get used to it. It was nearly impossible to read him whenever he was quiet like this.

"Hi. My name is Issei Hyoudou and I have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things related to the Adult Entertainment Industry."

Everyone in the room just stared at him.

She tried. She really tried not to facepalm. However the power of her kneejerk reaction to sudden overwhelming levels of stupid vastly surpassed her self-control.

"Our Comrade!" The two idiots from the back of the room cheered in unison.

"Great. Another shameless perv." One girl groaned.

"Shame. He's not bad looking." Another sighed.

If Issei was at all put out by the comments he had stirred up from his introduction, he didn't seem affected by it in the slightest.

The teacher looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment than where he was. "H-Hyoudou-san. Can you tell us something about yourself that is more appropriate for this environment?"

The teen shrugged. "Ok. Um. Not much. I live with my mom. I've been homeschooled for five years. Oh. I recently got a pet cougar."

… That mother _fucker_.

"A cougar?" Several people asked curiously. There was no direct translation for the species' name in Japanese. Their attempts to pronounce it properly sounded like "ku-ga".

"It's an exotic cat." He clarified. "They live in America in the wild for the most part, but you know how some rich people are. Turns out this shady looking guy around town lost her about half a year back and she wound up stalking the area around my house the entire time. He ended up finding her, but he had to leave the country, so he just loaded the dusty old girl onto us. Crabby thing's more of a pain than a pet, but at least it's house trained. Thankfully it tends to shut up and leave people alone if you feed it enough."

Oh keep talking you little shit. The moment no one was looking she was going to stab him with a spear of light until she couldn't move anymore. And by GOD it would be the most satisfying kill in her entire existence.

"That's… an interesting take on having a new pet." The teacher hesitantly digested the information. "What's its name?"

For the briefest of moments, his eyes flickered to her.

No. No. Don't you dare. Don't you FUCKING even think about-

"Raynare."

He didn't even hesitate.

SNAP. The pencil that the Fallen had been gripping tighter and tighter as Issei spoke split in two in her hand. She was so enraged she didn't even feel the wood stab her flesh.

Not once. Not a single time since she had moved in with his family had he EVER addressed her by her name, real or fake. It was always "Cougar" this and "like a Cougar" that. She didn't even know how he knew her real name in the first place since it was never brought up in conversation!

That settles it. She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him with a smile on her face.

To her credit, Raynare never did stop smiling.

o. o. o.

The day had not gotten better from there.

At least, for Issei's reputation.

Once people stopped asking him questions about his "pet cougar", he had been assigned a seat by the window. Said seat happened to be right in front of the two perverted idiots from earlier, which is probably why it took so long to be filled in the first place.

The Sekiryutei didn't even last ten minutes through the orientation lectures and explanation of how the school worked before his head was already on his desk and he was halfway conscious.

Half an hour later, he was asleep.

Not in a deep daze. He was genuinely unconscious.

No one had realized that he was out of it until about an hour into class. Falling asleep in school wasn't unheard of for students, but on the first day? Before lunch? That must have been some sort of record!

It was less amusing though, when the teacher made the mistake of shaking Issei to wake him up and nearly got knocked unconscious in retaliation.

The second the middle aged man's hand pushed against the teen's shoulder, one hand had lashed out, grabbed onto the offending wrist with an iron hold, while the other one shot off like a bullet for the poor man's face, only stopping just in time to not cave the guy's skull in.

Even Raynare blinked in genuine surprise at the violent reaction. In hindsight, it certainly explained that warning Asami gave her when she first started staying with the Hyoudou family about not waking up Issei if she could help it.

Then again, Issei was nearly always perpetually locked in his room to begin with, so she never had the chance to do so in the first place. Not that she ever had the desire or need to. There was no telling just how nasty his room was.

She shouldn't really be astounded by his behavior in hindsight. He was dubbed Y Ddraig Cysgu after all. It should be expected for him to be a crabby bastard if woken up by someone else.

Issei himself was confused the moments after waking up. He looked around as if he had genuinely forgotten where he was before realizing his situation and what he had almost done.

"… Sorry. I don't like… I have had training." He let go of the now scared man with an apologetic grimace. "I'm also narcoleptic. I don't know if the teachers were informed yet. Just, I don't know, throw something at me or kick my chair next time."

"U-Un." It was obvious to everyone that the teacher was scared shitless from the close encounter. "I-I'll be sure to tell that to the others."

No one missed the man flexing the hand that had been grabbed either, rotating it for a good half a minute to get blood flowing again. Judging from his reaction, no one in the room would be surprised if there was a bruise left where he had grabbed the poor victim.

Nearly everyone avoided Issei after that particular display. The pervert sitting behind him, Motohama, slowly went from unnerved to utterly terrified when he realized that he was inadvertently given the role of literally kicking Issei awake in class simply by being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

It didn't get better for him as time went on either.

Issei fell asleep at least twice in every period, nearly assaulting one more teacher that afternoon who had yet to believe or take seriously the warning their homeroom instructor had spread about.

It had gotten to the point that when lunch had come around, no one wanted to let Issei know about it and just let him sleep through the whole thing.

Oddly enough though, he woke up on his own within the first five minutes of the break without help. Even then, he didn't talk to anyone. He just looked around at everyone with half-conscious eyes, blinked, grabbed his food, and casually walked out the room.

He then swore loud enough for everyone in the room to hear him and then walked back inside to his seat in a huff. He plopped down in his seat, opened the bento his mom made, and then ate in irritable silence.

Raynare had been around Issei long enough to know that he had forgotten something important and obvious again. Whether it was a piece of paperwork or the location of wherever it was he wanted to go in the first place was up in the air. She had no idea what it was exactly, but it was almost a daily occurrence back in the household whenever Asami did manage to get Issei to do something productive.

Hell, he once even went out in broad daylight to get the mail in nothing but his boxers. He was really scatterbrained and forgetful like that.

On a side note though, for a hikikomori, he was in surprisingly good shape. If he wasn't such a total asshole, she might have even considered toying around with him a bit.

It was during that lunch break that someone finally scrounged up the nerve to talk to him.

"You're not doing yourself any favors with the way you're carrying yourself."

Issei blinked and turned to the person that was standing right next to his desk. She stood confidently with her hands on her hips and a Cheshire like grin. Her chest length chestnut brown hair was a mess, even when most of it was braided into two ponytails and the rest covered her forehead, nearly covering the large glasses she wore.

Like nearly every other girl in Japan her age, she was rather petite in several areas, though her chest did look like it was in the process of budding out healthily.

Trying hard to ignore the people that were now paying attention to them, Issei intelligently spoke the first thing that came to his mind. "Huh?"

The second thing that came to mind was: Pigtails were still a thing outside of roleplaying and five year olds?

"Sleeping in class. Nearly hitting a teacher. Having an exotic animal as a pet. You're trying too hard to make yourself look like some cheap bad boy gangster." She aridly continued as if talking down on him.

If anyone had paid attention, they would have noticed Raynare develop a tick mark at the girl's "exotic pet" comment.

"… And you are?" He was confused. He wasn't exactly up to date when it came to proper social etiquette, but he was pretty sure that you were supposed to introduce yourself to people you had never met before.

His question caught her off guard. Unlike the two idiots sitting behind him and giving her dirty looks, Issei didn't seem the type to get worked up like a five year old when his integrity was insulted. It was a surprising development that already put him leagues ahead of the other two in her eyes. "Aika Kiryuu. Your classmate. You already introduced yourself this morning, so I already know who you are Issei Hyoudou."

"… Ok? It's nice to meet you too?" It was clear to anyone watching that he had no idea why she was talking to him.

His reaction didn't seem to be what she was expecting if the drop in her smile was any indication. "Make up your mind already. You walk in here and spout out stupid things that we'd expect from the two idiots behind you, but now you're just passively taking all the stares and whispers in your direction without even flinching. If you're pretending to be some sort of cool badass, you're not doing a very good job."

"It's a good thing I'm not pretending to be one then." Losing his interest in the girl, he turned back to his food with single minded focus.

The girl paused for a moment as she went over what he said. "You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?"

"Eating food is pretty important. Come to think of it, I've never heard of someone eating accidentally." His dry tone made him sound almost genuine, getting a few people that were listening to the conversation snicker briefly. He didn't bother looking up as he finished his meal.

Aika's eyebrow twitched as she realized she had been embarrassed so easily. Ever since last year, she had been the unofficial go-to person whenever the Perverted Duo ever got out of hand as she was one of the few easily accessible girls at the school that could cow them. Partially because, not in her words, she had bigger balls than they did.

It didn't help that said morons were laughing at her from behind the new guy's back.

When Issei had made his introduction, she had reluctantly taken it upon herself to establish the pecking order so he wouldn't cause any extreme trouble for others, but it was blatantly clear that the new guy was made of a different caste than tweedle dumb and dumber.

It was somewhat pleasant knowing that the guy didn't explode into swears and childish yelling at the first sign of confrontation. Not that she'd tell him that. In fact, the more she talked to him, the more he reminded her of Kiba Yuuto for some reason even though at first glance the two were nothing alike.

"At the very least, you're proving yourself to be marginally smarter than the perverted duo. But you're still practically the biggest poser in the school the way you are now. That cloth you have around your arm as some kind of edgy fashion statement isn't helping things either."

"I was burned as a kid in an accident." Issei frowned, lifting his right arm up as if to prove a point. "Third degree burns all the way up my arm. Way to be considerate, dumbass."

His arm was fine thanks to magic, but the accident did actually happen. A little bending of the truth and people tended to shut up quick about sensitive topics like that.

The girl flinched, as did many other people in the room, but surprisingly she didn't back down. "You just proved my point with the tough guy routine. Couldn't you have come up with something better than the Adult Entertainment Industry to show that you were being edgy?"

He breathed in deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly. This girl was starting to annoy him. The more she talked, the more people were starting to pay attention to him. "I wasn't being edgy. I have a healthy respect for one of the most powerful industries on the planet."

"… Eh?" His words had apparently caught more than a few people flatfooted if the stares he was getting was any hint.

"Freaking civilians." Rolling his eyes, he breathed in deep again to prepare for a speech he had made multiple times before.

"The Porn Industry, otherwise known as the Adult Entertainment Industry, is a near one hundred billion dollar enterprise and, like it or not, is pretty much the oldest industry in human society. It is bigger, and earns far more money, than Hollywood by an absurd margin. And it dwarfs the American Football, Baseball, and Basketball leagues _combined_ in terms of revenue. Its absurd influence is so far reaching that, outside of World Power militaries, nearly every new pharmaceutical that will be released on the market and every piece of technology ever produced can and will be applied in this industry first before every and any other one on the planet. In fact, while it is not openly stated to the public, the Porn industry is one of the biggest financial contributors to medical and technologic research period. While the exact number of people employed in it is unknown for obvious reasons, there is more than enough reason to assume that the number is somewhere in the millions. This includes, but is not limited to actors, actresses, directors, camera crew, makeup artists, set designers, suppliers, medical staff, producers, lawyers, security, website designers, programmers, graphic designers, resource management, and engineers. Thus making it one of the most diverse sources of employment on the planet."

The room was dead quiet as everyone stared at him, jaws open in disbelief.

Issei didn't break eye contact with the clearly defeated girl in front of him. "Any questions?"

The two perverts behind him, Motohama and Matsuda, seemed to break out of their funk first, jumping out of their seats, landing on their knees, and bowing repeatedly.

"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

Aika just stood there, unable to form a reasonable response to the verbal presentation she had just been subjected to.

Getting the moral high ground on this guy to keep him in line was going to be harder than she thought.

"And that is why I respect the AEI." Issei turned back to his food, already losing interest in her again. "… That and I have a moderate porn addiction."

And like that all respect for him vanished in an instant. Save for Motohama's and Matsuda's.

Aika laughed nervously while slowly walking away from him. Screw moral high ground. This guy was all over the place. She needed ground around him in general. "I guess that explains that death grip you gave the teachers earlier. You must practice all the time."

"I don't masturbate." He did not even flinch or hesitate in his next to passive denial.

"BULLSHIT!" No one in the room believed him in the slightest.

o. o. o.

During their free period in the afternoon, the class was given a tour of the school. Most of the students were there for a second year, so it wasn't that important to them, but it was standard procedure for anyone that was new.

Issei, as expected, lagged behind everyone, the last out of the class and pretty much the only person that wasn't in a cluster of gossiping teens. Aika had spent half the time after lunch sending him dirty looks when she thought he wasn't paying attention, and while Motohama and Matsuda had tried to socialize with him, the instant that Issei had made it clear that he wanted to sleep more than talk and reminded them of what happened to the teachers that had gotten overconfident, the two had made tracks rather quickly albeit reluctantly.

Raynare, for better or for worse, didn't have that problem though as she was bombarded by a ton of girls who were all curious about her made up past and what makeup she used to look so good.

As a result, she didn't see the interaction that happened halfway during the tour…

While most of the students were crowded around the area that was the entrance to the main office for the Principal (Like that was ever going to be used with Sona around) and the teachers, Issei hung back by one of the main corners of the hallway, listening from a distance and already nodding off.

He didn't hear anyone approaching, and he wasn't touched, but his eyes opened regardless and looked up to see a small girl in the school uniform with white hair and yellow eyes staring right at him.

The two maintained eye contact for several long moments. Most people would feel awkward or uncomfortable after a certain point, but it was clear that neither one of the two was unsettled by the silence shared in the slightest.

A staring contest between the two would probably have been the stuff of legends.

"… You smell like dragons." The small girl stated softly. It wasn't an accusation, merely a fact.

"And you look like you belong in elementary school." Issei replied in a matching tone.

Judging from her displeased expression, he had clearly won that round of "stating the obvious".

The shuffling of footsteps to the side indicated that his class was moving to the next spot on the tour. He probably should follow them. His sense of direction still wasn't that good, and he didn't want to get into any more trouble… at least for the day.

Pushing himself off of the wall, he turned to follow his classmates, just barely brushing past the girl in the process.

Both of them stiffened upon contact.

Issei's eyes narrowed with rage and he turned to face her aggressively, more than ready to make the first blow in retaliation to her invasion of his privacy, only to pause as he took in her reaction.

Unlike him, the small white haired girl was anchored in place, eyes dilated, and her breathing was unsteady.

She did not seem to be aware that he was there in the first place, let alone that he had reacted aggressively to her tapping into and reading his ki.

"She read me subconsciously?" He frowned, calming down as he took note of her rapidly deteriorating condition. The only people and beings that could do that were senjutsu users, and those were in incredible short supply around the world these days. Clearly she did this unintentionally and was inexperienced enough to not be able to control herself as a result… so odds were likely she wasn't human to begin with. What was this kid?

Paling features. Perspiration. Increased heart rate and breathing. Dilating eyes. Shaking appendages. Lack of situational awareness.

She was going into shock, and he couldn't touch or help her without making things worse.

"Son of a bitch." He groaned. Just what he needed to make his day even better. More attention drawn to himself and another event for people to misinterpret and blame him for.

She was obviously a Devil, but she wasn't a part of the Student Council from earlier, and she wasn't a High Class, so she belonged to the second peerage that was in the complex. What a way to make an impression.

Not to mention they would have a general insight to his personality and internal emotional state when the kid finally calmed down. Fucking fantastic.

Screw it. He wasn't hoping to be valedictorian in this hell hole to begin with. He cringed and mentally braced himself for what he was going to have to do.

"Oi!" He shouted to his classmates and teacher, taking a few steps away from the panicking girl just in case. "I think we have a lost freshman here! Someone help her out! I think she's going to lose it!"

Nobody must have thought that he'd say anything during the tour if the surprised looks they gave him turning around was any indication.

"Oh? Is that Toujou Koneko?"

"The School Mascot?"

"What is she doing out here?"

School Mascot? Wait… wasn't this kid a freshman, and it was the first day of class!? How the hell can this girl already have that kind of reputation?

One of the more brazen girls walked up to him and gave him an accusing glare. "What did you do to her?"

He frowned, not liking being accused right off the bat. What was wrong with this girl, saying such things? "I stood up straight and walked past her. She must not like being near people literally twice her size. Other than that, I didn't do anything."

Technically, they did exchange a few meaningless words as well, but that had nothing to do with the situation at hand.

He didn't lie. He despised lying. That and he was terrible at it. He couldn't play card games for shit.

If the leer she gave him was any indication, the girl didn't believe him, but didn't say anything. Koneko was the priority at the moment and she didn't look too good at that. "Sensei! I'm going to take her to the nurse's office! This is my second year here so I don't really need the tour! I'll go back to the classroom after she's settled!"

Things didn't go much better for Issei after that. No one seemed to think he was innocent when it came to the midget's condition and gave him an even bigger birth than they did before. Technically, they were right, but it wasn't like he had done anything on purpose.

Not that he minded. Less people bothering him meant more sleep. It wasn't like he was there to actually learn. The very idea almost made him smirk in dry amusement.

o. o. o.

Slamming the door behind him shut and locking it as fast as he could, Issei panted heavily.

Ok. Maybe trolling the Fallen so hard that morning might have been a bad idea in hindsight. Thinking back on it, he probably should have gotten the hint that she was going to try and kill him when he noticed that she had not stopped smiling all day.

There was death in that girl's eyes. What was Azazel thinking putting her on his ass?

It wasn't as if he couldn't fight back. Even without Ddraig or Ghost, he still knew enough magic to take on a grunt like her without too much trouble, but doing so in broad daylight was obviously a big no no.

Not that his magic abilities were actually anything to brag about. Quite the opposite. Even after cheating his growth and learning rates using the Boosted Gear, he was still barely average in terms of reserves and capability.

Theory wasn't a problem, he could take to it like a fish to water, but in the end asking him to perform most above average difficulty spells was like asking him to pat his head, rub his belly and scratch his ass at the same time. He just wasn't built for it outside of a few select fields, and even then most of his results were pretty limited.

The doorbell rang. It was an innocent chime that betrayed the presence of death not even a meter behind him. Best step away from the door in case she tried stabbing her way through in the hopes of getting him on the other side.

"Issei? Is that you? Don't tell me you forgot the keys to the house." His mom called from the living room.

"I'm fine, and no I didn't forget the keys." He managed to shout back after regaining his breath. Was he really this out of shape? To be this winded after only sprinting all three miles back home? He might have been a hikikomori, but he still made an effort to keep himself in solid condition in case someone tried to start something again.

True he cheated with Ddraig, like he did with nearly everything else, but he still put in the work and time to ensure that he was in shape in the first place. Damn, wait, how long had it been since he actually worked on cardio in depth? Wonderful. He hated working on cardio. It took the longest to build up, even with cheating.

The doorbell rang again, and this time Raynare knocked as well.

"Who is at the door? Is it Yuuma-chan? Did you lock her outside Issei?" Say what you want about Asami Hyoudou, but the woman definitely knew her son well enough to know when he was the guilty party just by listening to the crime scene.

"I'm going to my room." He didn't even bother to try and deny his actions. Asami could read him like a book without even looking at him.

"Don't tell me you got into trouble on the first day of school."

"Technically I didn't. Class didn't officially start then." He got called in before the day began as everyone was going in.

"Issei? Issei! What did you do this time!?" Asami yelled, clearly getting up from her seat and moving to the main entrance of the house.

But by that time, he was already halfway up the stairs to his room.

With every step he made, memories of the day would flash rapidly in his head. Every step he allowed himself to slowly lose the iron cold grip he had enforced on his nerves.

The crowds of people. The stares. The judging. The girl. The people. The eyes. The looks. The confined space. The suffocating atmosphere. Everywhere. Anywhere. All over. Looking. Looking. Whispering. Accusing. Talking. Questioning. Eyes. Staringstaring _staringstaringstaringstaring-_

Asami didn't see his hands trembling unstably as he reached for the door.

 _An entrance ceremony? Sitting in the middle of that many people? Right next to him on all sides?_

So close.

She didn't know his heavy breathing rapidly increasing and progressively getting more uneven by the second.

 _The door to the classroom opened, revealing so many students just staring at him. He'd have to move through that cacophony and stay put for hours on end, even stand in front of all of them and talk…_

He just needed to get inside his den.

 _That girl wouldn't shut up and leave him alone. She just kept on talking and trying to push him to retaliate, making more and more people notice he was there. What did he do to her? All he could do was focus on his lunch and pretend that they weren't there, even though he had quickly lost his appetite. He had been so close to losing it then. If he didn't manage to distract himself at the last moment…_

She didn't see the bitter smile was on his face, his eyes starting to dilate, almost as if he was slowly submersing himself into an unstable dream.

 _Sleeping was nice. Nothing mattered when he slept. No useless information, and all the voices would fade away. Soon enough, even the stares would be forgotten…_

It was safe there. No one could enter without his say so.

She didn't hear him reply to her question. "Same as always mom… I didn't do anything."

He made it. He actually made it. He had made it through the day. He almost didn't. He deserved peace. He needed it. His reward. The closest thing he'd ever get to _silence._

Moments after the door softly closed behind him, the familiar sounds of a woman moaning in ecstasy echoed loudly from the other side.

… Loud enough to drown out any other sounds that might have escaped the room that might have been heard.

o. o. o.

Rias wasted no time going to the nurse's office the instant the final school bell rung.

"Koneko. Are you ok? What happened?" She did not even hesitate to embrace her diminutive rook that had been resting in the small bed in the office.

"I'm fine." Koneko calmed her King down with her soft voice. While most people would assume that she was whispering, those that knew her were aware that it was her usual volume for talking.

"Ara ara. You had us in quite a state." Akeno Himejima smiled kindly from behind her best friend. A senior like Rias, Akeno was the only person in the school, if not the area, that had larger breasts than her crimson haired friend. Long black hair in a high ponytail. Elegant, yet traditional features. She was considered the ideal Yamato Nadeshko. "There are all sorts of nasty rumors going around school. Did the big bad Hyoudou do something unbecoming to our adorable Koneko-chan?"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as the small girl shivered and brought her knees to her chest. "N-no. He didn't."

Rias frowned. "Koneko. You words say one thing, but your body language says another. What happened?"

It took a few moments for her to gather herself before replying. "He walked past me. We briefly touched. His ki… it's incredibly powerful, but just as unstable. I've never felt someone so disturbed internally before. I wasn't prepared and it overwhelmed me. It was an accident."

"His ki?" Both Rias and Akeno were genuinely surprised. Koneko actively shunned anything to do with her latent abilities with Senjutsu, and yet just a brief brush in the hallway was enough to override her defenses?

"He's scared." Koneko pulled her knees closer to her chest. "Terrified. It's maddening. Nauseating. Smothering. I almost threw up. His defenses are always up. Everyone is a threat to him. He doesn't want to be here, but he has to. But he's strong. Really strong. I almost drowned in his emotions and ki, and couldn't control myself."

The two seniors looked at one another with mixed expressions. Neither one of them had dismissed Sirzechs warning from earlier, but on the other side of things, they didn't think that Issei Hyoudou was this severe of a mess on the inside.

"I think it might be best to speak to Sona about this." Akeno advised.

"Mmm." Rias agreed. She'd have to rethink how to approach him if he was this unstable and wary. The young human was not off to a good start at Kuoh, or for the Devils there, but that was far from a good enough reason to abandon her curiosity.

Issei Hyoudou. Just who are you really?

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Arry for being brutally honest with your betaing.

So yeah. Issei is an utter train wreck. I said it before, but lots of the time, most writers aren't that good at portraying someone that's disturbed in a certain way. Granted, Issei has a whole list of things wrong with him. Unlike Freed, who is just a homicidal all over the place crazy, Issei has triggers that can cause him to literally go into Fight or Flight mode if pressed. Just re read this and the previous chapter and take a closer look at what he actually did, or more importantly, what it made him not do in the end.

His first encounter with Rias' peerage wasn't exactly ideal, but then again no one expected those results either. Personally, I get annoyed with the whole pattern of just dumping Issei in Rias', or any other group's lap and just expecting the story to go on from there as if they are a constant part in his life. There aren't a lot of stories where their introduction is more realistic and gradual. Hell, even in the stories where Issei is strong from the start, people tend to rush his introduction between him and Rias at record speed.

Honestly, it's like, girl sees boy, boy see's girl's tits, girl says hi, they are now fighting the forces of evil together. A fuck ton of material is missing to make that actually believable.

Eh. But, now that I've finally gotten the first day of school out of the way and shown a bit more of Issei's character, I can get on with the plot. And action…

… And ripping on Raynare. Oh, that is not going to end for quite some time.

As for whether or not Issei joins Rias' peerage…

… WAIT AND READ THE DAMN STORY! I'M NOT GOING TO SPOON FEED YOU EVERY DECISION I MAKE! THAT'S JUST POOR WRITING! SERIOUSLY, I'VE BEEN GETTING YELLED AT BY A TON OF PEOPLE WHO GET ALL PISSY JUST BECAUSE THEY THINK IT MIGHT HAPPEN! LEARN TO HAVE SOME PATIENCE AND ENJOY THE SUSPENCE!

Yeah… sorry. It's just annoying to have to have people bug me about something that they know they're going to find out if they just keep with the fic. Making such a big deal about what I consider such a minor fact is honestly off putting. I've seriously gotten dozens of messages about it and it's downright embarrassing if you ask me.

Anyways. That's about it. I'll try to get the next chapter out a bit sooner.

Also, now that I checked, already at 300 reviews. Nice.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! ISSEI'S KUNG FU ACTION GRIP COMES FROM STRESS RELIEVE DOLLS THAT SQUEAK ADORABLY! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Multidimensional characters! Angles and spaces! And lines! Curly supersaturated lines!

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

" _Ok. So. What have we learned when it comes to magic, ki, and any dragonic abilities you have?"_

Seven year old Issei flushed and looked to the side in embarrassment as he sat on the swings of the local park. "I don't have much of magic ability, so I have to use small spells. I have more ki than normal because I have you two in me, but my control is bad and if I mess up using it I'll blow up my muscles. And because both of you are in me, any fire I make is too strong to control and will kill and or destroy everything around me so I shouldn't use it until I learn how to control myself better."

" **In other words, you are too weak for some abilities, and your natural talents with the others are too potent for you to play around with."** Ddraig summarized the boy's situation aptly.

" _Figures. We are teaching a kid after all."_ Ghost reasoned, albeit with some reluctance. _"Then again, I didn't think that being in here would boost his latent pyro abilities to that extreme. I've only been here for a few months at most. He shouldn't have changed that much."_

" **How can you not assume that? Even if you deny it, with your flames, you are without a doubt an ancestor of Dragons beyond the eras and folds of time."**

Issei didn't know what was so special about Ghost's fire, but from what he could tell from the few conversations that he and Ddraig had he could figure out a few things.

First was that it didn't act like normal fire. It was like… super old fire that could wipe out everything because it could burn the stuff that made up everything everywhere forever.

Something about it being older than conceptual definition of creation and the absolute destruction of the multiverse. He didn't really understand that part much. He didn't care either since it wasn't useful for getting stronger or related to _the harem._

Second was that Ghost really didn't like his fire. Enough that the man's raw and utter hatred would leak out and give the boy a headache if the latter pushed the subject too much. Even Ddraig clammed up pretty quickly after the first time he probed too far. Say what you want about creepy old man Ghost, he could be very scary when he wanted to be.

Regardless, Issei didn't have access to said flames, and the Sacred Gear that Ghost was in, the newly dubbed Blind Eternity, didn't give power over it either.

Instead, as far as fire went, Ghost being inside of him made any fire magic or breath Issei made very hot, scary… and really hard to deal with.

Ddraig had even compared the flames to his own. Issei didn't really know if that was a compliment or not, but he was going to go with yes since the red dragon was supposed to be pretty well known.

He almost got into a bit of trouble because of that last part. He couldn't make a lot yet, but it did spread pretty quickly. Thankfully the creepy girl that occasionally shows up from time to time, Ophis, was around and managed to snuff it out when he asked in a rather panicked and frantic way that only a kid his age could manage.

He had to remember to get her some good snacks the next time she came over. She didn't say much and said weird things sometimes, but she was pretty nice. Apparently she was a super old and super powerful dragon. Why she looked like she was his age he didn't know, but then again she was crazy strong and hall all kinds of abilities, so she could probably look like whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. Maybe he should start treating her like family? She does call Ghost Grandpa…

Maybe he should call her grandma? No. No grandma was that young and cute. Elder? No. Sister? No, she was supposed to be way more important than him…

… Auntie? Auntie Ophis? That sounds pretty catchy, and she doesn't look like she cares that much for formalities. She shouldn't mind too much.

" **I don't know why, but I have a feeling I'm not going to like what Partner's thinking."**

" _Ooh. Don't tell us! Keep it a surprise!"_ Ghost clearly didn't have the same reservations his roommate did. For being an immortal with who knows how many years of experience, the guy was annoyingly childish most of the time.

Sometimes Issei felt like he was the most mature out of the three. He didn't like it when he did. It felt wrong.

"… Can we get back to training please?"

" _Fine. Fine. So special ability wise, you still have major road blocks. Bright side is that you actually know enough to start working on the basics."_

" **You have a lot to work on whelp. Too much to focus on anything specifically."** Ddraig pointed out. **"At the very best, at this rate you'll be a jack of all trades, master of none."**

" _Not if he keeps up abusing your powers."_ Ghost argued. _"His ki and base foundation will grow with just exercise, which will take the longest to get used to anyways. Magic is more focused on studying and research than actual power so long as you don't take the Devil Fallen Angel route. We can use it to help him practice control in general. And most of his dragonic abilities will come naturally as he grows up."_

"So I just do the same thing I've been doing all along? Study and exercise?" Issei let his shoulders sag in depression. It was a bit of a letdown. He wanted to be able to actually do the cool things by now. Yeah he could breathe fire, but it only took one head sized fireball to completely wipe him out.

That wouldn't stop him from learning magic though. He was going to be really smart eventually, so even if he didn't have a lot of raw power, he should still be able to use it well enough.

Especially since he wanted to specialize in one branch in particular. _For the harem._

"…" Ghost didn't say anything to the boy's disappointment, but he was clearly contemplating something.

" **What is on your mind? Don't tell me you wish to add more to the plate. He is still just a child and needs rest to grow."**

"Is something wrong Ossan?" Issei asked. It wasn't often that the man took time to think about something. He normally spoke what was on his mind regardless of what people thought or felt about it.

"… _Bah. If he's only going to be focusing on the basics for the most part, he might as well learn this. The younger the better. If he has my luck, he's going to be dealing with the higher level guys sooner or later. It should help with controlling everything else too."_ Whatever it was the man had debated had apparently come to a conclusion. _"Ok kid. Since you now know what your magic and ki feels like, you've gotten a good grasp of your internal energy and meditation. Because you have at least those down, I'm gonna teach you something special that will make you awesome in the long run to work on since you can't really do much else."_

"Something awesome?" Issei brightened up instantly the way only a child could.

" _Something mega awesome. The kind of awesome only super stupid strong guys like me that travel between worlds know how to use."_ Even if he couldn't see it, Issei could tell that the man in his right arm was smiling viciously. _"The kind of thing that when you finally master and use against your enemies, they'll be like, "what the hell is that?!" And then you utterly wreck them like a badass. Maybe even walk away from an explosion without looking at it at the end."_

" **Why would you walk away from an explosion and not look at it? Was it not big enough?"** Ddraig was completely befuddled by the last part, not seeing reason or the idea behind it.

" _Explosions are never big enough!"_ Ghost shouted with pride. _"… Unless my brother Scab is responsible for them. Then yes, they can get too big. And then I'm left footing the bill from all the damages made by said explosion because he's an asshole."_

" **The more I hear about them, the more I realize how high maintenance your kin are."**

" _I'm never going to have a positive net worth."_ The Sacred Gear on Issei's right arm was literally crying with tears and everything, even though it shouldn't be physically possible. _"Do you guys even know what the standard rate for just a mundane Universe is?! Let alone the insurance needed to cover one?!"_

" **There's Universe Insurance?"**

" _Territory management motivates competition and responsibility. And it's something to do. You'd be surprised how bored some of the big guys upstairs can get once they develop sentience."_

"I don't care about other universes! What's the super cool power you're going to teach me!?" Issei on the other hand, was already drooling as if being shown a brand new toy. "What is it?"

The small boy had been excited, with a wide grin on his face and eyes filled with stars.

" _Oh right. That."_

" **-Ngh?!"**

An instant later, the grin had stayed, but only because the boy was unable to move his body.

 _The world stood out more. Every outline. Every edge. Every barrier. Every definition was made distinct to an unfathomable degree. The tree was not the leaf. The stone was not the dirt. The buildings in the distance were not the individual bricks that they were comprised of._

 _Issei Hyoudou stood as still as the world did, as a power made all distinctions all the more apparent._

 _He could not move. He felt as if he was standing on the tip of a needle, with the winds of the greatest storms all about him, tempting to push him over the edge into an endless beyond deeper and darker than anything imaginable._

 _He shouldn't have understood what it was. He was too young and inexperienced to know and comprehend what this was… but because of the monster in his right hand, he knew… he_ _ **understood…**_

 _He was in the presence of the End of All. The very point in space, time, conception, and imagination where everything existed…_

… _And everything was simply, not._

Paralyzed with utter terror, heart beating rapidly and eyes glued to his right hand, Issei Hyoudou finally began to understand that the man that had invaded his body was someone to be genuinely afraid of.

Ghost calmly spoke from his temporary cage, unconcerned with the effect he had on the outside world or his host. _"A "God of Water" has full domain of all water based substances, from the greatest oceans to the specks of mist that make up clouds. A "God of Earth" can will a single grain of dust into your eyes, reshape continents, and know where every living thing that dwells on and below its surface is. Neither can wrest control territory from the other, for that territory is their respective domains down to their very definition. You, will be the "God of Issei Hyoudou", and you will be the master of everything that it will ever entail._

" _I will teach you yourself. We call it Presence, and with it even a normal human can spit in the face of the rules that make up all worlds."_

o. o. o.

It was a Thursday night and Raynare was at a local bar getting plastered.

She didn't know what was making her more miserable at the moment. Her mission, or the fact that she was never able to get a good shot at killing that brat ever since the school year started. He was surprisingly fast for a human, let alone a shut in. Not faster than her, but enough that he always managed to get into areas that had a few witnesses that she had to keep an eye out for.

"You look like shit."

"I've been told I do good impressions." Barely looking to the side, she saw a man in his late thirties in a thick coat and hat sit down next to her. "Sorry, but you're a bit old for me Donaseek."

"And you're too green for me." The Fallen chuckled, motioning to the bartender to come over. "I'll cover her tonight. I'll have whatever you think is best on tap."

"You're too kind." Raynare slurred. Come to think of it, how much did she drink? Must have been a lot considering she was pretty damn buzzed. Mystical existences like her had a higher tolerance than humans, and due to her work she had plenty of experience drinking others under the table."

"And I'm not stupid enough to believe you actually think that." Her comrade chuckled with an amused smirk. "I am curious as to what has you so agitated that you would put yourself in your current stupor though."

"Shit job. Fucking babysitting. Driving me nuts." She didn't even have the motivation to lift her head off the bar counter.

"Babysitting?" The man scoffed. "I was told that you were put on it by Lord Azazel himself. Half a year ago you were practically shoving the very fact into as many faces as you could before leaving."

"He's an important baby. Supposedly." Raynare rolled her eyes, knowing that he was prying for information. "All I've seen him do though is shit out his mouth and collect porn."

"I'll take your word for it." Judging from his skeptical look, Raynare doubted it.

"The fuck are you doing here Dona? This place is devil territory."

"A side job here and there. Collecting potential favors. Maybe I was sent to make sure you were doing your job correctly." He casually hypothesized.

"And maybe you're a serial flasher and aren't wearing jack shit under your coat." She didn't believe him for a second. She had worked with him before, and while Donaseek was a two winged Fallen like herself, he was a noted veteran from the Great War that bit and clawed his way through many fights and setups. What he lacked in power he made up for in resourcefulness and cunning.

"Please." He thanked the tender as their drinks were delivered. "If I wanted to flash people en masse, I'd at least pick a place with more class than this."

"Don't start any shit here Dona. Seriously. I don't think the higher ups would turn a blind eye if you did this time." She wasn't particularly attached to him, but there was a comradery between the Fallen none the less. She could also smell a dirty deal offer from a mile away.

"Hoh?" The warning spoke far more unsaid words than the verbal message itself. "Is that so? Well then, we'll have to be a bit more discrete with our endeavors."

Fuck. He said "we". Not "we" as in "you and I", but "we" as in "me and my friends who you probably know". He was trying to lure her into being their lookout so that their jobs didn't cross. If she wasn't careful, he might let enough slip to make her guilty by association simply by knowing too much and force her to help out.

She was tempted. Oh so tempted to just throw this babysitting stunt to the wind and help him out. But several things stopped her.

First, Azazel himself gave her the task. Why? She had no clue, but she was loyal to the big man, and was not going to risk looking like a bigger potential risk in his eyes than she already was.

Second, while she did say that this was Devil territory, she didn't specify that this was Sitri and Gremory territory. Two of the four families that the Satans belonged to. If something went wrong and she was tied to it, even if Azazel didn't lop off her head, they sure as hell would.

Third, was the brat himself. She didn't like, respect, or trust him in the slightest. Case and point, she was drinking herself stupid because of him. The problem at hand was that he was still the Sekiryutei… or at least, everyone claims he is. She had yet to actually see any proof, but Azazel was damn sure that the kid was the one that destroyed his arm, so she wasn't going to question it.

Five years. It had been five years since the incident with the Dragons… Issei Hyoudou would have been twelve, thirteen at most at the time. And yet he still did all that damage… what kind of power was that perv hiding?

Raynare had done her research when she learned that her charge was actually the Sekiryutei, but was left with more questions than answers. The Boosted Gear was a Mid-Tier Longinus. It was valuable as hell to be sure. One of the thirteen mystic weapons that was theoretically capable of allowing a human to kill a God, but still far from the top four, which held absurd abilities that could potentially destroy the planet if they got out of hand.

Like any and every other Sacred Gear out there, it swapped users whenever the current holder died. Sometimes its owners wouldn't even awaken it to begin with. Some Sekiryutei had managed to cause some trouble over the course of history every now and then. Mass destruction and dragons went hand in hand after all…

… But absolutely none of them had ever come close to causing the shitstorm that the brat had stirred up single handedly.

Issei Hyoudou was confirmed to be dangerous from the get go. The real question in her mind was: how was he so different from his predecessors?

She doubted that being a hikikomori with a raging porn obsession was the reason.

"Yeah. You will." She flatly denied his unspoken question without any hint of hesitation. She was already stuck tits deep in a slew of plans that spanned multiple Factions and she was not going to add this little snafu into the works when she didn't even know the full depth of what she was in to begin with.

His amused smirk turned the slightest bit bitter just before he turned to his drink. "I suppose so."

"My advice? Whatever it is, get it done and get out of here without letting anyone know you were here. That's the best I can tell you." She didn't bother looking at him, focusing on her drink and sulking. Wonderful. She had come to this dive to get away and forget her current problems, and Dona just had to come and make them even more prominent.

"And I shall take it with a grain of salt as I am prone to."

"That explains your wrinkled old ass."

"Please. It's seasoned and magnificently aged."

o. o. o.

Friday afternoon.

Those two words normally invoked a magnificent and unmatched joy in most people in the world.

For people that worked standard nine to five jobs, it meant that they could cast off the role that they had sold themselves to in order to reap the benefits of their labors… or sleep.

For students, it was freedom from being confined in rooms where they were forced to learn facts and skills that were likely absolutely never going to help them get or perform a job or important life tasks once out of education.

However, in Kuoh Academy, while most of the students were pushing and shoving their ways out of the gates to enjoy the first of many weekends, back between two of the buildings that made up the complex, one student was more focused on something more important than temporary freedom.

"Haaaah."

Crouched down and leaning his head against the concrete wall, Issei desperately tried to force his mind and body to calm down.

This week had been nothing short of hell.

He tried. He really did try to get used to it. The people. The temporary moments of attention. The talking. The whispers…

He couldn't. It was too much. He was reaching the fringes of his limitations, and a measly two days of isolation was not going to cool his nerves enough to get him through another week.

It didn't help that he was perpetually aware of when people were focusing on him in particular. Fucking paranoia constantly keeping his Presence active, even if it was by the smallest margin.

And the _bird_. That fucking _bird_ that just stood there on the tree outside his classroom window. All it did was just _stare_ at him. All day. Every day. Never eating. Never leaving. Never even blinking. Pretending that it wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

If that thing was there next week, fuck the bird, the entire damn tree was going to burn _magnificently_ and he would rejoice as though the second coming of Christ had been confirmed.

He really didn't like birds.

No. Don't focus on _the bird_. Just keep with your breathing exercises. Breathe in. Breathe out. Fill your lungs deeply. Let the oxygen flow through your body and soothe your nerves. Calm down so you don't…

"Hey! Look! Isn't that Hyoudou-san?"

… Kill any unfortunate idiots that get too close to you because you are a firm supporter of Darwin's theory.

His head rotated as if he was part machine, turning to look at the perverted duo Motohama and Matsuda looking at him in genuine surprise from the end of the alleyway. These two were among the biggest pains in his ass since entering the damn school, right behind the Devils that were constantly spying on him (not that they knew he was aware of them doing it in the first place), the Cougar (who endlessly tried to find an opportunity to kill him whenever school ended), but still ahead of Aika (who apparently was still trying to prove that she was better than him for the sake of her ego).

Every damn day they would try and stump him with Porn Trivia. They constantly failed because he wasn't kidding when he said he had an encyclopedic knowledge on the subject, but that didn't mean he actually liked showing it off when he had better things to do.

Like sleeping.

It didn't help matters that he was incapable of leaving a single question unanswered and throw on some additional facts and details on top of that. Actresses with multiple identities. Who had what STD from which film. Gross income. Origin. Secret lovers. How many directors, actors and actresses they've slept with. What makeup they wear. How many places they actually own. Etc.

What? He said he had an encyclopedic knowledge of the Adult Entertainment Industry and he'd be damned if he didn't back that fact to the best of his abilities.

If that was all the pair did, he wouldn't have minded them as much, but it wasn't. Issei didn't know if it was because the two were dropped multiple times at birth or because they were stupid, but either way they had almost zero common sense.

Bringing porn magazines to school, taking them out in class, and then loudly going over the articles?! Yelling at the girls that they were undressing them with their eyes and _molesting them_? Why the living _fuck_ did Sona not expel these two already? Hell, the pair could easily have been arrested for being sexual predators by now if they weren't such incompetent morons!

"Hey. Hey. Don't tell me you found it too!?" The bald one, Matsuda accused, pointing an accusing finger at Issei.

The Seiryutei was generous and assumed the pair were too far away to see his bloodshot eyes and twitching eyelids. "Against my better judgement, I'll bite. Found what?"

"Only one of the greatest secrets in Kuoh Academy!" Motohama clenched a fist and looked up to the sky, crying what he thought was manly tears.

Issei probably would have just said the idiot was just leaking precum from his tear ducts because he was too excited and too stupid to use his dick right and got backed up as a result.

"Come on! We perverts have to stick together and share valuable knowledge." Matsuda rushed to a part of the wall just past Issei.

"Don't put me on your level." He was annoyed at the mere thought of being comparable to these two. These kids were the bottom of the barrel dregs that couldn't get anywhere without having their hands held… not that anyone would ever hold their hands.

Issei on the other hand liked to think that he was part of the upper caste of perverts. He was one of those suave bastards in movies that could actually get some top quality ass whenever he felt like it wherever he felt like it with the women in the end thanking him for giving them such a great time… if he ever felt like it. His damn disposition kinda made that a bit hard.

Being seventeen wasn't a problem. Not in Japan where the age of consent was _thirteen_ of all things. The country was suffering from a depopulation crisis, but come on people, only freaks were _that_ desperate.

"You're right. You still have to learn the ropes and stuff here since you're new." Motohama completely missed the point of Issei's grumbling as he strode past. "But now's a great a time as any to start learning. Check it out."

Rolling his eyes, he looked to the side to see what the big deal was, and saw nothing interesting other than a hole in the… wall…

Excited perverts, plus seemingly innocent looking opening in a building, equals…

"You have got to be shitting me." For once, the duo had caught him off guard. "A peep hole?"

"I know, right?!" Motohama grinned widely. "It shows the girl's changing room for the gym. It's hard to get here in time during period breaks, but it's a whole different story when it comes to club activities. We found it at the end of last year and we've only been caught once!"

Holy fuck he really was in an eroge school.

Wait.

Only caught once?

And this thing was still fucking here?!

That settles it. That student council president devil chick is an enabler and gets off on promoting fucked up behavior and standards in order to mess with the next generation. That is the _only_ way that this place makes any sense anymore.

"Girls kendo club. First meeting." Matsuda grinned. "A smorgasbord of delectable meats. Fresh and seasoned choices. Nothing but in shape bodies just ready to get hot and sweaty."

"How you two haven't been arrested yet is seriously beyond me." Issei dropped his head in resignation. He'd better get his ass out of there fast before the idiots had their premature release and moaned loud enough for half the club to hear.

Seriously, why couldn't these clowns just jack off to internet porn like most people? Seeing it all in real life is nice, but in his opinion there was no point in going that far unless you were going to at least cop a feel on a nice pair of soft, comforting, blissful oppai. All or nothing. Making an attempt to do anything less than that is just pathetic.

"Personally I think it's because the student council president has a thing for Matsuda." Motohama stage whispered. "It's the way that she glares at him…"

Issei was pretty sure that they were confusing the acting abilities of a professional Sadist with the general look mature people have when scraping shit off the bottom of their shoes.

Then again, she is an enabler…

"Ah. Kendo girls really are the best." Mastuda sighed in bliss. "It's a shame that they get those bruises from practice so often."

He really couldn't argue with that. Deep bruises that come from contact sports did have a tendency of ruining skin, muscles and waaaaaait a moment…

"Bruises?" Issei asked firmly, catching the two by surprise. It was probably because he sounded the most awake he's been all week.

Didn't one of the idiots just say that it was the first meeting of the year? Unless they practiced during the break or got into some accident, none of them should have any markings period.

"Y-yeah." Motohama turned and was instantly cowed. While his eyes were still dead as could be, his gaze was unnervingly sharp and awake compared to his near half-conscious state. "It's not that uncommon for sports types. You know? A smudge on the shin. Some on the shoulders and chest when they're hit hard enough. A few on the back and neck…"

"Move." It wasn't a request and even clueless dolts like the perverted duo knew that something wasn't right by his tone.

Issei knew next to jack and shit when it came to kendo outside of vague rules and references that were made in anime, but he was pretty damn sure that doing the sport properly would not leave marks on a user's back and neck of all places.

And even if it was an accident at the time, there's no way that they'd show up on someone that came in for the _first meeting of the year_.

"Which one?" He asked evenly as he put his head to the peephole.

"Huh?" Motohama blinked in genuine confusion.

"Bruises. Neck and back. Describe her. Hair. Age. Eyes. Height. Weight. Looks. Location. Clothes. Be useful for a damn change." He ground out, already losing his patience.

"Hey. Matsuda. Do you hear…?"

"Uh." The peeper from earlier was clearly unnerved about something that Issei couldn't be bothered with. "Freshman. Medium bust. Slim build. 150 cm, give or take. No ass. Silver black hair down to chest. Brown eyes. Close to the back left of the room. Had her back to everyone earlier and wasn't talking to the others. Sorry Issei."

"Got her." Issei ignored the sound of footsteps behind him and focused on the girl in question.

His anger spiked. The difference was that it wasn't due to annoyance or personal issues for once.

"Son of a bitch."

"You got that right."

That wasn't one of the perverts. Or a guy.

It took a moment for Issei to piece together what had just happened. A brief look at the ground behind him showed more than a few pairs of feet surrounding him.

The fingers of one of the hands pressed up against the wooden wall he was leaning against flexed hard enough to dig in and splinter it.

Get back to the subject at hand Issei. Breathing exercises. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Take it slow.

"Knowing full well you won't believe me, I'll say it regardless. It's not what it looks like."

And whatever you do, don't turn around.

They're just human. They won't live if you go berserk here.

He vaguely heard the sounds of several females spitting to the side in disgust and muttering unkind things about him. Vaguely because his heartbeat was being unreasonably loud.

"Oh?" A voice that sounded as if it was far closer to him than he was comfortable with mockingly asked. "Then do tell us Hyoudou. What are you doing?"

 _Trying not to let my paranoia and instincts get the better of me and accidentally kill you all._

He breathed in deeply again. He wanted to close his eyes. The darkness helped calm him down. But he couldn't. He had something to focus on.

"Subject is a female in her mid-teens and petite figure. Shows multiple abrasions all over her legs, back, and neck. Judging from varying colorations and sizes, they have taken place over an extended period of time. Blunt force trauma is suspected, either with a fist or similar sized flat sided implement. Neck abrasions are shown to wrap around its entirety, indicating choking, also likely by hand."

Whatever the girls behind him were expecting him to say, a professional clinical synopsis and diagnosis were not high on that list.

Then again, the subject matter wasn't exactly something easy to digest either.

"All injuries are common symptoms…" Issei concluded gravely. "… Of long term domestic abuse."

The alleyway was dead silent.

"Y-you're joking." Another voice stammered, not that he knew who it was, or cared for that matter. "You were here with the perverts. There's no other reason why you'd be peeping on us…"

Ah denial. How interesting it was to hear it from the other side of things for a change. "I wanted some peace and quiet. I haven't been feeling well all day. The idiots found me. I didn't know this stupid thing was here until two minutes ago. I wasn't even going to look until one of them brought up the bruises. If you don't believe me, just go in there and look at her body. Far back. Silver black hair. Looks like a freshman. Don't be forceful if she's already dressed though. It will only cause a negative reaction and make her panic. Get her to the school medical office if you can. Keep her calm and comfortable."

Focus on your breathing. In and out. Just be calm and don't give them a reason to gang up on you or come closer.

He heard shuffling behind him and whispers, but he couldn't care less at the moment. There were a good dozen girls in the room so his view of the subject in question was frequently blocked. Most of what he determined was just by looking at her from the waist up. He did manage to spot a few more marks on her upper thighs as she was putting on her clothes (the perv was right, she didn't have an ass), but otherwise there didn't seem to be any signs of broken bones or anything more severe.

"You can stop looking now pervert." Someone from behind him growled.

"Don't flatter yourselves. I don't get off on jail bait or the injured." He grunted back. There was more than a bit of irritation in his voice. "More abrasions are on her thighs and waist area, but doesn't appear to be bleeding or suffering from any genital injuries. There should be trouble sitting and getting up due to the pain, but it's possible she's just hiding it. Pretty much all the parts on her are easily hidden by the school uniform and other clothes. The abusers knew what they were doing."

"You seem pretty knowledgeable. What are you, some kind of doctor in training?"

The question gave him pause, and his lips pressed together into a firm line. "… I've taken a few classes."

"Probably to look at more naked pictures and know how a woman's body works." Another girl snarked.

" _Oh God. I know you are dead, but if your dregs are around please tell me I'm not surrounded by a bunch of conceited brain dead neo-feminists that have as much intelligence as the average redneck drug den."_ He wasn't sexist, but he did have a huge gripe against stupid people that didn't listen or bother to try and learn things in general. Sheep that complained loudly but didn't do anything about the things they were moaning about were nothing more than a waste of space and life as far as he was concerned.

He had dealt with too many by half of them for one lifetime…

He was tempted. He was soooo tempted to ask the idiot if she knew how the male genital system functioned just to prove a point.

But he didn't. Partially because he was watching the patient in question be confronted by a fully clothed club member and gently asked about her condition.

Mostly because he was still barely holding himself together. It was getting harder to do so. His temper was failing. This wasn't good.

"I was looking to make sure that she wasn't going to get overly excited and panic when confronted. Victims of abuse can be unpredictable and violent if handled poorly. It's not uncommon to hurt themselves if they get overly excited." He lectured evenly, holding back the vomit that was creeping up his throat. He had to get out of there soon. "She's obviously uncomfortable, but is going with your friend without too much hassle."

One of the closer voices breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's good news then."

"Yeah. That means you can stop peeping now!" One of the more obnoxious voices snarled.

He closed his eyes and banged his head on the wall, causing many of the people inside to jump in alarm.

He knew it was bad karma to speak poorly of the dead, but screw it. Fuck you God. Fuck you so hard right now that Azazel would be jealous.

"What part of, I'm physically ill, didn't you get?" He all but ground out, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and focusing as hard as he could on his breathing. He was practically swimming in his head by this point. He was getting dizzy.

"The part where you won't get away from the hole in the wall, dumbass."

"Did you stop to think that maybe I'm having trouble moving because I'm sick you child?" This wasn't good. He was losing control over himself again. "I have better things to do than look in on girls for a cheap thrill through a fucking hole that you already knew about and have done next to nothing to address. A hole that those two idiots have probably used and wacked off to at least a dozen times and _mother fucking puss soaked swelling of a scarlet whore I've been standing in the dried spunk of those two shit for brains for over five minutes. I am going to fucking kill those heathenistic defilers next time they show themselves."_

The instant Issei had realized his current situation he had instinctively slipped back into English to properly vocalize just how pissed he was. Most of the girls could only grab a word or two, but Kuoh was an international school, so there were a couple of native English speakers among the group.

"Uh. I'm starting to think that he's really not lying." One girl that clearly understood every word he was saying nervously laughed as Issei continued to tirade and rant. She had heard plenty of bad strings of curses and threats before, but this was definitely ranking up there.

"Why? What is he saying?" Another asked curiously.

" _They will beg. They will beg for sweet release as I hang them over a pit of broken glass and rusted metal by their broken fingers. Singing blissful nothings of agony while their flesh and bone slowly deforms in a myriad of ways. Only then will I grace them with the blessing of_ _ **fire**_ _…"_

"… Things I am not comfortable repeating. Or writing down. Or remembering." The former began to back away slowly. "I don't feel safe being here anymore."

Several girls weren't judging by their similar reactions. If they didn't know any better, they could swear that a black and malevolent aura was being emitted from his body.

"Does it matter what he's saying? He's still a pervert that needs to learn his lesson. Even if he was right, it was only because he peeked in the first place." One of the more obnoxious voices tried to rally the group again.

His teeth clenched. This was bad. He had slipped into a bad mood by accident. If the girls tried anything now…

His breathing became deeper and more uneven.

"Hey. Katase." One of the closer girls whispered. "Did you notice…?"

"Yeah. He might not be kidding about being sick after all, Murayama." The girl that was likely Katase agreed.

Finally, someone develops some brain cells.

"Hyoudou. Are you that unwell?"

He heard a single soft step get closer to him.

Shit.

His eyes dilated and his breathing deepened. He wasn't prepared for anyone to approach him.

 _No._

Another step.

 _Don't come closer._

Memories that he buried were clawing to the front of his mind.

Coming out of the building with a coat over his head. Large crowds yelling all at once, wanting to see him. Taking pictures. To ask him about things that he didn't do. To threaten him. To accuse him…

 _Please._

Where was he? School? But everyone here was speaking in Japanese…

Another step.

"Hey. He's shaking. I don't think he's faking it."

 _I didn't do it. I didn't do it._

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. It was suffocating. Too close. They were too close. Where was everyone? Mom? Auntie Ophis? Dad? Nee-san? Why? What was happening?

 _Why?_

"Excuse me? Is something happening here?"

Nearly every head in the alleyway turned to the new speaker at the end of the alleyway. Katase, who had almost reached out to touch Issei's shoulder, was among them.

Nearly, because Issei had collapsed to his hands and knees to the side and started to throw up relentlessly on the ground.

 _Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?_

No one noticed his left arm momentarily warping into a crimson gauntlet and back as he did so.

o. o. o.

By the time he realized where he was and what he was doing, he had probably emptied his stomach three times over. If he looked carefully, he'd even see traces of blood in the bile pooling in front of him.

"I convinced the girls that I was enough to make sure you were ok and weren't going to spy on them. You were really going to attack them, weren't you?"

He was too tired to put up a guard or jump away. Or say something witty for that matter. His senses were as screwed up as his head, so he couldn't use them to identify the speaker, but at the very least he could tell that he wasn't surrounded anymore.

Still, he was stubborn to a fault. Stubborn like only a dragon could be.

Whoever it was at least knew that he was dangerous, which meant she knew about how the world really worked.

"I tried to make them leave. They wouldn't listen." His tongue was numb. He had to put in an effort not to slur his words.

Exhausted, he turned his head and looked up to see the only person in the alleyway with him now. She was standing a short distance away, but clearly not close enough to make him uncomfortable.

Purple.

That was the color of the lace panties she was wearing. Risky, but still fashionable. Something only worn by people that wanted it to be seen or girls that wanted to feel more grown up and make themselves feel mature.

Smooth ivory white skin. Flawless really. Perfect hips and legs with not a mark on them. He could already tell that her ass was likely to be just as sublime.

And a little above that was a hint of neatly trimmed red pubic hair.

Huh. A natural redhead.

Fuck, he was drowning in colors. Was he dreaming about skittles again? Sweets don't do much to wash away the taste of stomach acid.

Wait. Shit. Red hair?

"I'm going to assume that you're stuck there because of exhaustion and not because you're infatuated with my underwear." The owner of the kaleidoscope of colors sounded amused.

Instead of saying anything, Issei just let his head drop and began to spit out the remains of the bile in his mouth. He didn't have much of an appetite recently, which is probably why a good portion of the pool in front of his head was stomach acid.

Rias Gremory. Sirzechs' little sister. If there was ever a reason to think that he was being set up going to the damn school, it was her and Sona Sitori. At least the Cougar wasn't anyone important or notable.

He had pegged the redhead as a Devil on Tuesday when he saw her get swarmed by a bunch of girls in the hallway at a distance.

The hair caught his attention.

Her tits were what confirmed her and her Queen as Devils.

It was a field of study he had started and named himself.

Mahou Oppai Butsuri.

Magic Boob Physics in English.

He called it the laws of MOB for short.

Seriously. If you weren't human and your cup size was DD or bigger, your tits were guaranteed to not follow the laws of conventional physics. At all. Watching non-human woman walk around casually was like watching one of those poorly designed beach volleyball video games. Their boobs just bounced and jiggled everywhere for no reason. Like, at all.

It's maddening! It just doesn't make any damn sense! And yet he was incapable of looking away! It was hypnotizing!

Countless hours trying figure out how that magnificent phenomenon occurred! He… wait, what was he thinking about again?

*Boing*

Rias shifted her stance the smallest of margins and her breasts jumped as if she was in the middle of a cataclysmic earthquake.

Issei saw it all through his peripheral vision.

Mother fucking oppai are mocking him again! They know he's watching! But he can't… look… away…

"… Enochlophobia."

And like that, all testosterone based thoughts of his were killed instantly.

Her soothing voice laced with some pity stated, causing him to pause. "A fear of large crowds of people. It can also include being surrounded by people in confined spaces. You have an extreme case at that. Crippling even. Judging from what just happened, I suspect you have haphephobia too, though nowhere as extreme case as the former. A fear of being touched by others. It would explain your reaction to being woken up by others."

His fingers clenched up into fists. His temper rose. A deep, guttural noise escaped from his mouth.

It wasn't the sort of sound a human could make.

"Mixed with that temperament of yours… Koneko was right. You really shouldn't have come here. I'm honestly astounded that you've lasted this long without help."

"What do you want?" His throat burned, but not in the way he was intimately familiar with.

He knew damn well what he had. It was the reason why he barely trusted himself to go outside anymore, not that he wanted to. As far as he was concerned, he didn't even have a hope of having a normal life anymore, much less a productive one. Dragging others into his twisted macabre of a life would only make things worse.

Rias Gremory crossed her arms under her impressive chest and stood her ground. She had warned Sona about Issei's disposition, and the two had pooled their resources to keep watch over him for the entire week. Day by day, they saw him progressively fall apart and made note of his habits.

The fact that he always hung back away from crowds. The fact that he always entered and left the school at times and locations that no one else used. The fact that he flinched or reacted aggressively whenever someone touched him unexpectedly. The fact that he would take a few moments to go through deep breathing exercises in order to calm down whenever he was facing a situation that he was uncomfortable with.

If Koneko didn't give them the heads up that he was a mess on the inside, it probably would have taken Rias over a month to put this much together.

To be perfectly honest, Issei being at their school with his disposition unnerved the two heiress'. It wasn't going to help anyone if he kept this up. Just the opposite. His near mutilation of the kendo club was a perfect example of this.

"Aside from making sure you didn't accidentally kill your classmates in a blind fit of hysteria, I just wanted to talk." She negotiated. "I've sent you messages and letters, but you have a habit of conveniently forgetting to keep them in mind."

That was a lie and they both knew it. At best, what she said was a sarcastic twist on his actions in an attempt to excuse his poor behavior. It didn't matter if Kiba had invited him or if it was a formal request slipped into his shoe locker. Issei blew them off every day that week without so much as a blink of hesitation, or word of apology.

"Bullshit. I know what happens if I "stop and talk" with your type. Fallen. Angel. Devil. Doesn't make a fucking difference. You're all the same." He didn't even bother to try to hide what he felt. He didn't trust any of them. All they cared about were their own goals.

"And humans are any different? I was under the impression that you were smart enough to see past that particular veil." She had seen enough to know that he was far more aware of his situation than he let on. He wasn't muscles without brains. He simply did not want to deal with the world in general.

"Power seeks power, regardless of what shape or species it takes. I don't want it, I don't need it, and I sure as hell am not in the market to give mine out. I don't have a price. Find a slave somewhere else." He spat out one last time before slowly pushing himself up. Down on all fours he might as well have been the same as any dog or animal, but at his full height he easily towered over Rias. Actually, he was probably one of the tallest students in the school.

His eyes were bloodshot, and bags were dragging his gaze down. If he told someone he was sick, no one would question his claim.

Despite his intimidating appearance, Rias did not back down.

… Even if she instinctively felt as if he wouldn't mind tearing her apart right then and there.

"That would be enticing if I knew what your power was in the first place. I won't lie and say that I'm not curious or tempted to know what you're capable of, but I'm not a fool either. I've been warned by too many by far that you're dangerous, and I've taken it to heart. I'm not going to invade your privacy and ask for your power or find out what it is."

She had to be straight forward and honest if she wanted to get anywhere with him. Being coy and ambiguous would just make him run away faster without paying her words any mind.

Issei snorted. He didn't believe her for a second. He turned to where he left his school bag leaning up against the wall earlier.

He still had to fill out that stupid paper as homework. It was all about things he wanted and planned to do when he graduated. Generic stuff to remind him that he was supposed to have a future after school.

 _What did he want to do as a career?_

" _I want to be a-"_

He buried the memory as soon as it came up. There wasn't a point to it anymore. There wasn't a point to most of what he's done anymore.

This day was just a giant nightmare that was made of smaller ones, one after another.

Rias sighed. She knew dealing with Issei was going to be difficult, but at least he wasn't at risk of lashing out at anyone now.

"My bishop is like you."

He paused. He had expected her to say a whole slew of things, but this wasn't one of them.

"He has severe agoraphobia. He can't control his powers and grew up in an isolated and abusive environment. I came across him by happenstance after he was killed running away from his family. Honestly, I've never met anyone that is as shy and kind as he is. He does not have the heart for battle, but I don't wish to see him locked away for the rest of his life either. He doesn't deserve it." Rias elaborated, knowing that she had to use this brief moment to its fullest potential. "I've tried multiple times to help him myself. Talked to him. Consoled him. I've even hired several professionals, but nothing's worked. I thought that you being, well, you, might be able to help him."

Issei didn't say anything, but he didn't leave either. Instead he turned around and looked directly into her azure eyes for the slightest hint of a lie or falsehood in her story.

Neither one of them budged in the slightest for what seemed like minutes.

"You're leaving out an awfully large amount of details from that story." He stated skeptically, breaking the silence first.

"It's fairly long." She admitted. "I doubt you'd want to spend all afternoon listening to it in an alleyway that you just threw up in. Somehow, I suspect that yours is just as long and complicated."

He would give her that, even if she was stepping dangerously close into forbidden territory.

"If what you say is true, then why are you still asking me? I'm not exactly stable." He had violent reactions when his limits were pushed and his social skills were nonexistent.

"But you're trying. That's more than what he's accomplished in the past three years." She held her ground. "I know you're not the same. I am not stupid enough to assume that your issues and their roots are remotely similar, but you can still relate to what he's going through better than anyone else I can find."

"And you think looking and speaking to 'this' will change his mind?" Issei asked incredulously, gesturing to himself and the vomit pooling to the side. "I can't even last a week here without striking out at people in a blind panic. A role model I am not."

"I don't need a role model. I can find one of those anywhere. I need an example. I need someone he can relate to." Rias would not accept his rejection. "You found something that gave you enough reason to go outside, even if it reduced you to this state. Help him find his reason. That's all I ask."

Huffing in annoyance and turning around, he started to walk down the alleyway. "I'm not some charity!"

Rias let out a sigh of relief that she didn't know she was holding back. "Then name your price! I can work with Sona to make being at school easier if needed!"

"Don't take me for an idiot. After what almost happened, you were going to do that regardless."

A small smirk made its way onto the redhead's lips. He was right. She didn't intend to screw him over though. Her initial offer was more of a way to see just how insightful he really was. "Fair enough. We can negotiate the terms later when you're better, if you are still interested."

Maybe it was the confidence in her voice. Maybe it was Issei being at the end of his patience. Maybe it was simply a whim.

Whatever it was, Rias didn't expect what happened next.

 _She was looking at something terrifying. Something massive and vicious. It had been hidden away, reclusive, even lenient, but its absurd power was something that eclipsed her ability to comprehend up close._

 _It was only because the beast had barely acknowledged she existed in the first place that she realized it was there in the first place, and just how small she was._

"I wouldn't feel so accomplished if I were you." Issei spoke softly, not once looking back. "I'm humoring your request because I'm simply foolish enough to still have a heart. It would be, unfortunate, if you ever decided to take my good graces for granted."

He didn't bother looking, or acknowledging that Rias had fallen to her knees from the experience.

He simply just walked away from her and to the main gates of the school.

He did however… completely forget about his schoolbag.

o. o. o.

Hyoudou Residence, two hours later:

"… FUCK!"

o. o. o.

Issei, Seven years old:

"How was school today Issei?" Asami smiled as her son sat down at the dinner table.

"It was good. It's really boring though." The boy pouted. Ever since he had managed to get a hang of using Ddraig's power to study and train, he had been way ahead of his class and constantly getting perfect scores. His memory and ability to learn was even improving without the Boosted Gear these days too simply because he was smarter after the training, which was even better. His growth was practically exponential! Weren't the teachers supposed to notice when someone was doing classwork that easily? Honestly, he felt like he was cheating… huh. Cheating. He should probably call his use of Ddraig's powers that. It sounded pretty cool now that he thought about it…

"Now now. School's boring, but you have to learn." Ichirou Hyoudou patted his son on the head. "Eventually you'll have to grow up and get a real job like your old man to make money. The smarter you are, the easier it is to get the job you want."

"I know that much." Issei rolled his eyes. "I'm going to have a harem. I need money in order to keep everyone happy."

"Ahah. Right. Harem." Asami's mouth twitched in a way that made it clear that she wasn't exactly thrilled with his statement. "

Ichirou gave his son a thumbs up, clearly nowhere near as turned off by the idea as his wife was. "You are a smart boy Issei. If you do get a harem, you have papa's approval."

WHAM!

"Harem or not, Issei's too young for that kind of talk dear." Asami ignored the goose egg coming from the part of her husband's head that she had just punched.

"Yes mama." Ichirou wept.

"Mom's scary when she's mad." Issei stated, shivering.

"Yes I am." Asami didn't deny it for a moment as she sat down at the table. "Issei, about earlier. You said that you wanted to make a lot of money when you grew up. Does that mean that you know what you want to be?"

"Mmm!" The boy nodded with a wide smile.

"Seven years old and he's already planning ahead. Papa's so proud." Ichirou was still crying. He was probably trying to preserve what masculinity he had left by masking his tears of pain with ones of pride.

"Well? What is it?" Asami probed.

The Sekiryutei thrust his chest out and stuck his nose up in the air.

"I'm gonna be a doctor!"

o. o. o.

Omake: Why the Cougar doesn't have a MOB trigger:

Issei yawned as he opened up Raynare's bedroom door. "Oi Cougar. Hurry up. We have to hurry to the damn school."

Raynare didn't respond. She was petrified in shock and alarm, bending over to pull up her black but not too slutty underwear (she didn't want to give the perverted idiots an opportunity to see something worthwhile), giving him a picture perfect view of her flawless ass. The only piece of clothing actually on her was her bra.

The two stared at one another in condemning silence. Their facial expressions didn't change in the slightest.

Slowly, a trail of blood leaked from Issei's nose.

"Holy shit." The male broke the silence first. "You're actually wearing a bra that has proper support and design for your cup size. I've never heard of someone from your side of-"

"OUT! NOW!"

o. o. o.

Omake: _Birrrrrrrrd_ :

Rias looked at Kiba with some worry. "Is he ok?"

The handsome blonde young man sighed as he gently tended to his familiar, a small falcon. While it was as stunning as its owner, it was obvious to anyone that looked that the thing was not in the best of health. Its posture was slouched and it was having trouble keeping its eyes open.

"He's tired and a bit stressed." The Knight replied. "I don't know why though. He hasn't been doing anything strenuous or taxing lately."

"Hmm. How sad. Poor thing." The redheaded beauty sighed, looking at the creature in pity. "I'll send word to a familiar doctor to see if we can get help."

"Thank you. I'm sorry he's like this. I know we need as many eyes on Hyoudou-san as possible soon." Neither teen noticed the exhausted bird twitch slightly.

"Don't worry. With Sona's help we can afford to give your familiar a break." Rias smiled kindly.

Half an hour later, the unnamed bird was soaring in the air, enjoying the late afternoon sun and relaxing in the slipstreams above Kuoh.

Finally. Freedom. No longer would it have to stalk, follow and watch that terrifying Dragon in human skin. No longer would it have to endure hour after hour of killing intent directed at it from inside the school. No longer would it have to-

It froze. Animal instincts seized its heart and body, causing horrifying panic to set in.

No. It couldn't be.

Slowly. Ever so slowly.

It looked down. Hundreds of meters. Almost a thousand meters below. Where humans and buildings alike were nothing but small marks on the earth.

There. A dot was looking up at it. Standing at the edge of the street. A monster in broad daylight.

No. Not again.

The human with brown hair and dead eyes didn't look away. A sick and twisted smile that belonged to the deranged and possessed slowly chiseled its way onto his face. One that even the familiar could see with traumatizing clarity.

" _Biiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddddd."_

Kiba couldn't find or call his Familiar for three weeks. Even then, it refused to ever be called to Kuoh again.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Issei doesn't like birds.

This chapter is way bigger than I thought it was going to be.

Ok. So. First thing I know people are going to nitpick about.

Presence.

Yes. I know it shares a lot of things with several facets of what Arrixam does in his stories. Some readers that aren't familiar with my work may be concerned that I'm copying him.

Problem is with that theory, that I've been using Presence in my stories since 2009. Way before Arry started writing his fics and we met.

That does not mean I will go around and say that he is copying me. Arry's material is his own just as what I make is mine. The amount of effort and detail he's put into the rules and system he's made for his fictional system and world building is honestly absurd in terms of content, and I will be damned before I even think about claiming any of it as my own.

This happens sometimes. Not all original ideas are completely… well… original, even if we feel it is at first. I mean, this is fanfiction people. Hell, I originally based Presence off of a whole mix of things including, but not limited to, Haki from One Piece, the badass shadows that characters made in Air Gear, some advanced theoretical Physics from college, and a few other things.

And then jacked it all up to potential multiverse levels because that's how I roll.

Now, will that mean Arry's material will be completely different than mine? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Hell, it'll probably vary from person to person. I have my own system. He has his own system up, but I admittedly have not put that much effort into learning in detail because… well… it's a bit confusing and overwhelming to me sometimes. But I wouldn't be surprised if we did share a few similarities because we both happened to decide to make a system that makes sense on that massive of a scale.

Again. It happens sometimes. I'm not going to bitch and moan about it. And you guys shouldn't either. Please respect that.

Ghost: We could go off on a huge tangent on what Arry and this dumbass do right and wrong for their stories, but that wouldn't do either of them any favors. Bottom line, they both need work in one way or another, and THIS JACKASS IN PARTICULAR NEEDS TO ACTUALLY START WORKING ON MAKING THAT ORIGINAL STORY HE'S BEEN DWELLING ON FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS.

Fuck you.

Ghost: Bottom line. These two smucks have similar executions and impressions for different powers and rules that they made up a while ago. Unlike Arry's works though, they are nowhere near as important to GAIWP, so don't worry about getting a headache worrying about trying to learn a new set of rules as if you're new to the Type Moon multiverse.

Sure, that's totally not a jab at FFD.

Ghost: Please, the Type Moon fandom wants your blood more than everyone else combined.

Can't argue with that.

And if you want to know more about Presence… wait for more chapters of this to come out, or read Yawaleh… actually just read its sequel, Take Two Round Two.

Yeah. I know.

Back to things that matter.

So the plot is moving forward. I'm changing the plot a bit because, gasp, I'm doing something different. Rias isn't a conniving bitch, another gasp, and I'm still letting out bits and pieces of Issei's past out in small bits.

I'm kinda surprised how many people are trying to guess what happened to him. None are on the mark so far, but that's because I'm giving parts of the story out at a time. I forgot what the term is, but it's a pretty common trick used in story telling that I've learned to enjoy and honestly does make reading more enjoyable and interesting.

I'm looking at you FNAF.

When I'm making a story these days, I try and look at what the common denominators in the most frequently made fics in the fandom are and try to twist them in a way to give the story a new angle. For DXD, most of the time, people try to keep the timeline and events in order with the same characters. Asia. Then Riser, Then Kokabiel. Then the writer gets lazy and doesn't want to read the light novel and gives up on the story or gets lost trying to turn everything into the next Fifty Shades of bleeding eyeballs, harem edition.

Rias Bashing is also pretty common, and while I understand why people like doing that, I find it to be frequently done in poor taste, or at least, poorly executed.

When it comes to the bigger and more important characters in the story, I try to at least make them reasonable, sane, and act like, you know… actual people, instead of stereotypes. It tends to make the story better that way and actually readable.

Although, I will admit, finding and making solid explanations for why Rias happened to show up for Gasper and Kiba in particular took a bit of stretching the believability of Canon… but I think I've managed to come up with some decent stories for them.

This isn't a bash fic people, and I'm not sorry if you are disappointed by that fact.

I will say that Issei's constant breakdowns will finally start to taper off now. I'm not saying he's getting better. I'm just saying he's not going to be borderline straightjacket material for the foreseeable future.

Next up, Issei meets the ORC…

If you thought Raynare had a rough time dealing with Issei's personality and verbal jabs, whoo boy.

And don't worry, Sona's going to come back real soon.

Oh. And that "top ten most destructive beings in the world bit", that's actually Canon people. It's brought up more than a few times in the Light Novels.

Top Four goes Great Red, Ophis (honestly, the two are almost interchangeable), then Trihexia, then Shiva (they don't say flat out Shiva, but from the way everyone treats him, he's pretty much number 4).

The last six, are in any order, but for this list, until someone else is brought up to prove me otherwise eventually the Heavenly Dragons are included: Ddraig, Albion, Sirzechs Lucifer, Ajuka Beelzebub, Indra, and Hades.

… And that's it. Now I will get back to… Horizon Zero Dawn?

Shit. There goes my free time.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! ISSEI LIKES SKITTLES! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: What does the average male teenager do when surrounded by a crowd of overly sexualized females? The first thing that comes to their mind: Fuck it up! … Wait…

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"So what do you think?"

Sirzechs leaned back in his seat in his office. There was no one in the room, but a small magical circle was next to his head, acting similar to a cell phone. "Enochlophobia and haphephobia. You were right to keep an eye on him Rias. We knew he didn't want to interact with others, but didn't think his trauma would take those forms, though it does make sense in hindsight. Good work."

"It might make perfect sense to you. Sadly, Sona and I don't have a convenient history with Issei that can explain every action he makes to us." Rias chided from the other side, pretending not to preen from the praise she received.

"Issei? Skipping his last name already?" Sirzechs smiled knowingly.

"He interests me." He could practically hear her throwing her hair back flamboyantly as it to stand her ground. "Besides, his mannerisms have a strong western influence. It would be best to approach him with a hint of that if only to make him more comfortable while dealing with us." Unlike in Japan, where formality was important and everyone initially started by calling one another by their family name, people in western countries did the opposite and addressed others by their given unless in a formal situation.

"How observant." She was obviously irritated that she didn't know more about the Sekiryutei in general, not that he could blame her. His cute little sister was insatiable when she was confronted with a mystery that she didn't know the answer to, especially when he clearly knew the answer.

It's good to be the king… and a trolling elder sibling.

"I take it he spent some time in the States? His accent is quite fluent. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was born and raised there."

"He's a fast learner. Don't let his attitude fool you, he could give Sona a run for her money if he bothered to put some effort into it." He could say more, but what was the point in spoiling the surprise?

"I suspected as much." Much to his curiosity, she didn't seem alarmed by that. "That diagnosis he made while spying on that freshman in the kendo club came natural to him. At the very least, he's had some proper medical training. That's not something many people our age can handle. It's impressive, but I wouldn't go so far as to put him on the same level as Sona."

"To each their own. Regardless, his past education is something you'll have to ask him about and hope that he answers."

"Brotherrrr…" Anyone listening to the conversation could practically hear her pout.

"Haha. Now now Rias. You know I'm not going to just give you what you want. Where would the fun in that be?" It was times like these that Sirzechs could almost forget everything and enjoy his family. Almost. "Besides, I don't think Issei would appreciate it if you became overly familiar with him so soon. Neither would you, for that matter."

There was an ominous silence for a few moments. "Brother, what _was_ that I felt? It didn't feel like any spell or curse I've encountered before, and it certainly was not some sort of holy blessing…"

The Satan sighed and leaned back even further in his seat. "I do not know much of it myself. It's a technique referred to as Presence. I'm not exactly sure of its capabilities, but it does tend to leave a lasting impression. From what I've gathered, two things tend to happen when used. First is that the user's overall performance in whatever they do improves. The second is thing that happens, and the most obvious, is that… an image, or an idea tends to manifest around the user. The stronger the Presence, the more distinct and clear the image is, almost imprinting itself onto the world itself. It doesn't actually do anything else to my knowledge, but you could say that it is a representation of the user's true nature, and quite intimidating under the right circumstances. I believe you have already experienced that part for yourself already."

Rias let out a shaky breath. "Whatever it was, I was completely caught off guard. Why have I never heard of this trait before? Is it related to senjutsu or ki?"

"It might have some ties to Senjutsu." He admitted sheepishly. It was not often that he was of such little help. "The most I've ever learned about using it is that it has to do with, and I quote, "mastering yourself to the point of being your own god". While useful, I find the results to be vastly less grandiose than the introductory description. I've never managed to make any progress in it though. Before you ask, Issei is the only known practitioner of Presence in any of the realms. There no known recording of Presence before him either. Many have tried to get him to teach them, but to my knowledge he's kept the secret to only himself."

Well, he was technically telling the truth. Everyone suspected that Issei had taught one or two guys how to use it as well, but the people in question never confirmed or denied the suspicions. To this day, those two are probably the only people Issei will call friends. A pity they are rarely capable of seeing him.

"Your own god? That doesn't sound tempting at all." The crimson haired beauty allowed herself to sarcastically give her opinion on the matter. "I doubt it is anything as grand as that, but it certainly did make an impression. I'll be sure not to be caught off guard by it again."

"Somehow I doubt he will be enthusiastic with the idea of conditioning you against it." At best, Rias only got a flickering taste of Issei's true nature. "So when will you speak to him?"

"Sometime this week. I kept my schedule open so he did not feel rushed or forced into things. Sona and I have already put into motion a few plans to make him more comfortable during school. I was not stretching the truth when I said he was not taking to life in public well. I hope that the extra measures will help alleviate some of his stress and get him to trust me a little."

"I'll be surprised if it is that simple, Rias. He will accept your attempts to help him, but that will only make him more wary. He smells bait, and will be looking for a trap as a result."

"So I suspect." Rias sighed, already predicting this. "Is there anything you _can_ tell or warn me about before I talk to him again brother? He is a dragon with a short temperament after all. It would be nice to be prepared for the event."

A smiling brown haired boy flashed through Sirzech's mind. Energetic. Young. Eager. Phenomenally perverted. And above all else…

"It would be best if you and your peerage prepare yourselves with thick skin. You'll probably need it. He hits below the belt far more often than most on pure instinct. From a third party perspective, it's actually impressive to see him in action." The man smiled, as if waiting for something equally amusing and painful to happen soon.

… No filter in the slightest.

Sirzechs thought back to a certain event, where a certain young man told a certain female cosplaying devil if she was suffering from a midlife crisis.

For a kid that was touted to be a genius, he really didn't know when to shut up sometimes.

o. o. o.

For once, it was Issei glaring at Raynare all day rather than the other way around.

The second week had been, for lack of a better term, tolerable. Barely.

People didn't crowd around him. Just the opposite, many of his classmates made sure to give him a wide berth whenever possible.

Not out of fear, surprisingly, but of genuine concern.

Apparently there was a rumor going about that he had been homeschooled for so long because of some disease he picked up as a kid. As a result, he wasn't comfortable being near people, his social skills were down the toilet, and if he got worked up emotionally he'd get relapses.

Three guesses who started that particular bit of gossip. The first two don't count.

Of course, the rumor didn't do much to keep three people in particular from leaving him the fuck alone.

The first two were easy enough to deal with. Motohama and Matsuda were sheep whose wool were stained white by their own premature ejaculate. He had a certain complaint that he needed to address with them about regardless.

After a quick, five minute private conversation about how he enjoyed his privacy, and a lecture of some of the potential, purely theoretical, and legally non-proven ways that the Porn Industry got rid of… unwanted factors, the perverted idiots fell into line quickly.

They were allowed to do their own thing most of the time. He wasn't that cruel, nor was he bored enough to be their supervisor, but if they got too loud or out of hand while he was nearby… well, it normally only took an irritated look or two to cull their behavior like a slaughterhouse pig.

Aika on the other hand, well conveniently and ironically, she had addressed that problem all by herself.

Turns out the girl had a bit of a perv streak in her too. She just wasn't an idiot about it.

On Wednesday, Motohama had been harassing the girls in class with his "three sizes scouter" gimmick (he told them it was a retarded name, but true to form they didn't listen), when Aika showed up and pretty much pulled the same trick for the opposite gender.

And everyone bitched to them about sexual harassment. Hypocrites.

There was no way the girl was clean. He made a mental note to ask her about her browser history in public if she ever pushed him too far. Throw in the names of a few easily famous A list male porn stars, gay and straight, and she'd probably light up like a Christmas tree.

She had done a laudable job shutting the two idiots up, but then she had gotten cocky and tried the same trick on Issei himself.

Her confidence didn't last long. Open, twitching mouth. Standing straight and stiff. Unable to form words. Hell, somehow even her glasses had cracked upon reading his "measurements".

It was the first time Issei actually chuckled in amusement at the school. Sadly, the fact that he gave off the impression of an evil plotting psychopath as he did so didn't help his reputation much.

Good news was, after that Aika didn't bug him as much anymore. Plus, most of the girls at the school no longer treated him like trash.

Bad news was that almost everyone in the school were under the assumption that he had the largest dick in the complex. Apparently, Aika was the authority in the school when it came to knowing which guys in the school were worthwhile to waste time fantasizing about outside of Kiba Yuuto.

It was ironic. He was in a place where dick measuring contests were more important to the girls than it was the guys.

As if the place wasn't screwed up enough.

He was admittedly quite a bit above average sure, but for fucks sake people, that was it! He didn't have some mutant monster magic cunt crushing monstrosity that turned women's insides into ground beef if he had sex. It didn't work that way, and most women are turned off by twisted shit like that.

Possibly having the largest dick in a school wasn't even as impressive as it sounds when you put into account that they just barely started allowing male students in the place. There were at best, what, thirty, maybe forty male students at most here, and at least ten times as many female students. Throwing in the male teachers didn't count much since most of them were old enough to be everyone's parents or grandparents. The pool's small enough that most girls shouldn't be worried about being picky.

As for whether his "number one" was actually "number one" was true or not… eh. He didn't care. At all. What he did care about was the fact that everyone now knew he might be, and acted on it. It meant more attention and stares.

Seriously, some of the female teachers were giving him looks now. It was creepy as hell. They weren't even that good looking compared to his classmates. Especially the world history teacher. She was what, late fifties? Ugh. Just… UGH. He needed to shower every time she taught now.

But the icing on the cake was a new nickname that had started to spread about starting Thursday.

… Or rather, an old nickname.

And he knew damn well where it had come from.

"Kya! It's Kiba!"

"The Prince!"

"What is he doing here!?"

"My hair! My makeup! Tell me I didn't forget to do them today!"

"I knew it! I knew these panties were lucky!"

Issei was beginning to think that Kuoh was known as an academy for the gifted for a different reason than advertised.

It certainly matched Sona's modus operandi. That sick, deranged, twisted, enabler…

The handsome blonde teen smiled gently to the class as he walked through the room and stopped a small distance away from his target. "Hyoudou Issei. I've come to pick you up on behalf of the Occult Research Club."

Pandemonium erupted.

"Eeeee! The Prince is facing off against the Sleeping Dragon!"

"No! He'll eat up our handsome knight!"

"Don't be stupid! Everyone knows that the noble knights always beat the beasts in the end!"

Yeah, after the Dragon has already eaten up practically an army and a half of other knights and warriors beforehand. It was surprising how many people tended to forget that particular bit. If anything, anytime someone uses the word "heroic" to describe a person that beat a Dragon, Issei mentally replaced it with "retardedly lucky".

"…Zzzz." He wasn't really asleep. There had been too much talking around him to cross that threshold, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let them know that when he was in just the right position that his arm made a rather blissful pillow and he wasn't going to let this moment go to waste.

"The Dragon's asleep!"

"Should we wake it?"

"That's suicide! He'll rip your head off if you try!"

"Or burn you to death with fire!"

Oi oi. He was fine with being insulted and feared, but since when did he qualify as an "it"?

"Will someone just kick his chair already!?" "Yuuma Amano" groaned with some frustration. "Everyone knows how to wake him up safely by now. Why are you still making such a big deal about this?"

Traitor. Taking away his blissful arm pillow time. He will get his vengeance.

Judging from the nervous whimpering behind him shortly before his seat jerked, Motohama caved into the peer pressure of everyone staring and expecting him to serve as their unwilling patsy again.

Slowly. Painfully slowly. The Sleeping Dragon of Kuoh, a name that obviously didn't originate from Raynare, lifted his head, and gave Kiba a long and flat stare. The sort of stare that was an essential part of the men's non-nonverbal dictionary, a language that crossed all borders, regions, religions, and ages above ten.

" _How in the world can you tolerate this level of stupid?"_

The Prince of Kuoh maintained his disarming smile, merely tilting his head to the side the barest of margins.

" _They're sheep. They do what I want without too much trouble if I ask kindly. Teachers too."_

" _No kidding?"_

" _Math. English. And History. Throw a smile and a compliment their way and they let you get away with almost anything that isn't obvious."_

" _Ugh. You kiss up to that thirsty old hag that's been eyeing me up? She looks like she bathes with her cats."_

" _Old… oh, OH. Her?! Oh thank hell no. My class has different teachers than yours."_

" _Lucky."_

"It's so tense." One girl whispered as the two held their silent conversation.

"They're sizing each other up."

"It's so hot."

"Maybe we'll see the Knight take the Dragon away and together they'll ride…"

And there went his ability to feel safe in this room.

Issei instantly stood up and glared at the audience, who were for the most part staring at him and Kiba with starry eyes of expectation and hope.

Raynare on the other hand, was having a very hard time holding back her laughter.

And these people had the nerve to claim to be of a higher caste than Matsuda and Motohama? The entire school was as bad as they were!

Issei paid them no mind as he quickly gathered his things and speed walked past Kiba and to the door. "If we get out of here fast enough, we might be able to escape before they stop daydreaming and realize that they have legs and can actually follow us."

Not one to argue, Kiba nodded and quickly followed.

The gossiping started before they even left the room.

Issei didn't remember about bringing Raynare with him until he was halfway to the clubhouse.

He didn't bother going back for her.

It took Raynare ten minutes of asking to find the place when she remembered that she was supposed to be following Issei, and not laughing at his misfortune.

o. o. o.

"You could have waited for me."

"And you could be better at your job." Issei rolled his eyes as he plopped down on the couch in what served as the living room of the Occult Research Club. "What the hell was Zaz thinking, putting a scrub like you on my ass? All looks and no ability."

"Excuse me?!" Raynare snarled.

"Sorry. All looks and no ability. Like a cougar."

"You spoiled little shit! I have more experience in my pinky finger than you do in your entire body!"

"Experience at what? Jacking others off? Because that's the only thing I can see your hands being good at. You live at my place for free, you don't do anything productive, you aren't even in the house most of the time, and when you do come back you're either wasted or smell so bad you should be. You don't _do_ anything productive. Period. You just slap on that fake smile in public and bitch and moan whenever you think no one is watching."

"I don't need to!" The fallen threw her hands in the air. "You lock yourself in your room and get off on pornos every moment you can! I can't do anything, and frankly I'm terrified that I'll catch an STD if I simply look in your room!"

"For the last time, I don't masturbate. How slow do you have to be to not get that by now? Even if my room was what you expect, which it isn't, I don't see how it would be any different than what you lived in before this."

"What are you implying?" Her tone was cold, enough so that Kiba was uncomfortable being this close to them.

"Depends. What were you implying about my room?" Issei didn't seem to be affected by it in the slightest.

Raynare's hand twitched, and Kiba got ready to move.

"Go ahead. See what happens." Unlike Kiba, Issei was completely relaxed, barely paying attention to the woman that was a hair's breadth away from attacking him.

They could see the Fallen's teeth grit harshly for a few long seconds before taking in a deep breath herself and calming down. "You are an insufferable bastard."

"And you're useless."

Kiba winced at the immediate response. He had no love for anyone outside of Rias' peerage, but Issei's treatment of the Fallen was harsh and without mercy. He was starting to see why his King had warned them to be prepared for an unpleasant conversation, but even so he doubted any of them expected Issei to be this bad.

Still, for this guy to not show any real reaction to almost being attacked by someone in arm's reach…

"Ara ara? It certainly is loud in here."

Walking in from another doorway, Akeno Himejima made herself known with her ever-present kind smile, carrying a tray of tea and assortments to put on the guest table.

Issei didn't say anything at first. Instead he just stared at her and blinked several times as if taking a mental photo and making a judgement. Then he focused on her breasts for twice as long. Finally, he just shrugged carelessly and relaxed. "It's nothing new."

He totally didn't hold back a rant because the woman's breasts were both massive and displaying the biggest manifestation of MOB he had seen in his bloody life… outside of that one time he met Gabriel.

Seriously, what was this woman's spine made of? Was passive spinal and trapezius reinforcement also a manifestation of MOB? He must find out!

"Unfortunately." Raynare grimaced, disgusted with how Issei was blatantly eyeballing Akeno's chest as if it held the secret to the universe. The idiot would be turned on by medicine balls if they bounced right. Why other supernatural women never seemed to understand that mortal breasts aren't supposed to move like that, she would never know. As a spy, she was used to making herself as inconspicuous, or at least as natural, as possible. It was why she actually bothered to wearing bras appropriate for her size that prevented her chest from lashing out everywhere as if she had stuffed her padding with live weasels.

"Mmm. I wonder why." Somehow, it looked and sounded as if Akeno was accusing Raynare of being at fault for the bickering as she placed the tea down. She didn't seem to notice, or care, that her other guest was extremely interested in her chest. "How do you like your tea? Rias is still preparing for the meeting, so I thought I could entertain you in the meanwhile. I concocted this blend myself for this meeting. I hope it is to your liking."

Issei couldn't help but confirm her hopes already. The fragrant scent of the tea was already filling his nose and calming his nerves, snapping him out of his internal calculations and theories almost instantly. Whatever she was using was unnaturally effective on him. "Huh? Oh, uh, I'll have it as is. Thank you."

Raynare looked dumbfounded at Issei. "Since when are you polite to anyone?"

"Since she's managing the drinks and snacks." Issei nodded in thanks as Akeno handed him a cup and saucer. "Only an idiot pisses off the person managing their food and drink. There's no telling what a person can do to it when you're not paying attention."

The Fallen didn't know if he was specifically mocking her again, seeing as Issei did cook half the meals at his house, and yet they still argued nonstop. She'd have to check her food next time the pervert cooked.

"Ara ara." Akeno put a hand to her face and tilted it slyly. "I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. Are you insinuating that I would do something so crass as to tamper with a guest's favors?"

"People do all sorts of things if they have the right motivation." Issei didn't back down from the barely subtle warning. Instead he sniffed the tea deeply. It had a really strong aroma, and seemed to soothe his nerves. Unnaturally so. "I've never had tea with such a smell before. Did you make this blend?"

His question seemed to catch her off guard if the momentary blink was any indication, allowing him to get a glimpse of her violet eyes. "You could say that. I originally looked for blends that were suited for people with your supposed disposition, and made a few additions of my own at the end. I'm somewhat surprised you are so interested in the smell. It does not stand out that much to me."

Raynare skeptically took the cup that Akeno served her and sniffed it herself. It didn't stand out that much if she was honest. There was a faint fragrance, but that was all she could gather. "I barely smell it either."

"Dragons have strong senses. The herbs stand out to them." Koneko muttered from the couch next to Issei and Raynare, munching on a bag of pastries.

Said dragon paused just before bringing the tea to his lips and stared at the white haired girl before turning to everyone else there. "Uh… Was she…"

"She slipped in when Akeno brought in the tea." Kiba sighed, leaning against a wall ear the main entrance.

"Our dear Koneko is so shy sometimes. It's adorable really." Akeno teased the youngest person in the room.

Issei and Koneko didn't say anything. They just stared at one another blankly for so long that everyone else in the room started to get uncomfortable.

The white haired girl broke the silence first, shifting away from him and putting herself between him and her snacks. "You can't have any. Pervert."

Issei developed a tickmark. "Stingy gnome."

Lightning erupted between their eyes.

Raynare sighed before finally drinking her tea. It was good, all things considered. Not the best, but not bad. "Sad thing is, I think that that's the best I've seen him get along with anyone since coming here."

"Oh? I've heard that he does fairly well with those two boys known as the perverted duo." Akeno probed.

"He hates them. Well, he hates pretty much everybody, but he really despises them in particular. Those two weaklings are a complete waste of space and life in general with no redeeming qualities. The only reason why he tolerates them is because they share interests and serve as a solid distraction. I think he's set something up with the teachers where they ignore him sleeping in class so long as he keeps their public sexual harassment to a minimum." Raynare rolled her eyes. No one in the classroom had missed the fact that the teachers had been more lenient with Issei's behavior after he nearly reamed the idiots a new one.

If Issei had heard her, he didn't act like he did. Instead he was too busy pushing the ball of lightning generated from the stare off between him and Koneko back to his opponent.

"Resourceful." Akeno laughed amused, seemingly ignoring the silent childish spat taking place. "Though I do worry about how sleeping in class will affect his grades. School is important after all."

"He doesn't care." Raynare shrugged, getting an odd look from those that were listening to her. "His mother doesn't either. His scores don't matter to either of them in the slightest. Bit surprising considering how most families in this country tend to approach the academic system. I was surprised when I found out about it too, but there's obviously some kind of inside joke about it that I don't know about."

"That's not right." A new voice chided from the far corner of the room. Rias Gremory elegantly closed the door behind her and walked to the only couch that had yet to be occupied. "High School is the first step to the rest of your life. There are consequences if a person in this era does not take their education seriously."

"Tell him that." Raynare tried to not let the Gremory's appearance get to her, but it was hard not to. The younger sister to Sirzechs Lucifer himself. Taking her life would have at one point earned her tremendous credit among her peers, but now… now she was playing a game that she did not know the rules of. A game that had her in the middle of hostile territory, and surrounded on all sides.

Her reactions were not missed by the others either. Kiba and Akeno shifted ever so slightly, easily overlooked by most, but it was clear that they were ready to protect their King at a moment's notice.

Koneko on the other hand…

"Tch. The pervert's strong." The white haired girl grimaced, sweat starting to form as the metaphysical lightning drew closer to her.

"How adorable. The kitten thinks she's a lioness." Issei boasted, donning a wide grin that was totally not appropriate in public.

The tense situation that was between Raynare and the rest of the occupants in the room dropped dramatically.

"I shouldn't be surprised he's not taking this seriously." The Fallen sighed.

"Ara. I almost feel worried for Koneko-chan." Akeno smiled, not looking at all concerned.

Kiba personally thought that whatever Issei and Koneko were doing was getting dangerously close to unspoken copyrighted material, but he held his tongue.

"It's quite rare that Koneko is this eager to confront someone." Rias slyly accused. "Perhaps she has already developed a favorable opinion of Issei?"

The Nekoshou flushed at the accusation. Turning to her King, she was about to argue the contrary when the "lightning" beaned her head. "Ah!"

"HA!" Issei pointed at her in triumph.

"Not fair. I was distracted."

"If we could, can we get back to introductions?" Rias interjected before the two could have another stare off. "I'm certain that you know everyone here already, but just to be certain, I am Rias Gremory, heiress of the Gremory household and one of the two owners of this territory. The devils in this room are all members of my peerage. Kiba Yuuto. Akeno Himejima, and Koneko Toujou. And publically, we are the Occult Research Club."

"Snk. You're Orcs. How do you label ranks? Troglodite to Troll?"

"Will you shut up and let her continue?" Raynare rolled her eyes.

Rias pretended to ignore the "I told you so" look that Akeno gave her from the side. It was a sophisticated and professional name, she said. No one would bother with abbreviating the name in English, she said.

"Nothing as… casual as that." The redhead attempted to recover from the momentary embarrassment. "Since all the club members are part of my peerage, their supposed ranks are simply what pieces they have. I suspect you are familiar with them?"

"Knight. Queen. And Rook." Issei nodded absently, nodding to each of the club members as he brought his tea to his lips, pretending to ignore the momentary flinching that the Devils made, and put the tea down again with a peaceful smile and closed eyes.

"Ara. Now how did you know that?" Akeno asked, her eyes opened just a small fraction once more.

Fallen Angels. Angels. And Devils. The three great factions had waged war on one another for at least a millennia. Blood had flowed like rivers on all sides. It was only natural for a ceasefire to be called at some point simply because none of them could afford to have their numbers culled any further in order to preserve their species.

Devils, while powerful, had a distinct handicap in the form of possessing a low birth rate.

In order to remedy this, one of their greatest minds came up with the Peerage system. High ranking Devils and above could be given "evil pieces", enchanted chess pieces, that could reincarnate individuals as devils, vassals, with all the strengths and weaknesses that came along with it, with the understanding that the reincarnated individual would serve under their "King". Each piece came with their own benefits and traits that were reflected in those that were reincarnated.

Knights were speedy units. Rooks were meat shields and heavy hitters. Bishops were magic users. Pawns were jack of all trades, and Queens were essentially trump cards that excelled in everything.

Normally though, when dealing with new parties, it was standard procedure for peerage members to not display or announce what piece they held for the sake of maintaining an element of surprise.

Rias and her peerage did not deviate from this, which made Issei's identification all the more unsettling.

"…"

"…"

"… Zzzzz."

"Fast." Koneko blinked in genuine surprise, the only one that voiced her thoughts there.

"Ara? I heard that he fell asleep often, but I did not expect him to be like this."

"No. It should take him a few minutes to knock out this deeply." Raynare examined him carefully. There was no mistake about it, he was out cold.

"How should we approach this?" Kiba tilted his head to the side. "It's common knowledge that he doesn't take too kindly to being woken up by others."

"Hah." The "useless" fallen groaned. "Don't worry. I have this." She turned to the narcoleptic. "Oi. Dumbass. Azazel-sama was here earlier. I saw him giving your mom flowers."

The reaction was instant. _**"Bring me the infidel."**_

"No. Now stop being a dumbass and remember where you are." She held her ground without so much as a flinch. She was already used to the Sekiryutei's occasional bouts of violent insanity whenever his mother was brought up.

The devils in the room were not. For the most part, they were stuck between being surprised that he was reacting this poorly to something so obviously fake, and stunned with the very possibility that the leader of the Grigori might actually have something for his mother.

Blinking a few times, Issei's glowing white eyes of self-justified rage returned to normal. "Hm? Oh. Right. Devils, what were we talking about?"

"We were, curious as to how you knew what pieces my peerage had." Rias took a moment to regather herself. She was used to dealing with eccentric individuals, but she didn't think that Issei would be one of them after their encounter last week.

"Huh? That? That's easy." Issei shrugged, taking another sip of tea and putting it back on its plate.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Zzzzzz."

"Again?!" Raynare shouted in disbelief, voicing what everyone else was thinking.

"It's the tea." Koneko observed. "It calms him down too much."

"Really? The herbs I used were known to have a soothing and relaxing effect on dragons, but I didn't think they'd be this effective." Akeno bashfully tried to excuse herself.

"It might as well be a sedative. Or a tranquilizer." Kiba threw in his two cents.

"Do you mind if I brought some of this mix back? His mother would kill for something that would clam him up this fast." Raynare was completely serious.

"Might as well." Rias sighed. There was no point in serving this tea to anyone during negotiations. Either it would leave most people unimpressed, or it would completely knock out the other party every two minutes. "Akeno, can you please get another brew set up in the mean time?"

"Dumbass. Azazel-sama. Your mother. Chocolates." Raynare offhandedly threw some handpicked words in Issei's direction.

" _ **I will pluck all his wings bare while listening to the melody of his screams, which I will record and listen to every night before going to bed."**_

"That's nice. Hand over the tea. You're getting a new batch." Unlike the Devils, Raynare was not surprised or put off in the slightest by his declaration of violence.

Surprisingly, Issei paused and looked somewhat reluctant to part with his drink, but did so without too much fanfare. Apparently the brew not only knocked him out almost instantly, but it actually tasted good for the brief moments he was conscious.

"Now then, if you could please satisfy my curiosity regarding how you identified my peerage?" Rias pressed, allowing just a hint of frustration to leak out.

"Huh? The pieces? Oh that's easy." The dragon shrugged. He first pointed to Koneko. "Koneko Toujou? You might as well have called her "Kitty Castle". No subtlety in the slightest."

Koneko pouted with a small flush, shooting the somewhat abashed Rias an unreadable look. It was understandable considering Rias was the one that gave the Nekomata her current name.

Rias was beginning to think that she was not exactly the best when it came to naming things.

Issei jabbed a thumb at Kiba. "Sir smiles-a-lot took his position back there the second I came in. Considering how everyone's still uncertain of me, he's clearly there on purpose. It was a coin toss between him being a Knight and a Bishop given the distance he has, but no Bishop gives off as little magic power as he does, so, Knight."

Kiba shifted uncomfortably, not used to being seen through so easily. It made him wonder what would have happened if he had made an aggressive move on their guest under the assumption that his nature was still hidden.

Issei waved his hand lazily. "And as for your reincarnated Fallen Angel, seriously? She never leaves your side, even during school. She was the easiest to peg out of all of you."

Crash!

The sound of breaking dishware was heard from the next room over.

All the devils were staring at him in surprise.

"… What?"

"I… how do you know what Akeno is?" Rias had skipped from genuinely surprised to downright alarmed. Her Queen's lineage was not something that was spoken about frequently, or known for that matter.

Issei shot her an incredulous look and pointed to Raynare. "You're kidding. Right? Ignoring the fact that if she dropped her hair, was a shade or two paler, and put on some makeup she'd look almost exactly like this one here?"

Raynare glared at Issei. She didn't want to admit it, but she and Akeno did look somewhat alike if they wore their hair the same way now that she thought about it.

She didn't want to be compared to a traitor that gave up her kind.

Rias frowned, unable to argue against the similarities that her guest had pointed out now that she thought about it. Drop the hair on one, take away the makeup on the other, and they were unnaturally similar looking. Was this girl a relative of Akeno's in some way? "That could have been just a coincidence. What other proof do you have?"

Issei groaned and rolled his eyes, pointing to one eyeball lazily in the process. "She has violet eyes. Only Fallen have them. It's a common telltale sign that they can't change even under transformation. I didn't spend _all_ my time staring at her focused on her amazing oppai. Surely as a High Class Devil, you must have been taught that much. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the Cougar had her pegged as soon as they saw one another."

Said Cougar pretended to ignore the comment. All in all, that was probably the closest thing to an actual compliment Issei would ever give her.

… Wait. What was that part about amazing oppai?

"Natural born devils can have violet eyes too." Rias argued.

"Different shade." Issei shook his head. "Fallen have a liquid, deep, smooth, almost metallic velvet color. Everybody else is more along the lines of amethyst. Crystal like, sharp and like a gem."

Raynare shifted uncomfortably. If the idiot hadn't described her eyes in such a cold and clinical fashion, she might have almost blushed at the description.

"Ara. My my. You are quite observant for someone that talks so much." Akeno reappeared with a new tray of tea. It was no secret to anyone that she was clearly in a bad mood if the fake smile and cold tone she was sporting.

Issei looked around skeptically, noting the looks that the other Devils were giving him and one another. "… She doesn't like talking about-"

"No." Rias, Kiba, and Koneko cut him off flatly at once.

He shrugged haphazardly in acceptance and leaned back in the couch. "Ok. My bad. Sorry. Didn't know."

The revealed Fallen almost glared at Issei for a few long seconds before letting out a deep sigh and began to fill his cup with tea. "That is quite all right. As you said, you did not know. Your reveal just caught me off guard. It is not often that people bring it up at all, let alone figure it out so quickly. Just please refrain from talking about it again."

"Understandable. I'd prefer it if people left me be as well, though sometimes it is simply unavoidable."

Rias pretended to not hear the unspoken insult. "I hope Akeno's lineage will not be an issue?"

"I have problems with people ignoring my privacy. I couldn't care less who, what, where, or when they're from. Meaningless details as far as I'm concerned." The dragon firmly grumbled before sampling the tea he was served. It wasn't bad. Just the opposite. But it just didn't have that soothing kick that the previous blend had. Ahhh. Now he was depressed.

Rias allowed herself to relax a bit, noticing that some of the stiffness in her Queen's posture had eased at his words. "That's a relief. At the very least, it will make things somewhat easier for you to potentially trust us."

"Nope. Not going to any time soon. Especially those two." He pointed to Akeno and surprisingly, Kiba.

"You can't make things simple, can you?" Raynare hunched over and put her face in her hands in a vain attempt to hide from the world.

The Gremory flinched, realizing she let her guard down prematurely. "And why, them in particular? I thought you said that you didn't mind Akeno's lineage."

Issei drank some of the new tea. "I don't. I have another issue. They smile near perpetually, and it's fake as hell. Your Queen looks like she's one relationship away from going full blood rage Yandere, and your Knight is one trigger from going ballistic and going Columbine on the school. There's no way I'll trust someone as fake as that."

Judging from the fact that Kiba and Akeno were no longer smiling, they didn't take too kindly to his observations.

"Come to think of it, oi Kiba. Are you the only guy in this peerage other than the shutin Bishop?" The dragon turned to look at the only other male there.

"Yes." The Knight replied bluntly.

Looking back around, the guest looked at his hosts skeptically. "… Huh. No wonder he's so deranged. Either he's constantly being used as your personal man whore to the point that his balls are probably inert by now, or you're all passively cock teasing him to the point of insanity every day."

Everyone in the room just stared at him incredulously, unable to utter a word or recover from the whiplash they were experiencing.

Judging from his expression, he really meant what he said too.

"I'm perfectly sane, thank you very much. And Rias has not used me in any way like that. She's too good a person to do such a thing." The blond teen ground out.

"That's what they all say. I'll believe it when I see it." Issei firmly shot down the Knight's claim before drinking the tea again. Seriously, what warm blooded male wouldn't be turned on by being near the redhead nearly every day? He could practically see her nipples popping out of her shirt, and every time she moved, those monstrous mamaries jumped around so much he was worried he might get beaned by them. And yet they still returned to their perfect shape every time!

Either Kiba was flat out homosexual, or he was going through the most severe case of denial Issei had ever seen.

And there was a LOT of denial that went around in the porn industry.

"I'd appreciate it if you did not insult my peerage, or how I treat them." Rias frowned, no longer donning the image of a welcoming host. "I am a Gremory. I love each and every member of my peerage as if they were family. I would never abuse or mistreat them so horrifically."

"Mmm. I guess. Your family does have that reputation." Issei drank some more tea. Haaa. It really was good tea, but it still didn't compare to the first batch. "… Come to think of it, you're half Bael too. Right? Power of Destruction and all that? You have to have it too if Sirzechs is your brother."

Rias withheld a grimace. She rarely discussed family politics whenever possible. She wanted to be known as Rias, but then again, she had opened herself to this when she used her Gremory name to defend herself and her peerage. "My mother is a Bael, yes, though I rarely interact with that side of the family. Does it matter?"

Surprisingly, Issei didn't respond immediately, instead focusing on his tea. "… No. Maybe. If I remember correctly, the previous owner of Kuoh, when I came back here, was a Belial if I recall correctly. I never met her, but I knew she existed. And, she knew I existed. Surprisingly, or not, your dear brother never bothered to let me know that a change had occurred, much like he didn't bother telling you about me. I was just curious if you knew what happened to her. The Baels are supposed to be the political kings of the underworld after all."

The sudden change of topic caught everyone off guard. They didn't expect Issei to have a decent grasp on the workings of the underworld, or question about who was in charge of the area before Rias.

The fact that he was in Kuoh the entire time though was unsettling. They had been living near someone that even had the Satans on edge for years, and yet they didn't notice a thing.

"Cleria Belial. That was her name." Rias shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know what happened to her. She just vanished about three years ago. My grandfather might now more about it, but much of what was talked about happened behind closed doors."

"And you just so happened to snag up the territory that I was in when everyone else was busy arguing over the ghost of a cooling corpse behind said closed doors?" He looked up, probing her with cold, dead eyes.

He was suspicious. That much was obvious. He didn't trust anyone, so obviously he didn't trust this turn of events. Sirzech's and Serafall's sisters both claiming the area he lived in by chance? No, even Rias had to admit that it was too convenient.

"A member of my brother's Peerage is from Japan. I became enamored with stories from his homeland. It was one of my favorite things to do when I was young." Rias shifted uncomfortably, admitting something she considered private about herself.

"… So you're a weeaboo."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Raynare couldn't help but snort in a vain attempt at trying to hold back her laughter.

"A… what?" Rias blinked, not familiar with the term. Judging from the reaction of the rest of her peerage, they didn't know of the term either.

Issei looked at her blankly for several long seconds before a slightly amused twitch ruled his cheeks. It was the kind of reaction that indicated that he was going to immensely enjoy using this information for later. "Never mind. So you were in love with Japan, and when the opening came you decided it would be nice to become the token natural redhead of Asia? Just like that?"

Rias was quickly losing her willingness to tolerate Issei's constant jabs at her integrity. "If you must know, there were several people that had applied. Ruling and managing territory is something of a rite of passage to those born of the upper class, and territory in first world human countries is always in high demand."

That news had caused Issei's amused look to drop instantly, becoming nothing more than an emotionless mask. Something about it did not go well with him.

"… How difficult was it to get Kuoh?" It was clear he was picking his words carefully. "How much of an effort did some of the other devils put into getting this area?"

 _Into getting me?_

The unspoken question sent chills down the spines of everyone there.

Rias opened her mouth to say that there was nothing abnormal about her getting Kuoh, but caught herself.

"Well?"

Rias flinched at the accusing tone, though she couldn't blame him. "There… there were a few others that were interested in Kuoh. Sona was one, but in order to ensure that we came out the victors, we ended up working together in the end, sharing the territory and the responsibilities. Other than her, there were two others."

Akeno blinked in surprise. "This is the first time I've heard of this."

"I told you the process was difficult. I just didn't think much of how competitive it all was. I thought it was normal." Rias shook her head. "Regardless, I only knew of one of the other Devils that wanted Kuoh, but, I don't see how he could be part of any conspiracy you might be worried about."

"Why's that?" Issei frowned.

"Because it was my cousin. Sairaorg Bael." Rias answered honestly. "You can't find a more honest and noble person, human, devil, or otherwise… but, now that I think about it, it is odd that he would apply for territory in the first place. Much less put in so much effort to obtain it. He's a kind and responsible person, but managing territory is not something he would normally be interested in."

Come to think of it, outside of Kuoh, her cousin had never made any effort to manage other territories period.

"… Haaah. Sairaorg Bael. That's a name I haven't heard in a while." Much to everyone's surprise, Issei chuckled as if recalling an amusing memory. "If he was one of the guys that actually bothered trying to take Kuoh…"

"You know my cousin?" It was only natural that she was surprised. She had never recalled Sairaorg spending much time in the human world. Most of the time he focused on training his absurdly powerful body in the most absurd and extreme conditions. There was a reason why he was called the strongest in her generation.

Which meant that there was a chance that Issei might have been in the underworld at some point in the past.

"… In a way." He gave a hedged answer, shaking his head and avoiding eye contact with the others. It was clear he was in deep thought.

Issei was fairly sure that Rias had no clue about how she had been manipulated by her brother over the course of several years. For all her pride and power, she was just another pawn in bigger game.

He didn't think she'd take it too well if he told her that she was being used by her brother though.

But that begged the question, why was Sirzechs using and involving his sister in this in the first place? The guy was a textbook sis-con. There was absolutely no reason why he would involve Rias in Issei's life unless something else was afoot.

This wasn't just about his episode five years ago, or about the Dragons. The one who holds the title of Lucifer was playing a completely new game, and had roped Issei and Rias into it. The problem was, what the hell was it?

Damn it. He made it a damn point to everyone that he didn't want to deal with this shit anymore. Hasn't he suffered enough already?

Ahh. This was really annoying and starting to piss him off. The more questions he had answered, the more popped up. As bad as it was, the best thing he could do was play along for now until he knew more.

Sairaorg. If he had actually bothered to grab Kuoh, then it was likely that the third party that Rias didn't know was…

" _Don't worry Issei. It'll be all over before you know it…"_

A shallow, yet incredibly heavy growl escaped Issei's throat, catching everyone by surprise.

"Dragon." Koneko murmured.

"Is there a problem?" Rias spoke up, causing him to flinch. "Do you have something against Sairaorg?"

He blinked and looked up in genuine confusion. Something against Sairaorg? Why would she assume…

He flinched and looked down at his hands. They were bleeding on account of the tea cup he had broken in his grip.

Damn it. He let his emotions get the better of him again. That was good tea too.

"Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts." He weakly apologized, his disposition and energy leaving him in spades to the point that he was hunched over and looked barely awake. He would have offered to repair the cups with magic, but expensive and fragile china like the one he had broken required a special touch that he didn't have. "It wasn't Sairaorg. It was something else. I'll pay for the cup if you'll let me."

This wasn't the time to be excited. It was never the time to be excited. Bad things happened whenever he worked himself up. It was better for everyone if he just locked himself away so he didn't risk being interested in others…

If everyone else in the room was surprised just how subdued the Dragon had become so suddenly, they didn't have the time to express it before Issei threw another curve ball in the form of a familiar green light hovering over his hands.

"Healing magic?" Akeno blinked in genuine disbelief as the cuts on their guest's hands closed at a rather fast pace. At the very least, he was as good at it as she was.

"I've had a few lessons." He didn't seem to acknowledge their reaction to his spellcasting, more interested and focused on the task. His hands were as good as new in less than ten seconds. "Not that good at magic in general, so I only focused on the branches that seemed useful despite my limitations."

Rias was impressed, though she didn't show it. Medical magic was a difficult branch of study in general, and yet Issei closed several fairly deep wounds relatively easily. The fact that he put in the effort to learn it despite his so called condition only underscored his dedication to things he felt worthy of his time.

A healing dragon. He was insufferable as a person, but his potential simply stretched in more and more directions the longer she talked to him.

The boy was a mystery. The more she learned the more she wanted to ask. But at the same time, the harder she pressed, the harder he pushed back in retaliation. He was clearly not a person that got along well with others, but at the same time he had already shown several actions that proved that he wasn't as completely insensitive as he made himself out to be. If anything, he seemed to be perpetually retreating from everyone around him.

He antagonized people, but he was interested in their problems. His nature is almost violent at times, and he's terrified of large groups of people and being touched by others, but he went out of his way to be at least be proficient in healing magic and diagnosing others.

It just didn't make sense. She was missing far too many pieces to the puzzle.

Issei Hyoudou. He was not someone that was going to be understood in a single conversation. Not in a longshot. However, Rias knew deep down that it was likely to be worth the effort in the end.

"We can talk about the cup later. I believe we have spent more than enough time on small talk. It clearly doesn't agree with you." The redhead took control of the conversation with a tired sigh.

"Business then?" Issei lifted his head, looking at her curiously.

"Mmm. Now then, I know what your answer is going to be, but just so we can have it on paper and get this out of the way, I offer you a place in my peerage. Will you accept it?" Rias officially inquired.

"Blow me." The dragon retorted bluntly with an irritated frown.

"Is that a rejection, or the price for your cooperation?" Rias playfully inquired. "You know how we devils can be with open ended responses like that."

"No. I don't want foreign objects stuck in my body." Judging by his twitching eyebrow, he did indeed.

"Bet the princess doesn't even know how to give good head anyways." Raynare muttered under her breath. She didn't even react to the angry looks the peerage gave her.

"You would know." Issei patronized, earning a dirty look of his own.

"Aren't _you_ supposed to be the porn industry savant?" She shot back.

He opened his mouth, only to pause in thought and the close it with a careless shrug. "Point made."

Rias wisely chose not to take part in that particular argument. She would have lost regardless of which side she took. "If you don't mind, I'd like to introduce you to Gasper now. After you meet we can discuss payment and procedure."

"Now? As in, here?" Issei frowned in confusion. "As in you lock him in a school for months on end?"

"The school itself is the headquarters for the Devils that manage Kuoh. Most of our resources are located here. This is the old school building at that. Many of the rooms are unused and can be repurposed as we like without issue so long as we run it by Sona first. I have my own private bathroom and shower just next door." Rias casually brushed aside his skepticism as she got up and walked out the room. "Please don't make me sound like some sort of monster. I personally make sure that he is tended to and has all the amenities he wants and needs while in his room. He can leave whenever he wants during the night, but rarely does by his own violation. Like I told you last week, he is severely agoraphobic and has trouble controlling his abilities. There is little any of us can do to help him in general that we haven't tried already."

He couldn't say anything against that, not when he was essentially in the same position as this Gasper guy for the past five years. Instead, he just got up and began to follow Rias. "What's he like? Outside of the whole, shunning the outside world bit?"

"Gasper is very shy and kind." Rias smiled. "He's a year younger than you, and very small. He's a dhampir. A day walker at that."

"Half vampire?" Issei looked at her skeptically, not taking note of the fact that he was being followed by Raynare and the rest of Rias' peerage. "Aren't vamps reclusive by nature? They stay away from pretty much everyone. I don't think I've heard of any reasonable number of them being seen outside of Transylvania this century."

"Somehow I don't find that surprising seeing as you've locked yourself away like him. As for how I found him, I was with my brother on a political trip several years ago when I came across him by complete accident." Rias flushed a little, knowing there was more to the story than that. Technically, she shouldn't have even gone with Sirzechs on that trip in the first place. It caused a bit of a commotion in the end, and she may or may not have accidentally ruined a potential trade deal with the Tepes faction of the vampires by doing so.

"You screwed something up during the trip, didn't you?" He looked at her with a dead expression. He knew that look she had on her face. He was intimately familiar with it.

She didn't confirm nor deny his accusation, instead stopping in front of a wall at the end of a hallway with double doors that was littered with chains and sealing formulas. She coughed loudly. "We're here."

Issei looked at the wall, then back at Rias. Then back at the wall. Then back to Rias. "Overkill much? I thought you said you cared for this kid."

"Don't judge me. All this was necessary unfortunately. Gasper's sacred gear is just that powerful."

"About that. Do you mind informing me of what exactly I'm up against if I accidentally screw up? I'm not going to be randomly thrown into the Dimensional Gap am I? Because that happened to me once and I would prefer it if I didn't relive that particular experience again."

"No. Don't worry. Gasper's Forbidden Balor View is powerful, but it won't kill or harm…" She paused as his words sunk in. "Wait, did you just say that you were once thrown into the Dimensional Gap?"

"Yeah. And it sucked."

"How are you alive?" Akeno looked at him in bewilderment. The Dimensional Gap was the space between realities and worlds. Nothing was able to live or exist there save for absurdly powerful beings that were rules onto themselves, like Ophis and the Great Red.

"Dumb luck. Emphasis on dumb." Oddly enough, Issei sulked like a petulant child answering the question. Almost as if he was just as ashamed of how he survived as he was of being in the Gap in the first place.

Deciding that it was better not to ask question, Rias turned to the door and began to disenchant it. The process took at most ten seconds since it was keyed to her in the first place. "As I was saying before, Gasper's powers are strong, but they won't hurt you in any way, even if you get hit directly. It's best to see it for yourself to understand why we keep him so isolated."

"I can't help but have an immense sense of déjà vu right now." Issei's eyebrow twitched as he tried to look into the dark room that opened up. Memories of his time spent with Azazel flashed in his mind. That confident, disarming, infuriatingly easy going smile that convinced him to do so many things that he immediately regretted…

He didn't have an opportunity to leave though, as Raynare literally kicked him inside. "Quit your bitching and go in already. You've wasted everyone's time enough as it is."

"Was that necessary?" Rias blinked owlishly.

"My my. It seems as if our other guest isn't that far behind when it comes to manners." Akeno chided, though it didn't stop her from smiling amused.

"Oh shut up. He annoys you just as much as he does me. Don't take the high road when it comes to that idiot, traitor." The Fallen crossed her arms and held her ground, glaring at her accuser defiantly.

"He's not stupid." Koneko whispered. "He's a perverted jerk, but he isn't stupid. Healing magic is hard."

"As distasteful as he is, I have to agree with Koneko-chan." Kiba sighed. "The way he talked gave me the impression that he's used to being backed into a corner, that everyone was after him for one reason or another, and he had to fight to find out as much as possible."

"His interest in what happened to the previous owner of Kuoh and who wanted it did seem to say as much." Akeno sighed. "He's quite paranoid."

Raynare held her tongue. It was obvious that the Devils didn't know that Issei was the Sekiryutei, but she wasn't going to bother telling them anytime soon. That was their problem.

That, and out of the three factions, the Devils were the ones that had the greatest reason to kill him. Her job was painful enough as it was. No need to make things worse.

It still confused her though. Why did all three faction leaders seem so sympathetic to the kid?

You'd think that after all the damage he wrought in the underworld, the Satans in particular would keep as little contact as possible with him.

What was the general consensus again? About half an entire territory engulfed in flames wouldn't go out for weeks, and the other half twisted and obliterated to the point that maps were useless?

And that was after the Satans and Azazel-sama supposedly managed to teleport themselves and him into another dimension so they could fight with less worries. Michael for some reason joined in the brawl after that, actually siding with his enemies without hesitating at all.

When their leaders had returned, battered, injured, and bloody, they had claimed that the Sekiryutei had been dealt with. Most took it to mean that he had been killed, but the wording was off. Most people would probably have realized that much, except almost immediately after the incident, the Dragons revolted and turned everything on its head.

Few things were as distracting as a rampaging dragon. The entire dragon population raging was apparently one of them.

No one doubted that the two events were unrelated, but only rumors existed as to how or why.

It was obvious that the faction leaders knew though. As did Issei.

"I don't suppose you would know."

"Hm?" Raynare blinked, shaken from her thoughts. "I'm sorry. What?"

"Why he's this insufferable?" Rias probed. "Outside of his mother, you're probably the closest person in town to him. You actually know how to deal with him."

The Fallen turned green, literally sick at the very idea. "Please don't ever say such a disgusting thing to me again."

Koneko rolled her eyes. "Do you know or not?"

"Why he's an ass? I just thought he was born that way. His mother sure as hell make it sound like it." The Fallen casually brushed aside their curiosity.

"And his mother is…" Kiba reached out skeptically.

"Normal. Believe it or not. Standard middle aged civilian human woman with the patience of a saint. Somewhat eccentric, but that's more to keep him in line. I still don't know if she's aware of the non-human side of things though." It was almost infuriating really. She had tried to lure Asami into conversations about her kind on more than one occasion, starting with the subject of Azazel, but no matter what the woman innocently managed to neither confirm nor deny her involvement in anything. "She's also the only person that can cow the idiot in an instant. He's a total mama's boy, even if he does yell back at her."

"Why don't we try talking to her then?" Rias asked curiously. "If she's that reasonable, then perhaps we should visit one day and…"

"Die." Raynare shot her down coldly. "Not that I don't mind if you do, but if there's one thing that I've learned since staying with the jackass, it's that he will utterly eviscerate anyone that intrudes onto his territory without being invited. I haven't seen him do it first hand, but I'm guessing that's the reason why the enchantments around his place are built like a fortress. Even Azazel-sama put in an effort to play by those rules when he brought me into the house. He likened it to intruding on a dragon's den, and I'm sure that none of you are ignorant enough to forget just how badly they react to having their privacy invaded."

The Devils glared at the lone Fallen, tensions rising slowly between the two enemies.

"You seem quite certain that he would be able to kill us so easily." Rias noted evenly.

"You did say that I am familiar with him." Crossing her arms under her breasts, Raynare held her ground. "As much as I despise admitting it, there is some truth to it."

"Does this mean that you are aware of who and what Issei actually is? It would no doubt make negotiating with him much easier to manage."

"Maybe. Who knows? I'm just some useless nobody as far as he's concerned." She suffered for over a month in that household just to barely be able to manage Issei. She was in no mood for free hand outs.

Before any snide questions or comments were fired off, a new sound cut through the setting effortlessly.

That of a small girl screaming her head off.

Kiba sighed. "I figured as much. Gasper doesn't have the disposition to stay around someone like Issei for long without breaking."

"No." Koneko shivered. "That wasn't Gya-kun."

"… What." Raynare asked, her tone as flat as could be.

Slow, heavy footsteps approached the group from inside the room.

With wide, horrified eyes, and a ghost white complexion, Issei walked out, shaking all over.

"Your Bishop…" He started slowly, his expression absolutely haunted. "… Is a blonde, effeminate, male vampire, that can _stop time_."

"Y-yes. That pretty much sums up Gasper, physically at least." Rias smiled nervously, not expecting this to be Issei's reaction. "What's the problem exactly? You don't look hurt."

He turned to face Rias directly. "Your Bishop, is a _blonde, effeminate, male vampire that can STOP TIME."_

"We heard you the first time, Issei." Kiba sighed. "Care to tell us why that is so important?"

The Sekiryutei looked around incredulously, unable to comprehend the confused looks he was getting. "Your Bishop, is fucking _Dio Brando_."

Everyone blinked in bewilderment at once. While the name did seem familiar to some of them, it for the most part went over all their heads.

"Ah. Ahahahaeeeeeeeeeeee…" From inside the room, a new effeminate voice began to wail loudly like a crying child.

"Who?" Rias tilted her head.

It was at that point that one of Issei's eyes began to twitch erratically.

"YOU ARE A TERRIBLE WEEABOO!"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Arrixam for your honest opinion of where the story was going. I'll take it under consideration.

I totally did not intend for this chapter to be this long.

From Issei's Perspective:

Rias: The clueless weaboo princess/the token natural redhead of japan/ backup devil MOB test subject.

Kiba: In denial/ the overused devil man whore slave secretly begging for euthanasia.

Akeno: Stepford smiler two steps away from full blown Yandere/ ?/ ideal devil MOB test subject.

Koneko: … Midget cat person/ jailbait, do not touch.

Gasper: Mother Fucking _Dio Brando_ What the HELL?!

Raynare: Cougar/ that useless fallen angel that stays in my house and eats my food.

Azazel: _**The enemy**_ / any and every old man whore related subject ever.

If you haven't noticed by now, Issei has a habit of labeling and nicknaming people to extremes.

For all of you that were bitching and moaning that this isn't a Rias Bashing Fic… here is your non bashing substitute. Enjoy.

Yes. Issei knows comics and anime. He's a shut in that's stayed inside for the bulk of five years. He's allowed to have some hobbies that aren't related to his slowly revealing list of skills... and watching porn. He's not an anime guru like… well, pretty much all of us, but he does follow the most famous and well known ones.

The story is slow at the moment, which might annoy some people, but that's to be expected. Nothing's really happening in the story right now. Nobody's making any major moves, and they don't really have a reason to move. The biggest thing that's happened from the character's perspective so far is Issei, so obviously all the focus is on him right now. As things get moving, it will spread out to other characters like any solid story should, but now? Issei's in the spotlight, and he hates me for it.

Ghost: If he could break through the fourth wall, he'd punch you so hard. Almost as hard as me.

Meh. That's not scary. We both know how he really fights.

Ghost: Oi oi! Spoilers! Watch the spoilers!

Fine. Pussy.

Things will start to move forward. I think Asia will show up next chapter, which will mean Issei's twisted perspective on things will make things hi-larious. It all depends on how much time I spend on trying to get Gasper out of the closet… I mean his room… I mean his cardboard box.

I'll try to make the next chapter quick, but I was late on updating my other story and I want to focus on that sooner rather than later.

So… that's it for now.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! ISSEI GENUINELY BELIEVES THAT GASPER IS DIO BRANDO! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Where things happen and stuff in a chapter that's way bigger than it should be.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

It took Issei three days to get Gasper out of his room.

On a side note, it took two days for Issei to get back into Gasper's room in the first place, but everyone preferred to pretend that particular bit didn't happen. Trying to convince him that the vampire wasn't Dio Brando, and that the agoraphobe was not going to try and take over the world once his balls dropped, was far more trouble than it was worth.

No one followed the disturbed, porn addicted teenager into the room, partially because they didn't want to intrude on something private, and partially due to the poor impression he had made on pretty much everyone in the ORC.

Even so, the devils and Raynare had somewhat expected Issei to take longer to convince Gasper to go outside. Willingly at that.

The first day, there was a good mix of yelling and things crashing going rampant in the room. After Issei had left, Rias had entered her Bishop's room to find the young vampire a confused mess, hugging his pillow, and constantly repeating "I'm not Dio. I'm not Dio."

Apparently, unlike the rest of the Gremory peerage, Gasper actually had a solid grasp on otaku culture. Being locked inside near perpetually with no way to contact the outside world outside of his computer had left the vampire with few ways to kill time when he wasn't doing Demon contracts digitally.

He was also incredibly reluctant to explain to Rias what exactly a "weeaboo" was when she asked.

After finally doing a google search on the term, the Devil Princess found out why.

She was not amused.

Akeno on the other hand, was.

Either way, it didn't stop Issei from recognizing Rias as anything but a weeaboo. It had already gotten to the point that if someone called her by her name first, he'd look around confused until someone reminded him that "Rias equals that red headed Weeaboo chick".

Raynare took great pleasure in this.

Said pleasure died quickly and miserably when Koneko pointed out that Issei only recognized her as "the useless Cougar", meaning that Raynare was the "old person" of the group.

The second day was even more peculiar, as Issei arrived at their clubhouse on time with a large stack of unfolded cardboard boxes, several rolls of duct tape, some sharpies, and a pair of scissors.

It ended with Issei walking home as if nothing had ever happened, Gasper's room filled with multiple childish robot mechs made out of cardboard and drawn appropriately, three box forts complete with scaled weaponry, and Gasper taped to the ceiling with a box on his head with eyeholes and Dio Brando's face drawn on the front.

The Dio box was also taped to Gasper's head.

When Rias asked what had happened, Gasper shivered and told her in a clearly traumatized tone that she should never question Issei's ability with duct tape or improvised artillery style warfare.

Pretty much everyone was against Issei seeing Gasper the following day, even if he wasn't armed to the teeth with arts and crafts this time.

After some halfhearted promises, they reluctantly allowed him into Gasper's room again.

That afternoon, without any yelling, violence, or chaos, the young vampire walked out of his room on his own.

"R-Rias?" Peeking out around the corner of the doorway, a short, blonde haired looking child dressed in the female Kuoh Academy uniform stuck his head out.

Everyone save Raynare, who was taking a nap, made a double take, completely in shock at what they were seeing.

"Gasper?" The leader of the Devils blinked in genuine surprise and standing up from her elaborate wooden desk. "Is that you? You left your room?"

"Y-Yeah." The shy vampire hugged the corner as if his life depended on it.

"My. This is unexpected. I was under the impression that there would have been a good deal of screaming and other unfortunate things happen before you left." Akeno started off honest, but slowly her mind began to drift to charts unknown if her faint blush was any indication.

"He didn't do anything to you this time, did he?" Kiba warily asked, causing everyone in the room to focus on him skeptically, particularly for any duct tape. It took them a half an hour yesterday to get that box off of his head.

"Ugh. No. Issei-sempai didn't do anything." Gasper shrunk further behind the corner. "We just played video games and talked."

"SKREEEEEEEEE!" An unholy scream echoed from the hallway, causing everyone to pause.

"He… he started to play Bloodborne when I decided to go. Incentive to make sure I didn't come back." Gasper shivered, his eyes wide and dilated in terror. "I don't want to go back. It's not safe there anymore."

Raynare grumbled in irritation from being woken up, and shifted on the couch to be more comfortable. The asshole must have maxed out the TV's volume on purpose.

"Should have seen that coming." Koneko muttered loud enough for everyone to hear. No one disagreed.

Rias shook her head in mild exasperation and approached her bishop with open arms. "Never mind him. Come here Gasper. You've taken a big step. I'm proud of you."

"Mmm." Gasper slowly walked into her embrace, accepting her arms wrapping around him, with all the warmth and comfort they provided. It had been a while since he had been hugged like this. It was nice. He felt safe like this. "I'm sorry for worrying you. For worrying everyone. It must have been hard to put up with someone like me."

"Don't ever say that Gasper. You aren't a bother at all." Akeno chided like an older sister would.

"You're family Gasper. That's what we do." Kiba smiled, Koneko nodding in agreement.

"… Family." The vampire sunk deeper into Rias' embrace, and chest by extension. "Yeah. That's right. You're all my family now, and I haven't done anything…"

"Gasper?" His king frowned in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no." He shook his head. "I'm just thinking out loud."

The rest of the afternoon went with moderate fanfare. Akeno and Koneko busted out their favorite snacks and tea in celebration while everyone congratulated Gasper on his development… except for Raynare who just wanted to sleep off her hangover from her bar crawl last night.

Christ, Dohnaseek could drink if he wanted to. She was surprised she managed to find her way back home… huh. When did she start referring to that place as home?

"How did he do it?"

"Huh?" Gasper turned to Koneko.

"How did the pervert convince you to come out?" The cat girl elaborated. "He didn't threaten you, did he?"

"N-no!" Gasper wildly shook his head. "Er. Well, he did say that he's obligated to tear me apart if I tried to take over the world since he is the one that unleashed me, but I don't want to do that in the first place, so there's no problem there."

"He has quite the active imagination. Doesn't he Rias?" Akeno chuckled, looking at her best friend.

"He certainly does." Rias tried to put up an elegant front, but failed miserably. She was not a weeaboo!

"You didn't answer my question." Koneko frowned slightly.

The accused shifted uncomfortably and looked at his tea. "… He didn't really do anything special. The last two days were weird and scary, but today, we just played some games and talked about random things."

It was obvious to everyone that he was beating around the bush. Something had happened that he didn't want to talk about. "What did he talk about?" Kiba pressed.

"Games. Cheats. Codes. How the characters and monsters in them stack up against the Maou and other strong people in a death battle." He started slowly. "He didn't ask what happened to me or anything private. He didn't… he knew it didn't matter. He knows what it's like to just… to just not want to deal with anything anymore."

"Not to deal with anything?" More than one head tilted in confusion.

"It's hard to explain to someone that doesn't get it." Gasper's head sagged more in shame, as if admitting that he was one of these people would make him look worse to everyone. "The pressure. The fear. Even if you know it's silly, it's not something that can be reasoned with. It's like having a pair of hands made of ice always ready to grab you by the spine. There's no control. You can't do anything about it except do anything and everything you can to have it not happen again. It's hard to even breathe. You can't think. The walls start to move. Everything is too big. It's too much. Scary. Scary…"

Halfway through the vampire's body began to shake in increasing intervals until it began reaching the point where he was almost spilling tea out of his hands. Only a quick reaction from Rias, holding and comforting his small frame, managed to calm him down again.

"There there. Don't worry. I'm here Gasper. Nothing's going to hurt you here." She soothingly crooned, gently hugging him sideways.

"Regressing already?" A new voice caught everyone's attention. "It's been… two hours. Not bad considering his current condition."

"Issei." Kiba's smile dimmed, turning to the yawning guest by the doorway.

"Man slave." Issei nodded, as if he had greeted the fellow with a non-offensive name. Looking around the room, the Sekiryutei took a small, but deep breath, indicating that he was obviously unsettled about his current situation in some way, before focusing on Rias. "Has he had any other moments, or is this the first?"

"This is the first major one." Rias answered, still not liking how casual he was treating Gasper's condition. "He's faltered a few times, but managed to recover by himself save for this instance."

"Good. It means he's actually putting in an effort." Without bothering to wait for the other's reactions, he casually walked over to the center table and picked up a small treat that Koneko had taken out earlier. "Mm. This is pretty good."

"You seem awfully calm despite the fact that Gasper is suffering a relapse." Akeno looked at him skeptically.

"Why shouldn't I? It was going to happen eventually. You didn't think that he'd just walk outside his room and magically be all better did you? Magic does a lot of things, psychology isn't one of them." He gave her a slightly annoyed look, as if she had questioned his capabilities or sense of logic. "The kid's almost as big of a mess as I am. It took me years just to walk outside my house, and almost another whole year to stomach simply being around strangers enough to not show how much of a mess I am doing so. Dio's only taken his first step in actually getting used to this."

"I'm Gasper…" The vampire groaned into Rias' chest.

"And how long do you think it will take him to get past that?" Akeno probed.

He shrugged. "Beats me. I'm not a shrink. I'm just some messed up nut that's a bit further in the recovery process than he is. I didn't exactly take well to professional treatment at that."

"Big shocker there. Did you try to kill them when they got close to your mom too?" Raynare rolled her eyes.

"Didn't have to. Most of those pricks thought that my only option was dosing me to the gills with overpriced medication until I was comatose. She didn't take kindly to that. I didn't either. Fucking sellouts. More than half of that shit they were trying to push onto me was barely past the experimental stage."

Most of the normal pills wouldn't work either. His system was too strong against irregular chemicals to have any effect. That left only the confirmed strong stuff, which were mostly opioids and concoctions that were just as bad. He wasn't touching that shit if his life depended on it.

Everyone save for Issei shifted uncomfortably. Clearly they had just heard something that they weren't supposed to.

"Then what do you suggest." Rias sighed with some exasperation. "You clearly have more experience on the subject than we do. I was hoping that we could get him to attend class and make some friends after he adjusted."

Issei snorted. "Hah. Just like that? You're honestly sticking a barely recovering severe agoraphobe in the middle of a large group of complete strangers with time stopping powers and expecting him _not_ to lose his shit?"

"You seem to be doing pretty well." Koneko leered at him. "Gya-kun is obviously more adjusted than you are."

The dragon paused to look at her with an unreadable expression. Short. Vicious and direct insults. Borderline emotionless. Unnatural obsession with sweets… "You wouldn't happen to be related to Auntie O, would you?"

For the briefest of moments, the ORC could have sworn they heard something akin to a massive entity literally face palm from Issei's direction.

"Who?" Koneko slowly backed away from him.

The dragon puffed out his cheeks childishly, leaning closer with no respect to her personal space.

"Get any closer and I'll punch you."

"Mmmm." He seemed to inspect her with a rather childish expression before giving up and retreating. "Nah. You two just share a few thing in common. Better if you two don't meet. You'd wreck the emotions and self-esteem of everyone you'd come across. None would be safe."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're really weird?" Koneko frowned.

"Not recently." He replied with genuine honesty.

"Considering no one wants to talk to him in general, and he's locked himself in his room for five years, that's not hard to imagine." Raynare rolled her eyes.

"Makes sense." Issei shrugged, taking another snack from the table.

"Issei, can we get back to Gasper please?" Rias sighed. She did not groan. Groaning was unbecoming of someone of her stature. "If sending him to school isn't an option, what is?"

"Acclimate him." Plopping down on the couch that Raynare was on and disrupting her almost nap, he began to pour himself some tea. "Do things with him. Make him go outside. Train him. Take him with you when you're hunting weaker, er, what do you call them again? Run away Devils? Missing Devils?"

"Stray Devils." Akeno corrected, giving him an odd look. "You think it's a better idea to take him with us for fights than it is sending him to school where it's safe?"

"Uuuugh." Gasper's hold on Rias tightened. Clearly he was not particularly fond of the idea.

"Maybe. There's an easy way to find out." He took a quick sip of his drink, lamented briefly that it wasn't that brew they made when he was first there, and then put it down. "Oi Dio. How does that sound? Wanna go out with everyone and hunt some wild monsters and insane people that are going to hurt others if no one does something?"

Gasper began to shiver as if he was soaked in cold water. "Aaaaah. Noooo."

Rias frowned. "Issei, I don't see what the point of what you're-"

"No?" Issei cut her off. "Then do you want to go to school? Where you're surrounded by hundreds of complete strangers that will be talking to you all day? Out in the open? All… focusing on you while you try to… figure out what they want? With nowhere… to hide?"

The vampire's trembling magnified by a factor of ten, as did his grip on Rias.

"Fine. You've made your…?" Rias rolled her eyes and turned to look at Issei, only to find that he wasn't on the couch anymore. "Huh?"

Raynare, the only person that wasn't surprised by his disappearance, lazily pointed to a corner of the room before trying to go back to sleep.

In said corner, the Sekiryutei was curled in a ball, leaning against the wall, his hands grabbing his head, and staring almost desperately at the point where the walls met. _Just stay here. They'll go away. They always go away eventually. Don't answer them. The vultures don't care. No more questions. No more pictures. I didn't do it. I didn't do it…_

"Did, did he just accidentally trigger his own phobia?" Kiba was genuinely astonished by Issei's almost instant shift in personality.

"Looks like it." Akeno watched, unsure what to make of the situation.

"It would be funny if it wasn't so sad." Koneko, as usual, was borderline unreadable. Only the slightest amount of pity could be seen from her eyes. She didn't say it, but she could feel his ki going wild from the other side of the room.

"Should we do something?" Kiba looked uncomfortably to Rias. Truth be told, he thought Gasper's reaction was bad enough, but Issei looked like he wasn't even registering the outside world at the moment.

"No. That would likely only make things worse. He doesn't trust any of us, remember?" Only Rias wasn't particularly stunned by Issei's behavior, having already seen how bad he could be in person once before. "Issei? Issei, it's ok. It's just us. Everyone is leaving you alone now."

Whether it was because he had heard her, or because the sudden self-induced shock had worn off eventually, it didn't matter. After about a minute, Issei's breathing had calmed down enough that he had apparently regained enough self-control to realize what he was doing and more importantly, where he was.

Quietly, and oh so slowly, he turned to look at everyone else in the room, who were staring right back at him.

"…"

"…"

"This never happened. Am I understood?"

"I don't know…" Raynare smirked, taking him seriously.

"You utter a single word, and I won't make your lunches for school anymore." No one could tell if the black aura hovering over Issei was murderous intent, magic, or some time-space anomaly created from some twisted dragonic trait of his. All they knew was no one wanted to touch the damn thing.

Her mouth shut with a loud clack of her teeth. She could tell that he would keep his word if she screwed up. A few moments of cheap laughs and satisfaction was not worth having to rely on cafeteria food.

They were one of the few highlights she had working this bloody mission! She barely made anything on the side as it was! She'd have to use her alcohol money for food if he didn't cover for her anymore! No! Don't take away her salvation!

"Scary." Koneko muttered, getting shallow nods for everyone else there as the guest pushed himself off of the floor, but instead of returning to the couch simply moved to the nearest doorway and leaned against it. It was obvious that he didn't want to be near anyone now and was anxious to leave in a moment's notice.

"… Getting back on track. Weeb, you're one of the observers of Kuoh. That means you get stuck with hunting strays here, right?" Instead of looking at anyone, Issei settled for rubbing his temples and nodding his head so he wouldn't be able to make eye contact.

Rias puffed her cheeks out, clearly still not liking her unwanted title, but knowing a lost battle when she saw one. "Yes. I do. In fact, I was planning on going out to hunt one tonight before you managed to convince Gasper to come out. We were informed by the Archduke of the area that a noted target has moved into Kuoh recently."

"Is it going to be a problem?" He probed.

"Stray Demon Viser. A low class demon that ran away from her master. She's killed many demons and humans since her escape and is drunk on blood, but they were mostly civilians. Against an actual trained peerage she's not a threat."

Issei looked around skeptically. "And against a group of moderately experienced teens that constitute less than half a full semi-trained peerage?"

Raynare stifled a dark chuckle. The brat was still annoying as hell, but he was admittedly far more amusing to be around when she wasn't the target of his perpetual scorn.

The fact that she was considered a grunt among the Grigori was clearly ignored.

The looks he got from everyone in the room were clearly not amused.

"Well?" He didn't budge. It wasn't his fault that they couldn't handle the truth.

" _We_ can handle it. It's not a problem." Rias flatly answered.

"Well all right then." He shrugged, as if her answer settled all his questions. "Then you don't mind if we come along with you."

The nails on a chalkboard sound that came from Gasper's throat seemed to indicate that he was under the impression that Issei included him when he said "we".

Gasper was correct.

"What's with this "we" business?" Raynare frowned.

"If they screw up, you can finish the stray off so you can have your murdergasm." Issei negotiated. "You probably haven't been satisfied for weeks. Probably why you go out every night. Gotta scratch that itch sooner or later or else it will fester."

The Fallen held her tongue. Finally cutting loose and killing a Devil would be a much needed welcome from all this monotony, but she didn't want it to come from getting permission from the idiot.

She was halfway tempted to say that she'd satisfy it by killing him, but her pride wouldn't allow her to ever admit to achieving any sort of climax because of the asshole.

"I hate you. I really do." Raynare glowered.

"The Cougar says yes." He translated.

"No! I don't wanna go!" Gasper trembled so much that he was literally sending small shockwaves through the floor for everyone to feel. "Stray devils are scary!"

Issei rolled his eyes. "Calm down Dio. It's fine. You're not going to fight. The most you're going to do is practice freezing the poor bastard in place every now and then from the other side of the area while the rest of these guys here do all the hard work."

The vampire pouted. "My name is Gasper!"

"Gasper." Rias spoke up, grabbing his attention. "While we clearly don't see eye to eye with Issei, he does have a point. This could be a good experience for you. You don't have to fight if you don't want to. Trust me, you're safe with us. We won't let anything happen to you."

Gasper shifted uncomfortably in his seat, on the verge of tears. He had just gotten out of his room, and they were already trying to take him out on a stray devil hunt? That's too much. It's unfair! It… it…

He looked at Issei again, and they made eye contact. Terrified devil eyes met with dead human eyes.

He remembered the talk they had in his room. He remembered what he had decided to do, and what he refused to be.

"It's not fair." Gasper deflated, losing his will to put up an argument, breaking their unspoken conversation first.

"It's never fair." Issei shrugged, clearly understanding what his underclassman was not saying more than anyone else. "Getting stronger just helps stack the deck more in your favor, but that's it."

"Yeah. You, we know that better than anyone." Gasper laughed bitterly, surprising the other Devils in the room. It was unlike him to be so pessimistic and dry about anything. "I really don't have to do anything?"

"You've barely been out for a few hours, and you probably have less experience fighting than everyone else in the room. Just think of it as, a demonstration of what you'll be doing eventually." Everyone watched and held their comments as the human talked to Gasper without insulting him in the slightest. If anything he seemed indifferent to the vampire's situation. He was surprisingly convincing when he wasn't being an overly patronizing jerk.

"… Fine." It was clear he didn't want to do it, but Gasper was no longer viciously fighting against the idea like he had been before.

Rias looked down at her bishop genuinely astounded. She had been taking care of him for years now, but she had never seen Gasper open up to anyone this quickly before. This level of trust… no, this was genuine _respect_. In the vampire's eyes, Issei was someone that was actually worth listening to.

Considering what the previous two days were like, it only made Gasper's sudden development even more bewildering.

"Ara? What an unexpected development." Akeno shared Rias' confusion and surprise if her expression was anything to go by.

"Suspicious." Koneko frowned.

Kiba didn't say anything, instead standing back and trying to read and figure out what might have happened from an outside perspective.

Raynare groaned. There went her plans to go out drinking again tonight.

o. o. o.

They made it to the warehouse where Viser was last seen with good time considering that everyone decided to hoof it this time instead of teleport.

Well, Issei went by foot. Everyone else flew.

At first, most were worried that they'd have to match his pace or someone would have to carry him, but Issei had once more surprised them by enhancing his physical abilities with magic. Apparently, he was apt enough in White and Healing magic to augment his muscles to the point that he was running and jumping atop buildings with enough ease to keep up with the flying party.

Ironically, it was Gasper that held everyone up the most. He wasn't too used to flying yet, nor moving very quickly.

"As trying as he is, I must admit, he never seems to run out of surprises." Akeno admitted to Rias as they landed in front of their destination.

"Mmm. He certainly is not boring." Rias agreed, watching as Issei took one last giant leap that had him well over thirty meters in the air before landing cleanly among them, looking as fresh as they did.

He was rather abnormal. Well, that much was obvious to everyone by now, but in more ways than one.

Most experienced magic users used teleportation or flight spells to move around. Physically enhancing oneself wasn't unheard of, but it was rarely used as a means of transportation because not only it took too much energy to do, but it was risky as well. Most physical self-augmenting spells were not meant to be used for long periods of time due to the dangers prolonged uses could have on the body. Excess strain. Over dependence. Over reliance. Inability to maintain internal balances. The list of potential injuries one could sustain was not small, even for an experienced user of magic.

She made a mental note to offer him a free teleport back when this was over. As rude and annoying as he is, Issei did and was still helping Gasper. She didn't feel comfortable forcing him to risk himself just to make the trip here.

"So this is the place." The human looked at the warehouse skeptically.

"Nervous?" Kiba taunted in the polite way only he could pull off.

"Y-yeah." Gasper shivered, looking around warily.

"Actually, I'm more astounded that Kuoh had an abandoned manufacturing district in the first place." The dragon looked around at the abandoned buildings, half full of decayed and dilapidated equipment and resources. "They really let this place go. Do you guys know who owns this area? This is seriously some prime real estate just waiting to be flipped."

"We're about to fight a stray and you're more interested in flipping warehouses for profit?" Raynare couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"What? Kuoh's a growing hotspot. Lots of people are moving into the general area. Lots of yuppies. It'd be easy as hell to turn one of these dumps into a solid club that hosts concerts, raves and other events if done right. Most college kids can't hold onto their parent's cash for shit, and the rundown building look is all the rage these days. It's easy money. I bet I could grab one of these places and a sizeable parking lot for..."

"I think he's serious." Koneko glanced at him, uncertain what to think as he lost himself in his calculations.

"Issei, I don't think…" Rias started.

"Seventeen million, eight hundred thirty seven thousand, nine hundred yen." He nodded, coming up with a number with firm confidence. "Give or take."

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" He looked around, confused.

"Eighteen million yen?" Akeno looked around confused. That only amounted to around a hundred and eighty thousand American dollars, give or take depending on how the exchange rate was doing. She didn't know much about real estate, but even so she knew that wasn't a lot of money with respect to something this massive. "You only need that much for a place this big?"

He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "It's just an initial estimation. Probably going to go up to an even twenty in the end. Obviously I'd have to look to see what the current market prices are, but that's what negotiating's for. Key word of abandoned warehouse is "abandoned". A place this size in prime condition is only a little over ten mil. Take in the fact that it's _not_ in prime condition, not in use, not in a sought after part of town, and other notable things, and the price keeps dropping. I'm more worried about making sure that I get a place that passes safety code with as little investment as possible than the initial purchase. Those things are a bitch to get past when it comes to places like this if you're trying to trick them out. The rest of the money would go into buying parking lot property and fixing the place up so it actually looks nice on the inside. After that, filling it out with equipment, employees, getting insurance, and all that other crap would probably gut me another twenty before the place would finally open and I'd finally start getting some return on investment. All in all, it would probably take about…"

And like that, once again, Issei Hyoudou's normal confident demeanor seemed to die like a dog, leaving him almost lethargic. The almost energetic look in his eyes vanished almost instantly, leaving a dull and stagnant pool of brown. Letting out a depressed sigh, he shook his head. "… Too long. Never mind. I got worked up over nothing."

"I think he's bipolar." Koneko bluntly stated.

"Wouldn't doubt it." Kiba agreed.

"He did sound like he knew what he was talking about." Akeno pondered. "Shame. I was even starting to get interested in what he was planning. A warehouse club does sound pretty fun."

Rias didn't say anything. Instead she was more interested in Gasper's reaction to Issei's change in demeanor. Unlike everyone else, the vampire looked like he actually understood what was going on in Issei's head, almost like he was pitying his unstable senior.

"Not to trample on your confusion, but I think we're not alone anymore." Raynare pointed to the warehouse entrance, where a steady heavy thumping sound was progressively getting louder.

"I smell something sweet. But also something bitter and nasty. Oh? There's something meaty and juicy too." The sultry and clearly female voice crooned as the naked upper half of a woman came into view. It would have been attractive is it didn't sound like half her throat had been rubbed with sand paper recently.

"… Eh. Three point eight out of ten." Unlike everyone else there who had made some gesture to get into a fighting or running stance, Issei merely judged her looks. He looked like he didn't even have the energy to run away, let alone fight anymore.

"Seriously? You're judging her appearance?" Raynare glared at him.

"It's a modified scale. Most non-human women cheat with their looks, so I have to be harsh." He elaborated with barely any enthusiasm, turning around to walk to the back where Rias and Gasper were. He didn't care at all if his back was open. "Too many veins are sticking out. Her skin is a mess. Her hair's even worse. She's clearly not taking care of herself as far as dieting and sunlight exposure is concerned. Plus there's the whole, rabid dog lower half to take into account. A pity really. Her oppai looked like they had potential at one point."

Truly, it was a cunning move, coming out with her oppai exposed like that. Had she not been in poor condition, and had he not been experienced in the ways of the world, his defeat would have been likely. This world was no doubt dangerous.

Still…

That discoloration on her skin, and her veins. It was an irregular hue of blue and green. It wasn't natural, even for Devils and monsters. He had seen those symptoms before… but where?

"Dare I even ask what a ten is?"

"Gabriel." He didn't so much as hesitate to mention the universally agreed upon most beautiful Angel in Heaven.

"Bullshit!"

"How?" He looked at Raynare skeptically. "It's _Gabriel_. _Everyone_ knows how beautiful she is. I'm not even into blondes, but she still holds the score. It's like God specifically and intentionally designed her to be the living incarnation of the ultimate clueless cock tease just to fuck with everyone. That brilliant trolling asshole."

Ah. Those holy oppai. How he would have loved to simply rest his head against such magnificent works of art and feel perfection with his flesh. Just remembering seeing their perfect shape through her clothes so many years ago was enough to calm his nerves and bring peace to his mind. Truly, heaven's grace were within those blissful orbs.

Even Viser paused to look at Issei skeptically at that comment. Hearing someone chew out the Angels and God himself wasn't that big of a deal or surprising. It was on the other hand, rather rare to hear someone call Gabriel of all people the ultimate cock tease because _God_ is a trolling asshole with the tone of a person that really couldn't care less about the subject.

It totally wasn't because he was daydreaming with an utterly serene look of such blissful peace on his face that he was actually _sparkling_. It was an image that no one there had ever seen on him before.

For a moment, he almost seemed… happy.

And then his nerves were triggered again by the fact that everyone was staring at him, and his expression dropped to one of lethargic impassivity again.

"What?"

Raynare snapped out of her stunned silence first. "Ignoring your little black out, that's not what I mean, idiot! There's no way you met her in person!"

"You're just mad 'cause you're down to a six point four."

"I. You. Wait, _down?!"_

He was not at all perturbed or alarmed by the spear of light that was now pointed at his chest. "You've really been letting yourself go this past month."

"That's it!"

Before Raynare could act on her semi-justified rage, they were interrupted by the heavy sound of Viser being stopped mid charge by Koneko literally dropkicking the monster that was roughly ten times her size and fifty times her physical mass.

"While I do sympathize with you when it comes to Issei's behavior, could you by chance save it for after we are done killing the stray?" Rias asked politely, though it was clear that she was starting to get irritated with Issei's mouth as well. "And Issei, can you please stop antagonizing everyone?"

The two non-devils had completely different reactions to her request. While Raynare grimaced and settled for glaring at everyone there, Issei curiously just looked around genuinely confused, as if he was a small child that didn't know what he did wrong.

"GYAAAAAAAAHHH!" Viser, on the other hand, didn't seem to be distracted at all as she thrashed at Koneko viciously, clearly intending to tear apart the little girl with the twisted human arms that were part of the warped torso her normal human one was sticking out of, but missing each time as the small target evaded each swipe.

"Switch!"

In a brief flash that Raynare couldn't follow, Kiba bolted forward, armed with a sharp but otherwise unremarkable longsword, and sliced off one of Viser's titanic arms without any trouble.

"So cool." Gasper gaped in awe as Koneko and Kiba double teamed the stray with almost casual ease. The two almost appeared to be dancing around the monster instead of fighting it.

"Mmm. With Koneko's strength and Kiba's speed, Viser is no threat at all." Rias smiled. "You see Gasper? There's no need to worry. We're all pretty strong. We can protect you."

The redhead shot Issei a look to see his reaction on the fight, but to her disappointment, the human looked bored, struggling to pay attention at that.

Well then, if he wanted something flashy, she'd give it to him.

"Akeno. It's your turn."

"Ara? Really? You're not giving me much to work with Rias." The Queen pouted as she sauntered up to the cut, beaten, and exhausted Viser.

"You brats! I'll eat all of you! Your flesh and power will make me stronger and more beautiful!" The monster hissed. Her once elegant and tempting image had changed to that of a malformed human piranha hybrid, with her face elongating and stretching out to degrees that it looked like her skin would split, and her mouth was full of jagged sharp teeth.

Issei deadpanned. He knew beauty was subjective, but did this lady look in a mirror lately? Everyone remotely aware of devil kind knew that the ones that go mad and binge eat raw flesh wind up looking like shit in the end.

Aaah. He should have just gone back home. He still had his quota of porn to finish and tomorrow night is the deadline. This was going to be such a pain. Why did he have to open his big mouth earlier?

Crack. Crack. BANG!

"GYAAAAAAAAAAH?!" Viser lit up like a Christmas tree as Akeno manifested a pillar of electricity above her target and proceeded to perpetually electrocute her.

"Why is she wasting her time like that?" Raynare frowned. "She's a Fallen. She should just use some holy magic to finish the beast off."

"Ufufufufufu. That's right. Squirm and scream for me."

Issei, Raynare, and Gasper slowly turned to look at Akeno as she took pleasure in the suffering of Viser.

"I so fucking called it." Issei muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear. "Total yandere psycho killer."

"She's not a psycho killer." Rias rolled her eyes while at the same time trying to comfort the now terrified Gasper. "Akeno's just an extreme sadist."

"A sloppy one." Raynare deadpanned, watching Akeno electrocute the hell out of the area. At this point she was more impressed that Viser was still able to scream so much. "There are plenty of people like her among the Fallen, but most of us at least know not to waste so much power just to get off on grandstanding. It's embarrassing. She's not even letting the monster realize that she's enjoying its suffering. That's practically half of the _basics_ of sadism."

Issei nodded, holding up a score card. "I agree. Total amateur. No self-control or elegance in her presentation. She doesn't even look nearly as aroused as she sounds. Two point six out of ten. A complete failure of a performance."

"You know, I can hear you." Akeno turned just enough to give the pair a slightly annoyed look.

"Good! Learn from our critiques so you can clean up your act! You're giving sadists a bad name! No one would be aroused or masturbate to a shit performance like this!" Issei stood his ground without any shame.

"How would he even know what a good sadist looks like?" Koneko asked.

"Extreme porn addict." Raynare reminded her.

"Would you like my list of the top ten of all time, or merely the top ten currently still active? I assure you, my selection is quite diverse and expands multiple demographics. Quality does not discriminate."

"Oh. Right. Pervert." Koneko deadpanned.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Isn't being called a sadist a bad thing to begin with?" Gasper wondered out loud.

"It depends who you ask." Kiba evaded the question. As far as he knew though, most people would say yes, being a sadist is indeed bad.

"Seriously, do you guys want my lists or not?"

The conversation didn't seem to help Akeno's mood if the increasing size of her attacks were anything to go by.

Despite claiming that Akeno's performance as a sadist was utter trash, Issei watched the light show with mild interest.

He was pretty certain of it now. He knew, or should know of Akeno somehow. He was sure that he had heard her name somewhere before when they were first introduced. Almost as if hearing her name caused an itch in the back of his head.

Or, it as if someone was screaming a foot away from the back of his skull that he was an idiot for not knowing something obvious.

It couldn't be Ddraig. He didn't care about anyone or anything that wasn't at least somewhat powerful or important in the grand scheme of things.

He should get his seal checked soon. Ghost might be waking up.

Watching her lightning attack also reminded him of something that he felt should be fairly important and know pretty well.

The problem was though, he never really made friends around his age. Ever since he had awakened his Sacred Gears, the number of people he had actually gotten along with around his age could be counted on one hand with fingers to spare.

And they were both guys.

So why did he feel as if he should know her?

Was it her oppai?

No. No he was pretty sure he had not seen Akeno's rather impressive oppai before.

He never forgot a pair of oppai once they caught his attention.

Ever.

If they did meet, if ever, it would have been over five years ago at least, when they were both entering their teens. She was only a year older than him, and while he was a purveyor of many goods, he had never looked at a pair of breasts in that young age range unless the circumstances were… less than fortunate.

Just another reminder that the world was a cruel place.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was a Fallen? No, he never met any kid Fallen. He didn't really spend that much time with any when he was younger except for…

"Akeno! That's enough!" Rias snapped, interrupting his train of thought. "You're going overboard, even for you. She's not even screaming anymore."

"Oh? Oh my." The Queen bashfully flushed in embarrassment and stopped her attack. "I guess I got too caught up in my fun. My mistake."

"She wasn't even enjoying it. What a child. She just likes the power trip and venting frustration." Raynare snorted. Everyone ignored her, not that she cared. This whole trip was disappointing. She didn't even feel like killing this weakling.

"Ah. Ah. Hah." Viser twitched on the ground. Her entire body was covered in burns and scrapes from the endless attacks. There was not a single part of her that wasn't unmarred. It was a miracle that she was still breathing, let alone conscious.

A faint scent reached Issei's nose, his eyes narrowed by the smallest margins.

For the briefest of moments, he had almost lost control over himself.

That smell… it was something that should not be around anymore.

" **Oi. Partner…"** Ddraig muttered from his left hand, making sure that he was only heard by Issei.

"I know."

"Hm?" Rias looked at Issei confused. "Did you say something?"

"Just talking to myself. I'm a shut in. We do that sometimes." He shrugged as if what he admitted wasn't a problem in the slightest, though if anyone bothered to pay attention, they'd notice that his voice was slightly stronger than it was before. "So I guess it's your turn to try and show off?"

"Do you have to be so rude?" She confronted him, finally reaching her limit on how many insults she and her peerage could take.

"Do you have to feel like you have to prove something to me?" He countered with his own question. The entire time his body was lax and his lethargic expression seemed to sap energy out of anyone that looked at him too long.

Rias stiffened as if she had been electrocuted by Akeno.

"I get it. You're rich and a high class devil from a well off family and you're not a complete incompetent stooge. It doesn't change the fact that you're young, inexperienced, and still in school. So is your peerage. Stop trying to be an adult. You're just embarrassing yourself trying to show off like this."

It was ironic. This was one of the first things Issei had ever said to her that wasn't scathingly sarcastic or crude in any way, yet it still hurt her pride far more than any of those rude remarks by a wide margin.

"I don't know why anyone would want to try and impress you to begin with. If anything, they should be trying to kill you." Raynare whimsically added her two cents. Personally, she wouldn't mind if they did. Worst case scenario is that one of them dies. Best is they both do. She won either way.

"What do you mean by that?" Rias asked confused.

The Fallen smirked in a mocking "I know something you don't" way. "Ask him?"

"Hey. The not dead yet one is eating something." Issei pointed to something behind Rias, clearly not paying attention to either of them at all.

Indeed. While everyone had written off the twitching body of Viser as something almost akin to a corpse, it was still a corpse that could move, see, listen, and eat.

And she was indeed eating something if the hands around her mouth were any indication, allowing an odd pale green substance to leak between her fingers…

"What is that?" Kiba frowned, not liking this new development.

"It smells funny." Koneko agreed.

"Ara? I must have been remiss in my punishment." Akeno took a step forward, electricity arcing around her body. "I'll make sure to-?!"

The Queen was interrupted as one of Viser's massive charred arms shot out and backhanded her through a wall without warning.

"AKENO!" The Devils shouted.

"Whoa." Raynare blinked in surprise, more out of the fact that the monster was still able to move more than anything.

Surprisingly, Issei didn't say anything. Akeno was a Queen. Even if she was weak as hell, which he somewhat doubted, she should be able to tank at least that much damage. He was more interested in Viser.

"Kill. You." The monstrous woman's body began to writhe and spasm as her muscles and bones shifted and mutated irregularly. The power in her frame was increasing tremendously to the point that everyone could see the sick green aura hovering all around her. "I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! YOU'LL ALL BE DYIED RED LIKE THAT SCARLET WHORE'S HAIR WHEN I'M DONE EATING YOU!"

Mutated hands burst out of her already twisted body and lunged for the teens, forcing them all to jump away.

"Waaah?!" Most of them at least. Rias had to drag Gasper along with her. "What's going on?!"

"Sorry Gasper. We made a mistake." The redhead grimaced as she retreated away from the tsunami of hands. "We let our guard down. Viser looks like she's taken some sort of drug. This might be tougher than we thought."

"Since when could drugs do that?!" Raynare balked. She was not a veteran, but she had seen and heard of her own fair share of fights. Not once had she heard of a substance that could turn a weak devil into something this overwhelming.

"There have been rumors of a new substance in the black market." Rias recalled something she heard in passing. The Devil Government and security forces have been trying to keep it quiet for the past few years, but the problem was starting to grow large enough that it was it was too difficult to contain anymore. "It throws Devils and Fallen into a wild frenzy. Numbs them to pain, magnifies pleasure, throws their mind into insanity, and causes their bodies to produce higher levels of energy than they normally would."

"Big M. Harley Quinn. Neverland. Emerald City." Issei cut in, causing many to look at him in surprise. He had finally abandoned his lackluster look for one of cold annoyance. "A symptom that frequent users have is varicose veins, and turning a sick green color. It's mostly used in the illegal slave trade. Both on humans and non-humans, but it has an absurdly strong effect on the latter due to its unnaturally strong reaction to magical energy. In small but constant doses, its effects on the mind are comparable to LSD only with a significantly stronger impact on the user's nerves. Lots of its names come from that. It's only when someone takes it in massive doses that a twisted reaction like this happens. The overflowing surge of magical power in Demons in particular tends to cause most to mutate like this due to how unstable unchecked Demonic energies can be…"

He heard of it in passing, but he never thought that it was actually… that that bitch went through and…

"Weaknesses?!" Kiba shouted as he slashed away oncoming limbs at a high speed, but doing so seemed to do next to nothing. If anything, judging from the moans and insane laughing he was hearing, Viser was getting off on the pain.

"Same with any drug user. Wait for them to crash. Using up this much power so quickly leaves most low level Demons literally emaciated. Then again, the effects have been known to last for at least half an hour. I don't think you'd last that long." Issei shrugged. "Outside of that, their cognitive functions are shot like most heavy drug users. Hallucinations are almost guaranteed at this point."

Crack. Crack. BANG!

A bolt of electricity shot out from the side and lit up Viser brightly.

The monster moaned in pure ecstasy before turning her attention to her new attacker and launching an assault in Akeno's direction too.

"When overdosing, drug pretty much causes the brain's VTA to generate dopamine at an insane rate to the point that the entire organ is practically drowning in it. That includes that Thalmus and Sensory Cortex." He continued, his voice dead even and clinical.

"Meaning?" Raynare skeptically asked. Unlike the others, she had some idea of how smart Issei really was, but this was the first time he was actually using his head.

WHAM! Half the side of the building they were next to was torn away from Viser counter attack on Koneko, throwing her through the structure and the one behind it if the sounds were anything to go by. A good number of her mutated hands were scratched up and scarred from the metal she had clawed away at, but the only sound coming from the monster's mouth was one of pleasure and rage.

Up to the side, they saw Akeno flying away from where she had almost been killed. She was no longer smiling, and her uniform was torn up to the point that everyone could see her bra and panties.

Black, obviously, and all lace. No support at all for her impressive chest. How irresponsible. That wasn't healthy. How could she take such little care of her oppai? They must be crying in pain from the lack of security.

"Bottom line? It's what the Weeb said earlier. She can't feel pain, everything makes her feel extreme pleasure, she has a massive energy boost that is literally warping her body into an even greater abomination than before, and her mind is so far gone that there's no real point in talking to her." Issei summed up as Viser turned her attention to them again.

A wave of power that didn't originate from the monster flooded the area, causing everyone to turn to Rias.

The Gremory was surrounded by vicious crimson and black energy, forcing Gasper back. Even if the oppressive power wasn't enough to cause others to keep their distance, the irritated look she had would make up for it.

"Power of Destruction?" Raynare hissed, bracing herself against the sudden surge, unprepared for the new development.

Issei had seen the trademark power of the Bael family before several times. It was a rather scary ability on paper, said to be able to rend apart anything it came in contact with. He could feel his skin and nerves being eaten away just by being exposed to the dregs.

"I've had enough of you Viser. To think you'd fall even further than that of a Stray Devil. Death is a mercy." Rias lifted up a hand and manifested a crimson and ebony charge of death before discharging it ruthlessly.

It was a bit of a letdown in his opinion. The girl was all raw force and no control. "Magic that could destroy" instead of "destruction itself in the form of magic".

Sirzechs on the other hand, even the monsters in his arms acknowledged Lucifer's abilities.

In fact, if his guess was right…

With a chaotic roar, the black and red power stormed forward and crashed into Viser's hands, marring and pushing the waves of flesh relentlessly, but running out of steam far too soon to do any damage to Viser herself.

"AAAAANH!" Instead of pain from her flesh being torn apart, the mad Devil merely glowed in ecstasy, her normal sized arms at her sides and the new ones she spouted reaching to all eight of the breasts on her front and fondling them vicious- wait why the hell did she spawn more breasts too?!

"No!" Issei snapped at Viser, causing everyone to jump in surprise and finally breaking out of his bored and impassive mood. "Those are poor excuses for oppai! Do it again! Do it right! You aren't even fondling yourself correctly and why are there magic circles around your nipples?"

What came next could only be described as automatic rapid fire lactation with acidic rounds.

Everyone had to jump away in order to avoid getting hit.

Except Issei.

He was simply standing there with one eye twitching rampantly. Apparently Viser took no notice of him since he didn't really do anything except yell, instead focusing on the Devils that had been fighting her this entire time.

"Issei!" Rias shouted in alarm as she took Gasper to a safer location.

"Her oppai, and fondling, but acid, and screaming, and why? Why do my eyes and heart hurt so from watching this?"

He seemed to be in a completely different world now, with his brain seemingly shut down due to witnessing what could only be described as sacrilege to all things oppai, stuck in place with his finger still pointing accusingly at the monster, and literally crying tears of blood in heartfelt agony.

"AAAAANAHAHAHAHAHA!" Viser gloated and moaned at the same time, viciously masturbating her chest to the point that she was drawing blood in order to fire more breast milk acid at her targets.

"I don't know what's more stupid!" Raynare shouted as she took cover behind a wall. "This dumb bitch shooting acid breast milk, the jackass just standing there, or the fact that she's completely ignoring him! What the hell is it with this place?!"

"We have to get in closer somehow." Rias grimaced as she moved away from her gradually melting barrier. "Kiba! Akeno! Koneko! Distract her!"

"Right!" The three bolted away from their defensive positions in opposite directions, using their enhanced speed to attack Viser and spread her attention.

It didn't work.

With another orgasmic moan, Viser's body erupted in more twisted limbs in all directions, even as she was being electrocuted by Akeno.

Reaching out like a mad beast, the claws latched onto not only the distractions, but plowed into the walls that everyone else was hiding behind as well. It was only due to quick reactions that Rias managed to push Gasper to safety before she and Raynare were ensnared like everyone else.

And of course, it goes without saying, Issei was caught as well. The jolt and sudden physical contact seemed to be enough to snap him out of his mistreated oppai funk.

"Aha! AHAHA! I did it! I caught all of you! Even Gremory!" Viser cheered in blissful glee. "Tonight I'll feast! I'll be full for the first time in months!"

"Aaaanh." Akeno struggled against the hand that held her, tearing up her clothes in the process. Still, for some reason, from an outside perspective it looked like she wasn't trying that hard and was getting off on it.

"Nnngh!" Rias looked far less pleased than Akeno did, though her clothes also got torn in the process.

"Mmmm!" Koneko, due to her strength, got the special treatment and was held by three hands, rendering her completely immobile.

"Damn it!" Kiba had as much luck with the single hand around him.

"Fucking bitch!" Raynare struggled viciously. Her attire was falling apart just as easily as Rias' and Akeno's. "Just one shot! That's all I need to put her down! Fucking Devils!"

"Rias!" Gasper shouted in utter terror and alarm, his alabaster skin now a pale chalk white. It was just him now. Viser got everyone else. She got Rias. Akeno. Kiba. She even has…

" _ **Oi. Mutant dog oppai molester. Let me go. Now."**_

Oh. Right.

She has Issei.

Everyone paused at the new voice. Rather, it was the voice of someone that had been talking the entire time, but now it held a significant amount of murderous intent behind it. Enough that even the delirious Viser could pick it up.

Issei didn't like being touched.

"Hooh?" Viser seemed to only be able to tell that he was there in the first place and not that he was dangerous. The hand that held him brought him close, and she sniffed him. "Mmm. You smell delectable. So meaty. You're going to be _delicious_. I think I'll have you first."

There was a small flash of green, then red under the fingers that enveloped him, and Viser's ring finger exploded in a mess of bone, blood, and flesh.

Correction. Issei _really_ didn't like being touched.

"Magic?" Most of the Devils thought confused. While it was possible to use subtly, it was rarely heard of to do something this drastic while restrained like they were.

For the first time since she took the drugs, Viser felt _pain._

"GHAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

It was only a finger. It was nothing compared to the damage she sustained earlier from Akeno, Kiba, and Koneko, and she was hopped up on enough mind numbing drugs that her body had mutated to sickening levels…

So why? Why was her bloodcurdling scream even more agonizing and desperate than anything she had made before?

No. Even before that, why did it hurt in the first place? She was hopped up on enough drugs that Akeno's lightning running through her entire body forced her into a monumental orgasm. It shouldn't be physically possible for what he did to do anything more than cause her more pleasure.

"You little HUMAN BASTARD!"

Instead of following his request, Viser instead slammed him head first into the ground multiple times viciously, as if tenderizing his body.

No one noticed the brief flash of red just as she wound up for the first impact.

For what seemed like minutes, the area was occupied with the rhythmic thumping of a human boy slammed on the ground ruthlessly, cracking the concrete and asphalt with ease.

"Eh. Ehehehehhhh. I prefer my meals somewhat fresh, but I will have to do with this." Satisfied with his treatment, the mad beast grinned viciously as the area under her human waist opened up like a jagged mouth turned sideways, revealing a sick, fanged, bony cavern of death. The thick and disgusting looking pale green fluid that almost resembled pus dripped from the opening and onto the ground, hissing as it ate away at the cement as easily as her acidic breast milk.

Another flash of red and green.

Viser's pinky finger literally exploded in blood, bone and gore.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGH?!" Again, the beast hollered to the heavens, loud enough that it shattered what little intact glass remained in the area, and harsh enough that everyone saw blood spewing from her mouth.

Even if she wasn't hopped up on drugs, the Devils and Fallen could tell that the monster's agony was not normal or natural.

Finger by finger.

He wasn't fighting her.

He was torturing her.

From her perspective, Rias could spot that his left arm had changed, but all the blood and gore sticking to the teen masked what it was exactly. She could spot a hint of green, and that the shape of his limb had altered to become slightly bigger. Was it a Sacred Gear?

" _ **I won't ask again."**_ His tone was as cold as a tundra. Any of the immature wit and energy he had earlier was dead as far as he was concerned. __

Issei didn't so much as look flustered from his state. Covered in blood and dirt, his clothes torn up, and being mistreated so violently. He was used to all of that.

What bothered him the most, was that the monster was still touching him.

He didn't notice, or care for that matter, but Rias' peerage were making significant alterations to their thoughts and impressions of him from this.

"You! YOU LITTLE FREAK! HOW DARE YOU HURT ME!? YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HURT ME!" Viser shrieked in a concoction of rage, fear, confusion and incredulation. It was impossible. She wasn't supposed to hurt with this much of the drug in her. No one was supposed to be hurt when on it. Even if she was killed, she was supposed to feel good, like she deserved. It didn't make sense.

She couldn't crush him. But she could kill him another way.

Without saying anything, the monster's mutilated arm jabbed itself straight for her lower cavernous mouth.

" _ **I warned y-**_ wait, those aren't intestinal organs, those are OH SHIT SHE'S SHOVING ME IN HER-!"

Crunch. The twisted maw closed in on him with a sickening sound.

"Issei!" Several shouted in alarm.

"That dumbass. He can't get his mind out of the gutter for five seconds, can he?" Raynare wasn't one of them. She was the only one that was more interested in what happened next. She knew he was fine. Or at least, should be. If he was a normal human, he wouldn't have been alive after being thrown against the ground like that. Let alone talking.

"Hahaha! Mmmm! Delicious! A bit tough, but that human is without a doubt prime meat! I think I even taste a hint of Dragon in him too! How wonderful!" Viser gloated, the pain in her hand already gone as her drugged mind adapted to whatever Issei had done to her. Soon enough, she turned her attention to Rias next. "Ah! But of course, the main treat of the night is you Gremory! It's not often I get to taste the Higher class! I wonder if you'll be any different than your slaves! Oh! If you are, then it would be a waste if I had you first! I suppose that means I'll have one of the others next!"

The Devils and Raynare struggled futilely against their bindings to no avail. Neither had the strength or the freedom to focus enough to cast magic needed to escape.

The only one free was Gasper, who was watching in horror from a distance as the only people close to him were about to be killed.

"No." He tried hard not to cry as he sunk to his knees. "No. I don't want this…"

" _I know I have to leave sometime. But outside is scary, and Rias is strong. She doesn't need me. No one does."_

"I just came out to watch. I can't help. I'm weak."

" _You're right. You're weak, and she's strong, well, stronger than you at least. But sooner or later that idiot's going to bite off more than she can chew. She's the type that will let her pride beat her common sense at the worst times. And when that happens, she's going to need all the help she can get. Maybe yours. Maybe someone else's, but she will need help eventually, or she's going to lose something important."_

"I can't do anything." His shivering increased massively. "If Issei-sempai can't win…"

" _Why did you come outside? You're more scared of everything than I am."_

" _Same reason you should. Money, property and valuables. Anyone can get those from their bedrooms. It's easy if you know how everything works. The things that matter though, the things that support you in your head and heart, make you who you are… those tend to be ones that you can't control, things that can go away if you're not careful. It's hard to find more of those, even if you try to look for them."_

" _Go away?"_

"… _I… I've let enough things leave. Not all of it was my fault, but in the end, I didn't even try to hold onto anything. I, gave up. I hid. Before I knew it, I saw that I barely had anything left that I care about anymore. Things that were already falling apart. To just hide away while anymore of them left, that was the same as just standing by and doing nothing. All this fucking power and potential, I tried to put it to good use, to help people, but in the end it was pointless. No, I never liked it much in the first place. I never cared about power or money or any of that bullshit. It all fell apart anyways. And now? It's all I have left to keep what little I have left. As much as I hate it, it'll still be useless if I just sat around and did nothing. A shameful and disgusting waste that everyone makes too much of a big fucking deal about."_

Standing by and doing nothing. Just like what he was doing now.

 _Issei looked at Gasper with a pained and bitter smile._

" _Being me sucks. It's torture. It used to be fun, but now… Take it from someone who doesn't have much anymore. You still have a lot to hold onto. You still have a chance to get better. Please."_

The small boy in girl's clothing grimaced, mustering the strength to push past his fear and stand up again.

" _Don't be me."_

His fists tightened. He watched from a distance as Viser slowly began to move Kiba to her unholy maw…

"… _Dio."_

It was funny how a single word could ruin a moment.

"My name. IS. GASPER!"

The dhampir's pupils warped, turning crimson red with a burning white core. It was the sign that he was using his Sacred Gear, Forbidden Balor View.

Viser and Kiba were frozen still.

"Eh?" Rias, Akeno, Raynare, and Koneko blinked in confusion as the hands that were holding them went stiff.

"I can't hold her for long! Hurry up!" The Bishop shouted, trying his absolute hardest to keep the girls outside of his peripheral vision.

Right now he only knew two ways his Sacred Gear worked. The first happened if he was in a panicked state. Essentially he stopped time for a few seconds for everyone around him. It didn't work on really strong people like Sirzechs, but it did affect most.

He absolutely refused to refer to it as "The World", regardless of how horrifyingly similar it was to that famous power.

The second was Forbidden Balor View's more well-known effect, where he could stop time on everything within his line of sight. This was an active power that he had to focus to use, and was something he never got the hang of.

Even now he could feel his control slipping. This was the most successful attempt he had made, and by the looks of things he'd be lucky if he lasted ten seconds.

"Right!"

Now that they weren't being crushed to death, or fondled, the girls could focus their strength and magic to free themselves. Koneko needed a bit of extra help, but she managed to get free in the end just in time to get some distance before Gasper finally lost control over his eyes and powers, looking away and falling to his knees again exhausted.

No one noticed the odd green glow that was pulsing from Viser's stomach.

"Huh?!" The monster blinked in confusion as she came to and noticed that her captives other than Kiba were free. "What?!"

"Viser! Let Kiba go and we will make your death a quick one!" Rias yelled, her patience long gone as she flew above her target, magic primed alongside Akeno and Raynare.

"Ara. I agree. While I am fond of drawing these things out, I admit I've lost my interest in this debacle as well." Akeno smiled, but her eyes were murderously cold and lightning arched around her malevolently.

"You two already had your turn. I need to vent some stress too." Raynare conjured up several holy spears around her. As powerful as Rias and Akeno were, Viser was a devil, and holy energy was a death sentence to a weak one like her.

"Mmm." Koneko just settled for cracking her knuckles.

Viser merely looked up with blurred eyes, almost as if she wasn't even looking at them in the first place.

"Ah? Aha! Ahahaha! So that's how it is then?! Nothing has changed! Nothing nothing nothing NOTHING!" She burst out into hysterical laughter. "If nothing will change for me, then at the very least, I'LL CHANGE SOMETHING OF YOURS!"

Before anyone could react, the monster's hands holding Kiba clenched tightly and making him scream in pain. With a mighty gesture, she lifted him up, no doubt ready to crush him on the hard ground.

" _ **Oi. Monster drug bitch. A bit of trivia."**_

A tremendous wave of murderous intent flooded everyone's senses, paralyzing even the delirious Viser.

Accompanying the horrifying sensation was a vivid and viciously sick green glow coming from the opening that had consumed Issei.

"He's still alive?" Akeno blinked in genuine surprise. The voice that had caught everyone's attention was clearly his, but at the same time, someone else's. The tone and pitch were the same, but everything "human" and "immature" about it was replaced with something, that, well, was clearly far more terrifying.

" _ **The words "I'm a medic" are synonymous with the words "I know how to fuck with your insides"."**_

Something inside Viser's stomach lurched. Just a tiny bit. It was barely noticeable.

" _ **I'm fucking you."**_

The monster turned bone white.

" _ **Start screaming."**_

Viser screamed.

It was incomparable to when she was being electrocuted by Akeno, or when Issei broke her fingers earlier.

What everyone was listening to now was the sound of someone screaming for death, of someone that was undergoing torture that they were unused to, unprepared for, and incapable of withstanding even when hopped up on drugs that were meant to prevent her from feeling pain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH?!" Every warped limb of Viser's went sporadic, thrashing everywhere in every direction, scratching at every inch of flesh she had in an attempt to do away with any and every part of her body that she felt was agonizing her being.

With the number of hands she had available, she had soon rent herself so badly that it was harder to find a patch of skin that wasn't marred than one that was intact.

Kiba was launched into the distance in the midst of the flailing, but due to the fact that he was a Devil and was in solid physical shape, he recovered relatively quickly.

"Now! Focus on the top half!" Rias shouted, unleashing her power of destruction at Viser in a colossal wave.

"Right!" Akeno and Raynare followed through with their attacks, blasting back the overly mutated body of their enemy in the process with no remorse and drowning out Viser's screaming in the process.

The combined attack was nothing short of pure chaos. An irregular and unnatural mix of lightning, holy energy, and destruction given corporal form all unstably assaulting a single target. Viser was not defeated as she was butchered. What was left of her body was sent flying back with enough force that the building that the monster crashed into collapsed almost as soon as it was hit.

"Did we do it?" Koneko asked, feeling slightly useless since she had no real long ranged attacks.

"I don't feel anything." Rias didn't confirm anything yet. She had already let her confidence get the better of her once tonight.

"What about Issei-kun?" Akeno spoke up, seeing what remained in Viser's body slowly come into view. She was not the only one that was surprised to find out that he had survived being eaten earlier, and his actions just now made finishing off their enemy far easier than it should have been.

… Plus, truth be told, she was slightly turned on by what he did and how he talked in the end. His tone at the end, and those screams Viser made, mmm…

"He should be fine." Raynare flew down, far more confident about Viser's death than the others. A random nameless Devil surviving a direct hit against the Power of Destruction and multiple Holy Spears? Yeah. No. The bitch was dead.

Looking down, she saw the twisted and mutilated carcass lying among the rubble. There was no head or upper body to be seen, and what was left looked like it had been tenderized and burned at the same time. It wasn't moving in the…

What was assumed to be the front of the beast suddenly lurched as a hand covered in green magic speared through as if she was watching one of those Alien movies.

Ok. Aside from Issei being disgusting, the body wasn't moving.

Ripley would be proud.

"Issei!" Rias came down just as he managed to pull him free of the cadaver. "Are you… ok?"

"Ara? Oh my. It looks like the rumors had some truth to them after all." Akeno smiled saucily, clearly liking what she saw.

The reason for her pause was understandable. He was naked and covered in bodily fluids after all.

No wonder Viser was constantly going on about him being meaty.

"Hmm. Not bad. Shame it's attached to an idiot." Raynare admitted honestly, taking in the sights.

The only form of clothing he had on him anymore was the white and blue holy cloth that was wrapped around his right arm up to his elbow.

On the plus side, he wasn't that bad looking. His baggy clothing hid the fact that he was actually in pretty good shape with a lithe frame and pronounced muscles. It wasn't overkill, but he certainly looked like he could handle his own if he had to fight.

And while being covered in a monster's bodily fluids was disgusting, the wet sheen that it gave his body made all his physical features stand out in a very noticeable way that none of the females there would argue against.

Still, it was a bit distracting when the fluids dripping off of him were eating at the ground by his feet.

Staggering and swaying as he got back to his feet, the teen human glared at everyone there.

"I was just man handled by a monster, used as what was essentially the world's largest consumable _dildo_ like I was in some sort of two bit horror vore hentai, spent five minutes in by far the fourth most disgusting vagina of all time. Then, because _**someone**_ apparently didn't think things through, I was _electrocuted_ in said vagina, reclassifying me as the world's largest consumable _vibrator_. I finish it all up with reverse c-sectioning myself out of said uterus based prison. So no, I'm not sure I am ok right now."

It took a moment for anyone to come up with a reasonable reaction to that.

Akeno looked away embarrassed at the electrocuted comment. In hindsight, shocking an opponent that had an ally inside of her was probably not the greatest of ideas.

Rias grimaced at the rant. He did raise some valid points and, wait what was that about being an edible dildo? Viser ate him, she didn't… oh… oooooh.

Suddenly the vagina parts of his rant made much more sense.

Then that means that the acidic looking fluid all over him was actually…

"You're naked too." Koneko flatly pointed out, though no one missed the faint blush on her cheeks and the fact that she was trying to avoid looking at him.

He threw his arms up in the air in frustration, not at all bothering to try and cover himself, which in hindsight was surprising considering just how much he hated being the focus of multiple people.

And now he, an enochlophobe, is going to have to run across town with his scrotum flying in the wind for all to see just to get a pair of pants. Then tomorrow, he'll have to talk to the enabler about buying a new overpriced piece of shit uniform because why the fuck not? He wasn't fine, he was fucking _fantastic_.

"This is the Cerberus incident with Vali all over again! You let the novices do what they want because, hey, they look like they know what they're doing, why not humor them a bit? The next thing you know, you're bare assing it back to your house and praying your magic will ensure that your photo won't be all over the internet by the end of the day!"

"We're not novices." Koneko frowned.

"No. You're kids pretending to be adults." He snapped back irritably, with more emotion and heat than he had ever expressed since he met them. "If Dio or I weren't here, which was by sheer coincidence by the way, you lot would have been offed because you had no idea what the hell you were doing once things got just a little bit difficult. I came here expecting that I wouldn't have to do anything. Worst case scenario coming here was that the Cougar would simply cheap shot the thing from a distance, she'd get an ego boost and be slightly insufferable for a while, and we'd call it a day. But no, despite _supposedly_ having more real world experience than you combined, she's just as bad as you guys! One thing goes unexpected, and you all fall apart like a house of cards!"

"My name is Gasper." The words came out of the crossdresser's mouth before he even thought about it. It was quickly becoming a habit that he had no control over.

Judging from her expression, Raynare didn't appreciate having her competency put into question.

"You should look at a mirror." Kiba interjected, finally arriving on site after being thrown. "You were distracted and in more danger than all of us. If anyone was sloppy, it's you."

" _I_ can afford to be sloppy because _I_ am not weak." Issei coldly countered. " _I_ was more useful literally being shoved inside that thing's _fanged_ _cunt_ than you were swinging your shiny stick around the entire time. Oh, and just a reminder, _I wasn't supposed to do any fighting in the first place. You were supposed to handle this easily by yourselves."_

His words had stabbed deep into the chests of all the Devils there. Issei was right. He was supposed to just stand by and watch them work. They were supposed to prove how competent they were. Instead they nearly all got killed.

" _No."_ A small, traitorous voice in the back of his head whispered. _"You were sloppy. Again. You were careless, again. You didn't care. You have no one to blame but yourself. And because of that, you were…"_

Issei clenched his teeth desperately. No. Don't go down that path. You were just surprised that you were eaten by a fanged vagina instead of a normal oddly placed mouth. Stay angry. Focus on them. Don't try and make connections that aren't there. Don't try to remember something that will only make things worse…

But what about the drug? Why is it still here? It shouldn't be around anymore.

" _Oh my. Not bad for a kid. Then again, you are a dragon. I might enjoy this after all…"_

"A knight that's fast and a swordsman. A rook that can tank and hit hard. A queen that's a one trick pony. A bishop that's so emotionally distraught he's almost like _me,_ and a King with a potent ability but makes no effort to manage or improve the ones underneath her. Congratulations. Other than Dio, you're all so mediocre it literally hurts. Me in particular. See the acid cooch juice and electrical burn marks? I'm literally half an industrial battery at this point. No, you're less than mediocre because there's only _five of you_. You are literally less than a third of a normal peerage." Issei continued to tear them apart, cradling his head and groaning loudly to himself more than his audience. "AaaaaaAAAAAH! This is exactly like Vali all fucking over again! Fuck you Sirzechs! You knew this was going to happen! You knew I was going to react like this! I swear I'm going to kick your ass if you show up in front of me!"

Rias held her tongue at the dressing down she was receiving. Never had anyone ever talked down to her and her peerage like that before. She had been insulted yes, but being treated as an incompetent child that didn't know anything, that her lineage, intelligence, powers, peerage, and abilities were absolutely meaningless, was something she had never experienced, and she didn't like it.

Especially so when she knew that she actually deserved it.

Looking around, she had a feeling that her peerage was of a similar opinion.

"What on earth is he talking about?" Akeno asked the others, somewhat concerned that Issei was acting like they weren't even there now.

"No idea." Koneko replied, shifting uncomfortably. If her instincts weren't going haywire, she would have been more than irritated at the human relentlessly putting her family down. "He's working himself up unconsciously. His ki is growing larger and more agitated."

"I'm more surprised that he's actually talking about someone using their real name." Raynare tilted her head to the side in genuine astonishment.

It was understandable. Issei never calls anyone by their real name. He always comes up with some nickname or label for them. Even the teachers at Kuoh weren't exempt from the treatment.

Everyone looked at her for a moment before their eyes widened at once.

"She's right."

"I don't believe it."

"It must be serious."

"Maybe Vali is some other person's actual name too."

"Issei, what are you talking about?" Rias asked warily. "Why are you angry at my brother?"

The frustrated human glared at Rias with renewed intensity. "You! The minions! Cougar! You're all pathetic! If I leave you alone, you're gonna screw up at some point, things will happen, and then worst of all, _I'm_ going to have to cover your asses because I live here! Which means that everyone's going to pay attention to me again and people will start dragging me into their bullshit problems again! No! Fuck that noise!"

All the non-humans there clearly did not appreciate his thoughts on their abilities, but decided not to say anything just yet. It was never a good idea to stop a visibly disturbed person mid-rant.

"Starting next week, you lot are training." He continued, catching them all off guard. "You will show me what you have, and then I will come up with a way that will make you _not suck_ , so then _you_ can leave _me_ the fuck alone. This is non-negotiable. I am not going to be stuck dealing with everyone's bullshit again. Am I understood?"

"Hey. Why the hell am I being forced into this too?" Raynare complained.

She would have said more if a tremendous wave of pure murderous intent washed over everyone there, anchoring them to their spots.

Suddenly they all felt very, very small in front of the angry naked teen dripping in acidic junk juice.

He didn't change physically in the slightest. He didn't generate any power of any kind, utter some curse, or alter reality, but for some reason he simply stood out more than anything else seemingly at will. Almost like everything else became so insignificant compared to him that it became akin to background scenery.

" _ **Because if you don't, I'll tell Azazel to send over someone barely competent that does. Am. I. Understood?"**_

It was at that moment that Raynare remembered that she had been complaining to a very agitated Sekiryutei, and realized that perhaps maybe, just maybe, some of those rumors about him might actually be true. "R-right. Understood."

He didn't let up whatever he was doing as he glared at each and every person there in the eyes, making sure his point was made before pausing at Gasper. The small dhampir was shaking in terror, unable to look away from him.

It was like a stab to the chest.

" **Partner. Calm down. You're pushing yourself too far."** __Ddraig chided, still hidden from the others.

That reaction. The confused fear. It was all too familiar to him.

His emotions had gotten out of control again.

This always happens. Not even two weeks out of the house and he was already throwing around his Presence around like it was some cheap trick as if he was some novice, scaring everyone into submission just because he didn't like something.

He was supposed to have grown out of this. He was supposed to be better.

He was… supposed to be a lot of things that never did come to pass, now that he thought about it…

Damn.

Closing his eyes, and taking in a deep breath, the oppressive sensation Issei emitted weakened rapidly, almost like deflating a balloon, much to his audience's relief. Almost instantly, the world came back into focus, as if nothing had been altered or twisted in the first place.

"What on earth was that?" Kiba asked, trying to still the minor shaking in his hands. He had never felt something as intense as that before.

"A-ara? That was quite, intense." Akeno shivered, though for reasons even she couldn't specify exactly.

Issei looked like he was going to say something, when he was interrupted by a buzzing sound behind him.

A mechanical buzzing sound.

Inside Viser's body.

It was something intimately familiar with any teenager of the twenty first century. The hum of a cell phone set on vibrate.

Slowly, as if knowing that doing so might cause Issei to explode again, the group turned their attention to the young man.

Issei took in another deep breath. Held it, and exhaled slowly. His posture degraded from something imposing to one of defeat. His stature shrunk, and even the aura he gave off faded into near oblivion.

"I'm going to turn around, crawl back into that cadaver's vagina, grab my cell phone and hopefully my wallet, crawl out of it again, and go home. I am then going to take a long shower and clean myself until I either feel purged of this mess, effectively skin myself, or pass out. Then I will sleep, or watch porn for so long that I will pass out. I will not go to school tomorrow, and probably the day after. Don't talk to me. Don't contact me. Don't even think about me. I am too tired to deal with your problems right now."

The second he opened his eyes, the teen looked like he had aged twenty years, as if he was hiding just how exhausted he was the entire time. Even more unnerving were just how dull and lifeless his gaze, and his expression had become. They were always a bit off looking before, but now they were the textbook definition of haunting.

It was genuinely astonishing that the Issei of twenty seconds ago and the Issei of now were the same person.

Rias, knowing she might be stepping on a land mine, cautiously spoke up. "Will, will you need help getting home? I can arrange a teleportation circle to the academy. It's closer to your house than here."

"I can open a Dragon Gate. I can teleport myself. Thanks for the offer." He dismissed her emotionlessly, turning around and walking to Viser's corpse. Without a single moment to think about what he was doing, the man reached forward and lifted one of the ruined fanged maws that had eaten him just a short time ago, completely ignoring the vile fluids and smells that came from doing so, and looked for his cell phone.

"I see." The redhead reluctantly stepped back. "We'll have to stay to take care of the body and the area so they don't attract attention. Standard procedure."

"Yeah. I know S.O.P." He didn't seem to be paying attention to her, too busy being engulfed in the mutilated carcass. "Found them."

Raynare really wanted to know how the hell his cell and wallet were intact while everything else had been reduced to slop, but she held her tongue. There was a time and place for random questions, and this wasn't it.

"Oi. Weeb." Issei started to walk away from everyone. "Tell your brother that this is his only warning. If he does anything like this again, I won't wait for Vali anymore. He'll know what it means."

With that, the teen made for a nearby alleyway, not at all caring about his lack of clothes or the debris that he had to go over barefooted.

"Oh. And Dio. Good job. You're the only one that wasn't completely useless."

Before anyone could respond, he was already out of sight.

He didn't teleport near them. Each Dragon's Gate had a unique color depending on its user.

It wouldn't take much to connect the dots if they saw his crimson and ebony crest.

o. o. o.

Azazel yawned heavily and glared at his cell phone. He had actually bothered to go to sleep that night, and wasn't too appreciative about being woken up.

His weariness vanished almost instantly the moment he saw who was calling him.

"Well, this is a surprise." He answered it, speaking first. "You rarely call anyone, even when you were more social."

"When were you going to tell me?" Issei was clearly in no mood for games. His tone could be described as barren, but with a coldness that could send chills down anyone's spine.

That was a loaded question if Azazel had ever heard one. "You're going to have to be more specific Issei. We both know I have more than one valid answer for something like that."

"Nee-san's drug." The teen bit out, as if tasting something vile. "Why in the all the hells is it circulating? I thought what I was reading about in the message boards was just some knockoff or imitation, but no. My nose just got nearly plugged with that unmistakable shit while watching some stray idiot downing the stuff like it was candy. You swore that our mistake would not see the light of day or night. It was supposed to be one of the few things you and the Satans did _right_ by me five years ago. Funny how far your words seem to go these days. I'm starting to see a pattern."

The Governor of the Grigori's cocky smile dropped instantly. He had not expected that particular slipup to reach Issei so soon. "Issei-"

"Does she know?" He cut his senior off.

"Kid, we both know that she doesn't work in-"

"Does. She. Know?"

The Fallen sighed. "Yes. She's not too thrilled about it either, but we were all caught off guard when we confirmed it showed up. Don't think I shortchanged you. I was with you when we destroyed all the records for it, remember? Beelzebub and I worked together to wipe it from everyone's minds and all databases. We all agreed that it was bad stuff, even if we could control it."

"And yet it's apparently the latest fucking craze." The dragon wasn't impressed. "We both know there's only one other person other than us and Nee-san that it could be."

"We both know she's untouchable. Otherwise, Sirzechs would have obliterated her by now on sheer principle. If I didn't know you so well, I'd almost assume that he hates her more than you do." Azazel sighed, knowing where this is going, all but confirming the boy's suspicions. He had to speak up soon or else the kid would lose control again. "Issei, do you really want to throw yourself into the spotlight again over this? People have finally forgotten you. You got what you wanted. No one knows who you are anymore."

The silence was damning.

"Ha. Haha. No. No. You're right. Fuck it. Fuck everyone. Let them drown in their stupidity. It's not my problem anymore." The hauntingly whimsical tone Issei had was just as damning. "There's no point in helping. No one wants me anyways, so why should I do anything for the world in the first place?"

"Kid…" Azazel winced. Those words hurt him more than any of his potential assassins over the past century. It was hard to imagine that they came from someone that just a little while ago was someone that could put a smile on anyone's face.

"Thanks Zaz. I'm gonna sleep now… or watch porn. Whatever comes first I guess. Say hi to Nee-san for me… so tired…"

The Governor tried to say something, but was cut off by the click of the other end of the line cutting off.

"Well shit." The others weren't going to like this. And just when they thought they were making progress too.

o. o. o.

A/N:

I did not intend for this chapter to be so big. I swear, I can't write a short fight scene for the life of me.

I also intended for Asia to show up.

Boo.

Honestly, I didn't like this chapter. It took too long for me to do and it was in the way of the parts I wanted to do, but it was something that had to be done.

Ok. So. I know I said it before, and I know I'm being a broken record, but I'll say it again, Issei is seriously messed up. The kind of messed up that I am going to piss off a LOT of people once his whole story gets out. Crossing a good number of red lines with this one. I'm not saying that you're going to learn about it soon, but when it does, do not say that I didn't warn you or make some huge stink as if I didn't at least try.

Good? Good. Not good? Too bad.

I know that Asia technically shows up before Viser, but honestly? The pacing is just way easier if I do Viser first and get her out of the way. She was just some oddly placed monster for Rias to show off with and explain the evil pieces and her Peerage with in the main story.

And then I made Viser more interesting. Because why not? More acid oppai! More I say!

The thing I've noticed throughout the DXD main storyline is that Issei carries the series. No. Seriously. He does. At least 80 percent of all the non-serious things happening, the mood, the characters, it all not only gravitates to Issei, but matches his personality. Everyone not evil tends to wind up being more perverted and relaxed soon after encountering him, with the sole exception of Fafnir who was already twisted into obsessing over Asia's panties from the get go.

Seriously, Fafnir is the Gordon Ramsey of cooking panties and school swimsuits. It's fucking brilliant.

And we love him for that.

So, change Issei, and change the entire story. Simple math.

Of course, most people that try to make a DXD story try to turn Issei into something he's not, and then it doesn't feel like DXD anymore. Or they try and throw in a new OC and make him the main character, and then it doesn't feel like DXD anymore.

Admittedly, this story will be much darker than original DXD, but Issei still is Issei at heart. He cannot resist the instinctual urge of oppai related subjects whenever they are present, and deep down, he's still a pretty childish and kind person. Once a person cracks open his, admittedly absurdly hard and dense, shell and gets close, they'll realize just what kind of person they're dealing with and open up in kind.

Following that logic, its actually the most damaged and least aggressive characters like Gasper and Asia that will be able to get close to him first. Not because he pities them, or vise versa, but because he sees himself in them.

But that in turn will change the other characters as well.

Where as in the original story, everyone opened up to him either because of pity, or because they thought he was cute, or wanted his power, or etc, here, everyone will take their time with him. They'll be cautious, but the closer they get with him, the stronger their relationship will be.

… That and everyone will eventually develop their own form of vicious and cruel humor at the expense of others.

… And no, everyone is not going to have wet panties and drop their skirts for him at first sight. In case you haven't noticed by now.

And if you think Issei is bad, dear lord, wait for Ophis to show up.

Eh. This is a crappy AN. I'm tired. Next chapter should be lighter and more amusing again. Asia will show up. And Training. Oh boy you guys are all going to absolutely love how Issei trains Raynare. Ehehehehehehehe.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE WAY SHORTER HOPEFULLY MAYBE PLEASE DEAR LOG PLEASE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Wanna make a porno boring? Make it a montage! And boring! With none of the kinky shit that that you watch and get off on but deny under oath when talking to others because you're a pussy! Bow chicka bow wow!

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Eight years ago:

How did he get roped into this?

The man sighed.

He was taller than most, and extremely muscular at that. Combined, it made him an absolute giant in Asia in general, let alone Japan.

As if that and his European features didn't make him stand out as it was, his hair style didn't make things better. More than once, he questioned why he didn't allow nature and gravity to take over when he was in the realm of mortals.

After all, it wasn't often that a man styled his hair in a way that made it perfectly flat on the top. His facial hair and image that reminded others of a grumpy black furred lion almost guaranteed his inability to do anything discrete and had been brought up in conversation more than once. Primarily by Azazel.

It was a normal building in a normal neighborhood… almost normal at least. Apparently the area was owned by the Devils, but he had gotten permission to come here after the right strings were pulled. Unofficial war or not, it wasn't uncommon for individuals from the three factions to allow others visit their territories if the need arose so long as the right gears were greased and the local rules were followed.

He felt sad for the people here though. There was no doubt in Baraquiel's mind that they were going to be under heavy watch the moment he left the area.

Then again, he wasn't here for anything particularly important in the first place. He was just giving some thanks and satisfying another troublesome whim of Azazel's.

Adjusting his tie, he sighed once more to himself. He really didn't want to be here. This was supposed to be one of his few weekends off. He wanted to spend time with Akeno and Shuri. At the very least, the trip back home wouldn't take long. Then again, it was because he lived so close that Azazel loaded this chore on him in the first place.

Taking the last few steps forward, one of the first Fallen Angels approached the house and rang the doorbell.

"Coming!" A woman's voice answered from the other side within seconds. A few more passed, and the door opened to reveal the face of a kind human female with brown hair that reminded him of his wife. Not in size or stature, but in the general kind hominess that brought him peace at home. Seeing it here brought him some peace unconsciously. "Can I help you?"

Judging from the widening of her eyes when she first saw him, he guessed that she was slightly caught off guard by his size, which wasn't surprising. "Yes. Pardon my intrusion, but this is the Hyoudou residence, correct? Ichirou and Asami Hyoudou?"

"Yes?" Asami warily looked at the man skeptically. Since he said their family name last, he was clearly a foreigner that was not yet adjusted to the local culture. "My husband and I live here. Is there a problem? What can we do for you, Mr…?"

"Baraquiel Himejima. I am sorry if I am disturbing your day, showing up like this." He bowed politely from the waist, just as his wife taught him. He still wasn't completely acclimated to the customs here.

"Oh, no. Not at all. I'm sorry if I was being rude." Asami bowed in return. "I was just with my son and his friend in the kitchen. We were making pastries."

"My apologies. I will not take up much time." He apologized again, knowing how important being polite was here. "I will make this quick. I came here to represent a business partner of mine. Recently we have been receiving some mail that identified a condition employee of ours that escaped our notice. One that could have been life threatening if not addressed any later than it had. The mail and the contents of it were anonymous. Typed for the most part. However, some of the evidence inside was electronic, not printed. Thumb drives filled with photos and videos and the like. My friend is a rather curious and resourceful individual, and managed to get enough data from the drives to trace certain identification traits to a computer under your name. He and I are interested in thanking the person responsible for this."

Azazel also managed to trace the DNA on the saliva used to seal the letter to this location too, but he doubted that telling anyone that bit of information would go over well.

Really, the Fallen Governor wouldn't have even taken notice of this sort of thing in the first place if the woman in question was the only one getting the mail.

It did get his notice when people up the chain of authority in that business started getting it as well. People up the chain of authority that weren't easily known to the public.

People like himself for example.

Truth be told, Azazel was more surprised he had a physical mailing address in the first place. Most of his messages, packages, and spam were either electronic these days or went through the Grigori first. Baraquiel believed that Azazel was more interested in finding out how the hell this anonymous sender managed to get this information in the first place.

Asami stared up at him with an unreadable gaze, as if trying to figure out if he was lying or not.

"May I ask you a question, Himejima-san?" She asked evenly, as if trying to make a decision in her head.

"Of course." He nodded.

"Forgive me if this sounds a bit odd or insulting, but you and your partner wouldn't happen to work in more… mature oriented services, would you?"

The Fallen's eyebrow twitched, leading to so many conclusions on both sides of the conversation. "It's, more my colleague's department. While I can't say I'm completely independent of it, I'd rather dedicate my time and focus on more… productive activities."

"I see." Asami's smile turned more gentile and peaceful.

Baraquiel didn't need to be a war veteran to know when someone's life was on the line at that moment. He had been on the receiving end of the same exact look whenever he had slipped up with Shuri for one reason or another.

Someone was in trouble, and it wasn't him.

"Please, come in. Have a seat in the living room. I'll get some tea for you."

"I… thank you." The man had been in enough political situations to know that he was being invited in and made comfortable more to put him in a position to humiliate whoever the guilty party was than to help him, but at this point he just wanted this all over with.

The second he took a step inside the building though, his back straightened and his nerves fired off.

There was something dangerous in this building. Something fundamentally devastating. It was as if he was a Devil stepping into the Vatican City.

He shouldn't be here.

His normally squinted and closed eyes opened and looked at the woman, taking in everything about her, from her appearance to her stance to the aura she gave off.

She was normal. A completely normal human woman that was unremarkable in every way other than her clearly angered mood. She showed no signs of infection, possession, alteration, or mental influence.

From her perspective, there was absolutely nothing wrong here.

But that couldn't be possible. Even normal humans would have noticed something off about this building with this abnormal aura saturating it… unless they had been acclimated to it for so long that they didn't even register the difference anymore.

This wasn't a trap. But it didn't make the situation any less dangerous.

Damn it Azazel. Improvising on the spot was your specialty, not his.

He allowed himself to be guided to the living room, taking in as many details of the building as he could as if examining an enemy base. Primarily where any and all possible exits were in case he had to make a fast escape.

If this _was_ a trap, it was either impossibly well concealed, or absolute trash. From what he could tell, this place was as average and secure as any other mortal human home.

Within a few minutes, Asami had returned into the room, not only with his tea, but with her husband and son as well, the latter two looking at him and her equally confused.

"She wasn't kidding." Ichirou whistled, looking at Baraquiel up and down, clearly impressed and intimidated with what he saw.

Issei was just as transparent, his eyes wide and innocent as any nine year old would be. "Wow… the top of your hair is so flat. It's like, I could mount something on your head and it would stay there easily. Do you practice having proper posture with it? How long does it take you to get it that way? What products do you use?"

Asami smacked both of them upside their heads at the same time. "Boys. What have I told you two about talking?"

"Don't?" Ichirou winced.

"To keep it to ourselves until we are sure there aren't any witnesses nearby that will use it against us as potential libel or slander in a court of law?" Issei asked, prompting his mother to whack him again. "Ow! What!? What?!"

"What have I told _you_ about being mouthy in front of company?" She frowned.

"D-don't?" The boy winced, backing away and getting ready to dodge in case he got this answer wrong.

She held his gaze with her own, merely raising an eyebrow skeptically as if asking a question.

"I'll be quiet." He shivered nervously with wide and terrified puppydog eyes.

"Good boy."

Baraquiel decided to follow the rules of the house and keep quiet himself, using the tea he was served as an excellent excuse to not say anything. The parallels between Asami and his wife were great enough that he didn't dare risk triggering any more potential reactions.

"Issei. Hurry. The brownies are almost done."

"Oh! Uh. Mom? Can I go back to help Auntie Ophis?"

"PFFFFFFFFFFT!"

No. No. His eyes and ears were not being tricked or misled, as much as he would like to believe otherwise.

Sticking her head out from the doorway to the kitchen was an ebony haired girl roughly Issei's age in gothic Lolita clothing.

Sticking her head out from the kitchen of a mortal home, talking about baking brownies, was the honest to God of the Bible, the Oroboros Dragon, Ophis.

"Oi! Watch where you're spraying!" Ichirou jumped back from the wave, being the closest one to the guest.

"Hak! Uk! O-Ophis?!"

"Oh. Baraquiel. Long time no see. Did you come for the brownies too?" The Dragon God asked innocently with her borderline trademark deadpan expression and emotionless tone.

"Ophis-chan? You know this man?" Asami looked back at her first guest in genuine surprise.

"Mmm. That's Baraquiel."

"Ophis? Wh-what are you doing here of all places?!" The clearly confused man managed to wheeze out, tea saturating the wrong pipe in his throat.

"Making brownies." Her head tilted to the head side confused, as if asking if there could be another possible activity she be doing here. "Issei. Asami. They're almost done. Hurry."

"Ophis-chan, I've told you before. Even if we take them out, you can't have any yet. We have to let them cool off first before we can cut them properly." Asami sighed, rubbing her temple. Clearly this wasn't the first time she's had this conversation.

"So you and Ophis-chan know each other? Huh. Small world." Ichirou mused, brushing off the tea from his clothes. "Do you mind me asking how? You don't exactly look like the sort of person that would be interacting with kids that look and act like her."

Baraquiel had to take a moment to get his head on straight and clear his throat. Brownies. The Strongest being on the planet… was in a mortal home with a mortal family… making brownies.

If he didn't know that Azazel had a screw or two loose, he would have been sure that his friend would have had as much trouble believing this as he did.

"I, um, Ophis, _chan_ , is fairly well known in certain circles." He fumbled over his words, something he rarely did outside of dealing with his wife. "Despite her appearance, she's quite reputed and respected among those of our… position. She's also rather private, independent, and difficult to find. Seeing her here is, well, you've seen my reaction. I assure you, it's not unwarranted."

"Eh? Ophis-chan is famous?" Ichirou tilted his head to the side in confusion, trying to remember if he's ever seen her before.

"Baraquiel-san. Are you by chance insinuating that our other guest is also involved in you and your partner's… business activities?" Asami asked with a dangerous tone.

"Business act… oh. Oh! No! No no no! Absolutely not!" The Fallen shook his head frantically in denial. The mere idea of trying to get the Oroboros Dragon involved in porn, and in her current form no less, was nothing short of traumatizing and nightmare inducing. Even Azazel wouldn't dare play with the idea.

Due to his frantic denial, he completely missed the speculative look that Issei gave him before looking at Ophis and back again.

"Business activities?" Ichirou frowned in confusion. "Honey. What's all this about?"

Asami maintained her disarming, gentile, and absolutely fake as hell smile. "Baraquiel-san apparently works for an adult oriented company. Recently, one of his employees was sent an anonymous letter regarding her health, but due to their resourcefulness, the company traced the information on the thumbdrives they received back to one of our computers."

No one misheard the heavy swallowing of lone small boy in the room.

"Baraquiel-san, when by chance did you receive these letters?"

The Fallen Angel had a feeling he was hammering down the final nail in someone's coffin by doing this. "From what I understand, there were multiple letters actually. The first came about three months ago. Yuki… our client, ignored them at first as fan mail, but when they kept coming every week for a month we took notice and started interpreting them as sent from a potential stalker. It was only when some of the higher ups and lawyers looked into the contents that they started to take them seriously."

"Three months ago, hmmm?" Asami looked down at her son with an unreadable expression.

Issei didn't return it. He was too busy trembling in fear from apparently being caught doing something wrong. He looked and acted the very part of a child that knew he was in deep shit.

It didn't take a genius or a mind reader to figure out who was responsible for the letters by this point.

Beep. Beep.

A bell rang in the kitchen.

"Asami. Issei. Brownies."

Ophis didn't seem to care about what was going on. She knew what her priorities were.

"Ichirou, can you get that please? You know how Ophis-chan gets when something holds up her snacks." Asami shook her head and sighed, lamenting the impatient behavior of what looked to be a small child.

Baraquiel was starting to seriously consider leaving out Ophis' presence when he made his report to Azazel later. This entire situation was ridiculous.

"Damn. Just as we were getting to the good part." The man of the house sighed before turning to the kitchen. "Hold on Ophis-chan. I'll help you out."

"How? You worse at cooking than me." Ophis questioned skeptically. "Asami says that you burn water."

"Shut up! I'm just taking the pan out of the oven! Even I can do that!"

No. No. He definitely was not going to mention Ophis to Azazel. He was also pretty sure that he had subconsciously just sworn off brownies for life just now.

"Is, is there a problem with what I just said earlier?" He tried to change the topic back to the one at hand. The sooner he got out of this place the better.

"Hm? Oh. No, it's not really a problem." Asami denied sweetly, causing her son to shiver even more than normal. "It's just that a few months ago, my dear boy here accidentally infected our home computer with some viruses while… exploring the internet. It caused us quite a bit of trouble and cost us more money than we would have liked to replace it and all the important information we had on it. As a result, he was grounded from using it for any reason other than homework or other important reasons. Three months ago, no, even now, he's still grounded. And he's likely to stay that way for quite a bit longer if I have any say in it."

"B-b-but. But, but that woman. Sh-she was in trouble…" Issei stammered, unable to control his shaking. "E-every time she orgasmed, she had strabismus. Her eyes pointed in different directions. Not cross eyed, but in other ways. It was getting worse in her more recent videos. I-It was getting dangerous. S-she was having small epileptic fits when she climaxed and no one was noticing it because they thought the shaking and the face she made was part of her act…"

"While I can't have any say in your son's punishment for breaking the rules," Baraquiel interjected, coughing on purpose, "Might I have some say in his reward?"

"Reward?" The mother and child echoed in confusion.

He nodded, turning to Issei. The boy was a shivering wreck, but he knew what he was talking about just now. He was clearly studying medicine, which gave further proof to what he was about to say. "The letters that were sent, the files on the drives he added were rather detailed. Documents and images from various videos that showed proof of our client's condition. Of course, it was impossible to precisely identify the exact source or source of her affliction just from that, but your son, Issei I believe, did make a list of thirty something potential causes… including the correct one."

Issei brightened up at the revelation, as if he was relieved and elated that he had been of genuine help and correct in his assumptions.

A swift look from his mother killed any good feelings he had.

Asami only looked more conflicted. "And? My son is only nine. While I do admit he does deserve a proper thanks for saving this woman's life, I'm not sure what you can do for someone his age. People will ask questions if a mature company like yours is doing something for a boy of his age."

A porn company aiding the endeavors of a nine year old child. Yeah, that wouldn't go over well no matter what country you lived in.

He had a suspicion, but he needed to find out for sure first. He turned to the small boy and looked at him closely. The man hunched over so that he was closer to his height, to make him feel more comfortable. "Issei. Do you by chance know what Ophis is? Do you have an idea of who I am?"

"Baraquiel-san? What do you mean by that, exactly?" Asami asked warily, confused by the question.

Issei rubbed his left arm with his right hand, uncomfortable with the situation. "Y-yeah. I know who Auntie-Ophis is. And, I think I know who you are too. Your friend is Azazel, right?"

Well, that settled one curiosity.

A normal home. A normal neighborhood. A normal family.

But this boy wasn't normal, and he knew it. Baraquiel would find out how later, but it had to be something peculiar to attract Ophis of all entities here.

Once again, sometimes the biggest things came from the smallest places.

The man nodded in confirmation. Clearly the kid didn't expect to be visited by a Fallen, and despite Ophis being here, he clearly didn't want to be dragged into the mystical side of things. Not now at least. Best to keep things that way until he had a better idea of the situation. No need pissing off the most powerful existence on the planet by getting ahead of himself. "Mmm. You're pretty impressive for a boy your age. Even I had to do a bit of research to understand all the medical terms you used in your letters. I came here expecting to find a Doctor, or a dedicated college student at the very least. You are very talented."

"Th-thanks." Issei blushed. He didn't get many compliments these days. He did get perfect scores in school, but all the kids in his age group didn't seem to like that. They were slower than him in almost every way. Even the teachers didn't seem to pay him any mind anymore, treating him more like a chore than anything else. Sometimes he tried to help out in class by throwing in a few extra details that the teachers missed or got wrong, but that rarely tended to go over well.

Most of the time these days, when he was the center of attention, he was subject of scorn, annoyance, or jealousy.

Ghost and Ddraig just told him to ignore the masses and to keep on focusing on what he wanted. That what meaningless strangers thought of him didn't matter. They were right, but it didn't make him feel any better. Those two guys were super strong monsters with egos as big as their kill counts.

Ophis on the other hand was so detached from reality and people that she didn't get the point of his questions when he asked her for advice in the first place.

Mom and Dad did praise him and loved how smart he was, but after two years of cheating his intellectual development, even that had slowed down to a trickle. He couldn't even jump a grade level or two even if he wanted to. Dad didn't earn enough money to request something like that, and they didn't know enough people to ask for such a favor from the school or government. He would have to do something massive or outstanding in order to warrant someone to sponsor his accelerated education, but he was nine. There wasn't much he could do other than win some meaningless tournament and look pretty for the camera.

It didn't help that practically everyone at school knew that his life's goal was to get a harem by now.

No. He didn't like crowds. Most people either didn't get him or didn't want to understand him. Grouping them all together only made things worse.

He wanted to grow up. He wanted his harem.

"You're trying to be a doctor when you get older?"

"Yeah. I wanna help people and earn lots of money. That way I can support my harem when I'm big."

Baraquiel blinked. Had he…?

"Issei." Asami groaned, crossing her arms with one hand over her eyes. "I don't know what to do with you. I tell you to stop telling people about your harem dream and you ignore me. I tell you to stop watching porn on the internet and you ignore me. I have half a mind to tell you to not get involved in any shady organizations, but apparently you've already beaten me to it, and will just ignore me regardless. Does being a genius really mean you are guaranteed to be selectively deaf whenever I expect you to do something? Is _that_ why you don't clean your room or wash the dishes?"

Apparently yes, he did hear the boy correctly.

Damn it Azazel. He was loading this kid onto the Governor the first chance he got.

"Issei. The brownies are cooled off. We can cut them now." Ophis stuck her head out from the doorway, somehow managing to look completely bored out of her mind, yet eager as a hyperactive child at the same time.

… The first chance he got.

o. o. o.

Current day:

"Hmm. These are all right."

"I'm a fighter, not a connoisseur."

Sitting on top of a building, a small black haired Lolita ate a bakery bought fudge brownie next to a silver haired teen.

Both of them didn't bother to look at one another, preferring to take in the image of the city in front of them without focusing on anything at all.

They didn't say anything. Neither of them were rather talkative individuals, even though they got along rather well.

"Cao Cao sent some people after Issei recently." Ophis broke the silence first. A rarity.

"I told them it was pointless." Vali shrugged. "Not my fault they didn't take my warning to heart. Idiots are lucky that they're still alive."

"Issei's going outside again." She noted, taking another bite with little interest.

"Under duress. From what Azazel's told me, they've even managed to get him to go to highschool of all places."

"…" Ophis paused and looked at her comrade with an unreadable gaze.

Vali lost the unspoken stoic expression contest after a few moments, chuckling briefly. "Yeah. Those were my thoughts as well. When I heard what they were doing, I personally wished I was there when they told him just to see his face. He must have been pissed."

"You're a terrible friend." She stated bluntly, turning away again and continuing with her snack.

Her statement spoke worlds of him. Ophis was immortal. An existence that had immense trouble fully comprehending and accepting minor concepts like friendship and comradery to the point that it wouldn't be surprising if she had to take out a dictionary to look up the definition. It was only thanks to being around Issei that she could function among others in public well enough to garner unwanted attention these days.

For her to make a statement like that, sarcastic or not, held far more weight than at first glance.

He laughed at that weight. No, he laughed because of it. She wasn't wrong after all.

It was almost a rule of life. The funniest things out there were almost guaranteed to be true.

"Yeah. I am." He snickered, with a half amused half bitter smile on his lips. Despite being next to the God of Dragons, Vali Lucifer felt more relaxed than he had been in months. "I'm a terrible friend."

o. o. o.

Issei didn't come to school Monday.

He didn't go for the rest of the week either.

Sona was not impressed. Not with him, nor with Rias' explanation with what happened.

"Don't look at me." Raynare shrugged when she was interrogated on Thursday. "The guy's a hikikomori by nature, remember? He was shut in his room by the time I got back and he's been shut in there all week. Most I've seen of him is when he's raiding the kitchen late at night, but he never stayed to talk."

Whispers were already beginning to spread throughout Kuoh of the "Dragon's" disappearance. Illness. Arrestment. Murder. The number of rumors that spread throughout the week were only matched by how bizarre they eventually became.

None of them ever managed to become as peculiar as say: he freaked out after being shoved into a drugged up monster woman's fanged vagina and was covered in acidic pussy juice.

The best Raynare managed to get circulating was that he was molested by an older woman that shoved him face first into her snatch before he violently retaliated and is now hiding in his room.

Sadly, that particular story just didn't have enough romance and excitement in it, so it only lasted half a day or so before it was forgotten.

"If he kills all of you for this, don't blame me." The Fallen Angel sighed as she stood in front of the Hyoudou household with Rias, Akeno, Gasper, Sona and Saji behind her.

She'd still gladly take credit for the kills, but she'd do without the blame.

"So this is Hyoudou's house?" Saji looked at the property skeptically. "For a guy with a messed up reputation, his home is really… normal."

"No need to remind me twice." Raynare sighed, looking at Sona. "Why did you bring the noobie with you? I thought you'd have "the stacked secretary" at your side."

Sona frowned as Raynare brought up Issei's nickname for her queen, Tsubaki. "As one of the overseers of Kuoh, I do have responsibilities that need to be attended to. Tsubaki is managing some of them in the office to lessen the list. Saji is here to watch and learn. I have just added him to my peerage, and needs to learn there is more to what we do than just contracts and strays."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Genshirou Saji. Sona's pawn." The new member beamed proudly, sticking out his hand as if he was doing her a favor.

Raynare looked at him for three seconds before dismissing him completely and walking to the house with a cringe on her face. "This guy's even more pathetic than the jackass."

"O-oi!"

"Calm down Saji." Sona held him back firmly. "You shouldn't be surprised. Fallen grunts aren't known for their manners after all."

"And devils _aren't_ at risk of becoming strays that are ugly and unstable as sin." The girl rolled her eyes as she approached the door. "Ok. Rules review. Don't enter the building without permission from the asshole or his mother. Don't start any fights, or cause any problems. Don't enter the asshole's room without permission from him. And, the most relevant for you lot, don't get cocky and try to hypnotize the mom in any way to try and get what you want. I've been warned at least a hundred times before even coming into this place that if you do any of those, the idiot inside will blow a fuse and, literally, murder anyone involved violently. Even Azazel-sama sticks to them strictly, so don't fuck up because I will not help you if you do. Got it?"

"Ara? How surprising. I never would have expected you to care so much." Akeno smiled sweetly.

"Care nothing. I'm just making sure I have plausible deniability when one of you fucks up." The fallen snorted in dry humor before walking up to the door and unlocking it.

"Doesn't she mean _if_ one of us screws up?" Saji winced.

"The Fallen are well reputed to lack faith in general." Sona shifted her glasses clinically. "Even we Devils have more dedication to our goals and kin than they do.

Raynare held back more than a few scathing words and spears of light. Devils have more faith than the Fallen? That was insulting in so many ways that she almost lost composure right then and there. Fucking ignorant high class devils. They were even more ignorant than the rumors said. "Just shut up, let me do the talking, and don't overstep your bounds."

She opened the door, and Rayanre became Yuuma Amano. "Asami! I'm back!"

"Yuuma-chan? You're back early." Asami called from the kitchen. "Don't you have club activities today?"

"Normally, but there were some classmates that were worried about Issei. A couple are from the student council."

"Hah. That boy. I was wondering how long he'd skip school before someone was sent over." Walking into view, the normal human walked into view and momentarily paused at the group behind Raynare. "That's quite a large group to be called some."

"Pleased to meet you." The students bowed all at once.

"And you as well." The mother responded in kind.

"Rias Gremory, Akeno Himejima, and Gasper Vladi were with me last week when Issei had his, episode." Raynare played her role well, allowing herself to wince slightly at the last word. "Sona Sitri and Saji Genshirou are part of the student council."

"I see." Oddly enough, Mrs. Hyoudou gave the students an unreadable look over before sighing in some sort of defeat. "Come in. Please, make yourself at home. I'll try to make up for my son when it comes to hospitality while you're here."

"Thanks." Many nodded before walking into the building, crossing the barriers that all three faction leaders had set up years ago…

Only Saji had reacted visibly once the threshold was crossed though.

The second he was inside the building, he had frozen in place and turned ghost white.

o. o. o.

If a person ever had the fortune, or misfortune, of being in Issei's room just a few moments earlier, they would have been graced to see him half sitting half lying in front of a desk completely asleep. His face was buried in a mix of his arms and random papers, and the three computer screens in front of him had their screensavers up, all full of different beautiful naked women in various and multiple stages of sexual activities.

"Zzzzzzzz-someone's in my house."

Without any gradual progression, Issei went from complete unconscious meat sack to a perfect imitation of a hyperactive dog that just saw a squirrel in half a second flat.

If there was one supernatural ability that Issei had that couldn't be written off by his sacred gears or Dragonic nature, it was his unnatural ability to know when someone set foot in his house, or his room depending the circumstances.

It didn't matter where he was or what he was doing at the time. The boy was better than any high tech alarm or spy cam.

There had been one proven case where he had actually bailed out of school one day in the middle of a test because Azazel and Vali thought it would have been a good idea to sneak into his room while he was gone.

It was agreed by everyone that it had not one of their smarter ideas.

People he knew and were accustomed to didn't trigger his senses terribly. His mother barely made him twitch, while Raynare was akin to a small momentary itch at this point.

Azazel was more noticeable, but in a way that he still recognized. Like being poked by an annoying family member in a way that only they did by habit.

But five people at once? Ones that actually felt like they had power? It was akin to feeling someone playing jump rope on his grave.

The only reasons why he wasn't going downstairs raining fire in every direction were that he could tell that his mother had invited them in, meaning that whoever it was wasn't blatantly aggressive and an immediate threat…

… And because at the moment, he was dressed in an undershirt and boxers.

Asami had been quite… specific, about what the repercussions would be if he shot out of his room at guests half naked again.

She had been even more specific about what they would be if he did so completely naked… again.

Let it be known to the readers that it is actually quite difficult for a normal person to manage to nauseate someone with extensive medical training.

Growling in annoyance, Issei moved to put on his clothes quickly, sniffing the air as he did so.

He flinched. Four girls and two boys. One of which was the Cougar and the rest were young, probably around his age, and absolutely none were human.

It didn't take a genius to figure out who it likely was.

Ugh. This was gonna suck.

The house was going to be loaded with natural hormones and pheromones. He was going to have to filter the air he breathed through his nose for at least a week after this. Damn it. He couldn't even relax in his own den anymore.

It was ironic. He could desensitize himself at will to the female body and voice thanks to the amount of porn he's watched, with a few spare slips every now and then. But, almost as if his body had intended to spite him because of it and compensate for his actions in some way, the mere smell of a young woman with enough hormones could drive him nuts if he wasn't careful.

He didn't even want to know how badly he'd react if he got hit full blast by a woman that was soaking wet.

Thankfully, a simple wind element spell was all he needed to filter out everything. Cheap. Simple, and something so otherwise meaningless that no one would ever notice it.

It was his second strongest element next to fire due to Ghost being in him, but he never bothered with it most of the time. At best, he found it useful for air filtering, fire enhancement, and sound manipulation. Apparently you could be absolutely broken if you mastered the versatility of the element enough, but he had never been interested in fighting in the first place.

No. He never intended or desired to be infamously strong. Then again, no one ever seemed to care about what he wanted either.

His ensemble wasn't anything special. Jeans. Red tshirt. White opened button up over that. Simple. He quickly brushed his hair with his fingers to give it some sense of organization before he walked out of the room, making as little noise as possible.

Breathe in and out. In and out. Three repetitions. Just calm down Issei. You know who it is. They're nothing special.

Moving quickly, yet quietly, he went down the stairs and to the living room.

Everyone was sitting around the small table in the middle of the room, drinking tea and eating complimentary snacks. There was the Cougar. The Weeb. The Yandere. The…

"Ah shit. They let you in?"

Everyone turned to see Issei staring at Sona with a muted, but distrustful expression.

Sona matched his glare with her own. She didn't know why, but from the first day they met, Issei did not trust her in the slightest to the point of paranoia. "This is simply another one of my responsibilities as student council president. It would not do if one of my students was absent for unexplainable reasons for long periods of time. Kuoh has an image to maintain and I intent to make sure it is upheld."

"Yeah. Image. No doubt it would wreck your plans if your cover was blown. _Enabler_."

Out of all the nicknames that Issei had made over the past few weeks, absolutely no one had the slightest clue as to the meaning or story behind Sona's. Truth be told, it absolutely bewildered and confused the hell out of Sona more than anyone.

Whenever anyone asked him why he did call her that, he'd just go on some tangent about her corrupting future generations from a lofty position of evil and power.

After about a week of fruitless investigation, most people just gave up and assumed Issei was just an anarchist that wasn't comfortable dealing with people in a position of authority.

The guests turned to Asami with expectant looks, as if she could explain what he was going on about.

"Don't look at me. He's normally more blatant and obvious with his nicknames." The mother shrugged helplessly. "No matter how smart he got, he was always terrible with remembering other's names. It was his way of getting around it, and he's never grown out of it."

"Tell them my life's story why don't you?" The son muttered, shooting her a half hearted glare.

"You're the genius that introduced himself on the first day of school starting with "I have an encyclopedic knowledge of porn industry"." Asami countered dryly. "As far as I'm concerned, anything and everything embarrassing is fair game."

"Mmmmgh." Much to everyone's except Raynare's surprise, Issei backed down without much of a fight, looking at the guests. "Fine. Whatever. For future reference the ones you're catering to are Weeb, Yandere, Dio-"

"Gasper." Gasper's instant correction was a kneejerk reaction more than anything at this point.

"Dio. Enabler, and…" Issei paused at Saji. "Sorry, we haven't met yet. Who are you?"

Unlike everyone else in the room, the bond teen shivered slightly, clearly uncomfortable with something. In fact, he seemed more on edge ever since Issei entered the room. "Er. Yeah. I'm Saji. Genshirou Saji. I just joined the student council under Sona-kaichou."

Issei lifted a skeptical eyebrow, examining the shivering pawn with an unreadable gaze, only briefly looking back at Sona for a moment. "… Right. And Runt."

Saji flinched. "R-Runt? How the heck am I a runt? I'm older than you are!"

"If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, shakes in its pants like a duck…" Issei disregarded Saji's attempt to defend himself and turned to Rias. "I thought I told you to not to come and bother me."

"You told us that on Sunday night." Rias sighed. "You also told us that you wouldn't be at school for the next couple of days. Not the entire week. Sona wanted to come over on Wednesday, but I managed to convince her to hold off unless you did just that. And here we are."

"Issei, your friends came to apologize for what happened and to make sure you're ok." Asami looked at him. "Please don't make this hard on everyone. From what I can tell, they're actually trying to get along with you. They told me how you were helping Gasper-chan with her problems."

"… Dio's a guy, Mom."

Asami paused, looked at the suitably embarrassed Gasper, dressed in the Kuoh Academy's female uniform, then back at Issei. "… Are you-?"

"Adam's apple."

"It's more comfortable." Gasper feebly tried to defend himself while slowly moving to use Rias as a shield to hide behind.

"… Five years inside the house, and within a month you're already friends with a crossdresser. If I didn't know you better, I'd swear you actively try to find people like this."

" _They_ come to _me_." Issei tried to defend himself, albeit unconvincingly.

"I don't know what you're so embarrassed about. It's not like that's the most awkward thing about you." Asami was clearly not convinced.

"Damn it mom."

The devils and fallen angel watched the bizarre interaction between mother and son with varying levels of interest. For many, it was the longest conversation they had seen that Issei had taken part in that didn't involve him insulting or talking down to the other party. If anything, he was on the receiving end of things more often than not. More importantly, they were witnessing a completely new side to the teen in general. He was still rude and unapologetic with his words, but his behavior was more like a normal teen human losing an argument with his mother.

In hindsight, it was less the idea that Issei was instinctively acting more immature because he was talking to Asami, and more Asami knew her son well enough to force him to act this way in the first place with little to no effort.

"Really." The mother sighed, completely brushing off Issei's rant complaining on how her inability to trust in his claims was a sign of poor parenting and reluctance to accept the diversity of the world's population. "Issei, I know you dislike interacting with others, but why are you making this so difficult and pretending to be ignorant of the situation? Even I can tell that Rias-chan and Sona-chan are Sirzech's and Serafall's sisters. While I am surprised to see that they are actually here, you should be able to tell what is going on."

Everyone in the room froze.

"I… what?" Sona blinked in genuine confusion.

"You, you know our siblings Asami-san?" Rias stammered. She had known that the Satans knew Issei, but his mother had never been mentioned before.

"Mmm. It's hard to forget anyone with that shade of beautiful red hair. If I didn't see it before on your brother, I would have assumed you had dyed it." Asami nodded, politely drinking her tea. "Once I knew your name and who you were, it didn't take much to connect the dots with Sona-chan. Serafall did often come and visit with Sirzechs after all."

"… I'm surprised you're being so cordial." Issei's tone dropped to one of stern annoyance. "'Zechs and Sera didn't exactly have glowing reputations with you the last I checked."

"You know they had their reasons to do what they did. They aren't bad people. Their positions simply make them less dependable than we would have liked them to be. It was merely their fault for assuming and promising more than they could." Her tone was cool and collected, however everyone in the room could tell that that was as far as she was going to go regarding that subject.

It was that reason that Sona and Rias held their questions in their throats. Clearly there were stories that were not going to be told that day.

Issei clearly had more he wanted to say on the subject, but held his tongue.

"Ara? This is quite a reveal." Akeno sighed out loud. "Rias, did you ever know of this?"

"N-no. Brother never mentioned this." Rias shook her head. "H-he did tell me about Issei. Little things. Hints and warnings here and there, but never anything like this."

"Sister was the same. Although, now that I think about it, she did seem rather excited informing me of Hyoudou in the first place." Sona agreed.

"Yeah well, things happened then, and everyone's plans were screwed up." Issei sighed. "Honestly, I don't know why those two are even trying to start things up now. It's not like it'll change anything."

"So you say, but aren't you friends with them now?" Asami probed.

The Sekiryutei looked at her with dead eyes and a tone to match. "I'm just contracted help."

Everyone flinched, including his mother.

Even Raynare couldn't help but grimace slightly at his rebuttal. He could be absolutely brutal when he wanted to be.

"Sempai…" Gasper whimpered, his hands gripping his skirt and trembling slightly.

Asami was the quickest to recover though, pity quickly replaced with thinly veiled irritation and annoyance. "Fine. Then be helpful and stop being a pain for everyone here. Sit down and keep your mouth occupied with the snacks and drinks while I talk to your classmates so that you don't get kicked out of school."

"Fine. Fine. Whatever." He knew a lost fight when he saw one. When the cards were down, he could never manage to win an argument against his mother, no matter how smart he got. He had long since written this phenomena off as one of nature's unspoken laws.

Instead of going to the couch where most of the guests were sitting, he found one of the remaining single person chairs left in the corner and brought it forward before sitting down, pretending to ignore everyone else there. Once he was close enough, he reached forward to pour himself a cup of tea and grab some biscuits, crackers, brownies, be-

"… Mom?"

Not a single person missed the horror saturated in Issei's voice as he froze reaching for the table.

"Yes dear?"

Likewise, not a single person missed the sudden smugness in his mother's.

"Why are my brownies being served as snacks?"

"Because they were made for guests. You made them for that purpose after all."

The sounds of neck bones popping were heard as the surly teen slowly turned his head to his mother, his eyes wide in innocent hurt betrayal. It was as if he was a kicked puppy. "Why? Why would you do such a thing to me? You know what will happen if we don't have enough around when Auntie O shows up."

"Auntie O?" Saji asked confused, the only one voicing the question in everyone else's mind.

"Don't be so overdramatic Issei." Asami sounded like she was trying to calm him down, but the wicked smile and look in her eyes said otherwise. "Ophis-chan is not that terrible and petty."

"PFFFFFFT!" Rias could confidently say that she had never seen Sona spit-take in her life until that very moment. She probably would have enjoyed it more if she wasn't just as shell shocked as Sona was.

"O-Ophis?" Akeno stammered, not believing what she was hearing.

"She nearly killed me the last time we didn't have any woman!" Issei on the other hand, had decided to speak thee octaves higher than normal in his panic as he bolted to the kitchen.

"Uh. Sona-kaichou? Who's Ophis?" Saji asked his coughing King warily.

Rias tentatively leaned to him to answer for her best friend at a very low volume so Asami wouldn't hear. "S-she's… Ophis is the Oroboros Dragon God. The strongest being on the planet. An unsurpassed existence. Even all the Satans combined wouldn't stand a chance against her."

"All the… you, you're kidding, right?" Saji's complexion paled dramatically. "Why would someone like _that_ come here for brownies?"

"That's what I'd like to know."

"Stop overreacting. She wasn't that bad." Asami clearly seemed to be too pleased with her son's behavior to take anything he was saying to heart, more interested in peacefully drinking her own cup of tea as sounds of cabinet opening and bags being moved were heard in the next room.

"I saw my life flash before my eyes five times!" Issei's rebuttal was even higher pitched than before. "Shit! No! No no no no no! She used up the last of the brownies! Maybe I can… fuck! We don't have enough to make another batch!"

The kitchen door slammed open, revealing a near hyperventilating and apocalyptic Issei on the other side. "Runt! Cougar! Dio! Congratulations! You're going to be useful for once! We're going to the supermarket now with you as my pack mules! This is not a drill! I repeat! This is not a fucking drill!"

"Wait. What?" Raynare choked down the brownie she had just been snacking on. "Why am I coming too?"

"Going. To. Be. Useful. For. Once." Issei repeated himself slowly word for word as if he was talking to the mentally impaired.

"Can I ask why I'm being treated so badly right off the bat?" Saji raised a hand.

"Because you were also useless for the grand five minutes I've known you. Now you have a purpose. Rejoice. You've shattered the Cougar's record, making you vastly more competent than she is."

"Oi!"

"U-um. Why aren't you asking Akeno, Rias, or Sona to help?" Gasper hesitantly lifted a hand.

"Because those three princesses look like they wouldn't know what hard manual labor is even if it bitch slapped them in the faces." Issei stated bluntly, getting very non-amused glares in return.

"Issei. Just… just get out of the house before you start talking again." Asami sighed, rubbing her temple with her free hand and ignoring the clearly irritated looks on the girls' faces.

"You heard the woman! Chop chop! Move! If we don't make it in time, then all our asses are dead! Most importantly mine! Go! Go!" Without any sense of subtlety or patience, Issei urged Raynare, Saji and Gasper out of their seats and forced them out the door without looking back.

Leaving Asami in the room alone with Sona, Rias, and Akeno.

"He certainly doesn't seem to like us, does he?" Akeno observed, still glaring at the door.

"I'm terribly sorry about Issei. That boy has always had an "everything or nothing" personality." Asami bowed deeply. "He's not particularly fond of the idea of letting people close to him anymore. He's always been blunt, but now he uses it to try and keep his distance from anyone and everyone that tries to get close. As far as he's concerned, the only people that want to get close to him now fall into two categories. Either they just want to use him, or they are going to get hurt by association sooner or later because they're not prepared to deal with the people that want to use him."

"That's, an odd way of seeing other people." Rias admitted.

"Yes, well, after everything he's been through, even I can't argue against that logic as much as I want to." Asami sighed. "Trust is something that he's extremely reluctant to give out anymore."

"He trusts Gasper." Akeno pointed out. "To a certain degree at least. You can tell looking at them that there's an unspoken understanding between them."

"That crossdressing child?" Asami tried to get the name and person right. "There's probably more than one reason for that. That boy doesn't look like the sort to reach out for help in the first place. He's more the type to just accept that bad things happen to him and leave it at that no matter how wrong it is. My son… it's too much like looking in a mirror for him. As rude as he can be at times, his heart is still in the same place it's always been."

The three devils had to take a moment to think about that. Issei and Gasper were that similar? Even by the most twisted logic, it was rather difficult for them to come to that conclusion.

"Are you insinuating that Issei has a habit of helping people that are in trouble?" Sona started slowly. "I'm only asking because there was an incident two weeks ago. He helped identify some signs of abuse on another student under irregular circumstances. After the event though, he kept quiet about the whole thing and acted as if it never happened in the first place, even when some of the people who were involved at the time approached him about it later."

The silence in the room was damning as Asami digested what Sona said slowly before sighing and cradling her face with one hand. "That boy. He's such a damn hypocrite sometimes. He can't help but get in other's problems if he thinks no one else has seen it or is willing to address it, but does everything in his power to keep people away from his own issues, even if he desperately and clearly needs the support, even when he's absolutely useless at helping himself."

"This isn't the first time he's done something like that?" Rias concluded.

"Issei's… smarter, than he appears. And talks. And acts…"

"You don't have to sugarcoat it." Sona deadpanned. "He's pretty much seen as the unofficial thug at school. Everyone would be more concerned about it if he did more than just sleep all day in the middle of class and scare anyone that tried to wake him up."

Asami smiled sheepishly. "Yes well… back then he was better behaved. Somewhat."

"Somewhat?" Akeno lifted an eyebrow.

"… He was cute and hyperactive and talked as much as he did now." The woman dropped her head in depression. "Intelligence and lack of a filter that only childish innocence could provide don't mix well."

"Ah." The girls nodded at once.

"While most would consider it a boon, it has caused him more problems than solved. You could say it's the main reason why he's become what he is today. When he was younger, it isolated him from his peers, although, there were other reasons that I won't get into. He soon distanced himself from most people because they all treated him differently sooner or later. He's always hated crowds, but it was never extreme until… later on."

The Devils assumed that whatever the woman was referring to was the event that had Issei lock himself in his room for years on end. They wisely let the woman continue and didn't say a word.

"Even then, he's always been the first to help someone if he thought he could do so, regardless of how it looked from an outside perspective. Back when he was nine, well, long story short, he actually identified a brain tumor in a porn actress from her videos, then spammed the company hierarchy up to the hidden president and owners with his findings through anonymous mail until they actually did something about it. That's the sort of person my son is, even if he tries to hide it as much as possible now."

"He identified a brain tumor, at age nine… by watching porn?" Sona summarized Asami's story with more than a hint of skepticism.

"Technically, it was one of a list of possible things he made that the woman could have had from the symptoms she displayed. But yes, he did." The mother sheepishly looked away. "He was also grounded from the computer at the time for watching porn in the first place, which is probably why he didn't tell us about what he was doing. He's as rude and tactless as can be, but my son does live up to his namesake of being honest. He's terrible at lying, especially if he's put on the spot. He doesn't like liars either, and by extension, people that omit the truth in order to give others the wrong idea about things. He also gets incredibly guilty whenever he feels that he's responsible for something bad that happened to someone else. Whatever he says, you can be assured that he's being genuinely honest about it, whether you want him to or not."

Akeno took that moment to drink innocently from her tea.

"Yes, I've certainly seen that part of him in action first hand. He hasn't made it an endearing quality, has he?" Rias laughed nervously.

"Getting him to shut up is simple enough. It's getting him to keep quiet _before_ he says anything, that's the real miracle." Judging from her expression, it was clear that Asami had yet to find said miracle.

"And how would we go about doing that in the first place?" Sona probed, unconsciously prompting her friends to lean forward as well.

"Easy. Just whack him upside the head the moment he says something stupid." The woman shrugged with a resigned look on her face and sipped her tea.

The girls froze in place, not believing what they were hearing. "Eh?"

"You don't have to aim for his head of course. His ribs work just fine as well. Anything that gives him a solid jolt will get the job done really." Asami continued as if talking about the weather.

"We… we are talking about Issei, correct? Your son? The person that reacts violently whenever he's touched in any way?" Rias asked, more to clarify what she was hearing more than Asami's solution. "On the first day of school, it's rumored he nearly knocked out three different teachers that tried to wake him up during their classes before his room found a way to do it safely."

"Oh that? He only does that if he isn't mentally and emotionally prepared to be touched in the first place. Even I can't get away without a reaction if I try to wake him up physically or surprise him. To this day I only know of one person that can do it without setting him off, and she's currently in America." The mother waved off their worries lazily, as if her son's violent disposition was of little consequence.

"Are you insinuating that he is mentally and emotionally prepared to be touched when he's being rude?" Sona attempted to clarify what the woman just said, more for herself than anyone else.

"Make no mistake, he knows full well when he's being insufferable, and half expects someone to react when he does. It's why almost anyone that he at least tolerates can get away with a little corrective action from time to time. Treating him with children's gloves the entire time will get you nowhere. He's probably secretly enjoying the fact that he can mouth off to you with nearly no repercussions right now."

"My my. Issei really is a naughty boy, isn't he? Needing and expecting near perpetual discipline like that." Akeno purred with a delighted look in her eyes.

Asami sighed. "I wouldn't say near perpetual. He's rude, but if you ever bother to pay attention to what he's saying rather than how he says it, you'd notice that he's rarely ever actually wrong. Poor presentation but quality content. You've all probably noticed it by now. Issei's quite sharp and observant. It makes it frustratingly hard to win an argument against him if he stands his ground unless I pull out some cheap tricks. Reacting poorly just because you don't like what he's saying in general won't earn you any points. If you genuinely plan on trying to be friends, I'd recommend spending more time listening to what he says rather than how he says it, even if you disagree with it at first."

Rias and Akeno recalled the teardown he gave them last Sunday in particular and had to reluctantly agree with the statement.

Sona coughed politely. "While you have given us a good deal to think about, Issei's disposition is not the reason why we, or rather I, am here. I am here to address a student not attending class for a week without a proper excuse. A few days I can tolerate, but this is too much. He's missing vital classes and assignments he will need to complete his education."

Contrary to what the Devils expected, Asami merely failed to hold back an amused chuckle that somehow spawned from her previously tired and weary demeanor. "Ah. Yes. Classwork and homework. My son does have to complete those, doesn't he?"

"I fail to see what is so funny about this." Sona shifted her glasses in a way that reflected light and tended to make her look more intelligent to most people.

It didn't work on Asami. If anything, it amused her even more. "I'm sure my son will manage to find a way to catch up. He's not the sort to leave projects and assignments unfinished. If he encounters any issues doing so, please contact me so I can let him know how he's, falling behind."

Judging from the giggles escaping from the woman's mouth, there was clearly a joke that the guests weren't getting.

"Is there something we need to know?" Akeno asked curiously.

"No. No. Believe it or not, Issei's a workaholic. Regardless of how distraught he may be, it's his work habits that are the reason why he's falling asleep all the time. He's had a polyphasic sleep cycle since he was eight." Asami smiled. "It's better to keep him occupied this way now that I think about it. It's when he gets interested in odd projects that problems happen."

"What kind of problems?" Sona frowned.

"Mostly it's just unwanted attention for him. The bigger the project, the wider he spreads out to gather more information and resources, often contacting people that he shouldn't be able to in any way. I can't tell you how many times he's had to get Azazel-san's help to clear up a misunderstanding because Issei looked in the wrong places or asked the wrong questions. That boy has absolutely no sense of danger when he's after something he wants."

o. o. o.

"Thankfully, he's been quiet and behaved in that regard for the past few years, and he hasn't done anything recently that would cause him to focus on something dangerous or abnormal."

Up in Issei's room, the papers on the desk he had been sleeping on fell to the floor.

Several photographs were among them, including some of the deceased devil named Viser.

The rest of the written papers were medical records, lists of drugs, doctors, and hospitals.

On another part of the room, on the back side of a cheap notification board, were pictures of demons, fallen angels, yokai, angels, monsters, locations, money, events, and lists of notes all pinned in order by how they related to one another.

The setup was clearly not complete though, as there was one photo above them all. It had a few connections. A few old men. A human girl. A couple of devils. Issei himself. A building in America, but nothing that connected it to the myriad of string and paper further down below.

… Yet.

o. o. o.

"I've heard of people adapting their sleep schedules like that, but I've never met anyone that has before. It's supposed to take a lot of work to adapt to." Sona mused.

"You have no idea. It took forever for him to stop nodding off at the dinner table in the middle of his meals. Though I did get some good blackmail pictures out of it." Asami smirked in a way that only a gossiping housewife could. "For example, did you know he cuddles when he sleeps?"

"Ara? Out of everything you've said today Asami-san, that is no doubt the hardest to believe." Akeno chided, though her viciously wide grin said something completely different.

"It's true." Asami nodded eagerly. "He instantly wakes up if it's a man, but if a woman or someone near his age gets near him and doesn't do much, he'll just latch onto them unconsciously and thinks they're a pillow. It's absolutely adorable… at least it is when the person he's holding onto is prepared for it. There were a few awkward moments when he was younger. He likes to pretend they didn't happen."

"That does sound interesting…" Rias nodded with a small blush at the thought of Issei snuggling like a cute pet. A rough outside but a tame inside. Didn't they call people like that tsundere here? Maybe she should call him that next time they talk and see how he likes it. From a safe distance, just in case. "But, how would you get him off of you afterwards? Waking him up isn't exactly an easy thing to do."

"Oh there are plenty of ways. You can use my name and Azazel in the same sentence. Say that someone is planning to try and get into his room. Say that you'll do something that is unhealthy or unsafe to your body. Any of those will cause him to snap to attention instantly. It's the physical things that you flat out avoid."

"I'll make a note of it." Sona shifted uncomfortably. "If I may ask, why are you so forthcoming about Issei with us? We only just met today, and he's only gone to school for a few weeks."

Asami blinked in surprise and looked at Sona. "I, yes we just met today, but I've known about you and Rias-chan for years. Your siblings can't stop talking about you two. Serafall and Sirzech-san always made sure to show me pictures of you two whenever we got together in person, and I was told that you were in the school before it even started. In fact if things had turned out differently, you would have met Issei years ago."

All three devils wore the same looks of shock and disbelief.

"E-excuse me? We were supposed to meet Issei years ago?" Rias managed to stammer. Her uncertainty was understandable after all. If by "years ago", Asami meant before Issei had his breakdown, that would have meant that she would have met him before she had come to Kuoh.

Before she had come to the human world proper.

"Mmm. You would have had an easier time with him then. He was still rude, but incredibly shy and far cuter. Less aggressive too, and always willing to help a pretty girl that treated him nicely. He would have been absolute putty in your hands." The woman nodded. "Wait, you mean to tell me you didn't know that?"

"As far as I was aware, Issei was merely a person of interest to our siblings." Sona frowned with Rias nodding in agreement. She was going to have words with her dear sister later.

Asami's reaction was something that chilled her guests to the bone.

For the briefest of moments, her face went blank. Her body language went blank.

Her eyes went blank.

For the briefest of moments, she looked just like her son did whenever he killed off his emotions.

"Haaah. So that's how it is. And here I thought they had learned from what happened back then."

The three girls didn't know what their host was talking about, but they were pretty sure that whatever it was, Sirzechs and Serafall had just screwed up big time.

"Is something wrong?" Akeno, being the only one without relatives mentioned, broke the silence on their end.

"I suppose you could say that." The woman's tone was dry, calm and distracted. "It's not your fault. You don't know anything. Rather, you could say it's because you know so little. I'm surprised how careless Serafall and Sirzechs have proven themselves. You'd think that they'd remember that Issei is not the only one that they have to make things up to."

None of the girls asked what Asami meant by that. They were right to do so.

Imitating her son once more, the woman breathed deeply through her nose slowly, and exhaled at the same rate. "Do you girls know why you are here?"

"I'm sorry?" Rias blinked in confusion. "I thought that we came here to check up on Issei?"

"No. You misunderstand the question. I mean, do you know why Issei left you here alone with me after he barged outside in a panic? After I gave you all the brownies that he purposefully keeps aside for Ophis whenever she comes over?"

A sudden chill went down their spines. This conversation had been staged, not by Issei, but by by his mother. The woman had deliberately tricked her emotionally disturbed and enochlophobic son to run outside on a beautiful spring Friday afternoon where there were no doubt tons of people walking about just to talk to them in private.

"My son does not trust you. No, that's too general. He doesn't trust anyone on principle. Rather, he doesn't know what to do with you three in particular." Asami opened her eyes and looked at them coldly in theirs. "Gasper-kun. Yuuma. Saji-kun. My son is confident enough to manage being around them just fine, but not you. He doesn't know whether it is safe to be around you or not. And yet, he left you here, with me. A single Japanese housewife with no particular outstanding qualities."

All three of the girls wanted to say that there was nothing normal about this. All three of them were vastly more powerful than Asami. Any one of them could have easily killed her on the spot with but a mere thought and a flicker of their abilities.

All three of them were absolutely scared shitless of the woman sitting in front of them, looking down as though she were a judge or a ruler still contemplating what her verdict might be.

"Forgive me for being rude and blunt." The mother continued, her tone cold and firm. "It's not your fault, but I've long since lost my appreciation for games like the ones Sirzechs and Serafall are currently playing on myself, my son, and now apparently you three."

" _You, really don't know anything, do you?"_ Rias and Akeno remembered Issei's comment during their first real conversation in the ORC. At the time it was almost inconsequential to them, but now…

"Now, please, do tell me what exactly you know about our current situation, and I will tell what I know. Don't be afraid to hide specifics. I'll be doing the same."

o. o. o.

"Wheeze."

"Ugh."

"Gasp."

"Hurp."

"I-I thought it couldn't get worse. I really did." Raynare shivered and twitched, desperately trying to hold onto what little rationality and sanity she had left. "But, but this is a torture beyond imagination."

"Haaah."

"Bluh."

"They, they're in stereo."

While Saji wasn't nearly as traumatized or horrified as Raynare was at the scene, he was a bit disturbed by the sight of Issei and Gasper somehow synchronizing their psychotic breakdowns without even trying.

The four of them had been rushing down the street outside, primarily driven by a frantic Issei to where he claimed the closest market was, when they reached the local park.

On a beautiful spring Friday afternoon.

Filled with families, children, teens, and the occasional jogger.

And they were more or less dead center of it all.

Issei's blind panic had died viciously in an instant by the hands of pure paralyzing cold blooded horror.

Gasper didn't react much better once he got his bearings straight either.

Personally, Raynare wondered if was how the idiot would have reacted if Ophis actually did show up at that moment.

"Aaaah."

"Hurk."

Leaning against a tree that was a fair distance from any of the main paths, Issei and Gasper were alternating their twisted and warped breathing patterns. Issei on the verge of blowing chunks, and Gasper hyperventilating into one of the spare paper bags he had grown accustomed to wearing over his head whenever his anxiety proved to be too much.

On a side note, no one knew how or when exactly, but at some point, Issei had managed to draw Dio Brando's face over all the bags Gasper had in stock in his room.

Gasper was not impressed.

"I don't know whether to laugh or be depressed by this." Saji could only watch in pure bewilderment. "This is the dreaded Sleeping Dragon of Kuoh?"

"Fuck, ulp, you Runt." Issei tried to shoot his senior a dirty glare as he leaned against the old oak with one hand, but failed to on the count of his face turning green from the effort.

"Outside. Scary. Outside. Scary." Gasper repeated his own mantra between each breath, sitting on the ground with his back against the same tree.

"I'm a babysitter. This is what my life has become now. I'm babysitting nutjob teens and devils that should be wearing safety helmets for their entire lives. My reputations over. I'm never going to be able to show my face after this." Raynare tried to rationalize her position, and failed miserably.

"At the rate you're letting yourself go, you wouldn't want to show yourself anyways. Hurk."

"You…"

"To be honest with you guys, I'm still just trying to make sense of all of this in the first place." Saji lamely lifted a hand as if he was in class.

"And you wonder why I call you Runt."

"Hey! I was only reincarnated last week! Give me some slack!" Saji snapped.

"Ah. Aha. Nothing but a babysitter. A servant. Ahahaha."

"I think she's *wheeze* reaching her limit guys." Gasper spoke between deep breaths.

"Urk. I can get her a maid outfit if she wants. Don't know how long it would fit her though."

"You're not *gasp* helping sempai."

"Ahahaha."

"Whoa. Whoa whoa. Calm down. From what I've seen, you're the only other sane person here. Don't leave me alone in this." Saji pleaded to Raynare before she had a meltdown.

"Waaah." Gasper whimpered, scared by the Fallen's laughter. He was already at the end of his rope if the tears in his eyes and shaking were any indication.

"Sanity is relative and based on perspective." Issei gurgled. "The stuff's like diamonds. Overrated. Overvalued. Overhyped. The market's broken for a useless product. Fuck sanity. It's never done me any favors. I want a refund."

"You need to have sanity to give back to get the refund in the first place." Raynare shot him a dirty look.

"Like your clothes?"

"What did you say?"

"Will you two cut it out?" Saji interjected. "I swear it's like the pair of you hate one another so much you're in love or something."

The pair looked at him as though he grew a second head. Both turned green, and then their cheeks puffed out.

"Ulp. I'm gonna hurl." Raynare gasped.

"Dibs on the bush." Issei lurched to the side.

"Hell no. I saw it first." Raynare raced him to it.

Saji groaned and pretended to ignore the combination or wreching and arguing that was taking place, preferring to focus on the still hyperventilating Gasper. "How is it that I'm the normal one among you guys? Please don't tell me I'm going to wind up as messed up as you by being a Devil."

"I don't *breathe* know." The vampire shivered. "Depends on *gasp* Sona-taichou."

"Oh. Ok. I should be safe then."

"Ha! Hahahahooogh?! Fuck! I laughed too harrrrogh!" Apparently, Saji's response to Gasper's answer amused Issei enough to make him loose control over his stomach.

"Kya?! What are you doing?! Other way asshole! Other way!"

Deciding to move so that he wasn't downwind of the upchucking pair, Saji decided to look around a bit. Truth be told, he wasn't even supposed to be going to Kuoh in the first place. He lived on the other side of town, the less affluent part of the city, so commuting to school every day was a bit of a hassle. If it weren't for his high grades in middleschool, good reputation, and a favor from one of his uncles that worked in the system, he probably wouldn't have gotten in.

It made the idea that Issei living here even more interesting and peculiar. This part of the city was fairly pricy. Not ball busting expensive, but enough that you'd be hard pressed to see a single mother be able to scrape a comfortable living with her child getting ready to apply to college. Neither mother nor son looked like they were raised among the elite. Upper middle class maybe, but nowhere near Sona's and Rias' pedigree.

Then again, maybe it had something to do with Issei's father. The man clearly wasn't around, and Asami's hands had no rings on them, so the guy was either dead or he divorced his wife. Maybe they were living off of divorce or life insurance money. It was a bit abnormal, especially here in Japan, but then again word was that Issei had lived for a while in America. Something probably happened there.

"That bastard. He can't keep his mouth shut for anything." Raynare snarled as she stomped towards him barefooted while holding her shoes in one hand. Judging by the wet splotches on them, it looked like she didn't manage to get out of his range of regurgitation in time.

Saji shrugged. "Well you both went in the same direction when about to blow. It was likely to happen… h-hey. Wait. Why are you coming to me? Ack?!"

With a savage tug, the Fallen grabbed Saji's clothes and started using them to wipe her shoes clean. "Shut up and be useful. Stupid baby devil. If you don't, I'll kill you."

Judging from the malicious aura she was giving off, Saji was hesitantly believing that she was telling the truth. "O-oi! Come on! I didn't do anything! And I'm not weak! I have four pawns in me!"

"Spoken like a true noooboh god there's more! Huogh! Why?! Why is there moooooogh!"

"Wow. I didn't know you eat so much sempai." Gasper watched in wide eyed fascination. It was a disgusting performance but he couldn't look away.

"I don't! Waaauuuugh!" The Sekiryutei was now stuck between crying and throwing up now.

"It was amusing at first, or it would have been if he didn't hurl on me, but now it's just gross." Raynare huffed, getting nods of agreement from the devils with her.

"Um. Is someone here? I hear screaming. Is there a problem?"

"It's nothing." Raynare sighed. "Just two idiots getting sick over nothing."

"Keep that up and I'll define you as "nothing" so I can validate that statement." Issei half gurgled half hissed without turning around.

"Try it. I dare you."

"Ignore what they say. It's what they do." Saji shook his head and turned to the newcomer, but was cut off as the stranger rushed past him to Issei.

"Oh no! You really are sick! Do you need help?"

"Oi. What's she saying? I don't speak Italian."

"Italian?" Saji blinked in confusion as he watched the back of a girl dressed in nuns clothing move to Issei. "She's speaking Japanese to me."

"Wah?!" Gasper, slightly more aware of the situation, realized what the newcomer was and stumbled back.

"Aaah." Raynare groaned, slapping herself in the face at the slip up. The gift of tongues was a useful trick that all Devils, Angels, and Fallen had, but it also was one hell of a weakness if used right. It was a common tactic from the old times to have speakers of multiple languages around at once in order to try and trick a non-human to reveal itself by switching dialects or speakers on the fly and see if the target noticed anything. It was used less often these days, but still happened from time to time.

As it stood now, the only humans there were Issei and the newcomer.

"Fucking clueless Runt. Did the Enabler tell you anything usefuuuoh shit there's more stomach acid!" Clearly, Issei was aware of the weakness of the Gift of Tongues as well. And his stomach.

"Here. Let me help." The girl approached Issei with her hands held out to him.

"What? Wait wait wait!" Saji panicked. "D-don't do that! He doesn't like being-!?"

A ring appeared on each of the nun's hands, encasing them in a soothing green energy as she pressed them gently against Issei's back.

At first, the dragon reacted as expected. His body flinched violently and went stiff. However, just as the recoil and vicious strike was about to engage, Issei surprisingly, albeit slowly, relaxed.

"… Touched." Saji blinked in genuine astonishment, much like Raynare and Gasper.

"He didn't lash out." Gasper was surprised.

"That girl…" Raynare had a bad feeling about this. "She's using a Sacred Gear."

"Ugh." Issei groaned in half exhaustion and half relief as the glow seemed to have an effect on him. "This is… good. You're good at this. What spell are you using? The way everything's calming down and your magic… the process is working on everything all at once."

"Sempai. Are you ok?" Gasper asked from the other side of the tree they were gathered around, afraid to be near the newcomer.

Issei didn't seem to notice the question. "Tachycardia. Hyperesthesia. Hypertension. Dyspepsia. Even the acid in my throat's clearing up… are you using general malady conceptual extraction?"

"Um. I don't know what you're saying, but I'm going to guess that you're thanking me." The girl shyly smiled.

"He wasn't thanking you…" Raynare muttered softly, her mind working on autopilot.

A blonde nun with a Sacred Gear. This was the girl that Dohnaseek had told her about.

This was the girl that Raynare was supposed to send his way if she found the human first.

This was the girl that she was to prevent being discovered by the Devils or any other party.

Shit.

Tilting his head back, the Sekiryutei looked at the blonde nun in white clothes with innocent green eyes and a shy demeanor. They looked at one another in awkward silence with her hands on his back.

"… God is dead. At least a quarter of the Fathers and Cardinals screw choir boys and orphans in the Vatican on a weekly basis, and the whole mess in the middle east was the result of a fucked up and failed attempt by Michael and Heaven to try and magnify and extract the power of worship and prayer from Muslims because everyone keeps on forgetting that they actually do worship the same biblical God as Catholics and Jews and just differ in how to do it."

Gasper, Raynare, and Saji couldn't say anything. They all just stared at Issei with bugged out eyes and jaws that were so wide open that they were probably unhinged.

Asia merely blinked in confusion, her smile growing even more uncertain. "Uh… your welcome?"

"Nope." Issei dropped his head and let her continue to heal him. "Definitely doesn't know Japanese."

He'd focus on what the flying fuck a member of the Church that didn't know Japanese was doing here alone here in Japan later. Right now he had more important things to do…

… Now then. What was he going to call her?

She was pretty cute. A nun. Blonde. Also fairly clueless and innocent judging from the look in her eyes...

Ah. He'll call her Puppy. Adorable. Sweet. Probably a purebred…

He felt her hands move up his back up to his shoulder blades. A chill went down his spine as he realized that she was still touching him. She touched him and he _didn't_ tear her apart.

After wandering onto a group that consisted of a freshly reincarnated Devil, the Sekiryutei, a Fallen Angel who has a temper that's actually shorter than her self-control, and a Dio Brando.

As a member of the church, walking alone inside Gremory territory, and not knowing the damn local language.

… And very likely to wander into the streets and get run over by a semi if anyone takes their eyes off of her.

He could already tell that the next few days were going to be a pain.

o. o. o.

A/N:

This chapter is unbetaed. If anyone wants to beta this story, please let me know. Keep in mind, my grammar isn't the best at times. That's why I need a beta.

For future reference, until I say otherwise, Asia is speaking Italian while everyone else is speaking Japanese or some other language.

This took way longer to get out than I thought it was going to. Asami's conversation with Rias and the others took forever. I rewrote it so many times and I still personally don't like how it turned out in the end. The pacing feels a bit off.

Truth be told, the whole meetup with Asia was going to wind up differently too. Issei and the group were supposed to see her wandering around cluelessly, they spy on her, some minor exposition, and then Issei does his grand statement of a thousand secrets to try and get a rise out of her while hiding in the bushes. But this seemed to flow better. It was less forced and worked well with everyone's personalities. Less comedy than I had planned, but I can make it up later.

In contrast, I think I managed to do both of the flashback scenes in a single go. Not sure what to make of that.

On a side note, it's not strictly canon, but I'll be _damned_ if Azazel wasn't a major sponsor or investor in the mortal porn industry. The man is an entrepreneur and a suave magnificent bastard that fell in the first place because he wanted the sex. There's no way he wouldn't be part of the industry if he had the chance. Fuck being the governor. Porn was his real calling. Women need his TLC.

Of course I can't blame everything on bad writing. FGO destroyed my spare time and I was on a cruise for a week without internet so… yeah. That was a thing. No five star servants but Heracles and EMIYA get the job done fine. Already at Oceanus and ascending a crap ton of my other Servants to get more sage prisms. My last 10 pull landed me two five star essences and three four star essences, so it wasn't bad.

Damn it. I want the next update already.

Oh, if anyone wants to friend me, my number is 045,045,065.

So, more backstory. More hidden things that you don't know about because I'm a jerk. More reasons for you to keep on reading this because I'm not simply rewriting the original plot and actually throwing in my own twist on things. More of… well, the same for me.

I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner, but don't count on it. I'm at a major point in TTRT and I gotta focus on that more. Sorry.

And yes, for those that are asking, the Issei mentioned in TTRT is this one. This story takes place before the events of YAWALEH and TTRT.

So, that's about it. I'm done working on this thing. The next chapter will be far more eventful, interesting, and less exposition.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! THE POWER OF BROWNIES IS IMMESURABLE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Some people consider themselves pet friendly. The sort of folks that like cats and dogs and birds and all sorts of animals and like petting them… and then they encounter the psycho pet that only likes certain people. Then, then my friends, the true game begins.

… I suck at that game.

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Eight years ago:

"Is this far enough Flat Head Sensei?"

Baraquiel stood in the small field a short distance from Issei.

The fallen had tried to unload the Sekiryutei off on Azazel three weeks ago. He really did.

Problem was, the leader of the Grigori currently had his hands full with an emotionally unstable Hakuryutei that he had conveniently forgotten to tell everyone he had been taking care of for the past few years.

As interesting as it would have been to see what would happen if two adolescents each wielding Longinus tier Sacred Gears that were in eternal conflict came across one another, Azazel wisely thought better of it… eventually.

As if dealing with the devils and Ophis wasn't bad enough.

The past few weeks had been a political nightmare between the Fallen and the Devils as they tried to make sense of the situation.

Normally, standard Fallen protocol to new unclaimed Sacred Gear users was "Smash and or Grab". Basically, recruit them, or kill them. Or both.

Normally, Ophis wasn't involved.

Because she was, the Fallen were contractually obligated to inform the Devils of Issei and the current situation.

The same would have been true had Angels found him on Fallen territory, or Devils finding him on Angel territory. It was one of the unspoken agreements that all three sides had come to agreement on when hostilities had simmered into a "cold war" status.

That was just how significant and terrifying her power was.

Throw in the fact that she actually considered Issei genuine family for reasons that completely eluded everyone, and not simply kin like she would with other dragons, and they had a situation that no one was prepared or knew how to deal with.

Issei's family did live on Devil territory.

But, the Fallen had found him first… technically…

But, Ophis had clearly taken an interest in the boy personally for reasons that no one understood clearly.

And if there was one thing that all pantheons everywhere could agree on without hesitation, it was that pissing off the Oroboros Dragon was an incredibly stupid thing to consider.

Thankfully, the number of individuals involved in the discussions were limited. Only the four Maou, Azazel, Baraquiel, and the owner of Kuoh, Cleria Belial were involved in the private talks that took place.

They weren't heated for the most part. Tense at sometimes yes, but this wasn't the first time the leaders of the factions have had to negotiate on important matters without everyone and their mother knowing on the afternoon news. Thanks to the fact that the more aggressive members of their respective species were absent, things were kept to a civil level outside of a few cheap remarks and reminders of events that were best left forgotten.

They only almost were on the verge of killing one another three times during the talks. And two of them stemmed from Azazel ripping on Serafall's hobbies like he did every meeting. A new record low.

Truth be told, Azazel and the Maou had spent most of the time shooting shit and just enjoying some time off away from the less savory members of their kin.

It was only when Baraquiel reminded everyone that Issei was more interested in getting a harem and being a doctor than fighting or obtaining glory that some progress and concessions were made.

… Well, after everyone wrapped their heads around the fact that the Sekiryutei was a nine year old kid obsessed with getting a harem to the point of trying to game the Japanese system and building up a small fortune.

According to Azazel, Issei had, somehow, set up several stock accounts a year or two ago under false identities without his parents knowing and had a net worth that was already about to hit the seven figure mark in USD.

As odd as the kid was, no one could deny he was resourceful.

Since Baraquiel was the first person to meet with the Hyoudou family and was already familiar with them, he'd be the one to teach Issei the bare basics of their world. Basic magic. How to fight. General politics and the like. Nothing too deep or significant enough to annoy Ophis or make Issei actually choose a side.

Issei's contact with the Devils would be more uncommon due to everyone wanting to keep his identity on a need to know basis. Cleria couldn't perform the task due to having a rare condition that essentially made her allergic to Dragons. Since Serafall and Sirzechs had younger siblings and weren't perpetually obsessed with work like Beelzebub, they would drop by every month or two to visit, gage how Issei was doing, teach him a few things, and try and figure out what the hell Ophis was doing.

His meeting with the Maou went quite well… outside of the small incident where Issei had asked if Serafall was going through a demonic mid-life crisis after she had donned her magical girl outfit to try and impress him.

Don't get him wrong. Issei was impressed. It was just, he was impressed again when he was almost flash frozen.

Which brought on today. Issei's first full day lesson with Baraquiel.

Under Ophis' supervision of course. The Oroboros dragon made herself perfectly comfortable sitting on a rock while eating some crackers.

"Go Issei. Fight on. Beat Flat Head Sensei."

Now if only Ophis didn't pick up Issei's habit of calling everyone weird things. His name wasn't that hard to pronounce, was it?

"How did I get myself wrapped in this mess?" The tall man lamented to himself quietly. He only hoped that he wouldn't have to stay long. Akeno was learning how to cook and she'd be devastated if he wasn't home by dinner. "Yes Issei, that's good. This is just a small spar to see what your skills are like. Most real fights happen from out of nowhere, so don't expect what we're doing to resemble what you'll do in the future."

"Oh. Ok. Yeah. That makes sense. No one would want to fight fair if it meant making things harder for themselves." The boy nodded, pausing and pretending to ignore his right hand twitch.

The fallen frowned. He had noticed it earlier, but he didn't understand why the boy seemed to pay attention to his right hand so much. He had already verified that Ddraig was sealed in a gauntlet in the boy's left arm, so why so much focus on the right? Was he hiding something?

"Flat Head Sensei. Issei already knows how to use Ddraig." Ophis mumbled between crackers. "He doesn't know how to fight though. Be careful or you might die."

The Fallen paused, digesting her words. It wasn't like her to look out for others.

"Asami's making cookies tonight. If you die, we might not get any because of everyone yelling."

No. Never mind. Ophis was just thinking with her stomach again.

Pretending to ignore her second comment, the man turned his attention back to the boy again. "You can take out your Sacred Gear now."

 **[BOOST!]**

In a flash of red, a crimson gauntlet formed over the boy's left forearm and hand. Adorned with emerald jewels and golden spikes that reflected the Crimson Dragon Emperor sealed inside, Baraquiel took in the nostalgia at seeing it once more in his life…

… And marvel at the differences that this variant had.

Coiled around the majority of the boy's arm like intersecting crimson snakes, two bands wrapped his limb from elbow to the back of his hand, conjoining at the largest green gem like two serpents sharing a single grand eye. It almost reminded him of Caduceus, the staff of the Greek God Hermes.

Sub species.

The boy was not even ten years old, but he wielded not only a Longinus, but a sub species at that.

He wasn't the first wielder of the Boosted Gear to have one. There was a wielder who could boost at a fraction of the time of normal users. Another user's boosts tripled their power instead of doubling. He even heard of one woman a few centuries back who could apply her powers over a distance and to multiple targets at once. She had given the three factions a good deal of trouble with the army she had raised until she had finally been put down by the third user of Divine Dividing user of that time. She had killed the prior two.

"Ddraig. It's been a while." He nodded his head. "I see you're in a rather interesting spot again."

 **"You don't know the half of it, Baraquiel."** The trapped dragon replied, the large jewel on Issei's hand glowing as he spoke.

"I see the boy's obtained a subspecies. Care to share your thoughts on his potential?"

The field shook slightly at the sound of the dragon's amused chuckle. **"The boy started with absolutely no qualities of significance, even as a human. His lineage is unremarkable in every way possible. He's without a doubt my weakest user to date."**

"Hey! Yeah? Well, you're a dead old lizard that's been passed around more than a used drug den needle, so pbbttt." Issei shouted, blowing a raspberry at his hand.

The Fallen Angel did not hear that. He did not hear that, he did not just hear a nine year old boy just say that and he will deny it to the end of his days if ever asked if he did.

Had he spent less focus exercising short term memory loss, he might have heard a faint bodiless voice in the area… laughing its ass off.

Judging from the deep growl, Ddraig wasn't amused. **"As I was saying, the boy started with no potential, but he does have a strong work ethic that surpasses expectations. I'd prefer it if he wasn't so obsessed with obtaining a harem…"**

"Harem." Issei cut in, his body stiffening at the word as though it was a preprogramed reaction.

 **"-But it has pushed him in directions that I did not anticipate, in ways I did not see before. He has the capability to go farther than his predecessors, and has already more than once broken past his limits."**

"For the harem."

"… Farther than his predecessors." Baraquiel echoed, unconvinced.

Ok, now he was certain that he was hearing someone laugh their ass off nearby.

 **"I said he has capability. Never said how likely he was to reach it."** No one needed to see the dragon to know that he was trying to save as much face as possible, and failing miserably.

"Hey. Hey. Flat Head Sensei. Do you know why the oppai of Devil and Angel and Fallen women break the conventional rules of physics and undulate like they're in an earthquake? I bet you do. Hey. Hey. If I beat you, will you tell me? Please? I have to know their secrets!" Issei was having trouble staying in place, waving his arms about wildly and staring at Baraquiel with innocent eyes of excitement and energy.

The Ten Winged man couldn't help but let out a brief chuckle of amusement. This kid's interests were bizarre, and his personality was all over the place. However, he couldn't dislike that genuine look on the kid's face. The child really was the sort to be eager to please and learn whenever someone spent the time to look at him. It was a rather endearing trait that wasn't seen much in today's modern culture.

Now if only the kid's interests weren't so peculiar, he might have even employed the idea of introducing the child to Akeno. The two of them were clearly lonely and needed friends.

No. He wasn't going to risk introducing his little girl to Issei. She was too innocent to be exposed to this kid's delusions and plans… and Ophis.

"Hmhm. Tell you what. Let's see how you do for now, and we can work something out later." Of course, he didn't expect to fight the boy for real. Even if he was trained, Issei was only a nine year old human, and had the Boosted Gear at that. The Sacred Gear could only pump out as many boosts as the user was physically capable of handling. Even if the boy could handle ten boosts, he wouldn't be able to make a scratch on Baraquiel.

"Mmm. Mmm. Ok. So all I have to do is win." The subtlety of his teacher's words went straight over the excited boy's head.

"I'll give you all the time you need to prepare. I know that it takes ten seconds for each boost your Sacred Gear gives you." Baraquiel instructed.

"No. I'm good." Issei smiled widely. "I'm gonna start now Sensei."

"Huh?"

"I warned you, Flat Head. Issei doesn't know how to fight." Ophis blinked lazily as she watched Issei took a step forward, the coiled ridges on his gauntlet stretched back before snapping in place just as his foot reached the ground…

 **[Boost.]**

… And he was standing right next to the completely stunned Fallen Angel, well within the man's guard, left hand reaching out to the man as if just wanting to touch him with a happy grin and an innocent shine in his eyes.

"If you aren't careful, he might kill you by accident."

o. o. o.

Current Day:

"Um, I'm still new to this whole, Devil thing, but isn't a member of the Church being here a bad thing?" Saji looked at everyone unsettled, not exactly sure what he should be thinking or doing at this very moment.

"It would be if said member of the Church wasn't a clueless Puppy that clearly knew less about what was going on than you did." Issei grunted, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he leaned up against the tree they were all gathered at the base of.

"Puppy?" Gasper blinked in confusion.

"Obnoxiously cute. Stupidly innocent. And liable to wander onto a highway and become road kill if you take your eyes off of her." Issei deadpanned nodding his head to the recently introduced Asia Argentio.

"Should have known that was your reasoning." Raynare sighed before pausing. "Wait, did you just admit that another living being is actually cute?"

"Um. What did he say?" Asia asked the others confused.

"… He called you cute?" Gasper grasped at straws, pretending to ignore the looks that the others were giving him.

Well, everyone except Asia, who blushed so hard that her entire face was red.

"And so Dio's path of misinformation and evil begins."

"Don't look at me like that!" And like that, Gasper pulled a paper bag over his head and crawled into a ball.

Saji paused as he saw the drawing of Dio Brando's face on said paper bag. "Hey, uh, did you know that your bag…"

"Waaaahahahahaaaaa!"

"Apparently yes."

"Th-thank you for the compliment." Asia bowed shakily. It was obvious she didn't take compliments about her appearance well.

"Great." Issei scratched his head and looked away, trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. He didn't know Italian, but he did at least know what "grazie" meant. "Hey, can someone ask her why she's here without a leash or an owner?"

"Uh. He's asking why you're here in Japan alone." Saji translated. "You look lost and you clearly don't know the language here."

"Oh. That's… I'm looking for the church in this town. I've been assigned to it, but the person that was supposed to pick me up hasn't shown themselves yet." Asia clearly was hiding something, but wasn't doing a good job of it.

"The church? That place?" Saji asked skeptically.

"What's up? Something wrong with what she said?" Issei asked.

"It's been abandoned for years." He elaborated. "Not enough members of the religion lived in the town to keep maintenance, so it closed down. It's been falling apart to the point that middle and highschoolers go there at night on dares and tests of courage on Halloween."

"R-really?" Asia asked, completely missing the fact that both she and Issei seemed to understand what Saji was saying at the same time.

"Is that right?" The Sekiryutei shot a skeptical look at Raynare, as if questioning if she had anything to add to the conversation.

"W-why are you looking at me like that? I had no idea this girl was going to be here." She stammered, taking a step back unnerved at just how quickly her charge had assumed that she was related to the Nun's appearance.

Issei didn't say anything for several long seconds. He just continued to stare at her, as if expressing his doubt about her claims of innocence.

Then, he took out his cell phone and began to dial a number and walked away from the group.

o. o. o.

Heaven:

"And that's this quarter's report on the situation in Africa."

Michael held back a sigh as his fellow high ranking Angels muttered and discussed the latest analysis on prayer and faith related energies Heaven was receiving. As much as he, and everyone else no doubt, were bored with these discussions, there was no avoiding them.

How could they? It had been apparent for years, but no one wanted to admit it. Humans were losing faith in grand numbers over the past hundred, no, even the past twenty years. At the rate things were going, it would only be a matter of time before God's system collapsed on itself due to lack of power.

The Devils knew it. The Fallen knew it. They knew it. It wouldn't surprise the Archangel if the other factions had agreed to the ceasefire and weren't bothering to attack them simply because both factions knew that Heaven would die on its own eventually by the end of the next millennium.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

The bright and decorated room went unusually silent as all heads turned to Michael, or more specifically, the cell phone he had in his robes.

Everyone knew that he possessed the device, but until then, not a single Angel save for Gabriel had ever seen him use it, or seen him receive a call on it.

It was understandable. While seemingly harmless by itself, the cell phone in his pocket was essentially akin to the Red Phone that connected the White House to Russia. The only people that had connections to that line were the ones that were essential to maintaining the peace of the world, or destroying it.

Seemingly unphased by the sudden heavy atmosphere, Michael reached into his robes, took out the smartphone just enough to see who was calling, but prevented everyone else in the room from finding out as well.

"?!"

"? That's?" Gabriel's eyes widened in surprise from next to him.

Almost everyone at least.

"A moment, please."

"Michael…" Gabriel made to follow him, but was stopped by a kind look.

"Maybe next time Gabriel. I believe for now I should see what the issue is." Michael cut her off gently, but in a way that brokered no argument.

With a brief application of magic, the Seraphim teleported himself to another, and more importantly, private part of Heaven to answer his call.

"I must admit, I did not expect you to call me so soon Issei. Azazel mentioned how vexed you were last week. Your reaction is understandable, however I do hope this call isn't to take your frustration out on me next."

"Don't even go there Leonardo." Issei's voice was far deeper than he remembered, but that made sense. They had not spoken to one another since the incident.

Still, it would have been nice if the boy had dropped his habit of referring to him as one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the member changed every passing moment. He had made the mistake of first meeting Issei while the boy was still learning English, and had mixed up "Michael" with "Michelangelo" during their introductions.

By the time Issei's proficiency with English had grown enough to rectify the mistake, it had been too late and the habit was set in stone.

Azazel and the four Maou loved every second of it and wouldn't stop reminding him of it for months. Even sweet Gabriel had joined in on the action when no one else was around.

"Fair enough. I can see that you're not in the mood to gossip like we used to. Onto business then. It must be rather important if you contacted me instead of Azazel or Beelzebub. Those two are normally your go to people when something irregular happens."

"They are, but I don't talk to them about surprise visits from the Church."

The gnawing feeling in Michael's stomach that had spawned the moment he saw Issei's name on his phone grew exponentially. "Care to elaborate? The rules set up when you hid yourself away are still in effect. The Church, nor Heaven, should be sending anyone into Kuoh without the Maou, the Grigori, and you being informed first. And that is only after Gabriel and I give them permission."

"Then why, do tell, is the bearer of Twilight Fucking Healing, Asia Argentio standing not ten meters away from me in the middle of a park in Kuoh?"

And like that the shoe dropped. Michael couldn't help but understand Issei's growing irritation. The boy never really paid much attention to other Sacred Gears, their powers, or their users. The only exceptions were the bearers that he knew personally, and Sacred Gears that healed wounds.

"Asia Argentio? Issei, are you certain that it's her?" All pleasantries were gone now, the Angel's voice growing more concerned.

"Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Church clothes. Clueless in the way that only a person sheltered all their live could be. Reeks of the unique brand of rosemary that's standard for Church members which also conveniently hides the smell of blood after hunting inhumans and heretics. Oh, and she used her Sacred Gear on me when I was in the middle of an episode and literally forced every negative symptom I had out of existence."

That did sound like the Holy Maiden… wait. "Did you just say that she touched you? And you _didn't_ tear her apart the second she did so?"

"Yes and I'm still trying to figure out that particular event on the side, but that's not the problem. My question is, what the hell is she doing _here_? Even if she was your decided representative, the Church would raise hell and a half at the idea of her leaving their grounds, let alone the continent. Remember when I tried meeting her when I was younger? Even with your word and endorsement, the priests kept her under higher security than the freaking Coca Cola recipe."

Michael grimaced for a moment, knowing that this was a can of worms that neither of them was going to enjoy opening.

"Issei, Asia Argentio hasn't been seen or heard from in three weeks, after she disappeared near Florence."

It wasn't often that Issei was quiet. It was even rarer when it was because of a good thing.

"… Start from the beginning."

Michael let out a slow sigh, allowing himself time to gather his thoughts and recollect all the information he knew on the situation. Of all the subjects he had expected the second he realized Issei had called him, this was not one of them. "A Devil somehow managed to sneak into the compound where she was living about three months ago. We don't know who it was, how they pulled it off, or why they did it. All the reports say is that she was the first to find him, and then healed the injuries he had accumulated from his invasion. The Devil escaped, but the Holy Maiden was caught in the act."

"And the Church had a hayday when word spread that she healed a Devil." Issei connected the dots. "Please don't tell me you idiots did what I think you did."

"Unfortunately, we did. Asia Argentio was excommunicated from the Church a month ago."

"And people wonder why the Church is losing followers."

"You know as well as I do that we can't afford to risk letting everyone know that God is dead. Her healing a Devil was picture perfect evidence of the System's flaws and irregularities showing. If she stayed, other members of the Church would try to examine Twilight Healing, or her, and possibly make the connection."

"Yeah yeah. I know. Can't man up to your own imperfections. What a surprise." Issei cut him off. "Back to your grocery list of fuckups. I take it you lost her while transporting her to a secure ghost site where she was going to be taken care of after the whole show of kicking her out of the Church was made. Knowing you all-faithful idiots, you didn't even bother to tell her what was going on the entire time."

Michael grimaced, knowing that Issei had once again hit the nail on the head. The boy was rather quick on the uptake when he wasn't distracted with his hobbies or his temper. "More or less. We don't know what happened. The convoy was outside of Florence when they went silent. Five hours later, the backup found everyone at a rest stop under an enchanted sleep, save for Argentio herself."

"And now she's here, clueless, and confused." Issei shook his head. "This whole thing is planned by someone. Too many things happened at just the right time. Seriously. You expect me to believe that it's a coincidence that she shows up in Kuoh around the time that I'm out and about again?"

"I never said I thought differently." Michael frowned. "The problem is, who? Not many are aware of who you are to begin with. Even less know of your recent activity."

"Whoever it is, they hired shit help. She's by herself and lost in the middle of Japan, but isn't suspicious or cautious about a damn thing." Issei noted, briefly looking back at the group nearby, watching how she looked around nervously, not sure what to say to anyone. "Just scared and confused."

"Hypnotized?"

"No. She's too self-conscious and aware of her surroundings. Tricked most likely. She looks gullible enough to believe that the sky is red with brown stripes and not question it."

"A third party then. The ones that planned this setup and the ones that enacted it are separate."

"Question is, which one was the Devil that started this on? My money's on the former."

"Really?"

"It takes skill, power, and resources for a Devil of all things to sneak onto secure Church territory and be found by the one person that could and would heal them quickly. Even more of those things to get out safely after being discovered and still not be identified or have a picture out by now. They needed to trigger this thing properly in order to get her in trouble with as little questions asked. Not something that could be trusted to an outside party. A High Class Devil at the very least. In contrast, the kidnapping was handled differently. The Church would be prepared for any further Devil activity. Wards and blessings, but it sounds like none of those were triggered. There was finesse here. It was clean. When was the last time any Devil party conducted an operation like this on the Church and left no casualties? Especially during an abduction?"

"Fair enough. I had played with the idea myself, but without evidence it was still merely speculation. The fact that you came to the same conclusion so quickly though only furthers my suspicions. Still, whatever plan this is, it's too roundabout. What is the purpose of all the extra meaningless steps? Did they intend for you to find her?"

"Yeah. Leave the clueless girl with a Sacred Gear alone in an area owned by Devils and wait for the emotionally disturbed shut in to find her. Good joke. Tell another." Issei rolled his eyes. There was careful planning, and then there was grasping at straws. "We came across one another by dumb luck, for better or for worse. She said she was looking for the town church, which is another point against her kidnappers being Devils. Apparently the place has been abandoned for years. Odds are she's travelling alone and following instructions in order for her handlers to avoid detection."

"Fallen then. Or at least, not a Devil related group. Someone that didn't want to be detected by the owners of the town and the system that's in place." Michael frowned, identifying the third party. This just got more complicated. "It's unlikely that Azazel is responsible for this. His plans are more thought out than this."

"My thoughts exactly."

"Do you think Asia would know anything of value?"

"And risk her telling the wrong people by accident? No. She's probably been fed some half assed story instead and took it at face value."

Michael frowned slightly, putting as many pieces together as he could with what he knew, and considering his options. "… Put her on the phone. I need to speak with her, for multiple reasons."

"Haa. Another one of your famous and useless, "I'm sorry Heaven didn't do anything, but it's for the greater good, the balance of the world, and the will of God" excuse speeches. And everyone claims that the Devils are the cruel ones. At least they have the decency to gloat about the truth after the stab you in the back instead of feeding you more self-righteous bull." Despite his bitter tone, Issei turned around to the group.

Saji and Gasper were curled up on the ground and grabbing at their heads while Asia was looking at them scared and worried and Raynare was chuckling viciously.

"She tried to pray, didn't she?" Issei glanced at the amused Fallen with a deadpan expression.

"Better. She actually went through half a full passage before she realized what she was doing to them." She smirked. "She's totally clueless."

"No shit." Issei whistled loudly, catching everyone's attention before nodding at the confused Asia while holding out his phone. "You. Puppy. Phone."

"M-me?" The girl blinked in genuine confusion, completely bewildered as to who would want to talk to her, yet also grateful that she had a legitimate distraction from her realization that she was with at least two Devils.

She must have been more out of it than anyone suspected, as she managed to only walk three steps forward before tripping over a tree root and landing on the ground with her ass in the air, her skirt somehow hoisted over her waist to show her panties to the world.

"Waah?" Saji panicked, averting his eyes with a blush and a small glint of blood dripping from his nose. Gasper reacted much the same way, only his face was atomic red.

Raynare didn't know who to be more embarrassed of more. The girl for not being able to walk right and showing her boring underwear, or those two idiots for overreacting like they were.

"… A ninja."

"Eh?" She turned to Issei.

"She's a ninja. A ninja puppy." The pervert blinked at Asia's ass with wide eyes of awe and bewilderment.

The Fallen had to take a few moments to digest what he had just said. "Ok. Run that by me again. How did your twisted mind go from an idiot nun that can't walk properly to ninja puppy?"

Issei turned to her seriously. "Because only a ninja could fall so naturally and still manage to hoist up a heavy ankle length skirt over their waistline."

She also had a supple ass and lithe thighs adorned with pristine silk white skin. Lean and fleshy, but not an ounce of excess skin or fat. She clearly had no training, but there was no doubt in his mind that the girl's physique was perfect for ninja puppy activities.

"Couldn't she just be, you know, clumsy?"

"That's just what the ninja puppy wants you to think." Sneaking through buildings in a ninja outfit and puppy ears. It didn't matter of she was caught. Her innate cuteness could drop anyone's guard until it was too late. Truly she had the potential to be a person of cataclysmic devastation.

"Of course not."

"Uh. Sempai? Why are you drooling and staring at Asia with a glazed look in your eyes?" Gasper asked worriedly.

Running around in revealing fishnet ninja clothes and bare feet and stockings that go up to her upper thighs. Fluffy wagging while moving at double speed to keep her balanced, hunched over on all fours to make her short skirt ride up while giving a great view down her shirt…

"Because he's an idiot." Raynare had long given up on trying to make sense of him.

"Awwww." Asia fumbled in both pain and embarrassment as she picked herself up and frantically pulled her skirt down. "Ah. Um. I…"

"Multipurpose Ninja throwing bones and wire traps everywhere!" Issei snapped out his funk, noticed everyone staring at him, and realized what his situation before hastily putting his phone in Asia's hands. "Er. Yeah. Here. Talk to Leonardo."

"Eh? Leonardo?" The nun blinked in confusion as she slowly brought the phone to her ear.

"It's actually Michael, but I've long since given up on getting Issei to call me by my name." The Angel sighed on the other side. "I've wanted to talk to you for some time, Asia Argentio, albeit not under these peculiar circumstances. On behalf of Heaven, I'm truly sorry for the recent ordeals you have been forced to undergo."

"Oh. Michael. Please, you do not have to… wait, LORD MICHAEL?!"

Asia's reaction was soon matched by nearly everyone else there.

"Michael?! THE Michael?! That's who you called?!" Raynare didn't know whether to finally give into her compulsion to stab Issei for the reveal, or just run away screaming.

"Sempai, you have the Leader of the Angel's number on your phone?!" Gasper gaped in disbelief. "Hold on, the Leader of the Angels has a phone?!"

"How the hell does a nutjob like you have access to one of the head honchos of Heaven?!" Saji questioned the owner of the phone.

"It's not a big deal. I have all the leaders of the three factions on my contact list plus a few of the other big shots." Issei shrugged lazily, ignoring the fact that he had pretty much blown everyone's minds. "Zaz. Sera. Zechs. Beel. Raphael. Gabe. The Bum. Flat Head Sensei. Shemp. Penny…"

"Stop. Stop. I get the point. You know important people. Stop making me try and think of who you're talking about with your stupid nicknames." Raynare cut him off, rubbing her forehead to stave off the oncoming headache. She should have expected this by now. Azazel had already hinted that Issei had connections to all three factions, but she still had trouble believing it.

"Did you just say that you refer to one of the biggest people in the three Factions with the same name as one of the Three Stooges?" Saji asked, bewildered.

"Yes I… wait, how the hell do you know about the Stooges? This is Japan, and those guys are crazy old classic American fads. Even then, barely anyone remembers about Shemp anymore. It's almost always Moe, Larry, and Curley. The odds of coming across someone that recognizes them are about as high as coming across a natural redhead here." This time it was Issei's turn to be confused.

o. o. o.

A certain token redhead of Japan sneezed in Issei's house.

o. o. o.

Saji pointed to his naturally blonde hair. "My Grandfather's a Jewish businessman that married into the family, and grew up watching them. The guy loves the old school Jewish comedians so much the my house has pretty much every box set available for the Stooges, Marx, Brooks, Myers, etc. that has subtitles in Japanese… not that I need subtitles anymore to understand them now, come to think of it."

"Huh. Well, that's a thing. You speak English? I mean, before the whole Devil bit?"

"A few words and phrases, but I never got used to the grammar structure to learn more."

"Yeah, that's what most people say holds them back. Good thing most Americans never really care about proper grammar when talking to others. Especially foreigners. So long as they get the general idea of what you're saying, you should be good."

"Speaking from personal experience? Like you said, barely anyone in Japan knows about the Stooges these days."

"… Eh. A bit." Issei had the grace to look a bit embarrassed by his slipup. It wasn't missed by anyone. "That, and you'd be surprised just how far and deep some of the Grigori's fingers dig into parts of human society."

Saji and Raynare looked like they wanted to ask just what he was talking about, but was interrupted by Asia's surprised yell.

"Aaaaaaah?! Lord Michael?! Are you serious?!"

"Fuck! The Ninja Puppy Howling technique! I was caught off guard!" Issei winced.

"A little warning would have been nice." Saji hissed.

"Why does her voice have to be so high pitched? My ears are going to be ringing for days." Rayanare moaned.

"Yes. Yes. B-But I don't understand… He can? He is? He doesn't look like… oh. Oh. I see. But why me? I'm a disgrace. I can't… really? It's like that?"

No one missed how Asia's frantic and genuinely bewildered expressions were seamlessly, yet quickly replaced by worry, concern, fear, pity, uncertainty, resignation, and oddly enough, a faint amount of hope.

"Something tells me I should be wanting to punch that twelve winged pigeon in the face again right now." Issei grumbled.

"Sempai, you really need to get your violent habits under… did you just say again?! As in, you've punched a Seraph in the face before?!" Gasper was beginning to think that maybe trying to talk reason into Issei was a lost cause if the elder teen's history was this colorful.

"I should be more surprised, but at the same time, knowing Issei, it's not that hard to imagine." Saji muttered.

Raynare didn't say anything and simply glanced at the irate Sekiryutei. If Issei was talking about what she thought he was, then the "first time" the idiot was referring to was when…

"Here." Asia seemed to be done with her call and stepped up to Issei to return his phone. It was clear that the girl was extremely nervous and uncomfortable, but there was something else in the look she was giving Issei that threw him off guard. Something that he wasn't familiar with.

"I'm going to be very displeased with what you're about to say, aren't I?" He half grunted to the Angel on the other side of the line.

"You make it sound as if you're ever pleased with what I say." Michael replied with amusement.

"Point made."

"I've decided to make her Heaven's representative. She's going to stay with you."

"No." Issei's response was immediate and flat.

"You were going to take someone in anyways. Why not her?"

"I'm not a babysitter, Raphael. I don't even know what the hell she's saying."

"It hasn't stopped you before. How long did it take you to learn English? Italian shouldn't be much longer for you. And it's not like you won't be teaching Asia Japanese. You are rather gifted when it came to educating and helping others. Everyone always claimed that if you ever stopped being a doctor, you'd do phenomenally as a teacher."

"Yeah, when I was patient and likeable and actually tolerated others. Look where that got me."

"You mean, when you were like her."

Those that were with Issei didn't hear what Michael had said, but they didn't need to in order to tell that it had not been taken well if the sudden surge of murderous intent radiating from Issei was any indication. All of them save Raynare dropped to their knees instantly from the overwhelming pressure he was giving off.

"You have a lot of nerve, saying that to me. Bird." The boy had growled out the words more than actually spoke them.

"Would you rather I lie to you?" Michael held his ground firmly. "Or do you really prefer abandoning Asia to the whims of the three Factions without a single person to guide her? Heaven has already officially cut her loose because of the Church. Even I cannot do anything about that now other than hide her away under lock and key, with the only interaction she'll have being her guards and the patients taken to her to be healed. Hardly a humane and kind fate for the child. That only leaves the Fallen and the Devils. Azazel might treat her well, but you already know firsthand she does not have the disposition to excel in that environment. And I doubt you of all people would be able to sleep well knowing you practically handed over such an innocent in a Devil's peerage without doing anything, even if the Devil might be trustworthy."

"Ngggh." Issei ground his teeth, growling so deeply and viciously that people minding their own business in the park would later claim that they heard a wild animal wandering the bushes.

"Issei. What happened to you shouldn't have taken place to begin with. It was a terrible thing that we should have prevented and seen coming, but failed to meet our words in the end. None of us believe for an instant that you deserved it, and despite how you feel, you know that as well. While we are trying to make up for what we did, it won't change the fact that we failed you when you needed us the most. It is a lot to ask, but we all know that you are still the kind child we all met years ago under that callous attitude you show everyone. We know you Issei, and we know just how much you loathe seeing others get hurt when you can do something about it. Do you really think that you'd be fine letting Asia be in the same position you were in? The same position that put you where you are now?"

"God. Fucking. Fucking damn it! Fuck you Michelangelo! I swear if you dare show up in front of me in person I'm going to make you fall, pluck every hypocritical feather from your broken chicken wings, shove them down your throat so you choke on them, and record the whole damn thing so that all the Factions and other pantheons can see how full of your own bullshit you are! You hear me?! I will make you FALL!"

"Wow, he's pissed." Saji blinked owlishly. He would have said more, but paused as he saw Gasper's and Raynare's shell shocked reactions. "Uh, I take it he just said something outlandish again?"

"He just threatened to make a Seraph fall right to him." Gasper spoke as if his mind was trying to catch up to him. "Sempai's insane. He's actually out of his mind."

"Hey. Runt." Raynare was slightly more aware of her surroundings and turned to Saji, barely aware that she was using Issei's moniker for him. "A warning. Telling an Angel that you're going to make them fall is one of the biggest insults you can say to them. The higher ranking Angel, the bigger the insult it is. And Michael is the highest ranking Angel in Heaven in terms of authority. What the jackass did pretty much equated to him spitting their species as a whole in the face."

"Really? But then, what about the Fallen? Wouldn't that be insulting to you?" Saji frowned in confusion.

"Asking how we became Fallen is the closest thing. It's private and not something we take kindly to when asked." She frowned, giving him a dirty look. "As in, if you ask any more questions on the subject, I will stab and kill you with my spears. Regardless of the ceasefire. Many times."

"Fair enough." The teen lifted his hands in surrender, knowing a lost argument when he saw one.

Raynare allowed herself to feel some satisfaction before looking at Issei again. Whatever Michael had said to the kid had really set him off. She had seen the Sekiryutei irritated and annoyed countless times. Hell, even his reaction to the fiasco last week could fall into that category. Yeah, he had been tweaked about the whole fanged acid vagina bit, but he had more or less taken it in stride, more annoyed with how the Devils had been carrying themselves and acting than his situation.

This though, this had genuinely pissed him off. She could tell just by looking at him. The normally glazed and dead look in his eyes couldn't hide the spark of rage they had now.

"… Azazel was right. Your tongue has grown more vicious as of late." Michael's tone was a mix of bitter amusement, as if he knew he shouldn't be happy to be insulted in such a way but couldn't help it. "You're probably the only person that would ever say such a thing to me and actually mean it. Your temper is significantly less restrained as well. I never imagined you'd be so willing to go off like this while around others."

Issei froze at the Angel's words, his stomach lurching up his throat. Hesitantly, he turned and looked back at the people he was with.

They were fine for the most part, but there was no hiding the fear and uncertainty in their expressions. Raynare hid it better than the others, but it was clear that it was just a front.

Still on her knees behind everyone else, Asia looked the most disturbed and worried. She didn't even try to look like she knew that everything was going to be fine.

Michael wasn't surprised by the deep breathing he heard on the line. It was a habit Issei had developed whenever he started to get nervous as a child, and apparently was something he had never grown out of. "Issei. Are you ok?"

It took a moment for the teen to respond. The vitriol and energy drained from his voice. "… No. I'm not ok. I'm never going to be ok. You know that already. Everyone does."

Michael could only smile in self-disgust at the confession.

There was a time where he and nearly everyone else Issei knew would have rejoiced at hearing the boy finally admit that he wasn't fine. That he wasn't trying to stay strong and put up a front for everyone else so that they wouldn't worry about him. That he wasn't slowly breaking down from the pressure of everything around him… until he finally snapped by the prodding of a single, unrelenting, and unforgiveable monster.

Just remembering the small boy looking up with that fake smile sent shivers down the Seraph's spine.

Issei had always hated liars, and yet he had become one of the worst ones, just to keep everyone he cared about happy so they wouldn't worry about him so much.

"You really are the best person to leave her with. I can't think of anyone better to take care of her." He changed the subject, his tone gentle. "No one else is able to relate to her like you can. Protect, provide for, and educate her like you can. As much as you'd hate to admit it, she really is like how you once were."

"I know." Issei didn't even bother putting up a fight. It was as good as a confirmation that he would go through with Michael's request.

"I'll inform the Maou and Azazel about the turn of events regarding Asia." Michael held back a sigh, knowing that the hardest part of the conversation was over. "… It goes without saying, but Asia's place of residence is not the only issue that needs to be addressed promptly on your side."

"I know." There was more steel in his voice this time. More conviction. Focus.

"Keep me updated on what you find. Depending on who is involved, this may have to be dealt with delicately. Do try to keep the attention to yourself at a minimum. This has to be kept quiet."

"I know how the dance works. You don't have to remind me."

"Don't be too sure. You've locked yourself inside for five years. It doesn't matter how smart or good you are. You're out of practice. Acting like a child and exploiting other's underestimation of you will only work if they don't know who you are in the first place. Worse still if they actually know how you fight. The fact that they came to Kuoh in the first place likely means that someone knows you're there. And you don't have Blind Eternity to bail you out if you get hurt too badly…"

"Fine. Fine. I get it. I'll be careful. I'll even add a cherry on top and promise I won't set anything on fire while I'm at it. You happy now? Is that all you want to say?"

Michael was about to say yes, but paused before the word escaped his lips. He rarely ever spoke to Issei in private, even before the incident. If there was something he felt should be said, now would be the best chance he would have.

"… There is one thing you should know." He started slowly.

Issei groaned, knowing that he wasn't. "What is it? What happened?"

"Promise me you will keep your temper in check."

"You're already pushing it." His tone was already getting annoyed again.

"Issei."

"Fine. Fine. I'll try to not strangle you over the phone with a phone cord that doesn't exist. Now what is it?"

"There's, an event coming up. Involving the Devils. Sirzechs, hopes, that you will attend it." Michael chose his words carefully.

Issei's passive mood vanished entirely. True to his word though, he didn't explode outright, taking a few moments to calm himself down before talking again. "And why would I want to attend what will likely be a high class aristocratic gathering where people will pass the time trying to see who has the biggest gilded shaft up their ass as if it's something to be proud of?"

"I can't say. Much like how Sirzechs can't ask you to attend directly either. The rules around it are complicated. It is similar to what stayed our hands, back then."

The teen frowned, a menacing growl rumbling from his throat again. "He wants to use me. You want to use me. Again. That's why you bastards pushed so hard to get me out this year."

"Please calm down. Make no mistake, I have no stake in this. Neither does Azazel." Michael retreated. "That being said, we do share Sirzechs' distaste in the event itself. If you knew what we did, no, you'd probably be able to figure out everything if you simply were aware of what the event was and who it was for."

Issei's free hand tightened into a fist, his arm shaking in rage. "I thought I told you that I didn't want to be a part of whatever bullshit schemes your groups had anymore. I'm not some fucking pawn or tool for you to move around at your leisure to do things that I have nothing to do with!"

"Issei, while you have a point, there is one thing you are mistaken about. I cannot disclose the specifics, but you _are_ involved in this. Even if you had decided to stay inside this year, one could claim that you were a critical part in its making if they knew what really happened five years ago. Also, it is not something that you, or any of us, would let pass if given the option to intervene in the first place. Unfortunately, you are the only one that can interfere without serious repercussions."

"Then tell me about the damn thing already? Why the secrecy?"

Michael sighed. He knew he was playing with fire, but he had no choice. Had he left things the way they were, and allowed Issei to simply get roped into what was to come, then there was little doubt in the Arcangel's mind that all hell would break loose in the form of Issei completely loosing trust with the three Factions. The boy's temperament was worse than they had thought.

"I told you, Sirzechs, and the other Maou are bound to a position of non-interference. Much like how they, Azazel and I were stopped from helping you back then. This roundabout path to get you involved, as much as we are all loathe to go through with it, is the only way available without sparking something worse from happening. You know that we are not as all powerful as everyone makes us out to be. If it were up to Sirzechs, he would have simply obliterated those responsible for this in the first place instead of getting you involved."

"But he can't, so I'm the next best thing. An obvious scape goat. Clearly that's a sound plan in the works." Issei spat out venomously, desperately trying to keep his temper in check. He had to calm down. Being hot headed wouldn't help in a complex situation like this. Sirzechs obviously was not doing him any favors, but Michael clearly sounded like he meant what he said by Issei being a last resort.

It was clear that the Angel was losing Issei. There were few options left, but only one of them had a high chance of working.

"Issei. This event will give you a chance to gain some vindication for what happened. With no strings attached."

The teen froze, his spine went rigid, and his eyes widened in genuine shock.

"Did I hear you right?"

"I won't repeat myself." Michael loathed the concept of revenge, much less promoting it. However it was a necessary evil to get Issei to listen again.

The silence on the line was long and damning. It spoke of things in greater detail than any words could convey.

"… When is it?"

Michael didn't dare show any sign of relief. It was too early to count his blessings. "It's supposed to take place sometime next year, but there are rumors that one of the parties involved is trying to have the date pushed up soon."

A flexible date. Devil only. An arrangement between multiple major parties in the Devil faction. Possibly between families. One of them is likely the Gremorys if Michael's description of Sirzech's feelings on the matter is that severe. Well, them, or it somehow involved his wife and son, Grayfia and Millicas. As for the other party, it could be only one of two Families… no, he didn't have enough information. Devil connections and politics were complicated. Best not jump to conclusions just yet.

But how would getting Issei out of the house lead to enabling a loophole to get him involved in the festivities? Unless…

"The Weeb and Enabler are in on this." He growled.

"Who, oh. Right. That is what you're calling young Rias and Sona." Michael coughed, trying to forget everyone's reactions when Azazel let loose that amusing bit of information during their last meeting. Serafall's frustration in trying to decipher Issei's logic had driven her to near insanity much to everyone's entertainment.

Still, it was again scary just how fast Issei's mind had jumped in the right direction with such little conjectural information. The boy wasn't completely right with his assumption, but he was far closer than most could get that quickly.

"No. They are as they seem. Competent, if slightly entitled and opinionated, teenage high class Devil girls that are trying to do things on their own and strive for independence. They aren't trying to follow some scheme that their siblings eked out for them, nor are they aware of said plans to begin with. Give Sirzechs and Serafall more credit than that. Do you really think they would risk painting a target on their little sisters' foreheads if you let your temper get the better of you again?"

Unknowing accomplices then. Hardly better, but at the very least they aren't going after him with malicious intent. They're just being annoying.

Wonderful. That meant that Issei's best chance of getting more information about this clusterfuck was by, ugh, socializing.

If he got stuck in an acid death pussy one more time because of those scrubs, heads were going to roll and or burn in an order that he so chose that may or may not involve multiple iterations of both violent acts. It may sound impossible without extreme regeneration, but damn it, he would find a way.

"Fine. I get it. Be patient and friendly. Blame Zechs and Sera for whatever happens next."

"With you, it's normally either them or Azazel. Not that I mind." Michael slightly relaxed as Issei fell into line. So long there were no more curveballs in the conversation, they should be good.

"Eccentrics make convenient scapegoats."

The Angel wisely did not comment on that. After all, Issei had been one of said scapegoats. "I'll deal with things on my side. You tie up the loose ends on yours. Be careful. You haven't seen any action in years, and you know better than anyone how much precision matters in your fighting style."

"You don't have to remind me." Issei looked back at the very confused and scared Asia. The girl no doubt must be terrified after his minor episode. "Keep the Church in line. Odds are they're gonna do something stupid the second word gets out that she's staying with me."

"That goes without saying." Michael sighed, knowing that Heaven's "devout" followers tended to bend and break the rules more often than not. "… Gabriel wanted to talk. She misses you."

"… Goodbye Leo."

o. o. o.

"He hung up, didn't he?"

Michael turned back to look at Gabriel, giving his phone a sad look.

"Mmm. He's better than he used to be. And his mind as sharp as his tongue…"

"But his heart is still damaged beyond belief." The most beautiful woman in Heaven concluded, her eyes on the verge of unleashing tears of true remorse. Even crying, she was beautiful. No, rather, her crying merely bestowed upon the world a different face of true beauty that Gabriel possessed. "We should have helped him then, Michael. Regardless of what might have come from our actions."

"And he would have blamed no one but himself when the fires and calls for war spread. You know that better than I do Gabriel. There was no way out of that situation that would have given the boy peace of mind and soul." Michael cut her off.

"That Devil. How Sirzechs can permit such a woman to still exist after what she has done, what she is doing now, is beyond me."

"They do not have the fortune of living in a system fabricated by Father. Do not mistaken a willing sin for an unfortunate circumstance." Michael made to pocket the phone, but caught himself. He was likely going to be using it all afternoon.

"Is there a problem?"

"Nothing certain at the moment. Only speculation. I will likely be busy for some time."

"I see." Gabriel gently wiped her eyes and regained her composure. "And you, brother? How are you faring? The last time you encountered Issei directly was when he lost control of himself and you…"

Her eyes trailed to Michael's face. He was a handsome man with long blonde hair that almost matched hers in terms of luster and length. More than enough to make it hard to see his face from some angles.

… Almost more than enough to hide the burn scar that covered his right eye and extended back to his ear and up to the hairline.

He smiled gently, the warped skin on his burn scar twisted to try and pathetically mimic what the other side of his face was doing. "I am as I always have been sister. We both know that what I experienced and lost was paltry compared to what he did."

o. o. o.

"All right! Gather round scrubs! New plan! Which is sort of like the old plan but still a new plan!" Issei clapped his hands together before pocketing his phone and putting his hands behind his back.

"There was a plan?" Gasper blinked in confusion.

"What's he saying?" Asia asked Saji.

"Something about a plan."

"This better not be stupid." Raynare rolled her eyes.

"Ok! First thing's first. Ninja Puppy is going to be staying at my place for the foreseeable future."

"WHAT?!" More than one people shouted, emotions and confusion varying from person to person. Asia, again, was simply looking around scared and confused.

"Don't blame me. Blame the KFC twelve piece family special turtle in Heaven. It wasn't my idea. He's going to be sending word to the Maou and Azazel about this soon enough, so I need you grunts to smooth things over with the Weeb and the Enabler when they find out so they don't hit their menstrual cycles early."

"Why don't you do it?" Raynare frowned. "You're the one that actually knows what's going on."

"I might not get back soon. You see, while you guys are going food shopping for ingredients for the brownies that will prevent Auntie O from murdering us all, I am going to follow through and meet the people that were supposed to pick up the Ninja Puppy in the first place. We will then proceed to have a, discussion."

Issei pulled out his hands from behind his back, revealing a note pad and a pen that he clearly did not have on his person before and started to write. "The brownies are made from scratch, so you're going to be buying a fair amount of ingredients. High quality only. I'll give you guys 20k to pay for it all, but I expect a receipt and exact change when I get back."

"Wait. After all this crap about the Church and cussing out the top angel of Heaven, you're still going on about the brownies?!" Saji half shouted in disbelief.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry, but have you ever seen what the Oroboros Dragon is like when she's got the munchies and I, her unofficial supplier of said munchies, fails to fulfil said obligations? No? Ok, then if you don't mind, I kindly request you shut the fuck up before I tell her that you were the one that ate her brownies. I'll be sure to cover your funeral expenses if I survive and manage to find any of your remains. Here are the ashes of the Runt. Murdered painfully and violently for eating the Dragon God's brownies."

"Fine. Fine. I get it." He knew he wasn't up to date with the latest political and power standings of the mythical world, but he knew when his back was against the wall.

"Dio."

"Gasper."

"Dio. You're taking care of the Ninja Puppy while I'm gone. You're the least threating looking person here despite being full of evil. Make sure she doesn't wander off anywhere. Try to keep her calm and at ease while you're shopping. No corrupting her either. Last thing we need is an Evil Ninja Puppy running loose. The second we'd take our eyes off her, the world would be doomed."

"Ok? I think?" Gasper looked at Asia nervously. As a vampire devil hybrid, he was particularly susceptible to the workings of the Church, but Asia seemed to be a nice person. That prayer she did earlier really hurt his head, but she didn't seem to do it on purpose to hurt him. Issei didn't set them up together so that she would kill him, did he?

"Cougar. As terrible of an idea as it sounds, you're in charge. You're the most competent of the lot, which isn't really saying much."

"Hey!" Gasper, Saji, and Raynare replied, all for varying reasons.

"Hate the truth, not the speaker." Issei took out a couple of 10k bills from his wallet and handed them along with his shopping list to the Fallen. "Keep everyone together. Get the shopping done. Get back home, and explain to the others what happened. Don't assume anything. If you don't know the answer to something, just say that I'll answer it when I get back."

"You're not meeting up with us?" Saji frowned, failing to see the look of disbelief and some glee that Raynare had at the money in her hands.

"I don't know how long this will take. Shouldn't be long, but I've been wrong before." Issei sighed, taking out his phone and pulling up the GPS. "Runt, where's the church on here?"

"The church? Oh uh. It's about a mile and a half northwest from here, up on the edge of town on a hill. It's hard to miss." Saji pointed it out on the map. "This general area."

"Right." The Sekiryutei turned to the last person there.

Asia was clearly confused if the shifting and uncomfortable look on her face was any indication. She flinched and shied away slightly the moment he looked at her, unsure of what was going to happen.

He paused from that reaction. The girl was clearly innocent and confused, that was understandable, but the fear? She was actually scared of him, and she didn't do anything.

He started to say something to her, but the words died in his mouth. He deserved her response.

A fool that loses control of himself and attacks the people closest to him didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Instead he turned around and began to walk away from the group. "Tell her that she's going to be in good care. Calm her down. She's scared and confused in a place she's never been in before. That idiot in Heaven wouldn't have told her to stay at my place if it wasn't safe."

Walking away from the group, he completely missed Asia figuring out that her fear of him drove him away, her expression changing from being scared to one of shame and a person that wanted to apologize.

The change was not missed by the others there.

"Sempai. Wait." Gasper called out to Issei as the elder walked around the tree they had gathered near. The plant was big enough that it completely blocked their view of him as he went around it. "I think you got the wrong idea about Asia. Hold on a…"

As the vampire turned around the tree, he managed to catch a glimpse of something red flashing and a blur. His ears managed to detect the shuffling of several leaves and branches shaking as if they were hit with something.

But he didn't see Issei anywhere.

o. o. o.

Kuoh Church Gates:

The north part of Kuoh was a rather spread out area. Various buildings surrounded with large properties could be found here. It was where both prime real estate and abandoned buildings could be found in abundance, yet was still close enough to the main town that it was easily reached during the height of holiday events when people are out and about.

WHAM!

Thankfully, while it was a Saturday, nobody was interested in this area during the time that Issei seemed to teleport into existence by means of colliding with the heavy metal gates of the abandoned Church, hitting the iron hard enough to dent it with his skull.

"Son of a bitch!"

 **"Hahahaha! Michael was right! You have lost your touch!"** Ddraig laughed heartily as his partner laid out spread eagle on the ground with swirls for eyes.

"Shut up." The concussed teen slurred. "I'm not rusty. I'm just not practiced using you with this body yet."

 **"You mean you aren't practiced with crashing into metal gates and the ground with that body! Ahahahaha! This reminds me of when you first started using my powers! Vali would kill you just to save face if he ever saw you like this!"** Ddraig clearly wasn't letting Issei have any ground to stand on.

"If you're going to laugh your unwiped scaled ass off, can you do it deeper inside so you don't make my hemorrhaging worse?" Issei cradled his skull. Loud noises and concussions don't mix well. Loud noises that originate from inside your mind and concussions mix worse.

Still, it was a good thing he had reinforced his body beforehand, otherwise he might have crushed his skull from the impact.

"Ow. Ow ow ow ow." Still holding a hand to his head, the teen got up. One hand supporting himself, the other glowing green to heal his injuries and more importantly, making his headache die down a bit. It was a slightly stupid move since most medics trained in magic would never attempt to heal a head injury on themselves for obvious reasons, but Issei didn't really give a damn at that point.

 **"… Ha. While it is fun to watch you make a fool out of yourself like old times, I do feel I must warn you that this may be a bad idea partner. You are rather quick to learn things, but even I doubt that you'd be back to snuff by the time you get through the front doors of that building."**

"Shut up. You make it sound like I'm the sort of idiot that goes into places guns blazing."

 **"No. You're the sort of idiot that goes into places with a cocky attitude, pisses off everyone with your intellect, and goads others into throwing the first punch by being obnoxious."**

"I stand corrected." His headache was feeling much better. He'd rather have an aspirin, but beggars couldn't be choosers. "Good thing I don't feel much like fighting these days."

 **"Vali would be disappointed."**

"Vali can suck my dick. That dumbass is a total battle junkie with tunnel vision. Dude needs to get laid."

 **"So do you."**

The teen glared at his left hand.

 **"Don't even try to deny it. You're wound up around yourself so badly you might as well be the Gordian Knot. You need to relax. Why not mate with that Fallen or one of those humans that fawn over you at the school? Unlike using me, your touch with the human body hasn't gotten stale."**

"I'm not fucking some clueless girl that knows less about sex than what they're actually doing in life. And the Cougar would rather kill me than employ the idea of having sex."

The Devils never entered the list of options of potentials as far as either of them were concerned. There was too much history there. Too many reasons not to trust them that far.

 **"Regardless, you need to unwind partner. Your hobbies are decent enough distractions, but that is all they are. Distractions. They neither help nor hinder your condition. Only stall it."**

Issei moved to make an argument, but seemingly gave up on the idea with a heavy sigh. Instead, he simply stood up straight, his body void of energy, much like his voice. "I'm tired Ddraig. I sleep so much lately, but I never get any rest."

 **"I know partner, but for once you're not going to find a solution to this problem by yourself. You know this. You have to open yourself up to others. You were never meant to be alone. Your nature won't let you. Maybe it's time to call the bearer of Siren Harmony. She can always get you to sleep."**

"I can't. Nee-chan's done so much for me already, and she really busy these days. I won't bother her anymore. I won't."

 **"It's that type of thinking that got you in this state in the first place. It's ok to ask others for help sometimes."**

"Not when they have more important things and close people to get back to. I'm just some crazy human nut living with his mother surrounded by nobles and leaders and Gods that happens to have a couple of insanely powerful monsters in him. If it weren't for you and Ghost, I wouldn't even be noticed. I'm not worth their time."

Ddraig grunted in frustration, knowing that he had hit a dead end. Issei had always been reluctant to ask others for help ever since that accident with Baraquiel, but it devolved into an extreme inferiority complex during the incident. It was only due to his short temper, pride, and sharp tongue that most people didn't see it, but nearly everyone that had known the boy since the beginning knew it for what it was.

Time to use some cheap shots.

Sometimes the best way to fight trauma was with more trauma. Luckily, trauma was something Issei was never in short supply of.

 **"If that's the case, then you shouldn't mind letting Tiamat know you're up and about again."**

The reaction was instant in the form of a girlish squeak and Issei jumping into the nearest bush he could find. It soon was shaking uncontrollably. "Tia?! Where?! Where is she?! Don't let her find me! There are safer, faster, and more humane ways to die than her! Like acid! Or cancer!"

 **"You really need to get over your fear of her. Tiamat may be a Dragon King, but you've stood against stronger entities without hesitation or caring."**

"I want to die with my dick intact thank you very much! I might be in good shape, but I am not submitting myself to the libido of a dragoness that hasn't gotten any real action for a millennia! Just because you have forgotten what it's like to reach the natural euphoria that all living beings experience from intercourse, doesn't mean that the other major dragons that haven't gotten themselves killed or stuck in sacred gears have!"

Ddraig rolled his eyes from inside his container. While Tiamat may have been rather, enthusiastic, the last time she had been around Issei, he didn't think it warranted this extreme of a reaction from the boy. **"Fine. I won't bother with this topic again. You're such a whelp sometimes."**

"She tried to jump me before I had even reached the beginning stages of puberty! There's being thirsty and then there's that crazy woman!"

 **"Yes yes. I know the story. I was there too. Far be it for me to remind you that you're the idiot that asked her to be in your harem before learning how your respective natures would cause her to react."**

Heavens forbid that Issei remembered that he was technically engaged to her. He was traumatized enough as it was. Then again, no one could have anticipated that the normally composed and cool Chaos Karma Dragon to react as she did upon meeting the ten year old Issei. The poor, poor unknowing fool.

The true natures of individual dragons really was a peculiar thing at times…

No. Best not delve too deeply into that minefield.

 **"Let's just deal with whoever is in the church already and be done with this. You should already have an idea of who is inside and how to deal with them with that nose of yours. Try not to crash into any more doors while you're at it this time."**

"Yeah yeah. Laugh it up. Asshole." Issei got out of the bush and brushed off his clothes, the crimson gauntlet on his left arm vanishing as he did so.

A quick sniff of the air told him all he needed to know. Tons of rosemary, but not enough to drown out the pungent mixed scents that feathers give off. There were at least two Fallen and a good number of Church related individuals using the building. Probably excommunicated exorcists.

What he didn't smell though was power. Meaning he was dealing with low rankers.

Good. They tended to overthink and get nervous quickly when up against someone they didn't know.

Without any care to his personal appearance or safety, the teen jumped over the gates with a little magic, walked straight up to the main building, pushed open the doors, and sauntered inside as if nothing was wrong with what he was doing.

He didn't see anyone inside the chapel to meet him as he walked up the center. For all intents and purposes, the place was barren.

Pausing in the middle of the room, he lazily looked up and around for a few seconds in dead silence.

"I know you're there. You can come out."

The building was still quiet, his accusation was met with no response.

"Really? You're seriously going with that overused, you know what, fine. Asia Argentio."

Three spears of corrupted holy light shot past him from various angles, missing him by mere inches.

"Very nice guys. Real classy."

It was annoyingly ironic in hindsight. Issei couldn't stand large crowds and being touched, but he wasn't bothered in the slightest when around Ophis or being nearly skewered or being naked in public. His priorities and standards really were screwed up.

As if on cue, the sounds of massive flapping wings reverberated throughout the room as three Fallen descended slowly from the rafters. Their ebony black wings seemed to drown out all light in the area despite it being early afternoon.

He wasn't impressed. Azazel did it better by himself.

Stupid grandstanding. It was something that most of the members of the three Factions did so often that they had beaten the concept into the ground.

"Well now. Isn't this a surprise?" The only male of the three Fallen droned, clearly trying to look intimidating. "Issei Hyoudou. I certainly didn't expect a shut in like you to be here."

If Dohnaseek expected to earn points by showing off that he knew Issei's name and habits, he was doomed for disappointment. "On the other hand, finding you in a dump like this is to be expected considering how often you've been getting the Cougar's blood alcohol level so high it's become flammable for the past three weeks. Level with me. How much can she down? I need to know her limits and just how bad her withdrawal is going to hit once you guys bail town and she's cut off from the tap."

"Hahaha. Raynare was right. You really don't hold back. Such a cruel and vicious tongue you have. I wonder if it will still wiggle so energetically when I cut it out of your mouth." The blonde Lolita that looked no older than thirteen standing to Issei's right giggled in amusement, though the glint in her eyes betrayed something else.

Issei wasn't fooled. There were three real reasons why a Fallen out on the field would look that young. Either they were a young scrub learning the ropes, one that specialized in infiltration and preyed on those that looked young, or, in a worst case scenario...

"Thanks for the compliment, old hag."

… The Fallen was born during an era where mankind's lifespan was notoriously short, resulting in the ideal standards for beauty and youth in young women being clocked at roughly the early throes of puberty. Most Fallen that specialized in seduction tended to change with the times to maximize their efficiency, however every now and then there was a member or two that refused to change their appearance and stick with what they had.

Bottom line, there was a good chance that the now infuriated woman to his side had at least four wings and maybe half a millennia of field experience. She might have shown only two as she came from the rafters, but it wasn't hard to hide extra sets of wings so long as the owner wasn't doing anything extensive. For all he knew, she was the true leader of the group.

"What did you say brat?!"

Nope. Definitely not the leader. Way too quick to trigger if it only took that much to have her ready to use unholy magic on him. Just a long lived scrub.

"Mitlett. Calm down." Dohnaseek chided his companion, never taking his eyes off of Issei. "You're either incredibly confident or foolish to come here by yourself, human. Either way, you would not have come here without reason."

Huh. So the Cougar slipped his name, but never told these scrubs that he was the Sekiryutei. He underestimated her. "I do plenty of things without reason, Hat Man. Half the things the three factions do doesn't make any sense as far as I'm concerned. I'm just going along with it most of the time."

"Hat Man?" The third Fallen to Issei's right skeptically echoed. She was an incredibly busty and beautiful woman appearing to be in her late twenties with long blue hair wearing a buttoned up suit that was open to give him a full view of her cleavage.

Hold on… he knew those oppai and absolute cleavage.

"Are, are you, Sparkle Swallows?"

The muted church grew even more silent.

"… I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sparkle Swallows. Upper B ranked Actress for Zaz' porn company, Black Light productions. Starred in Revenge of the Tentacles, the My Unholy Teacher series, and C. . Co-starred in-"

"Stop!" Kalawarner shouted, her face growing progressively more crimson the longer Issei listed out the flicks she apparently starred in.

"I fucking knew I saw those oppai before!" The teen shouted in proud victory.

"Really? That's how you recognized her? By her tits?" Mitlett deadpanned.

"You little creep! I'm not Sparkle Swallows or whoever that person is! How would you even know what those are?! Azazel-sama's porn companies sell only to non-human customers!"

Click click. Click click.

"I get paid to review them." Issei innocently answered as if it was the simplest thing in the world, at some point pulling out his cell phone and taking pictures of the distraught woman. "I'm a professional porno critic. Twenty thousand yen for every quality budget film. Two hundred for every feature length film. You might have heard of me. My pen name is Chibi Sensei."

"Two hundred thousand? To review and watch porn?" Mitlett blinked, not sure if she should trust her ears.

"Chibi Sensei? Little Doct… IT WAS YOU!" Surprising her compatriots, Kalawarner materialized a spear of light and got ready to hurl it at Issei.

"Kal! Calm down! What the hell is going on!?" Dohnaseek shouted, completely confused as to what was happening.

"That little shit destroyed what little career I had! One review and any bonuses and credit I had in the industry went down the toilet! This fucker ruined it with one hand on the keyboard and the other on his half sized dick!"

"I don't masturbate." Issei muttered, clearly not even paying attention to what he was saying and more on Kalawarner's breasts if the angle he was holding his phone was any indication.

"Die creep! Scum! Forgotten abandoned gnat! Stop taking pictures of me!" Her temper didn't improve as she used one hand to cover herself and the other to throw some spears at Issei.

She might as well have done nothing as the boy swayed left and right, barely dodging the attacks by the smallest of margins while still holding his phone up. At best, her attacks managed to disrupt the photos via the dust kicked up when her spears totaled the benches next to and behind the teen.

"Oi. Move your hands. I haven't seen your oppai in years. I need an update on your development. You have clearly gotten some coloring since your time in the shots. It's cleared up your complexion some, but at the cost of your fashion sense. That dress of yours is made of what, cheap pleather? That's just embarrassing. At least put some effort into your looks."

Clearly the woman had forgotten that she had been denying the fact that she had worked in the industry at all just moments before.

 _He dodged Kal's attacks so casually… spears made by unholy energy aren't linear. The shafts are irregularly shaped and thorned along their lengths. Simply trying to lean out of the way of a normal level spear isn't something most higher level entities would risk if they didn't expect to at least be scratched. The precision and judgement required is too difficult to grasp in time for most, let alone a human. It's safer to just jump out of the way or throw up a shield. This kid… he really isn't normal._

Dohnaseek glanced at Mitlett and gave her a questioning look, and received one of mixed confusion and concern as a response. She had clearly noticed the irregularity as well, and was now no longer as confident as she had been before.

They were snapped out of their silent conversation by a very not silent Issei.

"Useless reviews my ass! I am revered as the maker and breaker of the porn world and you will bow before my word as though I were a God! I stand by what I said lady! You moan like a fucking cow having a hernia when you orgasm! The harder you go off, the deeper you are! There's sexy, and then there's just that creepy backwoods barnyard shit that you pull! Ooooh! Oooooh! Oooooooooooooooh! You want a career? Get a gag and a director that knows what the hell taste is for your next shot! That or inhale a tank of helium before the next time you want to film yourself getting off!"

Mitlett tried to keep a straight face, she really did.

The problem was that Issei's imitation of her comrade's orgasm moaning was far more accurate than she would ever admit. It wasn't uncommon for Fallen to relieve stress every now and then, but after a few weeks, they had had to learn stronger sound cancelling spells to block out the woman's moans when she was going solo. It wasn't that she was loud, but the woman's impressive lungs and deep pitch actually travelled through the damn walls when she was hitting it hard.

"I'm going to kill you brat! Do you know how much money you cost me or how hard it is for a two winged Fallen to get a decent paying job that isn't on the field if you don't specialize in Sacred Gear tinkering?!" The Fallen was borderline hysterical now as multiple spears hovered over her.

"Bring it, Udders! I'll slap the truth into that cow head of yours and then your cow tits for good measure!" Issei didn't register Ddraig groining inside of him as the boy began to manifest some magic and reinforce his body.

"ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU!" Dohnaseek apparently reached the limit of his patience as he rose his voice above both of the would-be combatants. "YOU WANT TO KILL ONE ANOTHER?! DO IT LATER!"

Mitlett simply stood to the side of everyone, watching with a completely confused expression. "What just happened?"

o. o. o.

Issei sat on one of the dusty benches that littered the nave of the church as if he had nothing better to do. In front of him by the podium, the three Fallen stood, each giving him mixed glares. At the very least though, they had all managed to calm down some.

"Do you three know how deep shit you're in right now?" Issei started the conversation off heavy.

"You make it sound as if you have any authority over us." Kalawarner sneered.

"Did any of you actually do any research when the Devil that hired you to kidnap the clueless Ninja Puppy sent you here?" Issei pressed on, ignoring her comment. "Did any of you think for a single moment that you might be walking into a set up?"

"Ninja Puppy?" Mitlett echoed, clearly not understanding what he was talking about. "Wait, how did he know about the-?"

"He means Argentio. And obviously he talked to someone from the Church after he found her." Dohnaseek cut her off. "To answer your question, I did do research. I'm not so foolish as to trust a Devil at his word, regardless of the deal. This land is Devil territory, and while it was discouraged to come here, it was never forbidden, and nothing of interest was ever actually here. Or at least, acknowledged to be here."

Issei gave him the benefit of the doubt there. Too much security could be just as bad as too little at times. Azazel did his job a bit too well in this case. "Let me break things down. You three are dangerously close to finding something that a good number of very powerful people don't want known. Close enough, that if you don't ensure that you vanish soon, you will vanish another way."

"You seem quite certain of this." Mitlett mused.

"I am also quite certain that the town will be inspected by the Mirren by this time tomorrow."

That had the Fallen on edge. The Grigori were known as "The Watchers", even before they fell. However, what few knew was that there was a subsection of their kin that answered only to the upper ranks. The Mirren, the Patient, "Those that Waited". While most people thought that Devils and Fallen played dirty by nature, they did not even come close to what the Mirren were capable of.

Naturally, the three in front of Issei were not of that caliber.

"When I came across the Nun earlier, completely by chance I assure you, I was obviously annoyed. What was a member of the Church doing here? Kuoh was off limits, and all the leaders of the three Factions knew better than to just let random members of their groups come and go here as they pleased. So, I called my contact in Heaven, and he told me some rather interesting things regarding her. Involving, but not limited to, a Devil sneaking into a high security Church compound in Italy. Things that, when combined with the fact that our person in question has clearly gone through quite a unique experience, has both of us understandably on edge and irritable."

"Why the suspicion?" Dohnaseek shrugged, brushing off the teen's cold stare. "Like you said, this is Devil territory. Why not ask the ones here about the issue and see if they're related."

Issei rolled his eyes. "Right. Because clearly the intelligent thing to do if a Devil wanted to kidnap someone and stay out of trouble is to bring them to a place that everyone knows belongs to a you or your group in particular. The ones here do have many glaring deficits, but they aren't that oblivious. Most of them anyways."

"You seem quite familiar with the Devils here, but you have connections with Heaven, and enough pull in the Grigori to have Raynare be your attendant." Mitlett frowned, trying to piece together what she knew. "Just what or who are you?"

A brief glint of amusement flickered across Issei's dull eyes. "Careful. Ask any more questions like that, and I won't be willing to throw you the bone you need to get out of this."

The Fallen didn't like where the boy was going with that. "What do you mean?"

Issei shifted himself in his seat so his ass didn't cramp. The padding under his rear had long since eroded to nearly nothing. "I won't bore you with the details, but here is a summary of what is going to happen. By the end of the day, the Ninja Puppy's situation will be known by members of all three factions. Members that possess a good deal of influence that will also be very curious and interested as to who is responsible for bringing her here in the first place, and more importantly, why. And since there happens to be something else here in Kuoh that is being kept under wraps, many important people are going to think that there is a correlation between it, and your decision to come here. As for the Nun's situation there's nothing you or I can do about it now."

"If that's the case, then why did you come here?" Kalawarner materialized a spear in hand. "If you can't stop it, then there's no reason for us to kill you right here and now."

The teen's mouth flickered in brief amusement and slowly moved a hand from his pockets. "That is true, however you seem to have missed one fact. You see, everyone knows that someone is here that shouldn't be."

All three Fallen stiffened as they saw Issei hold up his phone in front of them, showing one of the pictures of Kalawarner he had just taken on the front in an email format with a "send" prompt under his thumb.

"They don't know that the accused party are you in particular. And if you play nice, they won't ever know."

"You little bastard." Mitlett couldn't believe that they had been played so easily.

"Hold on one moment." Dohnaseek frowned, the least visibly disturbed of the group. "The Mirren. The Church. You have no proof of any of this other than your word. You might as well be sending that photo to yourself for all we know. A bluff."

"Hmmm. I suppose that is true. There isn't much evidence I can give you. For all you know, I could simply have a good contact inside the Church that told me enough to make the correct conclusions. I mean I can call these guys up right now, but if I did, they'd obviously figure out something is wrong and end up finding out about you regardless of what I did." Issei droned, not at all worried about the furious look he was getting. "Then again… I'm curious as to just how much the Cougar has told you about me while you got her shitfaced."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm just wondering if she told you how she first came to my place." Issei casually leaned back and waved his phone like a toy. "How Azazel came with her inside my home and we all had a nice dinner. He spent a lot of time catching up with my mother and at least tried to do the same with me. That doesn't sound like the sort of relationship that could be considered between that of mere acquaintances, does it? More like one between people that have known one another for some time, and are close enough to at least share phone numbers."

The odds of Issei making this up were slim. If he was lying, then then they could call him out on it, but only if they knew the truth… but there was no point in that as that would mean the boy had opened himself up for failure. If he was telling the truth though, it didn't matter if the Fallen knew it or not, because that would mean that the phone number at the tip of his thumb was very likely to be Azazel's.

Fortunately, and unfortunately for them, while Raynare hadn't told them everything about Issei, she did spill about her introduction.

Dohnaseek's angered expression was enough of an answer.

"Oh don't give me that. You're the idiots that are threatening to kill me." Issei rolled his eyes. "All of you grunts from the Three Factions are the same. You all put your superiors on the highest pedestals, screaming "sempai, notice me! Notice me!" Then you all do something stupid and shit yourselves at the very idea of having them do just that. Fucking mass kohai complex, the lot of you. It's embarrassing to watch every time I see it."

"Dohnaseek. Get him to the point before I stab the brat, Azazel-sama be damned." Mitlett ground out through her clenched teeth.

"You claim you aren't connected to the Biblical Factions, but you clearly have connections in high places." The defacto leader frowned. "That house of yours was protected by magic by all three groups. And that arm of yours is wrapped in a shroud made in Heaven. Clearly you're someone of interest that they want to keep safe."

"I'm an independent. I don't care about that pointless war you three are waging in the slightest. That doesn't exempt me from knowing a few people. I'm sure that other pantheons share similar relationships as mine." The teen scoffed. The Fallen's ploy to try and unnerve him by making that comment about his home fell flat. "And you made a slight misunderstanding."

"Hoh? A misunderstanding?" Dohnaseek flickered through what he had said and what he might have said that was incorrect, but couldn't come up with much. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

Issei sighed, shaking his head and giving the Fallen a dry look. "You claimed that the protections on my home were there to keep me safe. An understandable, but incorrect assumption."

There was no killing intent. No threat. No spike in power or rage.

Issei simply smiled kindly. An action that was incredibly alien to the normally bitter and dour young man.

It was enough for all three non-humans' blood to turn cold by how unnaturally natural it felt. A lie so grand that it seemed to cause reality to curdle.

"The truth is, I don't need protection. I just like my privacy. The wards that the Maou, the Seraphs, and Azazel set up were merely a precaution to keep away those that might bother me, as I unfortunately possess a habit of killing people that can't take a hint and leave me alone. Fallen Angels that don't know how to do their jobs correctly for example."

Issei didn't seem to care or notice the effect he had on the other party as he continued. "Now then, imagine just what would have happened if someone that was part of the three Factions without the right connections and knowledge had found the Ninja Puppy here in Kuoh. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter either way. There no doubt would have been quite a commotion from the discovery. Investigations and inquiries as to who could have done it. People looking for clues. After all, why on earth was a kidnapped excommunicated Sacred Gear bearing Nun all the way in the only Japanese territory managed by the younger sisters of two Maou? Anybody would be quite interested in that. It wouldn't take much for someone to notice my home from a probing of that scale. And if that had happened… many people would not be happy in the end. And I am not a happy person to begin with."

Issei stood up, his cherubic smile nothing more than the matter of nightmares and contradictions. "So then. Let's rectify this little issue of ours, shall we? You do what I want. And I allow you to live. And no one will bother either of us afterwards."

o. o. o.

 **"Way to lay it on thick."**

"Shut up. You know how grunts from the factions are. Unless you're radiating enough power to run a small country or spouting wings out of your ass, it's near impossible for them to take you seriously." Issei grumbled as he walked off the church grounds.

Without the Grigori, there was no real safe haven for any Fallen to go to. It was their home. Their family. And Azazel was their head.

So, threatening that connection, that lifeline, was the greatest and most terrifying thing one could do to a Fallen.

So long as Issei had the pictures on his phone, and Azazel's ear, the three Fallen were at his mercy. It had been made clear that if they, or the priests that they had under their employ went after Asia, or spread word about him to anyone, pictures would fly endlessly.

And so would they.

 **"Says the person that was so far into his method acting that he nearly did go and kill the Fallen on a whim."**

"Who said it was acting? Udders dared question my reviewing judgement, and honestly, I wanted that guy's hat."

 **"You wanted his hat."**

"It was classy. Sure I'd probably have to disinfect it a few dozen times, but that was a quality piece of headwear."

 **"When it comes to you, I'd say the same thing about a helmet."**

"You're just jealous 'cause you can't wear hats and are missing out."

 **"I really should have intervened more when Ghost was giving you lessons. You always emulate his infuriating personality whenever you're satisfied with yourself."**

Issei froze mid-step at Ddraig's comment.

Satisfied? Was he really that giddy from simply scaring the shit out of a bunch of grunts? Since when had he ever been so petty? That didn't sound like him, did it?

 **"Don't worry about it. It's only natural. The only people you've been able to vent on for the past five years are your mother and people that you actually knew and cared about that didn't deserve your anger. Those three stupid crows on the other hand are nothing to either of us. That overly sensitive conscience of yours has always been an annoying thing to deal with. This is just another example of it getting in the way."**

"… That doesn't make sense. I didn't kill them, and they didn't tell us much that was useful." He had grilled all three of them. Asia. Kuoh. All their instructions had been supplied to them via an intermediary Devil with no notable qualities other than being a weak woman that was probably a reincarnated human. They didn't even know what the Devil wanted Asia for in the first place.

The only thing of note that he did find out was that the Fallen were planning to extract Asia's Sacred Gear before turning her body to their contractor soon afterwards. It was to be their payment.

He had nearly killed them then and there for that bit. How grunts like them managed to get their hands on a Sacred Gear extraction relic was beyond him. Azazel kept those things under intense scrutiny and supervision for a whole myriad of reasons that even Issei wouldn't joke about.

Still, it meant that whoever they were dealing with was a High Class Devil that was building a peerage. There was no reason for a Devil to have interest in a human corpse other than to reincarnate it, though the fact that they didn't care about the Sacred Gear was peculiar.

 **"Maybe it's simply because you helped someone for the first time in a while without making a huge commotion in the process. You've always been eager to please, but the way you are now limits the number of opportunities for that to happen."** Ddraig suggested.

"Don't stretch it Ddraig. You make it sound like I'm no different from how I was five years ago. I'm not that idiot anymore." He didn't want to have this conversation again. He didn't want to remember what it was like to be happy. To be illusioned with the idea that people could care about him at least enough to put aside their personal interests to keep their words.

There were better and less painful things to do than that, like stabbing himself in the chest.

He took in a deep breath and sighed while withdrawing his cell phone. It was still a bright and beautiful day outside, meaning plenty of people were bound to be out. Worse, he was in a part of town he didn't recognize, which wasn't surprising. He would need the GPS on his phone in order to find his way back-

Low Power. Phone going to sleep mode. Please find charging outlet.

He stared blankly at the screen in his hand, his face a perfect neutral mask save for his twitching eyebrow.

Apparently he had forgotten to charge his phone last night before he had fallen asleep on his desk.

How the Fallen Angels didn't notice the flashing indicator that he was low on batteries while waving the damn thing in front of their faces during their conversation was something only a miracle could explain.

 **"Not the same idiot huh? I guess that means you're a completely different idiot now."**

"Shut up!"

o. o. o.

Eight Years Ago:

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

Baraquiel fumbled through his pockets for the vial of Phoenix Tears that he always kept on him in case of an emergency while desperately trying to ignore the cold look that Ophis was giving him.

He had fucked up. He had fucked up so bad that even Azazel wouldn't laugh at this.

He couldn't blame Issei. The kid didn't know better. No. Rather, _he_ didn't know better, and underestimated the boy.

The moment the Sekiryutei had appeared inside his guard and reached for him, all of Baraquiel's instincts and reflexes took hold.

 _Danger_ they screamed.

 _Don't let him touch you_ the warnings blared.

Before his mind processed these signals, his body reacted.

The end result was the unconscious boy lying on the ground, with his chest kicked in so hard most of his ribs were broken, blood leaking from his mouth, and his back torn apart from the deep gouge his body had made in the earth.

All in front of Ophis.

This is not what he had intended on the first day of lessons.

"Come on. Don't die on me kid. You're the Sekiryutei. You're stronger than this." The Fallen found the vial and wasted no time cracking it open over the boy, letting the drops of valuable fluids fall on him, rejuvenating him at a blinding speed. He'd have to get more later, which was painful to think about. Phoenix Tears were not easy to get your hands on. Especially if you were not a Devil.

 _"Hooh? Isn't that interesting? It sure works fast. What was that stuff? Max Elixer? Phoenix Down? Jizz from a God of Life?"_

Baraquiel froze. The voice speaking was not his, Ddraig's, Issei's, or Ophis'. More concerning was that it was coming right in front of him… from the boy's right arm. From the black gauntlet encasing it.

"Grandpa. I thought you didn't want to show yourself yet." Ophis leaned over the large man's side, a place she had not been anywhere near moments before. Baraquiel tried to shove away the possible reasons why she had been there in the first…

… Wait. Grandpa?

 _"Eh. Considering how things turned out, it's more a bother to keep on hiding than not."_ The stranger inside the unknown Sacred Gear yawned. _"I did warn Issei not to surprise you right off the bat, but you know how kids are. Sometimes the best lessons they can get are a solid ass beating for doing something stupid. Still, this was a bit overkill. He's just a brat for fucks sake. There was no need to nearly literally punt him in half."_

"I. Well. It was an accident." Baraquiel fumbled over his words, not sure exactly what was going on. "I'm sorry, but, who are you exactly?"

"He's Grandpa." Ophis stated as if it answered everything.

 **"He's an annoying ass."** Ddraig grumbled.

 _"My name's Ghost, and I'm in this kid because I'm an idiot with terrible luck and worse judgment making skills."_ The stranger shamelessly declared. _"Before you ask. No. I'm not Ophis' Grandpa. She just calls me that because… I do things, and reasons."_

"And you spend lots of time with Grandma." Ophis added.

 _"And that."_ He relented.

"Grandma?" Baraquiel was pretty certain that his voice didn't squeak. Sure enough that he would deny anyone that asked him if he did.

 _"Don't ask. Bottom line though is that I'm only temporarily stuck in this kid. Unlike Ddraig here, I'm not an integrated or vital part of your system. When the kid dies, I'm out to do my thing again. Until then, I'm stuck in this improvised Sacred Gear thing that your God made. FYI, we call this thing I'm in Blind Eternity."_

"I, see." Baraquiel hedged, not trusting himself to talk any more than that for the time being. "And you're fine with this? Being stuck in a child?"

 _"Not the dumbest thing I've ever done. Or the worst. I'm immortal. A century or two of doing nothing isn't going to make me freak out."_ Ghost waved away his status as if it was no big deal. _"That being said, I have grown somewhat attached to the little nutjob with a penis for a brain. He's got potential, he's funny as hell when he loses his temper, and he's got a good drive. He's someone worth investing some time in watching and teaching."_

"I'm glad you're happy with your current situation then. Not many would be."

 _"Yes. But you misunderstand me, Baraquiel. While I don't mind wasting time every now and then, I do mind lost investments."_ Ghost's friendly tone suddenly bore an ice cold wind to it. A chill that would travel down the spines of all that heard it. _"Like I said. I've grown attached to the kid, and I would be rather, annoyed, if something particularly unfortunate were to happen to him. I have been around more than long enough to know that large organizations like yours have a tendency of getting ahead of yourselves, from time to time. I'm just letting you know that it is in everyone's best interest if such, accidents, did not take place when it comes to my amusing host."_

The man with ten black wings frowned. He was used to threats, but rarely did it come from the Sacred Gears themselves. "The Grigori are not a force that is easily disregarded. Neither are Heaven or the Devils. All of us possess members that are capable of wiping out entire countries by ourselves. What makes you think that you alone can do anything to us?"

Ghost laughed at Baraquiel's rebuttal. An amused chuckle that an old man would give a child that did not know any better. _"Hmhm. What makes me think that? Let me answer your question with another one. What reasons can you think of that can explains why Ophis-chan calls me Grandpa? I assure you, it's not because I asked her to."_

The pallor on the man's face slowly lost color as Ghost's words finally registered to him.

 _"Grandpa. That reminds me. When you get out, can you finally help me kick Baka-Red out of the Dimensional Gap? After that, can you help clean away his stench?"_ Ophis had moved to where Issei was during their conversation, and was innocently poking the black and white jewel as if to grab Ghost's attention.

 _"We'll see Ophis-chan. Remember the reason why one of you two has to be there in the first place. Baka-Red-chan may be a headstrong fool, but he does do his job. He even stopped me on my way coming here the instant I showed up, the silly child. It would be a bad thing if we messed things up too much getting you back home. And because I've been here for so long, things might get even more interesting down the road. You might have to share, or else whoever gets the gap in the end will be swamped with work. It's a bit hard to achieve [silence] when people keep on interrupting it, don't you think?"_

Ophis didn't pout, but Baraquiel was certain that the displeased glare she was giving was the closest thing she'd come to one. "Fine."

By the ghost of the Heavenly Father, what had he gotten himself into? "Fine. I get it. You've made your point. You're dangerous and the kid is off limits to anything extreme. I'll forward the message to Azazel, but don't be surprised if he wants to talk to you before anything is finalized."

 _"That's fine. I expected as much. Considering how badly you all are bending over backwards for Ophis, it's only natural that the higher ups would want to add their personal touch to things to make sure everything's all fine and dandy."_ One could practically hear Ghost smiling from inside Issei. _"Now that we got the boring topics out of the way, we can get onto the more important subjects."_

Baraquiel swallowed heavily. "Such as?"

Issei's black gauntlet glowed menacingly. _"…_ Do _you actually know why the large breasts of the non-human women here don't follow the conventional laws of physics?"_

"… Eh?"

 **"Uuuungh. Not this again."**

"Grandpa. You're being weird again."

 _"Don't look at me like that damn you! I've been stuck in here for two years! Two years of blue balls! Two years of listening and being there for the kid while he sneaks off to watch and study porn on the internet as if it was his lifeline! Do you know how cruel and twisted this setup is?! A man has needs! I can't even pump one out here to pass the damn time because I'd more or less be creaming the inside of a nine year old boy! Sure, I have stuck my dick into tons of questionable places over the years, but even I have moral limits damn it!"_

"… Eh?" Baraquiel repeated himself, not exactly sure how he found himself in his current situation. Was this a result of the new Sacred Gear?

 _"I mean, it was funny at first. The kid was obsessed with getting a harem before I even met him, so why not teach him a few things? A few porn tips here. Some training and advice there. See him screw up a bit. But how the hell was I supposed to know he'd take to everything like a sponge or that he'd be this dedicated? Next thing I knew, he was blasting through every sort of show there was, taking notes on the actors and their histories, and trying to categorize how long it took for them to reach orgasms depending on how much foreplay and how many partners they were with! He's killing my drive and enjoyment of the art! I need something stupid and sexy to focus my head on that the brat can't ruin for me!"_ Ghost didn't seem to notice the confusion he was making now, too focused on his ranting and venting to anyone that would listen.

 **"And how would learning something so stupid not ruin it for you**?" Ddraig asked warily.

 _"Easy. After learning how it works, I'd tell the kid all the crazy stuff he might or might not be able to do with non-human breasts and try and get him to do it himself for shits and giggles. Trickshots, maybe a Rube Goldberg device consisting of nothing but oppai related shenanigans. And maybe make a few Youtube videos in the process for a few extra bucks… wait. No. Youtube would take down the vids. It would have to be Pornhub. It's always best to generate passive income early on. Ah. Wait. Best to start working on merchandizing and sponsorships too. Maybe some guest appearances to spread word and increase the view base. Also have to find a good source of flapjacks and cigars for the company parties… wait. Shit! This is Japan! Where the hell am I going to find quality flapjacks in Japan?!"_

 **"Of course that is the biggest roadblock to your plans**." From the sound of things, this sort of monologue wasn't that unusual for the stranger stuck in a Sacred Gear.

 _"I will make it a thing! And profit off of it! And then I will hide away the money so my asshole brother won't take away this time!"_

"I'm, I'm just going to bring Issei home now." Baraquiel moved on autopilot. He didn't want to think right now. His head hurt too much. What had just happened? Why was he so confused?

 **"Don't think about it too much Baraquiel. I learned that years ago. If you think Issei is bad, you'll never be able to tolerate this one. Take it from the guy that's stuck with these two."** Ddraig apologized in his own way. Baraquiel doubted that he, or anyone else had ever heard the Heavenly Red Dragon sound so defeated and demotivated before.

"Hmm. My condolences." As he carried Issei's body home, somewhere in his numbed mind, he wondered if he would be able to maintain his recently acquired peaceful lifestyle after this, if he could load the boy off on Azazel, and if he'd be able to get out of this situation without any significant trouble.

He would find out eventually that the answer to all those questions, unfortunately, was no.

o. o. o.

Omake: Things better left forgotten.

Issei sighed as he sat down at his workbench. The day was just exhausting and took forever. He needed to take his mind off things while he had some time to himself.

He had gotten through his quota of Porn reviews for the week, but there were still a few custom dildo orders that he had to fulfil. Both for humans and non-humans. It was generally pretty easy to tell which one was which most of the time. The vast majority of human women weren't able to handle some of the crazy shit that the non-humans enjoyed, and the point of ordering customized dildos in the first place was to scratch a peculiar itch that conventional models couldn't scratch in one way or another.

Hard plastic. Soft plastic. Rotors of varying intensity. Customized molds. Bumps. Ridges. Curcumsized or not. Human. Horse. Dog. Shark (Took him forever to find a useable model for that one). Metal rings. Vibrating. Beads. Balls. Eggs. Clamps. Chains. Remote. Extending. Inflating. Widening. Gag. Harness. Double ended. Piercings. Ejaculating. Temperature controlled.

There wasn't a customization that he didn't do for the right price… so long as the one doing the ordering signed a waver that he was not responsible for any incidents or injuries that could come from their use.

"Oh. Going down the list for the week." Issei picked up a clipboard, comparing what was written down with what was in front of him. "Done. Done. Done. Due next week. Done. Do… huh."

He frowned, scanning the space in front of him for the product on the list, but he didn't see it. Further inspection of the room and the floor also proved fruitless. It wasn't still in a mold. It wasn't on the floor, under the desk, or anywhere else that he'd leave it. He was rather careful and meticulous with his work, so there wasn't a high chance that he'd leave it anywhere else in the ro-

"Mmmmmm!"

Issei paused as the house reverberated in tune to the moans of a female.

Originating from a room to his right.

"MMMMMMMMMM!"

The guest room that Raynare was staying in was to his left.

"… It looks like I never got started on this one after all." The teen's glazed eyes stared at nothing in particular as he mechanically moved to his bench and got straight to work.

Issei was a terrible liar.

o. o. o.

Beta'd by CrayZay Jay

(Shouting from a safe distance while hiding in a bunker from TTRT and FFD fans.) Hey guys! How's it going?!

(Ducks to avoid avalanche of rage.)

Yeah. Yeah. I know. What am I doing focusing on this story when I got my bigger ones to focus on?

Bottom line is same as before. Real life and writer's block. Honestly? My motivation right now pushed me to do something lighter and more silly, so the DXD universe it was. I needed to loosen myself up a bit with something different.

I didn't intend for this to be so long. I really didn't. Hell, this entire fic was supposed to be practice in writing shorter chapters. Looks like I need more practice. Fuck my OCD when it comes to world building. I'm working on TTRT next again. I'm getting back in the swing of things.

Not much to show here. This was just more showing of Issei's relationship with the guys upstairs and a different way of him dealing with the Asia issue. No fighting. No yelling. Just a guy being a dick and blackmailing others. It's always bugged me that most writers deal with this scene by trying to make their OC or Issei uber badass or try to convert them or stick way too close to canon. Those options have been done to death in nearly every story in situations like this. Here? It's just Issei going "Hey. You. Go away or I'll tell on you. Ok. Bye." Short. Sweet. To the point. Despite his temper, Issei really doesn't like fighting or killing despite the fact that he's really good at the latter.

Of course, not everything will go well, but that's to be expected.

More ominous foreshadowing that will take forever for me to get to. More waxing on how messed up he is. I know some people are tired of it, but considering the degree that he's been fucked over by others and how badly it imprints on his personality, it really is unavoidable to bring up when Issei's talking to people like Michael and the Maou.

And yes. I made shit up when it comes to the DxD verse to extend the world building. I tend to do that in my fics to fill plot holes or have things make more sense in the grand scheme of things.

Sorry. I'm a bit tired right now. Work's still being work.

Let's see. Oh. In terms of FGO, I whaled WAY too hard for Waver, and finally got him eventually. Then returned to being a filthy free to play casual… and somehow got Orion and Drake doing so.

… Yeah. Not sure what to make of that.

And, that's about it. Going back to TTRT. And HOPEFULLY, I'll get to FFD by December. I'm really sorry to keep on pushing it back guys, but that's how it is.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! ISSEI'S MOTHER HAS STOLEN SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS OF MERCHANDISE FROM HIS ROOM OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: … How the hell did this story already break 1k reviews?

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

Beta note: Completely my fault that this took so long. I have legitimate reasons for this, but no one wants to read them. So I'll just say sorry.

o. o. o.

Eight Years ago:

"So, this is the current Sekiryuutei." Azazel smiled as he looked at the curious Issei. "Cute kid."

"Yeah, well, that'll wear off pretty fast." Baraquiel sighed.

"Come on, he doesn't look that bad."

The married man gave his boss the universal "oh really?" look before turning to his student. "Issei. What are your first impressions of Azazel-san?"

The seven year old looked up at his teacher with curiosity. "I thought you said that I shouldn't tell people what my first impressions are after the bar fight two weeks ago."

"Bar fight?"

"We were picking up his father from a company outing. Got one look at his old man's boss and ran his mouth faster than any of the drunks there. Nearly got the poor guy fired." Baraquiel coughed. "Azazel's a special case. Humor me."

Issei shrugged. "He looks like what I thought he would."

Azazel skeptically looked at Issei. "And what's that?"

"Professional and well-kept, with expensive clothes and grooming, but in casual way to put most people you deal with at ease. You put in a lot of effort into your image, but that's more to impress other people when you talk to them than to actually look good, even if you don't really need or care to. You're really smart and keep track of everything around you, showing your experience and high levels of situational awareness. You look and act like a successful middle aged guy that is capable of seducing any women you want, but you also are probably completely incapable of maintaining any sort of intimate relationship due to a habitual avoidance of commitment, and show more dedication and interest to personal projects. A high functional, and extremely successful, sociopath."

"…"

"…"

"… I told you. He's got a mouth."

"Snk. Pffftahahahahahaha!" The Leader of the Grigori burst out laughing. "I love this kid! He's totally right! He's got me pegged just by looking at me, and he doesn't even hesitate to tell me to my face! He's got bigger balls than nearly everyone in the three factions already!"

"You're over two thousand years old. I'd be worried if you were actually bothered if someone confronted you about it." Issei tilted his head to the side curiously.

" **If he was bothered by it, you'd be dead already**. **"** Ddraig sighed, materializing the Boosted Gear in the process.

 _"Oh come on. We both know that we'd do something to save the brat if it came to that. He's too fun to go to waste now."_ Ghost snickered as he did the same with Blind Eternity.

"Ddraig. It's been a while." Azazel nodded to the crimson gauntlet before turning his attention to the black one. "And you must be Ghost."

 _"Yep. The dumbass stuck inside another dumbass. The dumbass deluxe, at your service."_ The immortal cheerfully greeted.

"Hey!"

 _"Quiet dumbass. I'm talking to the manther with commitment issues."_

"I'm starting to see what you were getting at earlier when you mentioned the kid being difficult." Azazel patted his friend on the back. "You are completely unsuited for guys like this."

"Coming from the person who is almost exactly like them." Baraquiel deadpanned at his boss.

"Exactly!"

"… I'm seriously concerned about what would come of the world if two of you were allowed to exist freely and frequently."

"Oh come on. You're overreacting." Azazel turned to Issei. "So kid. I hear you give people nicknames on the fly. What's mine?"

"Eternal single uncle." In hind sight, it was more impressive that Issei didn't even hesitate a second before dropping that bomb with a completely straight face.

"Erk." That time, the kid's words did manage to pierce through Azazel's pride.

 _"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_ Ghost clearly found it amusing if the twitching ebony gauntlet was any indication.

"Not so funny now, is it?" Baraquiel chided.

 _"It's fucking hilarious! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"Yeah, well, if it's so funny, what does he call you then?"

"Whatever I feel like at the time." Issei shrugged. "Ghost-sensei's all over the place, so nothing really sticks. Sometimes he's really scary and awesome. Other times I seriously contemplate amputating my arm so I don't have to listen to him anymore."

 **"The latter more frequently than the former."** Ddraig helpfully added his two cents.

 _"Yeah. I tend to get that reaction from most people."_

"He's an asshole." Baraquiel summarized flatly.

Azazel whistled, impressed. "Wow. You must be. It takes real skill to get under his skin enough to make him willingly swear."

 _"It's a gift… and the result of being married to a psychopathic psychologist wife that saw me as her greatest project more than a patient or lover, but that's neither here nor there."_

"Sounds like an interesting marriage." Azazel mused curiously. "Kid, you seriously never gave this guy a nickname?"

The boy shrugged. "I did refer to him as my inner retard for a while, but all that did was make him constantly talk as if he had cerebral palsy until I stopped."

 **"It was incredibly annoying."** Ddraig added, not at all concerned with Baraquiel's sudden sputtering.

 _"As far as I'm concerned, if you're immortal and you haven't developed some skills in method acting by the time you hit four hundred, you're doing it wrong."_

"I, honestly can't argue against that." Azazel laughed sheepishly. Being able to lie and pretend that he was someone he wasn't came second nature to him and nearly every other ancient being out there. The number of tales of gods and other beings posing as random humans was as numerous as the stars in the sky. "Still, that begs the question why you aren't posing as someone other than yourself. Especially if you're as important as Ophis claims you are."

 _"Eh. It's too much of a pain. Plus I didn't come here to start anything. I'm here because I heard a retarded song out in the realm between realms and traced it to this chain of worlds to find the source because it amused me. I wasn't really focusing on where I was going exactly though, so I might have missed the year by a decade or two by accident."_

"You came to our world, because you heard a stupid song?" Baraquiel groaned. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing, but at the same time, it matched this guy's personality to the letter.

 _"Yep. I'm not anchored to any reality, so I normally jump to and from worlds if I'm needed or just feel like it. My original universe got wiped out millennia ago due to certain events that don't really matter for the plot, so I'm just free roaming. Thankfully, your world has a good foundation and power behind it, so it can handle me being here for a while."_

Azazel frowned at that bit of information. "And, what would have happened if it wasn't strong enough?"

 _"Oh, then this reality would have collapsed due to being unable to stay stable trying to support the existence of a multiversal singularity on it. It's happened a few times. Or more. Totally not my fault. I have it in writing."_

"Right. Should we be worried about your current situation?" Azazel was slowly starting to realize that maybe he should have gotten involved with this kid sooner than he thought.

Ghost seemed to wave off the Fallen's concern. _"Nah. It's fine. I have a shitty reputation with most of the guys upstairs, but all in all I'm a pretty low key guy. I prefer to watch the show rather than be part of it and party with the crew after everything's all set and done. At worst, I tend to heckle the cast from the front row, metaphorically speaking, but on the same note, I also tend to cover the costs for the after parties and some of the equipment for the play in the first place more often than not, so it all tends to balance out in the end. Just, ah, don't mention me to any of the genuine conceptual gods here. They might instinctively recognize me like Ophis-chan and uh, things might get messy. I'm pretty sure your old man would have had a panic attack if he was still around and knew I was here."_

Azazel and Baraquiel stiffened.

"Wait, you don't mean?"

"Their old man? You mean the biblical god? He's dead?" Issei frowned in confusion. Despite his intelligence and studying, he only had a cursory idea of just how big this news was. Even then it didn't have nearly the same impact on him as it would with most people.

 _"Yup. I could tell that good old Yaweh's been gone for a while as soon as I realized that the biblical thing is going strong in this reality. Guy did set up a decent religious blessing global system before keeling over, so he's got some points there, but it's already starting to fall apart something fierce. That's what you get when you get over reliant on belief based systems. I'm surprised it still works, let alone manage to rope me into it as well as it did. Impressive, but that might be the Angels trying to keep it going in hindsight. I've found a few patchwork fixes in it in my spare time that clearly weren't part of the original design."_

Azazel and Baraquiel turned pale. "Y-You've been looking at the old man's system from in there and saw the flaws?"

Ghost yawned as if it wasn't a big deal. _"Well, yeah. I mean, there's not much to do in here when I'm not driving you guys nuts. Like I said, I'm a multiversal power. An unquestioned constant of everything that exists, conceptual or not. If your old man made a system that runs only a few things here in this world, then I'm an essential factor in all systems in every world. It would be embarrassing if I couldn't do this much. Hell, I could go literally omnipotent and omnipresent if I wanted to, but actually doing it sucks, and shutting it off gives me the mother of all headaches. So I don't."_

"And yet you're stuck in a nine year old kid's arm." Azazel lamely stated out loud, more to himself than anyone else.

 _"… Not my greatest moment. I'll man up to that."_

"Azazel. What are you thinking?" Baraquiel noticed the gleam in his superior's eyes. It was a look the man had when he was contemplating something that fit the lines of "high risk high reward".

"This… we could use this. This could be exactly what we need Baraquiel. To get Heaven to the table and seriously consider peace."

"H **a** _h_?" Issei, Ghost, and Baraquiel all tilted their heads to the side confused.

"Baraquiel, this guy can see the flaws of God's system. Probably better than anyone else, from inside young Issei here in Japan no less. Imagine what he could do if he had permission to visit Heaven. They could help with the upkeep of the entire system. Heck, they might…" Azazel hesitated. "… They might even be able to make it so that Angels can be born again."

"Michael would do anything for such a resource. For even a chance to make that happen again." The larger of the two realized where this was going.

"Not with Ophis protecting him they're not." The Governor reasoned.

"Am I going to have to start fearing for my life again soon? Because I'm starting to get tired of that." Issei shifted uncomfortably.

 _"Do you have emergency Ophis brownies in the house?"_

"I made some yesterday."

 _"Then you should be good."_

"Oh. Ok then. Never mind."

The Fallen Angels sweatdropped, unused to just how fast Issei had gotten used to and disregarded the idea of Heaven itself possibly coming for him. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet. Ghost. The old man's system. Can you do anything to it from in Issei? Can you possibly fix any of the problems it has?"

 _"If you're asking if I can do something about it from here in Japan? Then no. the only things I can tweak are whatever the kid lays his Sacred Gear on. If you're asking if I could do anything to it while stuck in the kid if he was in Heaven? Then… maybe. Depends what you want fixing. Correcting large complex conceptual systems is more my siblings' specialties to be honest. I'm unfortunately more of an "obliterate everything to preconception" kinda existence. I still might be able to help you out, for a price."_

The two Fallen's excitement turned to worry. "What do you want?"

 _"I'll consider helping you guys out if you can answer this one question."_ Ghost's tone was ominous.

"And that is?" Baraquiel grimaced, hoping it didn't have to do with breasts this time.

 _"I've been looking at the mortal history of the world with the kid. Heaven's got all the Catholics and Muslims and the like, Devils get pretty much everyone that's interested in working with them, but after seeing how humanity has progressed and how the wars have turned out, I just need to know for sure."_

Everything was ominously quiet.

 _"You guys got the Jews, didn't you?"_

Everything was awkwardly quiet.

"Pft. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Azazel burst out laughing.

"Ugh." Baraquiel groaned. "Those guys? Again? Seriously? The conversation just had to go in that direction?"

Why? Why did nearly every conversation always go back to the Jews? They aren't even that interesting! The only reason why Azazel even bothered to invest in them in the first place was because they were the only group in the biblical factions' influence that were allowed to work in banking and loans. The Fallen needed a wide spread group of people to test his money laundering schemes to manipulate the other factions and the war itself.

Even then, it took those guys over a thousand years to catch on to what Azazel had been doing and finally start doing it themselves starting with _Napoleon_. Personally, he thought that the whole preconception that all Jews were evil and trying to control the world when it took them so long to figure out something so simple was just embarrassing for everyone involved. It had gone past a bad joke and was now just annoying.

As far as he was concerned, they were just another demographic of humans. The leaders were half corrupt bare minimum, the minority were screwing things up in one way or another, and the majority just wanted to get on with their damn lives without getting screwed over. Same as everyone else. Same as it's always been.

 _"He didn't say no! That means I'm right! I fucking called it!"_

"And you said getting them on our side wasn't worth the trouble!" Azazel pointed to Baraquiel, roaring in victory. "Best gamble I ever made! Even if it did take almost two millennia to cash in! And here I thought that the best payoff from it was pissing Michael off when I got my hands on Jerusalem! Hahahaha!"

Issei decided to avoid any conversation about religion from that point onward if he could help it. It just wasn't worth the headache.

o. o. o.

Present Day:

It didn't take Issei as long as he first thought to find his way home despite the lack of a GPS.

Part of it was due to the fact that Kuoh Academy was pretty easy to identify from the air. Determining where he was in relation to the school was easy once he knew where the damn school was in the first place.

Part of it was due to the fact that there were so many people in his home. He didn't know why, but whenever a stranger or too many people were at his place, he'd instantly know of it and instinctively head towards its direction. He didn't know why his instincts acted this way, but it was annoying. It got so bad it was hard to think sometimes.

Like now for example.

It was like an entire crowd was having a party on his grave.

By the time he got to the front door, his nerves were shot to the point that he was suffering from involuntary contractions all over his body.

In layman's terms, he was twitching something fierce.

He opened the door quietly and snuck inside. Despite his actions, his apprehension only grew as he entered the building and heard all the noise from the conversations taking place.

He could handle it at school. People were supposed to be there in large numbers. It was expected there. Natural. It wasn't his territory, so why should he care who goes there and who doesn't?

Here though, it was too many. There were way too many people in his den. It wasn't right. It's not normal for it to be like this.

"… Issei? Is that you?"

At some point he had stopped to rest against the wall to deal with his frayed nerves, giving those inside time to notice that he had arrived. Thankfully, it was his mother that noticed him first. The only familiar voice of the lot that he wasn't on guard against.

Unfortunately, that also brought everyone's attention on him.

Why didn't he spend all night fighting Fallen Angels to the death again?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "… Yeah. Yeah, I'm back. Had to take a detour, so it took me a while."

"You got lost again, didn't you?" Asami deadpanned.

"No." Maybe.

"About time." Raynare shot him a dry look. "We spent all that time going shopping while holding a lost Nun's hand in public the entire time and we still got back before you. Somehow we stood out more and had more people staring at us than if you had been with us."

Ah shit. That's right. The brownies. He had almost forgotten about them due to the crows and the Ninja Puppy.

"Don't worry. Everything's in the kitchen." Asami spoke up the instant she saw Issei's eyes dilate in pure horror. There were few things that terrified her son that weren't related to his numerous traumas. Angering Ophis was one of them. Or could that be considered a trauma in itself?

He calmed down slightly at his mother's words. Good. That meant that he didn't have to waste much time preparing things beforehand.

His mind paused for a moment as he realized a discrepancy.

In the living room, all his guests from earlier and his mother were sitting with tea in front of them. And the slightly less nervous Ninja Puppy who had situated herself next to his mother.

It was almost eight at night.

"Is something the matter?" Rias asked, noting the muted look of confusion on his face.

"No one's eaten yet?"

It was the way he asked that indicated that he was unsure how he felt about the subject or what he should feel about the answer regardless of what it was.

It took a moment for his question to register with everyone before they all looked at one another, just as confused.

"I guess not." Saji shrugged with half a smile.

"Ara. It's that late? Time flies when you're having interesting conversations." Akeno smiled as if hiding a great secret. "Of course, we were also surprised when the others came back with Asia-chan and not you."

"It's quite fortunate that your mother learned how to speak Italian in college, Hyoudou-kun." Sona shifted her glasses in a way that clearly indicated that she disapproved of the situation.

"You make it sound like I didn't know what I was doing when that idiot pigeon forced me to adopt the Ninja Puppy." Did he really look like the sort of asshole that would take in people that he was incapable of communicating with?

Still it was lucky that Asami was trilingual. English was common enough, but finding someone that spoke decent Italian in Japan was extremely rare. The only reason why his mother learned it was because of her best friend from college was a linguistics major from Europe. Said friend had been his neighbor up until he was five or six before moving away to England.

Come to think of it, he had been friends with the woman's kid before they moved away, hadn't he?

Whatever. It wasn't as if it mattered. In the end, that guy's name was just the first in a long list of people that left him behind.

"Ninja Puppy?"

At once, Gasper, Saji, and Raynare all pointed to the very confused Asia.

"Eh?"

Rias, Akeno, and Sona blinked, looking at Issei and Asia several times in bewilderment.

Sona snapped out of it first. "How do you function?"

"With enough porn to make even the pope jealous… and before anyone asks, no, that wasn't a jab at the Church's longtime inability to deal with or admit to the existences of pedophiles in their ranks. This time." Issei grumbled, walking around everyone to get to the kitchen.

"This time?"

"Did he just say something about the Pope?" Asia looked around confused. "I'm pretty sure he said Pope."

"You're making brownies already?" Asami tried to get everyone onto a topic that wouldn't aggravate Issei or question the morals of one of the world's religious leaders.

"With this many people here at this time?" He paused to give everyone a calculating look. Nine total, including him. Most were devils of upper class, but they weren't the ones that mattered right now. "I'm making dinner. There's too many for anything elaborate, and the Ninja Puppy's probably in no mood for it even if I did make something like that. I'm just going to make some pho with the works for everyone. Any complaints?"

His declaration caught everyone flat footed.

"Pho?" Rias paused, trying to remember the dish. While she was a fan of Japanese culture and knowledgeable about Asian based myths in general, she wasn't knowledgeable about other eastern cultures.

"It's a popular Vietnamese comfort food Rias. Think of it as a cousin to ramen, only the noodles are rice based instead of wheat and more meat. The broth is lighter as well." Akeno clarified. "Although, if I recall correctly, said broth does take a while to make."

"We have some stock in the cabinets. It should be enough for everyone." Issei waved off her concerns before pausing at the kitchen door.

"I've had pho before when I ordered delivery. It's really good." Gasper threw in his two cents.

"I'm not picky." Saji shrugged.

"Anybody against having beef?" Issei asked from the kitchen door, getting a bunch of neutral responses. "Beef it is. You guys can pick your own garnishes and toppings once you get your servings."

He didn't even pause before entering the next room.

"That boy." Asami sighed. "Even when he's being considerate and hospitable, he can be such an ass sometimes."

"Um." Asia spoke up in confusion in Italian. "What happened? What did he say?"

Asami blushed in embarrassment. "Oh! Sorry. Issei just said that he was making dinner. He's making something called pho. Its noodles in a light soup. I think he was thinking of you when he decided on that, even if he would never admit it."

A lost girl in a new country that she didn't know the language to. Living in the home of people she had just met. All after being accused of heresy and kicked out of the only life and home she knew.

And the first meal she would have here was comfort food. Easy on the tongue. Easy on the stomach.

The Devils and Fallen Angel in the room all glanced at one another, all listening to Asami's words as clear as day.

o. o. o.

"Onions. Beef. Scallops. Beans…" Issei muttered the list of ingredients that were going into the night's meal as the stock heated up. It would take a while for the massive pot to boil, but he wasn't in a rush. Focusing on cooking was a good way to distract himself from the crowd in the next room.

He could easily multitask if he wanted to, but thinking about troublesome things was counterproductive in more than one way.

Plus, the last time he had tried that when stressed beyond his limits, he had accidentally cut himself something fierce. He healed the wound without problems, but it still fucking hurt.

"Hmmm? I'm impressed. You look like you have everything covered."

Thankfully, he didn't have a knife in hand this time.

"You didn't think I could cook?" He briefly glanced at Akeno standing by the doorway with the perpetual fake smile on her face.

"Maybe. I was more curious how you'd manage preparing for so many people at once." She didn't falter.

Next to him, the giant pot of soup stock was heating up. It would have taken a while to get that much to a solid boil, but it was nothing that couldn't be solved by temporarily Boosting the Pot's heat transfer coefficient a couple of times.

If she noticed how unusual it was that the stock was already boiling after a few minutes, she didn't bother to point it out.

"I can't stand being near people. I am, in fact, perfectly capable of accounting for them when I do things." He began to cut the onions with a sharp looking cleaver.

"So I see." She seemed content watching him cook with a curious eye. "A bit of a change in topic, but Sona was correct when she said that we were surprised when young Asia-chan came back with the others instead of you."

"Didn't Cougar or Ninja Puppy tell you what happened?"

Akeno had to hold back a chuckle at the names. She would never let that bitch Raynare live her moniker down, and Asia's was just so silly it was cute. "No. Your mother has been doting over Asia-chan as soon as she received an edited version of her predicament. We haven't had an opportunity to speak to her in private. As for your other tenant, you know how she can be."

True to form, Issei paused to breathe deeply to calm himself down. He knew that he was going to be asked about this eventually. It was too big of a curve ball to not inquire about as soon as possible. "Fine. Fine. Just, get Weeb, Enabler, and Cougar in here. I don't want to repeat myself for this."

Akeno stayed for a few extra moments, as if seeing something that genuinely interested her, before leaving. A few moments later, she came back followed by three others.

"Your mother is an exceptional host." Sona stated as she positioned herself by the fridge.

"And I'm an insufferable asshole. Insinuate something I don't know." Issei jumped to what he felt was the next most relevant statement, not breaking step as he moved to prepare the next few ingredients.

"You do realize that we originally came here to see how you were doing." Rias crossed her arms under her bust. "And that you were a major topic of conversation while you were out."

"I figured as much. Not hard to notice when someone's trying to hide pity when looking at you." He didn't need to see them to know that they had flinched at his words. "… So how much do you know?"

The room was dead silent for a few long moments before Sona broke it. "That you were assaulted, and subsequently accused of being the attacker. The accusations brought unwanted attention to you and led to experiencing, further issues and trials."

"Someone's clearly interested in politics and public speaking." Issei rolled his eyes. That was probably the most white-washed and bland description of what he's gone through to date. He was almost impressed at how boring she made it sound.

"You sound like one of those old humans making public speeches that are dead on the inside. Can you be any more pedantic?" Raynare deadpanned at the embarrassed Sitri, voicing his thoughts.

Though to be honest, he was more surprised that the Cougar had actually used the word pedantic in conversation in the first place.

"I'm trying to be considerate." The School President blushed. "How would you say it then?"

"I was fucked up. Then the bitch that fucked me screamed to everyone that I fucked her up, whoring herself to anyone that she could get her hands on. Then she, the media, and the courts fucked me in turns over a year, dragging me over coals and spikes the entire time. The only periods I was given breaks was when attention was shifted to attack people that were trying to support me, friends and family, until they either ran away or joined in fucking me. Most of them didn't even wait before jumping ship. All of which resulting in a titanic perpetual bareback gangbang orgy that rendered me into the used pathetic mess that is cooking your dinner."

He turned around to shoot the girls a very annoyed glare. "And in case you weren't told, the ones that left me to get screwed include, but are not limited to, the Satans, Zaz, and a couple of those dozen white winged hypocrites up in the sky that do nothing but sit on their hands."

Rias' brother and Sona's Sister.

It was a crude story, but more concerning to the girls than the story itself, was the subtext.

Someone wanted Issei specifically.

Someone important wanted Issei bad enough that they had and used enough power to force the leaders of the three major factions away from his side.

There were not a lot of individuals or organizations that had that sort of pull.

Suddenly, the Satan's insistence that the girls try to connect with Issei without telling them the whole story was beginning to make more sense.

In the world of politics, sometimes knowing too much hurt more than it helped.

Raynare, on the other hand, did not come to the same conclusion as the Devils. "Humph. Being yelled at by a bunch of people for something you didn't do and being left alone? That's all? That's all it took to make you go ballistic?"

"Ballistic?" Rias frowned in confusion, recovering from Issei's rant. It was an odd choice of words that clearly indicated that the Fallen was referring to something specific.

Issei paused in his cooking, his grip tightening hard on the knife he was holding before relaxing again. "… Cougar, so help me, I have already cut you off from your booze. Don't make me cut you somewhere else."

"Her booze?" Everyone turned to Raynare, who at least had the decency to look like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't. Just like you have nothing to do with the small pocket dimension under your bed that you keep most the shit you sneak in here, including those cheap ass dildos you use to pleasure yourself with every night that you don't happen to wind up blackout drunk."

"I, wait a sec! You've been sneaking in my room?!"

The teen shot her an incredulous look. "What part of blackout drunk didn't you get? I didn't have to sneak for shit. Do you know how many times I've had to hold your hair back so you could blow chunks into the toilet and not everywhere else in the house at three in the morning? I've literally had to drag and clean your lazy ass across the house half a dozen times since you've got here."

Raynare was displaying an interesting mix of emotions, ranging from pure humiliation to absolute rage. It was hard to tell if the gestures she was making with her hands were an unconscious attempt to curse him or her visualizing some half assed torture routine.

"I cook your food. I get your mail. I clean your room. I even clean those cheap welfare sticks you call sex toys out of fear that you'd get or spread a venereal disease in the house if they are exposed for too long. Not that you'd ever notice. How you ever functioned on your own, let alone manage to get back to the house every night, is a mystery that only God would be able been able to figure out."

The four girls could only gape in response to Issei's rant, all for different reasons.

Judging from the killing intent that Raynare was giving off, her silence was fueled by blinding rage.

"Fu. Fufufu. Ahahahaha." Surprisingly enough, it was Akeno that recovered first in a fit of laughter.

"Akeno?" Rias turned to her Queen in genuine surprise.

"He really is how Asami-san described him, isn't he?" The giggling girl smiled, clearly amused, though no one missed the vindictive look she shot at Raynare's direction. "He cooks. He cleans. He holds your hair back. It's like he's the world's most vulgar caretaker. Quite ironic since you are supposed to be the one keeping an eye on him."

Judging from the comedic flat footed expression Issei had, it was clear that he had expected Akeno's reaction as much as everyone else.

"I. Am going. To Kill. All of you." Raynare's words were less of a response and more of an unconscious reaction, complete with radiating unholy energy.

Rias was next to recover, allowing herself a few chuckles as well. "Hmm? I suppose you have a point. When you put it like that, it almost makes Issei look endearing. It also helps that he is rather cute when he isn't scowling."

Like now for example. True, he was more stunned than flattered, but it didn't hide the fact that there was a faint blush of embarrassment on his cheeks.

"I wonder. When you carried her to her room, did you treat her like a princess?" Akeno clearly was on a roll, though in hindsight it probably wasn't the best idea seeing how apocalyptic the Fallen was at the moment.

"I had to…" Issei had the decency to turn away while Raynare was spouting incomprehensible words, completely in disbelief.

"Eeeh? What was that? I couldn't hear you Issei." Rias joined in on the fun.

"I said I had to carry her that way! The first time I tried lugging her upstairs via fireman carry, she spewed all over the steps and my backside! She acts like she can hold her booze but in reality she has the tolerance and self-control of a college freshman!" Issei snapped, his face crimson and his eyes completely focused on cooking again.

It was a good thing that he made a habit of making sure the house was well stocked with cleaning supplies, and vinegar. There were few things that couldn't be cleared up between the two. After that, and half a can of air cleaner, the only evidence of the chunks that the Fallen Angel spewed were in the garbage bin outside.

Half an hour later, he had to get up for school. He had been very cranky that day.

Rias and Akeno couldn't resist their knee jerk reactions and burst out laughing.

Even Sona thought it was amusing if her poor attempt at hiding her smile was any indication.

"It's not funny! Do you know how sensitive a Dragon's nose is?! Half my face felt like it was on fire the entire time I was cleaning it up!" Issei didn't think it was amusing, pouting like a small child.

"You lying little creep! I don't remember you helping me with anything at all!" Raynare pointed accusingly at her host, finally snapping out of her stunned state.

He shot her a dry glare. "Blackout. Drunk. It's in the name. If there's one thing I learned from spending so much time with Zaz, it was to always have evidence for blackmail material. I have pictures and dates of each time I bailed your ass from your benders. Call my bluff. I dare you."

Akeno and Rias laughed even harder. Sona wasn't even trying to hide her amusement now.

"I. But. Why the hell didn't you say anything then?!" The Fallen was grasping at straws now, filled with both anger and genuine bewilderment.

Issei opened his mouth to say something before surprisingly cutting himself off prior to the first word. Instead, he visibly forced himself to calm down with one of his many deep breath routines that seemed to sap the energy from his body, and turned back to his cooking. He was almost finished preparing his toppings, having put the onions in ice water to keep it crispy, spread out the strips of beef in a neat line, and chopped up the rest of the condiments that needed it for the dish. Turning to the stove, he inspected another smaller pot of boiling water, which was going to be used for the noodles exclusively.

"Because, believe it or not, I'm not a complete dick. There's no point in pissing you off, and you don't have anything that I want. If you want to keep making a fool of yourself every night, go ahead. Just keep me out of it."

It was the way he said it that killed some of the mirth in the room. The hint of defeat and exhaustion in his tone that indicated that he really had lost interest in enjoying life or taking any form of risk anymore.

Raynare tried to say something in response, but the words died in her mouth. It was really hard to argue against Issei sometimes, especially when his emotions turned on a dime like they did.

Sona coughed. "I-it appears that we have gotten a bit off track. Hyoudou. The others have explained to us what they know about Argento's situation, but it clearly pales in comparison to what you know. I doubt I have to explain why Rias and I are more than interested in all of this."

"Yeah yeah. Three factions and ceasefire." Issei broke out several bags of sticky rice noodles and started to prepare them. "Don't blame the Ninja Puppy. She's as harmless and oblivious as she looks. She's not a threat to anyone. The worst she'll do to you guys is recite passages from the bible out of habit while you're around by accident."

"Been there done that." Raynare sighed, recalling how the girl gave her thanks when Asami gave her drinks and snacks with everyone in the room.

"Gasper said that you called Seraph Michael, in person." Rias got to the point. "Did he really say that she was going to stay with you?"

"Yeah. Not my first choice either, believe me." It didn't take long to warm up the noodles, but he was serving nine people at once. He was going to have to keep the first few batches in longer than normal to ensure that they stayed hot.

Sona shifted her glasses. "Why? If you were against it, why did you go with such plans? You are, for lack of a better term, stubborn as a dragon at times."

Issei prepared the bowls. Thankfully, despite rarely having people over, he had enough for everyone available. "Because some genius thought it was a smart idea to start some over convoluted stunt at the Church to get the Ninja Puppy excommunicated, then use a third party to kidnap her when she was being escorted outside of Church property and send her here of all places for a likely pickup to the retard that got her in trouble in the first place. Idiots can't plan adequately for shit. They didn't even try to keep an eye on her while she was travelling by plane."

All the girls froze in surprise. "W-what?"

He glanced at the girls with a dry look. "I already talked to the unfortunate scrubs that were here to grab her. Long story short, if they do something stupid, one way or another they are dead. Things are set up in a way that I wouldn't even need to lift a finger against them to ruin their lives at this point. That's not the main problem you should be worried about though. If I were you, I'd be more concerned about the Church."

"The Church?" Akeno frowned in confusion, trying to keep up with the boy. "Why? You just said that she's excommunicated. Why would they be interested in her now?"

Issei turned away to focus on cooking again. It wouldn't be long until everything was ready. "Asia Argento. Bearer of the Sacred Gear, Twilight Healing. Her unconditional ability to heal wounds is unmatched by anything short of Phoenix Tears. Weeb. Enabler. You two have researched Sacred Gears in anticipation of finding users for your Peerages, correct? Tell me, what do you know of the previous users of Twilight Healing?"

"Twilight Healing? She has that rare Sacred Gear?" Rias blinked in surprise, her eyes shimmering with excitement.

Sona on the other hand, was not distracted. Instead, she frowned in confusion, her mind trying to figure out what Issei was getting at. "Previous users? What does that have to do with our current situation? As far as I know, all the previous wielders have been praised for their natural healing abilities. More often than not, they're revered as… wait. You mean!?"

"Sona-san? Is something the matter?" Akeno didn't like the look of worry on the Sitri's face.

"They were revered as Holy Maidens and Saints." Sona whispered, dumbfounded.

"Isn't that a given?" Raynare frowned in confusion.

"You don't understand. The ones that were identified were ALL were revered as great healers. Of the Church." Sona elaborated gravely.

Rias got the point instantly. "You mean…"

Issei was the only person in the room that wasn't surprised by the revelation, having learned of it years ago. "Offensive oriented Sacred Gears are a dime a dozen. Even the Longinus are no exception. Their versatile abilities are more often than not used for attacking and destruction than anything else. Genuine support Sacred Gears, on the other hand, are not that easy to come across. Ones that heal even less so. Wars can only be sustained so long as there are able bodies on both sides. Humans, while we breed like rabbits compared to those that dwell in myth, are vastly squishier than the competition. The strong ones are no exception, and are vastly more difficult to come across."

"The Church has been monopolizing Twilight Healing to maintain their numbers." Rias realized the bottom line. "When one user dies, they instantly try to locate and control the next. But, that would mean that if a user did not agree with working for the Church, or could not be controlled…"

"They were kidnapped or killed. Three alone in the past two centuries. Bare minimum." Issei bluntly finished her assumption while scooping noodles into separate bowls.

"How do you even know that in the first place?" Raynare couldn't believe where this was going. "You just met the klutz only a few hours ago. Half of what you just said sounds like classified information that would take weeks to access."

He paused to think his words over. "I spent some time with Zaz before I went nuts. Learning and, other things. Some of it involved Sacred Gear research. Not a lot, and nothing particularly illegal, but enough that I had clearance to some of the Grigori's research archives. He had been interested in looking at Twilight Healing for a time, but he gave up pretty quickly after a bit of digging. Even among the Sacred Gears that the Church tends to try and keep hold of, that one is one of the most valuable to them. Even above most of the Longinus."

He didn't tell them that he had tried to meet Asia in person once. Both to see her and to examine how her Sacred Gear works. He was envious of what she could accomplish with her powers. But, the Church was beyond bullish when it came to the girl, even after he had gotten Michael's blessing to see her.

In the end, he did manage to say a few words to her and shake her hand. Literally, that was it. She had been at a charity event that reminded him of a book signing. People lined up to say their few words of gratitude, blessings, prayers, whatever, before getting pushed away by the assholes in security like they were on a factory line.

He doubted that she remembered him. It was probably for the best that she didn't.

"So, what you're saying is that you have one of the unofficial pillars of the Church's military might in your home." Akeno summarized.

"And am cooking her noodles. That, and she likely doesn't have a clue what's going on." Issei added, moving to the broth.

"Rias. This could be a problem." Sona shot her friend a worried look. "If she's that important, sooner or later, the Church will find out about this."

"Didn't they say that Archangel Michael gave his blessing? If that is true, why would they risk going against the Angel's requests?" Akeno asked.

"It wouldn't be the first time that the Church has acted against Heaven's orders." Rias shook her head. "They know that the Angels needs them as much as the other way around. If they are as adamant on maintaining control over Twilight Healing as Issei made it out to be, it wouldn't be difficult to imagine them arranging "accidents" or hiring a third party to do the deed anonymously."

"Mhm." Issei was tuning them out now, having already determined that much back at the park.

He didn't tell them that technically, the Angels were more than capable of spinning a dozen or so half-truths what could possibly stay the Church's hand if they moved quickly enough.

It's not like the Angels didn't have oh, say, a couple thousand years of experience misleading humanity doing just that.

In reality, he put the odds of the Church actually doing something drastic way out here during a ceasefire at a mere ten percent at most. There hadn't been any major skirmishes between the Major factions in years, and Japan was more or less neutral territory because it was just too out of the way for anyone in the Western Religions to care about.

Ironically, the latest big event that encompassed all three said groups was when, as Raynare so eloquently put it earlier, he went ballistic in the underworld.

The whole point of telling the girls of Asia's position in the first place, other than to distract them from talking about him in particular, was simply to make them aware that things could go bad, even if it was extremely unlikely. To light a metaphorical fire under their supple, creamy asses.

He was more than fine to let them continue to brainstorm on their own until…

"We might not be prepared for this. Not if they get desperate enough to send some of their stronger members." Rias bit her thumbnail in worry before remembering something. "Issei, during our excursion last week, before you left, you said that you were going to train my Peerage. Is that an open invitation? Can Sona and her peerage join as well?"

Huh. That was unexpected.

He thought that the Weeb wouldn't be able to get to that point until after dinner.

At the very least, he expected the girls to bounce ideas off of one another first before relying on the lowly human in the room. Maybe there was distrust between the two High Rank Devils?

"Rias?" Sona appeared to be as confused as Issei.

"Our siblings wouldn't have been so wary of him if he was weak, Sona." Rias explained before turning to her host. "I thought a lot about what happened last week Issei, and you're right. I got full of myself and let my guard down. We all did. The fact that you and Gasper got involved with the stray should never have happened in the first place. But, I noticed something else during the debacle. When things were bad, even when you were attacked, you were still calm. You were more agitated by the fact that Viser was touching you in general more than being in any actual danger. No, she didn't even register as a threat to you, did she?"

There was a quiet pause, with all eyes on Issei.

"… I don't think, that there is a single semi rational person on this planet, or its parallels, that wouldn't be alarmed about being shoved face first into a giant fanged pussy soaked with acidic vaginal discharge."

The room was quiet for an entirely different reason.

"A giant fanged _what_?" Sona blinked owlishly, her eyes were so wide that it was clear that she was having trouble processing what she had just heard.

"I take it you glossed over some details."

"I told her enough!" Rias fumed, with a blush on her cheeks.

"You told me he was eaten!" Sona accused.

"He was! Technically."

"Smooth." Raynare deadpanned.

"She certainly didn't gloss over your physical state after you got out. Or the related details." Akeno smiled scandalously.

"Akeno!"

"Sona seemed to be interested about her side notes as well."

"Akeno!" This time Sona was blushing.

"She was disappointed that she can look but can't touch."

"Now you're just making things up!"

"Am I?"

"Yes!"

"Dinner."

"Finally."

"No! … Wait what?"

"I, am not sure if I should eat after what I just heard." Sona was still in a semi stunned state.

"Sounds like a dilemma that's not mine. Funny, with Sera as your sister I thought that you'd be able to eat after seeing and hearing disturbing things." Issei, holding a tray with several bowls of pho, and toppings, moved out the kitchen.

"I fail to see how my sister dressing and acting the way she does is in any way comparable to your exploits Hyoudou!" Sona snapped at the closing door.

"Fufufu." Akeno couldn't help but laugh at the Sitri's frustrated disposition. "Considering your reaction, I'm somewhat leaning on his side on the argument."

"Don't you start too!"

"Calm down Sona." Rias smiled, leaning back in her seat. "You know what he's trying to do."

Of course she knew. All three devil girls knew. Asami had told them just a few hours earlier about Issei's habits and tics after all.

It was a good thing Akeno had brought that container of the tea that knocked Issei out with her. A quick explanation of what it was had the young mother looking at the thing like it was filled with gold.

If that wasn't awkward enough, once handed the container, she cradled it like it was a newborn child.

The girls were starting to see where Issei had gotten some of his eccentricity from.

Once calm, Asami had vaguely gone over what had happened to her son in a story that had more holes than Swiss cheese. Doing so, she had given the girls a better understanding of his psyche. They had more questions than answers now, but at least they had a better idea of how to deal with Issei.

The incident that destroyed him did more damage than most could imagine, let alone handle. At the age of twelve, he had been assaulted and dragged through the mud by someone he trusted. Then the same person made an effort to literally ream apart everything positive in Issei's life in order to make themselves look good in the public eyes. Friends that knew the truth left his side to join hers. Accomplishments that he had made were ripped away from him. Money and assets that he had worked hard to accumulate were confiscated as evidence. His dreams and good intentions either thrown in his face or used against him to make him look like a deranged psychopath that was a danger to society.

Even his family had not come away from it unscathed.

Issei was an intelligent boy, with a drive to do great things. But, after all his hard work and good intentions, not only did everything he built crumble apart in his hands, but the very world around him collapsed as well.

It wasn't a matter of starting from zero again. For him, "zero" had meant starting with a warm home with his parents, where his name wasn't hated by scores of people and blacklisted by entire organizations. At least at "zero", he had still been happy.

Special. That was what everyone said he was. Talented. Bright. Smart. Gifted. All those praises and more had been showered on him at a young age. He didn't let it go to his head, but at the same time, he knew he wasn't normal either. Thanks to Azazel, Sirzechs, and others, he had been surrounded by other people that weren't of the norm for a time, but after everyone left, after everything had been stripped of him, after there was no one capable around that could help and knew just how unfair things had been made for him…

… He started blaming himself.

No one wants him. He was a monster. Everything he did would only cause problems for those around him. Everything was his fault.

Normal people didn't understand or want to understand him. He wasn't normal.

Important people did not want to or could not waste their time and resources to help him. He was not important.

He should just be left alone. It was for the best for him. It was for the best for everyone.

The only time he would be needed was if he could provide something of value to others. They were never there for him. It would never be for him. He wasn't worth it.

Corrupted thoughts of that nature flooded his heart, further terrifying and isolating him from the rest of the world to the point that he had been horrified at the mere idea of conversing with others for a time.

He had stabilized since then, however it was far from a full recovery. That day, at the end of his ordeal, Issei Hyoudou had been completely broken. He had pulled himself together somewhat since then, but to those that knew him beforehand, it was clear that some pieces of him were no longer there. He was still very far from whole.

When it came to people, he was beyond uncomfortable. The only positive relationships that didn't wind up horrifically traumatizing him in one way or another were so sparse that Asami could count them on one hand with fingers to spare. Literally. Said relationships were also apparently with people very much twisted in their own way.

Case and point, Ophis was one of them, and Issei was terrified of pissing her off.

It didn't help that when Rias made a comment that Asami was also one of the people that Issei trusted, the woman went silent in a way that didn't bode well.

Clearly, there was an unknown rift between the mother and son that they did not want others to know about.

Because of his extreme discomfort, the young man was in a near perpetual state of "fight or flight", and in hindsight, it reflected how he interacted with people to the letter.

His first method that he fell back to the most whenever possible was "flight". He kept quiet and stayed the hell away from others in general. Simple enough.

It was only when he couldn't avoid people and had to interact that he switched to his more infamous "fight" mode. His normal approach was to blind whoever he was with with outlandish facts or stories to turn the subject away from himself before forcing it into a direction that everyone deemed important, giving him enough time and room to be forgotten as something less important than the topic at hand. A very crude, but very effective approach to the infamous bait and switch tactic using his targets' emotions and interests against them.

It was a cowardly thing to do, but Issei was damn good at it. His intelligence, personality, and sharp eyes tended to enable him to make connections that others couldn't, in an instant. It was rare to ever find him without something to say on the fly, both as a distraction and as a more important subject to discuss, all in order to keep people away.

That wasn't to say that he tried to steer things in a way that would significantly hurt others. If something was genuinely important, even if he didn't like it, he would still bring up the matter in his own way. But, conversely, if he thought it was an issue he could and would rather handle on his own than talk about, he would put it to the back of everyone's minds and deal with it personally while everyone's backs were turned.

Anything to keep himself out of the spotlight or ensure that he wasn't at risk of catching the attention of more people.

Having been trained in politics and subterfuge that was the standard in upper class Devil society, Rias, Sona, and Akeno were more than able to catch onto what Issei was doing the second he started being his rude self again.

They weren't particularly prepared for it at times, but they weren't fooled by it.

That being said, they didn't fight it. They didn't point it out. They didn't press their original topics that he had tried to avoid. They just went with the flow of things and waited to see where it went.

It would take some time, but it was the first step they needed to take in order to let Issei let his guard around them. To trust them.

Still…

"I didn't expect that girl to be the harbinger of so much trouble. No, to expect an excommunicated nun to just appear in our territory, in Japan, out of the blue is beyond fantastical by itself. The fact that she is a Sacred Gear holder, let alone important to the Church, can be considered simply redundant at this point." Sona frowned in thought. "Twilight Healing. To think that it held that much value. The more I think about it, the more astounded I am that no one knew about this sooner."

"I know. It makes me want her in my Peerage even more." Rias sighed.

"I wouldn't try anything if I were you Rias." Akeno gave her King an unreadable look. "Focus. As aloof as he might be, I somehow doubt that Issei would take it well if you made a move on her anytime soon without a valid reason."

"Don't treat me like a child Akeno." She puffed her cheeks out like a child.

"Yes well, it doesn't hurt to remind you sometimes, Rias-sama. You do have trouble keeping your hands to yourself sometimes. Ufufu."

"Akeno!"

"Get her some handcuffs then."

"Eh?" Rias' head snapped to where Issei was already preparing the second set of bowls. She hadn't seen him enter the room at all.

"Handcuffs. Hand restraints. Zip ties. Leather cat paws. Duct Tape. Chinese finger torture. Rope. Things to keep another person's hands in place. Take your pick." He half ignored them as he was focused on his task. "But whatever you decide on, do it after dinner. It's hard to eat this stuff with them on and I don't want to clean up any more than I have to."

"Speaking from experience?" Akeno didn't miss a beat.

Issei paused and looked up with glazed eyes, as if getting lost in a distant memory. "… Sometimes it just isn't worth being creative while making bets."

"Fufu. I don't know. I'm somewhat curious what seeing you in handcuffs would look like."

The young teen shivered as his memories grew more vivid. "I forced myself to be double jointed that day out of necessity."

Glenoid Labrum, Proximal radioulnar, and Glenoid torn. Pectoral and Trapezius muscle damage, not to mention all the hairline fractures in all his bones from his clavicles to his radii and ulna. It had taken him over a week, even with his abilities in white magic at the time to fully recover from that ordeal.

It was a bad day to lose a bet while out of brownies. Fucking Azazel and cheating Fallen Angels.

"Somehow, I don't think his mind went the direction you intended, Akeno." Rias smiled uncomfortably, getting a shallow nod of agreement from Sona.

"Now I'm more curious as to what amusing stories he's been hiding from us." The accused, contrary to expectations, appeared to be even more interested in Issei after her slip up, the hunger and excitement in her eyes was hard to miss.

"Oh will you shut up? Keep it in your pants." Raynare cut her off, getting up from her seat and moving to the dining room. "Honestly, brats get off on anything these days. Even our idiot host isn't _that_ desperate to get off the second he feels something remotely warm and tingly."

"I don't masturbate." As if set to autopilot, Issei once again stated his abstinence to self-pleasure. After hearing it so many times though, everyone in the room just as easily ignored it.

"Speaking of which. Jackass. If you stall any more with my food, I'll get Asami to bust out her photo album in front of everyone."

And like that he was in the next room with wide eyes of terror.

"Photo album?" The Devils looked at Raynare confused.

"Embarrassing and cute photos of him when he wasn't a total prick. He hates it when she shows it to others. He acts tough most of the time, but under all that bullshit, he's just a kid that gets flustered easily if you know what buttons to press. Problem is that most of those buttons are right next to the ones that make him unbearable." The Fallen elaborated as she followed him out the door.

Rias and Akeno made a mental note to get a peek at said book later as they went to the dining room and sat down to where their bowls were. The table was a bit crowded, as it was only designed for six people comfortably, but it could easily fit everyone if they made room…

"Issei?"

Everyone turned to Asami, who was looking at her son leaving for the kitchen again with a single bowl in hand.

"I'm barely holding it together having this many people here. Don't push it."

The door closed behind him.

"… I think he likes you." Asami stage whispered.

"I heard that woman!"

"Well someone has to be a decent host!"

"I just fucking cooked dinner!"

"Yeah, but I'm not the one they all came here for! You swapped our roles on purpose you insecure runt! If you're so happy with the setup, then I might as well be their classmate and you can be Daddy!"

"Daddy?" Most of the guests turned green.

"Fufufufu." Akeno, clearly not among most guests, giggled with a wicked gleam in her eye that was not missed by anyone.

"Hurk?!" The sound of someone choking was unmistakable, even from the other room.

"Um. What's going on? Why are you yelling?"

And then the mood turned awkward as Asia, the only person there that didn't know Japanese, reminded everyone that she was there.

Asami had the decency to look embarrassed by her slip. Turning to the girl, she swapped instantly to her heavily accented Italian. "Asia-chan, it's, er, sorry. Issei's, what's the word, shy? Shy, around people. I sometimes make fun of him, but it's to get him to relax and forget about being nervous."

"Oh." The nun looked around confused. "But, aren't all these people his friends?"

There was an awkward silence as various looks were shot around.

"We'd like to be." Rias tried to placate the girl. "He's not making it easy, but we'd like to."

Asia looked around confused. Before she could ask or say anything though, her stomach made the most un-Christian like sound that she had probably ever made in her life.

Grroooooooowwwwl.

"Eeep!"

"Ugh. Enough of this." Raynare groaned, picking up her utensils. "Let's eat already."

Everyone murmured in agreement, grabbing their own chopsticks and spoons, and ignoring the Nun who was so embarrassed her face was the same shade as Rias' hair.

"Itadakimasu." Several muttered.

"O father, praise- eh?!" Asia began to pray with her eyes closed, completely missing more than half the room flinching in pain, only to be stopped by Raynare with a quick grab on the shoulder.

"I-ta-da-ki-ma-su." The Fallen spoke slowly, pointing to all the Devils in the room. Asia may have been sheltered, but even she knew by now that the majority of the people she was with were not human.

The nervous girl shrunk under the mixed looks she was getting. "I-itatakumas."

It was clear that it was going to be a while before she got a hang of Japanese.

"Whoaaa. It's good." Saji hummed in approval after his first bite, stirring the noodles, meat, greens, onions and other toppings for extra flavor. "I haven't had pho in a while, but it's really good."

"Mmm." Gasper nodded, also happy with the taste. "It's better if the broth is freshly made, but it takes a while to do that. Senpai probably just used some store brand stock, but he picked a good one. The noodles and vegetables are good too. I didn't expect the onions to be so crisp."

"Is that so?" Rias turned to her bishop. "If it's that good freshly made, I might have us do a club activity one day to make some. It would be wonderful to have more of this."

"Indeed. The broth and noodles are much lighter than normal ramen. They go down so easily, I feel like could eat this all day and not be full." Akeno agreed with a pleased look on her face.

Asami smiled as she saw everyone enjoy their food. It was relieving, seeing people genuinely appreciate Issei's efforts for once instead of merely tolerating it.

Before she took another bite of her meal though, something next to her caught her eye. "Asia-chan?"

The small nun next to her wasn't eating. Her chopsticks were in her hand, but she didn't seem to move with her head bowed down.

"It's warm."

Rias paused as soon as she noticed Asia's condition. "Is something the matter?"

"It's warm." The girl's body began to shake. "The food. This house. It's warm."

It was warm. After being accused and isolated by the Church, her home, her world, for so long. After being abandoned by people that she trusted and being accused as a heretic. After being thrust into the outside world, forced to the other side of the world by Fallen Angels with their false smiles. After nothing but confusion and cold for so long…

It was finally warm.

Asami seemed to know what was about to happen moments before it did, and hugged the trembling girl.

Asia burst out in tears. Like a dam that had finally reached its limit, the outer shell of confusion, curiosity, and politeness gave way to the stress, insecurity, and fear that had been hidden and stored for months on end without release.

"There there. It's ok. You've been through a lot, haven't you?" Asami didn't mind at all that the front of her shirt was getting wet or that the girl she had only met a few hours ago had grabbed onto her as if hanging on for dear life.

"Saw that coming." Raynare wasn't touched by the heartwarming display at all, and instead continued to eat as if watching a Saturday afternoon soap opera.

"Oi. Read the mood." Saji hissed from her other side.

"I saw. I read. I don't care. I'm hungry." The Fallen brushed him off before taking another bite of meat. She had seen enough emotional outbursts over the course of her life that it didn't impact her much anymore. Partially due to the fact that she was responsible for most of them.

Now a good dinner. That could reduce her to tears. Especially if she didn't have to pay for it.

"That guy. He's really all over the place." Rias smiled at the scene, her voice soft enough that only her neighbors could hear her.

"He pretends to be aloof, but there's no mistaking his intentions." Sona agreed, nodding in Asia's direction. "You saw his reaction when he first came in. She was the one he looked at first. He decided on making this dish on the fly, but it was exactly what the girl needed to finally crack through her shell."

"His mother used to this as well. She's not at all uncomfortable or surprised by Asia's reaction. No, I wouldn't be surprised if Asami-san was aiming for this from the start." That was an understatement. The moment Asia had entered the building, Asami seemed to understand exactly what was going through the nervous child's mind and stuck to her side almost instantly. The woman displayed the sort of motherly care that even Rias was envious of.

It wasn't surprising. She probably had loads of experience dealing with Issei.

The girls had been somewhat skeptical about the idea of the sheltered nun staying here, in the presence of an unstable mother and son family plus a violent Fallen Angel… but, the longer they watched, the more they felt that it made more sense than at first glance.

"They're good people." Akeno summed the small family up simply. "Different, crude, and unorthodox at times, but they are kind."

"But how much longer can they keep it up?" Sona's glasses flashed, a small worried frown marred her expression. The yelling. The way mother and son seem to dance around one another when it came to certain topics. It was clear that the two were not holding together up as well as they should be.

They were trying, but sooner or later, it wasn't going to be enough.

Rias frowned as she watched the scene in front of her before coming to a decision and standing up.

"Rias?"

"I'm going to check on Issei. He should be fine if only one or two of us are there."

Seeing what she was doing, Akeno was about to join her, but was surprisingly cut off as Gasper beat her too it. "I-I'll go too. Issei-senpai is used to me."

"Ara." Akeno looked at the bishop with a mix of disappointment, surprise, and pride. "Who would have thought that little Gasper would take the priority like that."

"You can come too." Rias offered.

"No. I'd rather not push our luck. You two are more than enough for now. I'll just try some other time."

After just another moment of hesitation and looking around the room, the two Devils got up and carried their bowls to the kitchen, not noticing Asami watching them leave through the corner of her eyes.

In the next room, they saw Issei asleep, hunched over on the small kitchen table with his food in front of him.

Rias blinked owlishly before groaning in embarrassment. "I should have expected this."

"That's Issei-senpai for you." Gasper shared similar feelings with a shaky smile. "He just does what he feels like, whether you want him to or not."

"Mmm. My brother said something similar. But, it's those feelings that's been tearing him apart the entire time, right?" Rias didn't hesitate to sit across from the sleeping teen.

The young vampire hesitated for only a moment before joining her. "Y-yeah. You're right. He's like me that way. Only, he doesn't want to admit it. I don't blame him either."

"You figured out something?" Rias smiled gently, reading her adorable bishop like a book.

Gasper didn't say anything at first as he got into his seat and looked at his food. "… When I ran away from home, when I was separated from Valerie, when I died… I was saved by you Rias Sempai. You protected me. Defended me. Helped me. Made me feel safe."

"Gasper." Rias smiled gently, patting the small crossdresser affectionately. "Of course I would. You're precious to me. But Issei's not alone. He has Asami-san, and…"

"No, that's not what I mean." Gasper interrupted her, much to her surprise. It wasn't often that the small boy ever felt the need to take the initiative unless his nerves got so out of hand that he started to panic.

"I'm weak. My powers are strong, but I'm weak, and scared, and can't do anything by myself. You know it, I know it, everyone does. I was so weak that you had to lock me away because I can't control myself. And that's why I, was dead when you found me. But Issei-senpai is, strong. He's really strong. Super strong. I can feel it sometimes. Stronger than me. Stronger than you. Stronger than Asami-san. He's strong, but he still got hurt just as bad as me if not worse, and now that strength is barely enough to keep him together. After what happened to me… I had you to keep me up and make me feel safe. To make me believe that everything was going to be all right. To stop me from falling apart. But, Issei-semapi…"

"Didn't have anyone that was capable of the same." Rias realized what Gasper was getting at with a sinking feeling of horror.

Akeno. Gasper. Koneko. Kiba. She had saved all of the members of her Peerage at one point or another. She had been the one they looked up to and relied upon. She had been stronger than them. Her family, resources and brother had provided an extra layer of protection and support that they knew they could fall back on if Rias wasn't enough. It was not just a matter of emotional support that she had supplied them, but a sense of tangible security as well.

Whoever had gone after Issei in the first place, the person responsible for his condition, was still out there somewhere. A person that could influence the actions of the Three Factions. A person that may or may not still be looking for him.

The threat of the same trauma from five years ago repeating itself was a very real possibility to Issei. Either by the original culprit, or by someone else for that matter.

Considering the care and secrecy involved that everyone important seemed to use with anything related to him in the first place, she doubted that things had calmed down as well.

If his name or location got out to the wrong people, something bad was guaranteed to happen. Something that even she was not allowed to know about.

It reminded her of a dark joke she heard from a movie once.

It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

Gasper was right. Issei was strong. And contrary to what most would assume, it had only made the young man's situation just as, if not worse in hindsight. The few people around him were either not physically strong, like his mother, or supposedly, too emotionally unreliable to provide him comfort like Ophis.

No wonder he rarely takes anyone seriously.

"What do we do?" Gasper asked her.

"I…" Rias hesitated. "I think, the best we can do now is not leave him alone. Even if he tries to push us away."

"He really won't like that." He could already imagine just how annoyed Issei was going to get if they tried to assert themselves too much.

Even now, the young vampire could see his host shifting uncomfortably in his sleep, moving one of his arms and…

"Uh. Rias-senpai?"

"I'm going to have to do some research on this." She didn't seem to hear him as she leaned on the table with her head propped on one of her hands, already too busy thinking about how to approach this puzzle. While she wasn't professionally trained in any way, Rias did like to think that she was somewhat of a practiced hand when it came to counseling troubled youths, what with her entire peerage being a circus of emotional issues in itself.

Heck, a good portion of the books she owned were child abuse psychology texts. The irony that she was not exactly an adult was not lost on her.

"Rias-senpai. I really don't think leaning on the table like that is a good idea right now…"

Then again, where would she even begin to look? A general understanding of Issei's issues was a good step in the right direction, but she highly doubted that she'd be able to find something that matched his condition exactly. Not many troubled youths were already stronger than most high class devils and had a legitimate excuse to not trust the strength of some of the most influential people in reality.

She'd have to do this slowly and wear away the walls Issei put up around himself one at a time, lest she bring down the entire foundation on top of herself.

"N-no way. He's actually going to do it while asleep?!"

Gasper had gotten her foot in the door, but in order to go any further, she had to ease her way in. The training tomorrow would help in spades. It would get everyone to learn more about one another. Get him invested into them on a personal level, even if he pretended or wanted to believe otherwise.

She was feeling tingles all over. Just how would he train them? Weights? Running? Strategy. Maybe he'd join them and take his shirt off, showing that glistening skin and fit body that seemed so out of place for a shut in.

Her breath quickened, and her face flushed. Maybe he'd even give them private attention and…

"R-Rias-senpai!"

"Eh?" The Devil snapped out of her fantasizing, only to realize that her body was still very much tingling all over, especially her chest.

Her chest.

Her chest, more importantly, her breast that was currently being fondled by the still unconscious Issei with his arm reaching across the table. His normally cold and stern face had melted into practically putty, with a lazy yet satisfied smile donned as if enjoying a hot bath.

"Mmmm. Oppai."

o. o. o.

"I'm so sorry." Asami apologized for the hundredth time that night as Rias and the others were preparing to leave. "I completely forgot he did that. It's been so long since he's been around people in general that I thought he grew out of that habit."

On a side note, she was using one arm to hold Issei's head so far down that he was having trouble standing up. Apparently, his misdeed had been big enough that he didn't react violently to being manhandled at the moment.

"You mean he used to grope women in his sleep when he was a child?" One of Sona's eyebrow twitched.

"Damn it woman! Let go of me!"

"No! You screwed up again! Bow and repent!"

"I'm falling! I'm seriously about to fall!"

"Good idea! You're not repenting enough! Taste it! Taste the ground to show your remorse!"

Everyone watching could only laugh nervously at the display. It was impossible to deny that the two were mother and son from the way they interacted.

"R-really. There's no need. It was an accident." Rias tried to placate the mother. "He made everyone dinner, and it is somewhat my fault that he skipped school this week in the first place, so let's just call it even, ok?"

The Gremory's face was still flushed from earlier. Partially from embarrassment.

Partially because the breast that Issei had managed to latch onto was still tingling in a way that she was going to need Akeno's, "help", to resolve when she got back home.

"Says you. Push harder Asami-san! He's almost on his knees!" Raynare cheered from inside the building. It was starting to be more apparent that the Fallen didn't seem to care much about keeping up her false persona in front of the woman.

"Cougar I swear I am going to destroy you the second my sight isn't occupied with my shins!"

"Ara. I'm a bit surprised. I didn't think that Issei was this flexible." Akeno half teased. Most people would lose their center of balance after being bent over so far, but he was still firm with two feet on the ground, albeit under duress.

"He took dancing and martial arts classes when he was younger." Asami stated as if it was an offhand comment. "He could even do splits at one point, though I doubt this idiot is capable of it now."

"Write them a book why don't you!?"

"I would if I ever felt like writing a horror story."

"I like her." Akeno couldn't help but voice her approval of the woman.

"You're too kind."

"You all suck."

Asami's hand flexed, pressing down on several sensitive nerves at the base of his skull.

"Owowowowow! Careful! Those are my occipital nerves!"

"I know they are. You're the one that taught me about them."

"Abuse! This is abuse! You are using your child's generosity against him with your clammy man hands! I demand compensation for my lost misplaced trust!"

"Clammy man hands?" Clench.

"Gah!"

Just as amused as everyone else by the display, (save for Sona, who seemed to particularly revel in Issei's suffering for some reason), Rias still felt the need to stop it before things got too far. With a loud cough, she acquired everyone's attention. "Despite being sidetracked by, well, everything, I really am glad you're ok Issei. I'm sorry that you're still uncomfortable being around us, but I do hope that you'll warm up eventually. We don't have any intention of hurting you."

"Yeah well, funny thing about hurting others is that you don't need intention to pull it off. If anything, not intending it makes it worse. Odd how everyone conveniently keeps on forgetting that bit." Issei grunted in a low tone that made it hard to tell if he meant to say it out loud or not. "Of course, that still doesn't excuse intended pain, like for example having the blood and nerves on the back of my head being abused get your claw off me for fucks sake woman!"

"Ugh. Fine. You can have your head back, crybaby. Not like you actually use it." Rolling her eyes, she let go of her son.

"Any longer and I wouldn't have been able to use it at all." The teen grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck tenderly. "You can stop babysitting me and start babysitting the Ninja Puppy again. I'm fine, and we still need a room prepared for her, right?"

Asami huffed and crossed her arms. "I was half prepared for guests the second you actually agreed to going along with Azazel-san's plan. But, I guess there are a few things I can help that child out with for tonight. Poor thing is still pretty shaken up."

She turned to the group and bowed. "Thank you for taking time out of your day to check up on my idiot son. I'm sorry he can be such a handful. Please let me know if you need anything in the future."

The teens watched as she went back inside the house and began pulling the suitcase Asia had brought with her up the stairs.

"She's a good mother." Sona nodded in approval.

"And I'm a shit son." Issei sighed, his face unreadable as he was facing away from the group.

"Issei…" Rias started before he cut her off.

"I'm just stating facts. Pity doesn't get anything done, so don't bother." He turned around to face them. "Training on the other hand does. Is the school available tomorrow morning?"

Sona frowned in thought, slightly thankful for the change in topic. "Yes, and we can mask our magical signatures, but I would prefer it if we didn't do something so potentially destructive on the grounds. Some of our abilities are rather violent. Fixing it isn't an issue, but I'd rather not go through the effort if we can avoid it."

"I'll try keep that in mind." Issei rolled his eyes, as if what she had said was beyond obvious. "Just bring both your peerages over. Tomorrow's going to be an intro course so we know where we all stand. I can't train you if I don't know what the hell you can do in the first place."

"You sound confident that you can help us." Akeno was genuinely curious. "Not to sound rude, but I'm interested in how a human can help train so many Devils to be stronger quickly."

"You'd be surprised." Not really. All things considered, Devils were by far the easiest of the three main faction's species to train. The only thing that held them back was the user's limited power, perspective, and creativity. He'd be pissed off at himself if he couldn't make them at least slightly competent within the next week or two. "But not all of you are Devils. Cougar's joining too."

"Ah? Dead brat say what now?" A clearly not pleased Fallen Angel asked from the living room.

"I said that you're training too you lazy shit." Issei called back inside.

"Give me one good reason why I should do that."

"Damn it Zaz, why did you load me with this useless…" He clearly was trying hard not to lose his short temper. The stick rarely worked with this one, so he'd have to depend on the carrot he had been holding back since she got here. "Do you want to get four wing status this century or not?"

That caught nearly everyone by surprise. Fallen Angels could grow in power, and their wings did signify just how strong they were, but ways to expedite that growth were few and far in between, especially if one wasn't naturally gifted.

If getting stronger was simply a matter of simple training, nearly all Angels and Fallen would at least have three pairs of wings by now.

There was a brief pause before Raynare appeared behind him, the look on her face was unreadable. "… Are you serious? Do you actually know a way for me to get to a higher tier?"

"No." He stated flatly, for once ignoring the looks that he was getting. "I know several. But they won't work on lazy shits that do nothing but eat all day and drink all night."

"Several?" She blinked in genuine surprise before schooling herself. "Bullshit. If there were that many ways, then Azazel-sama would have been using them already."

"Unless, of course, he lacks the ability, the means, the people, or the materials required to do so."

"And you do?" Saji asked the obvious question.

Issei shrugged nonchalantly. "Who knows? There has to be a reason why the higher ups of the three Factions won't leave me alone."

"Good god you're so full of bullshit it's a wonder you're not constipated." Raynare deadpanned.

"Look, do you want power like every other stereotypical generic Fallen Angel grunt or not?"

Judging from her clenched jaw, the ebony haired beauty was at war with herself. Her greed for power clashing with her pride and hatred at the idea of admitting that she was in any way a stereotypical generic Fallen Angel Grunt. Her greed won out in the end, barely, and she turned around with a huff to go further in the building. "Tch. Fine. Yes. I want to be stronger. You happy? Just grab me when it starts or whatever."

"That went well." Saji muttered.

"You think it's a good idea to make her stronger? She's not exactly an ally of yours." Rias looked worried.

"Probably not, but she's ambitious like most Fallen. And she isn't a complete idiot. If I do keep my word and bump her up a rank, sooner or later she'll realize that I could probably make her even more powerful if she sticks around and plays nice." The lone human shrugged. "That and she knows she doesn't stand a chance in hell against me if she pushes her luck. Heck, she can have six wings and I'd still one shot her no problem."

Six wings? Rias looked at him with a curious look. It wasn't on the level of a seraph, but still, beings with that much power were no joke.

"That is another thing I have issues with. I find it somewhat vexing that she was trusted with your identity, but we aren't despite the fact that we are making more of an effort to get on your good side." Sona shifted her glasses in a way that was clear that she disproved of what was going on.

"Not my fault. Blame the Satans and Zaz for that. If you're expecting me to open up to you with my life's story, you're going to be waiting a long time." Issei didn't budge.

"Sona, it's fine." Rias chided her friend before the latter could speak. "If he doesn't want to tell us, that's his business. We've prodded enough as it is."

The Sitri looked like she had something on her tongue, but she held it after a few moments deliberation. "… Fine. However, if you do become a problem, then we will have the truth from you."

"Ha!" Surprisingly, the young man burst out in a loud and bitter laugh. "Hahahaha! Tell the truth! Now they want the truth!"

"Issei-kun?" Akeno blinked in tandem with everyone else.

"Sorry." He chuckled with a strained grin, but his eyes flashed momentarily with something that could only be considered pure rage. "It's just, what you said is just so disgustingly ironic that I have to laugh or else I really might punch something."

Sona, Rias and Akeno paused for a moment before they paled. They had just been told by Asami how Issei had been accused as a child of a crime that he had been the victim of, and how nearly everything his life had been turned against him in the following year trying to prove he was innocent.

Of course he had tried to tell people the truth, but no one would listen or help him then. The few that did listen didn't stay around to help.

For Sona to accuse him of not telling the truth now…

"I-I'm sorry." For once, the calm and collected image that Sona perpetually had up had given way to genuine remorse and uncertainty. "It was a poor choice of words and-"

"For fucks sake, shut up you idiot. That fake mature businesswoman act you're constantly putting up is more annoying than the Cougar." Issei cut her off with a glare. "Just, just leave already, before I say something that I won't be able to take back."

"F-fake?"

Saji frowned. He was confused and somewhat unnerved by Issei's anger, but he did not tolerate anyone talking to his King like that. He stepped up to his underclassman with the authority of a senior in a higher position of social standing. "Hey! It was an accident! She was just trying to apologize and you-"

 _"Shut up."_

The high school senior in a higher position of social standing froze in place, his mouth clamping shut with a clack. What was even more terrifying was that Issei wasn't even looking at him.

 _"Turn around."_

Saji did a 180 on the spot, his body standing at attention.

 _"Leave."_

At a brisk, yet normal pace, the young man left the property without paying anyone else any mind, much to their shock.

"How, did you do that?" Akeno blinked, trying to figure out what just happened.

"He's a runt. He knows his place." Issei's cold answer was vague, but it was clear that he was alluding to something in particular. Regardless, he seemed more interested in treating a headache than them at the moment, given by how hard he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

Sona paused before remembering something. "Saji reacted oddly when we first walked into the house. His Sacred Gear is dragon based, and you call him a runt. It couldn't be, that you…"

"I thought I told you to leave." He rose his voice slightly, almost articulating just how annoyed he was. "For fuck's sake, I understand that you are trying to make yourself stand out of your sister's shadow, but I thought you would have at least had the sense to try and pick up her horrifying ability to read others. I'm not exactly hard to figure out."

Rias frowned in confusion. "Serafall's ability to read others?"

"Sona, what is he talking about?" Akeno turned to the School President.

Said President didn't respond. Instead she was struck still in shock.

"Sona?" Rias spoke louder.

"Y-you know, about Nee-sama?" The lithe girl was pale as if she was confronting something that she didn't want to talk about.

"She wasn't made head of Foreign Affairs just because she looks good as a Magical Girl and has good Oppai." Issei rolled his eyes. "And that position isn't one that a person can keep simply because they happen to be an Ultimate Class Devil and had decent political backup. The ceasefire between the factions would never have lasted as long as it has if it did. She really is ahead of the curve in that regard. In a way, she's scarier than the rest of the Maou."

"You've talked to her." Sona's statement seemed to carry more weight than it seemed, if the awe and horror in her voice was any indication.

"Eight years ago. She thought I was cute and funny. And then I made a comment about her having a midlife crisis. And then she flash froze me. We had pizza that night." He sighed as if being almost killed wasn't a big deal.

"I think I'm most surprised that you remember what you had for dinner eight years ago." Gasper noted.

"What? Pizza in the underworld has different toppings that you can't get here. It's kinda hard to forget when someone asks if you want kraken eyeballs on a Sicilian for the first time."

"He does have a point." Akeno mused, recalling the several times she underwent culture shock when she was taken in by Rias' family.

"Enough about the pizza!" Sona snapped. He was doing it again. Changing the topic of conversation away from himself. "How do you know about my sister?"

"I talked to her. Obviously." Issei clearly was playing games with her.

"Sona. Can you please explain to me what you are talking about?" Rias was starting to get annoyed now.

"You, when you were not even ten years old…" Her glasses slipped slightly down her nose, as if intentionally displaying just how bewildered she was. "Impossible. Nee-sama's always been careful when it came to talking to others. There's no way she'd take you seriously, even if, no, especially if you were a child then."

Issei was clearly getting tired of the conversation if his groaning was any indication. "Believe what you want. Or you can talk to her yourself. I don't care what you do. Just go away already before you say something stupid again."

"It seriously hurts me to hear that from you of all people."

"I figured."

Sona grit her teeth, and drew her breath to say something before thinking better of it and shaking her head in resignation. "This isn't over Hyoudou."

"It never is."

Rias held back a groan as her friend gave everyone a shallow bow and a quick goodbye before leaving. "Issei, I don't know what you just did, but did you really have to do it? We're not your enemies."

"I like my privacy and my personal space." His tone was firm. "They're among the few things I have left that I actually value, and both have been poked and prodded more in the past few hours than they have in the past five years. By you. By the enabler. By those idiots in Heaven. And if I'm not careful, by those potentially obliterated fools that kidnapped the Ninja Puppy. Don't push it."

"We were just…"

"Checking up on me. I know. And… I'm not holding that against you." He seemed to have trouble figuring out the right words to say. Unlike with Sona, Issei seemed less aggressive when talking to Rias. More willing to think about the words he used. "But you overestimated me. I don't _do_ people, especially when they appear in my home without prior warning. So far, that's happened twice today in quick succession."

He was pretty sure that if any more people had been in his house that night, he would have completely snapped. He had spent most of the time in the kitchen for their sake as much as his own.

"Issei-sempai." Gasper fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable with where this was going.

The Sekiryuutei paused to look at his underclassman skeptically before sighing loudly. "Fine. I get it. I'll try and "play nice". Not that it's ever gotten me anywhere."

Rias was severely conflicted. On the one hand, Issei had more or less picked apart or obliterated nearly all of the good will he had earned over the past week. On the other, it looked like Gasper was genuinely in the troubled teen's good books and had a sliver of trust built up.

"Tonight's been, interesting." She voiced her thoughts. "A lot more happened than we anticipated. This really could have been timed better."

Issei let out a brief laugh. "Story of my damn life. I'm always in the right place at the wrong time. It'd be hilarious if I wasn't so screwed over sideways every time it happened."

"Things would probably go better for you if you didn't lose your temper every five seconds." Akeno dryly commented.

"I'm sorry. I'll try to behave despite my extreme enochlophobia and PTSD firing nonstop while being forced to spend time with a building with a bunch of idiots hyped up on magic and organic chemicals due to being in the middle of demonic puber…ty…" Issei's sarcastic ranting slowed down into an awkward stop, as he clearly realized something.

"Something the matter?" Rias was confused.

Instead of responding, he facepalmed so hard that the Devils actually felt it.

"I. Am. An idiot." There was a brief pause. "Ow."

Akeno blinked. "Because you realized that you're also…"

He cut her off, holding his hand in the universal gesture for stop. "Shshsh! No talking!"

The three watched as the hand on his face began to glow white and green with magic. It stayed in place for several awkward moments before moving to his neck, chest, stomach, and groin.

"… Well. Shit." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in thought. Thankfully, the hand doing so was not the one that had just been cupping his nutsack in a white light.

"So, puberty." Akeno resumed. "I don't know why you are so alarmed. It happens to everyone you know. Although I don't think that gives you an adequate excuse to feel yourself in front of others."

Issei ignored her and looked at Rias. "Weeb. You know of the spiritual osmosis effect that beast type sacred gears have?"

"Spiritual Osmosis?" Gasper echoed, never hearing of that term before.

"It's when owners develop notable physical traits of the beast souls that their Sacred Gears have…" Rias frowned before realizing what Issei was getting at. "You mean?"

"I woke up my Dragon based Sacred Gear when I was _seven_ , and I developed it significantly since. I'm not going through puberty. As stupid as it sounds, I'm going through the fucking Dragon equivalent. The hormone and testosterone cocktail that's pumping through my body is leagues more potent than what I should be getting. Or realistically be able to handle without either going insane, or trying to hump everything in sight." He groaned. "Damn it. I can't do anything right."

Dragonic Puberty. It sounded like a childishly bad joke in hindsight, but in reality, dragons going through that cycle of development were among some of the most aggressive beasts out there. They were liable to attack anything that came across their path, regardless of their chances of winning.

Whoever thinks that is was logically and universally a smarter idea to train kids to awaken world altering powers earlier clearly needed to be shot in the face. Many times. They never contemplate the potential impact said powers could have on a person's growth and biology or what said results could be.

It was also one of the main reasons why many of the Boosted Gear and Divine Dividing owners in the past that had awakened their powers early had died. Hyper hormonal teenagers, short tempers, and raw reality bending power rarely mixed well.

Especially if the users had, say, replaced a part or two of their bodies with its dragonic equivalent. If there was any blessing, it was that the parts that Issei had altered had next to no role to play in his natural development.

Then again, he was cutting it close in regards to his thyroid gland…

Bottom line? On top of the dozen or so mental issues he currently had, Issei also had to deal with constantly being doped to the gills by his own body that made his frayed hold on his emotions now combustible as if they were soaked in petrol.

It's not like children are well known to make mistakes and poor decisions based on their emotions more than the rest of the human race. What harm could giving them potentially world shattering superpowers do?

There was a reason why magical girls, and teenagers in general, were considered an unreliable long term security resource across most reasonable universes.

"I thought you were advanced in medical training. How would you have missed something like this?" Akeno pondered.

"There's a reason why the saying "the worst patient a doctor can have is another doctor" is a running joke in the medical community."

For five years he had locked himself inside and maintained minimal contact with others.

That didn't mean he neglected his own health though. Just the opposite. He made sure that he gave himself biannual checkups, looked for abnormalities, hell, he even did blood tests. But the idea that his system had changed enough that he was going through Dragon's Puberty had not once crossed his mind until he mentioned his unnaturally short temper and puberty in the same sentence. The few times he noticed that his numbers were high, he assumed that the abnormality was just a small spike from going through an earlier episode he might have gone through that day. He never thought that said abnormalities were what he was running on _every day_.

 _"Ddraig? Anything you want to say for yourself? Like, whoops?"_ There was no way that the crimson dragon in his arm didn't anticipate this ahead of time.

 **"Honestly, by the time puberty hit, everything had long since gone to hell. You were already locked up in your room and trying to keep your head in check with or without my help. Knowing that it was going to be harder for you because of puberty wouldn't have gotten anything accomplished."** The dragon waved off Issei's accusation. "After a while, I just forgot about telling you."

 _"You FORGOT? Oh so help me, the second I am out of everyone's sight I am going to destroy you, you sunburnt Alzheimer's suffering, lazy FUCKING-"_

"Do you need any help?" Rias asked, knowing that this new revelation was something that even Issei was worried about.

"I…" For a brief moment it felt like he was going to say something out of reflex, but caught himself with a grimace, as though he really didn't want to fight the urge. "… Might. I have to think about this first. Do research. I didn't notice it before because I've always blamed my temper on my trauma, and I locked myself away after my life went to hell, but, damn, you have no idea how lucky we are in a twisted way."

"Lucky? How so?" Akeno was curious now.

"Dragonic Puberty is, for lack of a better word, extreme. Heightened testosterone. Heightened hormones. Enhanced apocrine sweat gland size and activity. Overactive hypothalamus triggering enlarged adrenal glands with the slightest poke, flooding my system with a disgustingly potent brand of cortisone for days. The works. Under most circumstances, I should be instinctively flirting, groping, humping, or physically fighting with every person that comes into sight."

Gasper gasped. "That's horrifying. No wonder Dragons are so scary. They can't help but act like thugs."

"… Oi." That actually hurt. He didn't like the way the Damphir was looking at him in pity. He was a jerk, but one with actual an educated and desirable skillset. Not some poor moron in a leather jacket that wanders the streets at night. Was that how everyone saw him these days? Stop. Please. He'll cut back on the harsh language and be more careful with his words. Just don't look at him like that anymore.

"That does sound in line with what I've heard." Rias agreed with him while simultaneously trying to remember what half of the body parts that Issei spouted off did in general. "How are you able to keep yourself in check though? No, how is it that no one noticed it until now?"

"You mean outside of the fact that I've locked myself away for the entirety of my teenage life, minimizing human contact and thus assuming my temper was a result of my extreme PTSD?" He asked her skeptically. "Easy. Porn."

It was the way he said it with a completely straight face that caught the Devils completely flatfooted. "… Eh?"

"I have been watching porn neigh religiously for almost a decade." Issei elaborated, completely serious. "I've watched so much porn, that it's gotten to the point that simply seeing the naked female body or talking about any kind of sex doesn't do jack for me. Likewise, I have heard and seen virtually every flirting technique both here and in hell, so verbally interacting with women also has nearly no effect on me. If anyone tried, the first thing I would instinctively do is grade their performance."

"Wooow." Gasper looked at Issei with glimmering eyes of adoration.

Issei held back his tears. No young Dio. Please. Do not be impressed. It is not something to be proud of. Even the greatest of evil beings should not render themselves numb to the magnificence of oppai in any way. It is a curse. Not a blessing.

"Sight and sound have no effect. That sounds rather depressing." Akeno mused, folding one arm under her breasts and the other holding her head up as if thinking and pitying him at the same time. No doubt she was testing the validity of his statement. "I suppose that explains your tendency of grading a girl's looks from last week. Ignoring taste, what about touch and smell?"

He flinched, hoping to ignore that topic. "You already know I hate being touched by people in general. I already avoid physical contact with others on principle. The smell of a woman though… could have been a big problem."

Rias paled as she realized what he was hinting at. Devils and Fallen women in particular are geared for seducing, to the point that their very smells can entice other beings with low self-control.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Kuoh's student body was vastly female.

The amount of female pheromones going around would be enough to drive someone with Issei's disposition genuinely insane.

"Could?" Akeno picked up on the key word with some skepticism.

"Like I said, we're lucky." He shook his head. He held up a finger, and soon enough there was a small funnel of dirt and air swirling around it. "My nose is sensitive. I have a habit of filtering what I can smell for one reason or another. I've been doing it for years. This includes pheromones. I've been dodging probably the worst bullet of them all by complete accident for weeks."

"That just leaves your temper." Gasper got to the last roadblock. Issei's been dealing with it for so long that by the time he was hit with the worst of the effects of puberty, he probably thought that it was just life as normal and dealt with it like he always did without knowing it.

"Is there anything that can calm you down? Other than the tea that Akeno made earlier?" Rias finally asked a question that had been plaguing her and Sona for a while. "We asked your mother, but she was too busy, well, we gave her some samples of the tea earlier and she was rather excited about it."

Issei brightened up. "You brought that tea? Why didn't you say that earlier?"

"Issei-kun. We want you relaxed when we spoke to you today. Not comatose." Akeno chided before pausing for a moment. "… Most… some… a portion of us do at least."

"Akeno." Rias hissed.

"We weren't the ones cradling the tea like a newborn."

Just put it away Issei. Bury these painful memories down deep with the rest of the unmentionables. No one will ever blame you for it. Just like the time you accidentally saw mom-no! The memories are trying to escape! Burn them! Salt the land! They must not know freedom!

Aah. Some tea now would be really nice-wait! Stop! Don't fall for the trap! It's what they want!

No one bothered to bring up the fact that he was pouting and crying like a child.

"I-Issei… san?"

The group paused, as the one that called his name didn't come from outside the home, but inside.

They turned to see Asia standing uncomfortably nearby. Her habit was off of her head, allowing her golden hair to be seen by everyone, and she was not looking at anyone in the eyes, but it was clear that she was there for Issei and-

*Boing*

SWEET MAMMARIES OF GABRIEL THE GIRL HAS AN AHOGE!

"Uh, Sempai?" Gasper wasn't the only one slightly confused by how Issei seemed to be hypnotized by the stray strand of golden blonde hair of Asia's that seemed to defy gravity.

"Uh… huh?" The Sekiryuutei barely seemed to register the outside world, his head bobbing in time with Asia's hair.

BEAUTIFUL! A WORK OF NATURE'S ART IN MOTION! SERIOUSLY HOW MANY NICHE FETISH QUALIFICATIONS DID THE NINJA PUPPY FULFIL?! HOW MANY MORE SECRETS WAS SHE HIDING?!

 **"Oi. Partner. Not that I'm ever going to join you during one of your moments, but the Gremory Heiress has one of those hair things too."** Ddraig pointed out through their mental connection.

 _"Nonsense Ddraig. While the Weeb's hair is indeed luxurious and high quality, her Ahoge is feeble, coming and going like the wind. It lacks the definition and strength of the work of art in front of us."_

Rias didn't know why, but she suddenly felt extremely self-conscious despite the fact that everyone was focused on Issei and Asia. The lone strand of hair that she could never brush down was also flickering about more erratically than normal for some reason.

 **"Honestly. You're as unreasonable as always."** Despite being distracted, Issei still managed to pick up a hint of satisfaction in his partner's voice for some reason. Almost as if he was pleased about something. **"You might want to stop. You're starting to scare the child."**

"… Eh?" He blinked in confusion before looking a little bit down to see Asia shifting uncomfortably with a blush on her cheeks and tears in her eyes. "Oh."

Well at the very least, his eyes were on her face now.

He was genuinely confused. She couldn't speak Japanese yet, so why would she approach him? Maybe his mom needed help setting up her room?

Damn. This was going to be a bigger pain than he thought. Somehow he doubted that she knew English, so that meant that he was going to be busy learning Italian and teaching Japanese for the next few weeks on top of taking care of the Devils. He had a spare laptop stored away somewhere, and it wouldn't take long to download an Italian to Japanese learning program from the internet, but in the end, constant interaction and submerging oneself in the language were the best ways to-

"…"

He looked down confused, and saw a familiar head of golden hair pressed against his chest.

Along with the rest of her body. And her arms wrapped around him.

She was hugging him.

"… Hah?" He summed his thoughts adequately.

"Eh?" The Devils watching events unfold were of similar thoughts.

"Thank you." The former nun muttered into his chest. "I know you can't understand me, but thank you. Lord Michael told me that you're hurt. You're hurt like me, so badly you're terrified of trusting people anymore. You've been like this for years. I can't imagine what you've gone through, but even then, you still helped me. Your home. Your food. Your family. Your actions. They're all warm. You're warm, but, I can tell. You haven't felt it in a long time. You're so lonely, it hurts, and the pain makes it impossible to forget. It hurts so bad that anything that looks like it might make things worse terrifies you, even if it's the opposite."

Something told Issei that he really should be feeling touched or emotional right now. He also felt that that something was relentlessly enjoying his confusion.

"Fufufu."

Scratch that. It was just the closet yandere chick. Did the Ninja Puppy even notice that there was an audience? Wait, no, she's a Ninja Puppy. Attacking where there were witnesses would be the last place he'd expect.

He had been careless!

The Ninja Puppy had shown her true colors! She had gotten in his guard! She had struck before he could react! She was… she was…

She was… pleasantly soft.

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Why the hell wasn't he freaking out about being touched like this in the first place? Even his mother couldn't hug him spontaneously like this without setting all his nerves on end. By all rights, right now his mind and body should be flooded with uncontrollable blinding rage, indignation, and fear against his will.

No. Rather, instead of freaking out, he was actually calming down. This wasn't normal. This shouldn't be happening. This was warm, and he could feel her body press against him through their NO! No! Do not get distracted! Something isn't right! Something is seriously not right!

He was so caught up in trying to figure out what was going on that he didn't realize that his normal annoyed expression had been replaced with a childish bewilderment. For a few moments, he actually looked like his age.

"I want to help you. Just like you helped me." Asia muttered into his chest before finally breaking contact. "It'll take some time, and you'll probably hate it, but that's how the healing process works. It's what I do. It's all I'm good for now."

Bowing politely to the devils and saying goodbye, Asia turned back into the house and up the stairs to where Asami was still setting up her room, leaving everyone else behind completely dumbstruck.

After what seemed like an eternity of awkward confusion, Issei slowly turned to them, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"… The fuck just happened?"

"She, she hugged you?" Gasper summarized, just as confused.

"… HOW?!"

Most young children were kept up worrying about the monster under their beds eating them.

He was worried about the Blonde Italian Ninja Puppy Nun with the perfect Ahoge surprise hugging him.

It was a long and confusing night for Issei.

o. o. o.

"Kuoh should be under watch within the hour. Not a single member of the three factions should be able to leave it by air or by teleportation without our knowing." Azazel stated his findings to the Maou and Michael. "In other news, I just verified our suspicions with Raynare. It wasn't a fluke. The bearer of Twilight Healing is able to touch Issei without setting him off. Even when he isn't prepared for it. Apparently the girl just hugged him from out of nowhere a few minutes ago without a scratch. I think Issei was more confused about his lack of reaction than anyone else."

"That can only mean one thing." Beelzebub mused.

"She's an unrecognized dragon tamer." Serafall cheered. "How lucky can we get? We've been looking for a suitable tamer that might get along with Issei for years and one literally just lands into his hands! Any of the other ones we found were either grumpy old meat heads or greedy bitches. Jasmine-chan's gonna flip when she finds out! And laugh her ass off when she finds out it's a nun of all people!"

"Luck, or convenient?" Sirzechs didn't seem as optimistic.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I believe it is actually luck this time." Michael answered the question. "The Church has always kept the bearers of Twilight Healing under heavy guard. There is no possible way that anyone would have known she was a dragon tamer before her kidnapping."

"That still doesn't excuse why she was in Kuoh in the first place." Falbium poured cold water on their excitement, making the meeting dead quiet again.

"… You think it's her." Sirzechs said what everyone was thinking.

"In one way or another. That girl rarely ever dirties her own hands unless she has to." Falbium sighed. "Just like how the Phoenixes only started to push for Rias' engagement after she was granted the right to oversee Kuoh. How long do you think she'd wait after Rias returns to the underworld before she "offers" Sona her assistance?"

"An eternity. At the earliest." Serafall's voice was sweet and sugary. Completely in contrast to the faint hint of murder that accompanied it. Clearly she had high standards as to who could spend time with her sister. Standards that would be met, one way or another.

"Put out one fire and two more pop up." Azazel groaned, leaning back in his seat. "If there's one thing you have to give that girl credit for, it's her tenacity. When she wants something, she goes for it. I guess this confirms our suspicions. She knows where Issei is."

"This plan of yours is appearing less appealing by the second Sirzechs." Falbium grumbled. "The Phoenixes are pushing to expedite the engagement harder by the week. Your sister will be in a corner within a month rather than the anticipated year we first assumed. We need more time for Issei to adjust to the world again. If he does go through with the plan, he will be found out one way or another, meaning that he'll be targeted again sooner than he's probably ready for."

"I must admit to something." Michel spoke up. "In order to maintain Issei's trust, I have alluded vaguely to the wedding and Sirzech's intent to have Issei disrupt it. The boy is aware that something is coming soon now, but none of the specifics."

Ajuka Beelzebub groaned along with half the room. "Damn it Michael. The last thing we need is to put Issei on edge this early when we're still trying to build up trust with him. Hanging something that big in front of him while holding so much back is the last thing we need."

"And springing it up on him when it does come is any better?" The archangel frowned. "The boy's barely keeping himself together as it is. And his trust in us is not doing much better. He would have no doubt interpreted things in the worst possible way if we had waited too long. I explained to him why we had to be so secretive, and thankfully he was understanding enough to not completely separate himself from us."

"I think that Michael-chan did the right thing." Serafall hummed, as if thinking of something interesting. "Issei-chan's not stupid. I wouldn't be surprised if he figures out everything if he was handed the wedding invitation right now. Even the things that Rias-chan doesn't know. He's always been scary perceptive that way. No. Depending on what Michael-chan has told him, it's possible that he might have figured it out already. Issei-chan might get mad at us, but this way, at least he won't hold us responsible. He's not like that."

"Not if we handle the aftermath of everything correctly, at least." Beelzebub pointed out firmly, getting nods of agreement from the others. What they were trying to do could easily go wrong if they weren't careful.

"Aftermath? Don't you mean fallout?" Azazel snorted, flexing his prosthetic arm. "I am attached to my new limb, but I'm not too keen on actually needing another one anytime soon. I'm sure that the rest of you share similar sentiments."

Their connection was ominously quiet. Each and every person participating had suffered the consequences for failing to keep their promises to Issei that day in one form or another, and not one of them would dare to let it happen a second time.

o. o. o.

Eight Years ago:

"You look like you need a drink."

Baraquiel looked away from Issei, who was nose deep in a book of theoretical white magic and its effects on various species, going through it as if the tome was cursed, to see Ichirou smiling with a bottle of beer in each hand.

"Am I that transparent?" The Cadre Class Fallen Angel laughed dryly, not even hesitating to take the opened drink offered to him despite experience and common sense telling him to turn it down in case the offering was poisoned.

That, and the brand offered tasted like dog piss.

"Maybe. Then again, it's not hard for one overworked husband and father to recognize another in their time of need." Ichirou shrugged, lifting his own drink in a mock toast.

"You do realize that part of my job involves dealing with your kid."

"All the more reason for a little treat every now and then." The human downed a few gulps, ignoring the look his fellow father was giving him.

Unsure of what to say, Baraquiel followed suit moments later, holding back a grimace from the poor taste of his drink.

"Wife and daughter, right?" Ichirou broke the awkward silence.

"Mmm. Shuri and Akeno. Those two…"

"Make it all worth it." The human nodded. "Don't I know it. Life wouldn't be the same without them. No matter what trials they bring."

Baraquiel somehow doubted that his drinking buddy could relate to going through thousands of years of on and off again war with your kin, only to have that numbing hell be broken by suddenly falling in love one day. But then again, not many Fallen actually got married in general either. Their instincts and drive to sin in one way or another tended to make extended relationships rather difficult. Only the most capable could reign back their unconscious impulses or channel them in non-self-destructive ways, but even that did not guarantee a successful marriage. All things considered, he was an oddity among his kind.

"I… have been staying out longer and longer as of late. My, the office, has been busier than normal. The days I can come home, it's so late that Akeno is already asleep. Sometimes Shuri too. They try to play it off, but I can tell it's getting to them."

"You know, you can always ask for a day off. Issei loves you like an uncle. If he thought that he was keeping you from your family, it would devastate him. He doesn't show it, but when it comes to people he likes, that he's close to, he gets really self-conscious. With the way he is, well, you can tell that he doesn't appeal to everyone. He really does appreciate all you're doing for us."

The bigger man chuckled into his next sip. Ichirou's description of how Issei treated him wasn't that hard to believe. His willingness to be around and teach the kid had automatically put him on a pedestal that he honestly didn't believe he deserved, or wanted.

Issei, was for lack of a better word, a sponge for information.

The child was almost nine years old. The age of a fourth grader.

But he was already reading books for people getting ready for their college exams and beyond. If the boy was believed, he would have been prepared to pass EMT tests if he wasn't too young to take them in the first place.

Whenever his parents weren't around, he used the Boosted Gear to magnify his ability to learn and retain information to terrifying degrees. Normally these effects would be temporary, but the kid had been studying and utilizing this method for so long that his mind had literally adapted to the strain and rate of growth to the point that he could memorize a huge amount of information in a single go without his Sacred Gear now.

In short, the boy had quite literally, forced himself to be a genius. To be something that he wasn't supposed to be.

For a harem.

Correction, for the harem.

The harem that he was going to make. The harem he was going to support and care for. The harem that he was going to protect.

Initially, Baraquiel assumed that Issei Hyoudou was a bit touched to be so obsessed with women and breasts. It took him over a week to convince the child that, no, he really didn't know the reason why humanoid women from his and other factions with large breasts tended to defy the laws of physics.

But, a week after that, he had made the mistake of trying to teach Issei about the flaws and risks of having a Harem, and that sometimes bad things could still happen to him and the girls under his care.

It was then that he was reminded that Issei was the Sekiryutei. The boy was kin to the Dragons, even if he was genetically a human.

No, in hindsight, the way Issei went after his desires was far more like a Dragon than a human.

And whatever a Dragon sought, it obtained, one way or another.

He decided to leave the Harem topic alone after that.

Azazel had been over the moon after his first report. Both in finding out what the kid did to himself…

… And Ghost.

Baraquiel still didn't know what the new Sacred Gear, Blind Eternity, did exactly. But then again, Issei didn't seem too interested in it in the first place. The kid was more focused on learning white magic and becoming a doctor despite his rather pitiful natural ability in magic in general when he wasn't using his Sacred Gears.

… Technically.

"Thanks for the offer, but we're made of stronger stuff than you think. One more week of this isn't going to hurt anyone. You have that vacation of yours coming up, right?"

"Mmm. Okinawa. A little sun and surf out in the open. It's nice to have a kid that takes studying so seriously, but this is a bit much. The fresh air and warm weather will do him good." Ichirou smiled, but Baraquiel could tell that it was somewhat forced.

"You're not looking forward to it?"

"I'd have to be dead to not look forward to Okinawa. It's something I used to be hyped up for when I was a kid." The human snorted before sighing deeply. "No, it's… I dunno. I feel like I'm missing out on what it means to be a dad."

A thick black eyebrow rose skeptically in confusion. "I don't follow."

Ichirou took another deep gulp from his drink, gathering his thoughts in the process. "… Asami and I, we married young. Our folks both gave us some money to start a family without too much worry. My job paid well, and Asami is the proactive type, doing small jobs around town to make a bit extra for a few luxuries. We wanted to have kids early. We did research. Made preparations. Moved to a good place with low crime and good schools. We thought we were ready for everything, but, we had complications conceiving. Something to do with the hormones in her body causing an imbalance that makes it hard for fertilized eggs to stay in her uterus. I forgot the term. We tried a few times and she even got pregnant before Issei but…"

The awkward silence spoke more than a thousand screams. Miscarriage. He didn't even want to imagine what it would have been like if Shuri had ever had to go through such an ordeal.

"So, when we found out about Issei, we were overjoyed. He was our miracle. No flaws. No complications. He just, came into the world kicking and screaming his lungs out, not caring about the odds he had defied. He was, and still is, simple and honest."

Issei. Honesty. It matched the boy perfectly in hindsight. He never held back his opinion on the topics at hand, even when he should. It was one of his most outstanding qualities, in both a good and bad sense.

"I always thought." Ichirou continued. "That as a dad, I'd be there to teach my kid everything important that he should know. School. Taxes. Girls. Be there if he needs help. Be his role model in one way or another. But, Issei's… he's…"

"A genius." Baraquiel supplied.

"Independent." Ichirou corrected. "He's smart, but, it's almost like he wants to do everything by himself, that he has to. It feels like I just blinked and my boy is already studying things that I either never learned or have long since forgotten. That or the things I can do, he's already pulling off better than I ever could. All without my help. It's almost like I wasn't even needed."

"You sound disappointed."

"Words can't describe how proud I am to have such a gifted kid, and his heart's as big as it comes. But, hell, he's done so much that I missed. I didn't even know about those bank accounts he set up earlier, let alone the fact that he can already support my family better than I can. Do you know how much of a kick to the ego it was when I heard that? My nine year old son is already making more money than I am. Before even getting his first job."

"You know that there's more to parenting than teaching your child academics and finances."

"I know. But, I was supposed to be there to help with his school projects. To get him motivated to go to school. To help him master the basics that all kids need to know. You know. Dad stuff. That's part of the reason why I wanted this break. Issei's been spending more and more time studying lately. He's making absurd progress, but at what cost? His closest friend is Ophis-chan, and it's obvious that the girl isn't all that she appears to be."

Understatement of the millennia in Baraquiel's opinion, but the point still stood.

"He's trying to be a man before he even knows or understands what being a boy is all about. I can't teach him much anymore, but I still want to do at least show him how to enjoy himself. How to enjoy being around others. How to, anything. Really, I just want him to know that I'll be there for him, and that it's ok to ask for help. But more than that though, I don't want him to get used to being alone."

He looked at Baraquiel with an unreadable expression. "He says he wants a Harem, and I believe that, but, I think it originally came from the fact that he's just really lonely. He didn't start spouting endlessly about women and oppai until after his only friend here moved halfway across the planet. The idea of constantly being around women, or people his age for that matter, that genuinely care for him and be happy for the rest of your life… what part of that doesn't sound appealing to a lonely kid?"

Baraquiel looked at Ichirou with old eyes. This man so many years his junior was putting so much effort into trying to be a good father. It was hard not to admire his heart and dedication. The mortal knew that his son was vastly superior to him in so many ways, but still wanted to be there for the child because he could.

He looked at his drink in thought.

How much effort had he put into trying to raise Akeno? He cared for her. Supported her. Protected her. And Shuri. But… was her situation any different from Issei's? Akeno spent most of her time inside the small property that they lived on. Due to Shuri's family not approving of their relationship, it was rare that Akeno was allowed outside on her own or without one of her parents' supervision, meaning she had little open contact with anyone her age.

The situation was different, but the results were eerily similar.

"Looks like I'm not the only one that's worried about home." Ichirou read him like a book.

"… If, if you can get Issei to reign in some of his habits after your trip, I might consider bringing my daughter to these sessions."

"That's a big if." The human snorted, drinking from the bottle again. "You sure that it's a good idea? You know how Issei is. They might not hit it off."

"Akeno, is a lot like her mother. She's kind and understanding, but due to circumstances, she's also a bit sheltered with few friends. If we handle this right, they might be good for each other."

"… Wait, hold on. Are we suddenly playing matchmaker or…"

"As friends."

"Ok. Ok. Just checking. No need to go overprotective on me. I'm a dad too." Ichirou held up his hands in surrender.

"Mmm." Baraquiel hummed, finishing off his drink. "If nothing else, you should be proud Ichirou. There's no one that would be able to argue that Issei is your son."

Issei had spent the following week and the entire vacation excited and nervous to meet Akeno. He had bombarded Baraquiel and his parents on advice on what Akeno liked and how he should act. So much so that the last day before he went on break, he had kept Baraquiel at his home well over an hour past the time the man was supposed to leave, double and triple guessing himself in a nervous panic.

It wasn't until two weeks after he had returned from the break that he had learned that the day he had left, the Himejima-clan had killed Shuri, and Akeno had gone missing.

Two weeks later, Issei had found out in his attempts to locate Akeno and those that attacked her, that had Baraquiel gotten home just a bit sooner, he could have protected his family.

The child rarely ate or slept.

After nearly a month of doing nothing but sinking nearly everything he had into finding Akeno, Azazel had to step in personally. With the help of Ghost and Ddraig, they had managed to get the boy to ingest some sedatives while he was distracted. Issei had mastered mixing Ddraig's power with white magic on his body to the point that he could normally burn through the effects within a few seconds, but thanks to his tenants' interference he had passed out before performing the spells and using his Sacred Gears.

Azazel needed the time to seal away Issei's knowledge of the event, and scour the boy's notes and computers of any information related to Baraquiel's wife and daughter.

He knew that Baraquiel's family had died, but that was all. He didn't know how he accidentally kept the man from saving them. He didn't know that he had been excited to meet his teacher's daughter, or that he very well had been responsible for her misfortune, or that he indirectly killed someone, or his efforts to find Akeno.

He didn't even recognize Akeno's name.

Asami and Ichirou also got similar treatments just in case.

Even so, it didn't take long for people to notice that Issei had stopped asking people for help or advice anymore. If anything, he was more withdrawn and obsessed with studying than ever.

Baraquiel, didn't come to teach him again either.

o. o. o.

Omake: Even saints have their limits:

" _Come on."_

"No."

" _Come ooooooon."_

"No. Unlike you, I have no interest in death." Issei glared at his Right hand as he was escorted through the Gates of Heaven with Michel and a small entourage of other Angels.

Not only was Ghost being more obnoxious than normal, but Issei had yet to see a single harem since getting here. Wasn't Heaven supposed to be where all the virtuous souls go to when they die? Where they get their wishes granted for good behavior? Where was all of that? If going to heaven after he died meant getting blue balled out of a well-deserved harem, then maybe there was some merit into researching youth sustaining immortality after all…

" _Pleaaaaase? It'll be funny."_

"That's why I'm not letting you do it."

"What is the matter?" Michael asked the young boy curiously.

"Ghost wants to try and piss you guys off by saying something a single stupid sentence."

" _It works in over sixty percent of the Heaven's I've been in."_ The immortal was practically jumping with excitement. _"Even in the ones belonging to worlds that it should make no contextual sense."_

"I… why?" The Seraph, alongside his guards were caught completely flatfooted by the request.

"Because he's a jerk." Issei sulked.

" _It started as a joke, but wound up as an experiment that my brother roped my family into. We're contractually obligated to test this out every time we visit a Heaven. With punishment clauses and everything."_

"Your brother essentially forced you to piss off Heaven whenever you visited it?" Michael frowned in confusion.

" _Yes! Well… technically, I'd do it anyway out of habit, but the contract makes me do it in a specific way."_

"Your family's messed up. And I thought that the Greek Gods did crazy stuff." Issei summed up pretty much everyone's thoughts.

" _The Greeks? Those idiots?"_ Ghost dismissed the pantheon viciously. _"Those guys are less Gods and more an inbred family of perpetually drunk super powered college frat and sorority members that are constantly sticking their dicks into each other and weird places. Then they blame each other and everyone else for what they did when the hangover kicks in. The whole big book of Greek mythos should just be considered a guide of what NOT to do when you obtain Godhood. Bunch of fuckups if you ask me. The only reason why they're so famous is because their stories are like watching a mythological version of Jackass. It's horrible and retarded, but you just can't look away."_

Michael shook his head, already in the process of making an effort to forget what he just heard, even if he couldn't argue against it. "And here I thought Azazel was overstating your eccentricity. Lord Ghost, if you truly are obligated to test your theory out, please do so. You are among some of the elite guard of Heaven. So long as what you say isn't truly blasphemous, I doubt that we will react as you will expect."

"Uh. Can he do it when there is more distance between me and everyone here?" Issei looked around nervously. "You know, in case I have to dodge? Or run?"

" _Too late!"_ Ghost cut Michael off. _"I believe that Kevin Smith's movie Dogma is an accurate representation of Biblical mythos!"_

Shink.

Michael blinked and looked down to see that the elite Angel Guard around him had, in perfect synchronization, leveled their holy spears at Issei.

He was also curious to find that he himself had conjured a few dozen spears of his own in the air above himself, also leveled at the child. "… Huh."

" _Sixty one percent!"_

"I don't want to die yet! Even if I'm already in Heaven! Something tells me if I get the order backwards, I'm gonna get stuck in limbo because of paperwork issues!"

In hindsight, Michael would look back on that day and admit that it had been one of the most active days in Heaven for quite a while.

o. o. o.

A/N:

I hate this chapter. I really do.

*Major controversial salt storm inbound. You have been warned.*

Ok. Before I get to the parts that matter, let me just cover this one thing, because I **know** someone, somewhere, is going to have a cow about the Jew comments in this chapter one way or another, especially after all the shit that's going down in Israel, and make assumptions of me that aren't true and raise a huge stink about it.

I don't care.

When I say I don't care, I don't mean, "I don't care about Muslims" or "I don't care about religion" or "I don't care about what Israel has done" or any of that. I'm a fucking Jew living in Dearborn Michigan and I'm perfectly fine with it. I have friends here. I go out and drink at bars here. The only places you'll find more Muslims than here are in Muslim majority countries. I don't have the slightest issue with Muslim people and religion at all, or any religion for that matter. I'm normally just a very easy going guy with a fucked up sense of humor.

I'm saying "I don't care. That stuff is not part of this fictional story."

You will never, EVER, hear me promote racist bullshit along the lines of, "all "this group of people" are thieves and criminals", or "this country/culture is filled with nothing but terrorists and criminals and needs to be wiped off the face of the earth."

At the very worst, you'll only hear me say things of similar nature about the leaders of said countries, and individual groups. Because they are normally the ones driving everything to shit.

Looking at you Trump. Republican Party. Democratic Party. And the Communist Party. And Putin. Netanyahu. British Parliament. Italy. Half of the leaders of Africa. Maduro…

Fuck… no wonder the world is going to shit these days. We're letting everything fall into the hands of idiots and vicious nutjobs that don't give a shit about the bigger picture.

Personally, the only people I genuinely despise without needing a reason, are extremists.

Extremist Muslims. Extremist Jews. Extremist radicals, liberals, politicians, bankers, rulers, teachers, students, businessmen, clerics, etc. Anyone that makes assumptions and or decisions on people, problems, and topics, based on nothing but personal belief and a narrow scope of research. People that that show little effort to endorse the possible idea that their initial assumption may be wrong, and only do the bare minimum needed they think they need to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong and needs to burn for it. People that feel the need to impose their beliefs onto others by yelling, by violence, by slander, by ruing another's life in one way or another for little reason other than to prove themselves right.

Do I believe that violence should be avoided at all costs? Fuck no. There are in fact individuals out there that are better off dead for the sake of themselves and everyone around them. I am not an optimistic idiot. But I don't rush though all my options just so I can get to the violence part at light speed like I see so many people doing these days.

Dealing with life is like dealing with a pet. If you can't take care of it properly because you're a cruel or careless prick, you probably don't deserve it in the first place.

Of course, it's a different matter entirely if you're unable to take care of yourself because of reasons outside of your control. I have absolutely nothing against people that are unfortunately in situations like that. My issues are with the ones in the idiot parties that ignore common sense.

If someone asked me about the current situation in Israel, I would say things that would genuinely piss off people on _both_ sides. Things that I will not say here, other than the fact that I am, in fact, saddened by the situation and the loss of life and the excessive violence that has taken place. Why? Because I'm someone that naturally looks at everything objectively, that tries to understand the full context of the situation. It's what I do. It's one of the reasons why my stories cover so many topics and angles. There are legitimate arguments for both sides. Anyone that says that the conflict is entirely one side's fault is an idiot that's never done any genuine research before.

This chapter was something that was made in the process of months. Much of it was made _before_ the current snafu that's happening in Gaza. This includes the Israel jabs. I know the timing is poor, but, as cruel as it sounds, I'm not going to edit it because of something that most of us will probably forget about in a year or two's time.

High School DxD is heavily influenced by biblical mythology. Guess what. That includes Judaism and the Middle East, so I'm using it because they are relevant to the themes of the DxD world. I never intended to do more than a few jokes about the subject. I still intend to make jabs every now and then. But make no mistake, it is all for the sake of making jokes. Not to push any political agenda or any other sort of bullshit that some may assume.

If I wanted to depress people that badly, I'd tell them to watch the news and leave me alone.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to say on the matter and get it off my chest. If you want to say something in response to that, please don't because I won't reply. I write stories. I don't do debates.

*Salt storm over. It's safe to read again.*

So. Like I said. I hated writing this chapter. I genuinely have never had so much trouble writing a chapter before like this one.

I wrote myself into a corner. Asia. The trio of Fallen showing up. Rias and the group talking to Asami. The training. Issei's past. I had to cover all of this bullshit all at the same time. This chapter was one giant clusterfuck of an info dump, not only for the readers, but for the characters as well, and it was a BITCH to try and get it down right so it flowed properly while keeping everyone in character. Due to the fact that Issei's an unstable wreck and the topics of conversation that were at hand, I had to write and rewrite several scenes so that things wouldn't devolve into massive shouting matches or result in Issei having another breakdown.

TBH, I still don't like how it turned out exactly, but it's probably going to be as good as I can get it at this point.

As a result, it wound up being the size of one of my normal chapters, something that I was trying to AVOID for this story.

But, thankfully, it's done, and I can FINALLY get to the training chapter. Where I get to exercise my ability to be cruel and unusual to the characters for the sake of personal amusement.

And… plot. Yeah. Especially… plot.

And before anyone asks, other than Ghost, yes, I did make a couple OCs for this story. Anyone that's familiar with my writing knows that it's what I do, and I'm pretty good at it. Please be patient.

Real life's kinda been beating me over the head recently too, which held me up on top of things. My Roommate got less than a month's notice by the company to move out to California back in March, and the lease isn't up till September, so there was some chaos there. Just got a new Roommate move in last week, so that eventually ended well.

Also had to put my car in for repairs, twice, so there's a huge chunk of money gone there. I ended up walking home from work so many times that I'm covered in bug bites now. Fun.

A friend of mine here died recently. Most of us are still trying to find out what happened. It came out of nowhere and caught me and the others off guard. The guy's best friend has been MIA since. He's been taking it really hard.

And one of my co-workers just moved to a new department from out of the blue, so I'm trying to fill in for him temporarily working on experimental equipment…

Oh yeah. My birthday passed. I'm 29 now, so that's a thing.

Ghost: Hey? What's this? Is this a Platinum Trophy for God of War?

CRUNCH.

… Please ignore the Ghost that I have just crushed with a dump truck of salt.

Ghost: Oh god! It's not even real sea salt! It's that imitation exotic sea salt bullshit that those fake hipster pricks put on their food to pretend that they're eating healthier in front of other people! That makes it so much worse! Kill me! Kill me now!

So yeah. Life's been a bit of a bitch lately. Sorry if it sounds like I'm just venting to you.

On the bright side, I'm nearly done with the next chapter of FFD. Just have half a scene to two more to cover. Lots of fuzzy feels in this one. Gimme a week or two tops and it should be beta'd and out and everything.

Once again, sorry for the delay guys. It's totally on me this time.

At the very least, E3's coming up soon. Here's to Gearbox finally announcing the next borderlands. I needs me some midgets to shoot in the face.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! ALL FEAR NINJA PUPPY, HARBINGER OF SURPRISE SNUGGLES! AND REVIEW AGAIN! 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Finally the good stuff

I don't own Highschool DxD, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new abilities in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Seven Years ago:

"That guy was creepy."

" _I suggest you take a shower. For all of us. Then burn the water. Then let me burn the dredges."_ Ghost agreed, shivering enough to make the boy's arm twitch. _"I might be an insanely overpowered entity, but there are still people even I avoid like the plague if I can help it on principle."_

" **So even you have standards."**

" _Bitch, I'll make_ you _a standard."_

Azazel smirked as Issei shivered next to him as they walked out of the conference room. "Yeah, you tend to come in contact with people like that in our world kid."

"But he's a part of the Church! I thought that the ones involved in important research and holy artifacts were supposed to be, you know, pure! Either by overexposure to said holy artifacts or as a requirement to deal with them!" The boy stuck to his argument with haunted eyes.

" _Not if the guy is one of those freaks that manages used holy water. Trust me, there is nothing holy about that stuff."_

"I need an adult."

"I am an adult."

"Not according to half the people that actually know you."

" _Technically, that's still better odds than when asked that about me."_ Ghost sighed, pretending to lament his public reputation.

" **I wonder why."** Ddraig clearly wasn't wondering.

" _Oi. At least I don't give the impression that I have a hobby of hiding children in my basement like Father Excali-boner back there."_

" **That's not a particularly difficult milestone to reach."**

" _I don't see you being thankful for it."_

Azazel didn't know what to be more offended by more right now. The fact that his maturity was being compared to Ghost's, or that he had been ignored so quickly.

It had been six months since the fiasco with Baraquiel's family, and Issei was finally being cooperative enough to listen to everyone again, despite no longer remembering what had happened.

During this time, the kid had blazed through the rest of his grade school textbooks, medical texts, magic texts, and most college entrance exam practice books.

Long story short, Issei was already more prepared for college than vast majority of the guys that were already in college. He turned nine last month.

So Azazel, being the generous person he was that clearly wasn't looking for an excuse to get away from the office, had taken Issei on a bit of a road trip to find and visit some of the more, exotic, locations of education that were willing to host an over intelligent, over powered, over horny preteen with two voices in his head that accepted sponsorship from multiple factions.

Surprisingly, it was easier than it sounded. Most high level academic institutions were places of politics, but they only really cared about the outside world if either absurd amounts of money was involved, or there was an army at its doorsteps. So long as you had the gold and had something to contribute, it didn't really matter to them if you had wings, fangs, or were as squishy as any other red coat.

Oddly, it didn't take much to persuade Asami and Ichirou to let him take Issei out to explore the campuses. Both of the parents seemed to trust him for some reason after dealing with Baraquiel, and felt that their son needed some time to grow outside by himself. Not that the Governor minded, just the opposite. It made things easier for him. He just felt that the ease of it all was a bit odd.

The colleges in the underworld were out. They never took in humans as students, only as guest speakers. Thankfully, there were a surprisingly large number of mystic schools on the surface that catered to everyone. Most happened to be located either in the Middle East, or in America for a slew of reasons.

The purely magic schools didn't appeal to Issei, which narrowed down the search even further by excluding some of the bigger places like the campuses run by the major magic organizations. The kid wanted a well-rounded education so that he could live and adapt to both the mystic and human world.

This time around, Azazel and Issei found themselves in a mystic researcher's conference in the hidden part of Yale University. One of the largest of its kind if the rumors were any indication. An annual event where students and alumni would announce and present milestones and new branches of magic, theory, and discoveries of the world in the hopes to get more sponsors down the line.

Issei had been so engrossed in the event that he didn't even ask some of the very attractive women, human and not, around him if they wanted to be in his future harem when he did manage to talk to them.

It was probably for the best. The kid's approach needed some work. Even cults that catered to the absurdly insane and desperate had a better approach and success rate than Issei's tentative harem. It almost hurt to watch. Almost.

"Hah. Fine. Fine. Let's just get ready to go. You said it yourself, the next panel you wanted to see was starting soon after this one, right?" Azazel shook his head in defeat, knowing a lost argument when he saw one. Looking back at the conference room, he couldn't help but agree with Issei that the Priest at the lecture was a bit on the sketchy side, and somewhat disappointing.

The man's research was crude, to put it lightly. Issei had attended the lecture in the hopes of finding a better way to improve his alignment or compatibility with White Magic, but was left disappointed for the most part. Most of the lecture was based on extraction and transferring minute specified genetic and spiritual samples between donators and recipients in the hope that the procedure would unlock or accelerate the development of the specified attribute in the latter. True, the priest was more interested in doing so with Holy Magic specifically, but still…

To get that excited just from a theoretical question from Issei about accumulating and gestating the extracted samples from multiple donors in a concentrated culture as a theoretical different approach to the problem was just wrong.

It was one thing to see a monster or devil to make that kind of face when having an eureka moment, it was another when a priest did. It didn't help that the freak spent the rest of the session returning his attention back to Issei every few seconds.

And he was supposed to be in line to be a Bishop? Michael really must be desperate these days.

"Yeah. Let's hurry. The sooner we get away from that creepy priest, the better." Issei nodded frantically taking out the guide pamphlet and map for the campus.

"Hope this next one's more interesting." Azazel yawned. "Which one is it again?"

Issei looked up at him. "Sage and Ki Arts theory and application, and their varying effects on different species. Rumor has it that the presenter is a Nekoshou that was reincarnated into a Devil."

The leader of the Grigori's eyes flashed in mild interest. "Hooh? Sage Arts? You're right. That does sound interesting."

"And she's really pretty with big oppai!"

"Of course she is."

" _Just make sure to find out if she's a trap granny that uses the mystic arts to make herself look young."_ Ghost warned. _"Trust me kid. Those ladies play in a completely different league than what you can handle right now. And I'm not just talking about smashed pelvises."_

" **No doubt you speak from experience."**

" _All the experience! And some lawsuits! Never trust lolis! They always lie about their age! If they say they're eighteen, they're barely thirteen! If they say they're thirteen, they're pushing three millennia bare minimum! I have a chart!"_

"Doesn't Auntie O fall into that category though?"

" _The only games that one plays are her own. Best leave that one be, for all our sakes."_

"Ok… So do you think this Senjutsu lady want to be a part of the Harem?"

Azazel chuckled, amazed by the kid's one track mind. Reaching down, he ruffled the excited boy's messy hair. "One way to find out."

o. o. o.

(?)

…

"… _id…"_

 _It was fuzzy._

"… _-n't work ei-…"_

 _It was hot and fuzzy._

"… _ **-ssei! Wa-…"**_

 _His head was stuffed with cotton._

 _He didn't like it._

"… _-ve. You're com-… already?"_

 _His body didn't want to move. His nerves felt numb. His eyes hurt, making it hard to see even though there was little light. He tried to move, but he couldn't. No. Something wasn't letting him, holding his arms and legs loosely in place. Something else was on top of him too. It was heavy._

" _Nnng." He groaned, realizing that it was hard to breathe._

 _It took a bit to realize that that heavy something was on him was a person._

" _KID!" An annoying voice that wasn't annoying for once shouted in his head, only making it hurt more. The pain waking him up faster._

" _That idiot. I told him to make sure you drank it all. He knows how fast your body burns through impurities." A voice outside his skull sighed in minor frustration. It was familiar, and close. Really close. Right in front of him._

 _He opened his eyes to see White in a room of darkness. Of Black and Red._

 _Why?_

 _A hand cupped his face. It was gentle and soft, but for some reason it only made him more terrified._

" _Shhh. Shh. Don't worry Issei. I'm here. You're always be safe with me around." White crooned into his ears gently. His eyes cleared slightly._

 _Oppai. He saw oppai within arm's reach of him. Not too big, but by no means small. They were beautiful. Shaped perfectly and hanging freely right in front of his face. A flawless pink nipple positioned in just the right way so that he could take in every detail without fail._

 _He should be happy for such a sight. He should be focused on what was before him. But for some reason, the only thing his instincts were telling him to do was run. Escape. Danger._

 _His breathing began to intensify. His heart began to pound in his ears._

 _White didn't seem to notice, continuing to caress him like a lover, or a cherished pet. "I'll always be here. You know you can trust me. More than the pompous idiot. More than the crows and pigeons and fools that dress like kings. More than my meathead half-brother. More than those sluts that pretend to care…"_

 _Red. He felt and saw red below on his chest as her other hand pressed against his chest. It hurt. No. No. He knew what it was…_

 _Her hand yanked back suddenly, holding two small objects in it, blurred by his dazed eyes. "Even two rooks won't work. The highest point combination I had was still not enough. No, of course they wouldn't. Not for you, Issei. You're too good for just Rooks. But I already tried everything else. My Pawns. My Bishops. My Knights. My Queen. It's my fault. I'm too weak for someone like you. To be your King. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for being so inconsiderate."_

 _She sounded sad. Genuinely and honestly sad, as if she was lamenting her inferiority and inability to a lifelong love. Him, who was restrained and mentally addled and scared underneath her. It was a twisted regret that only made him more alarmed._

" _ **Issei! Wake up! You need to get out of there!"**_ _Ddraig roared in his mind, clearly alarmed and angry if his tone was anything to go by._

" _Get your ass moving! Albino's gone full Yandere! The useless bird was in her pocket! The Fucker drugged all of us at the party! The Gears are locked down! We can barely function like this! Get going! Now!" Ghost was yelling too, and he sounded a lot like Ddraig._

 _Ghost and Ddraig, rarely got along, and even more rarely ever sounded worried._

 _Issei's mind cleared up faster._

" _You're so magnificent, even other Dragons are trinkets to you… but the idea of leaving you by yourself, or worse, belonging to someone else that doesn't understand and respect the power you have…" A sliver of silver reached his eyes, moving up to the ceiling._

"… _It's unfortunate but I guess this really is how it turns out ultimately. It is easier to reincarnate the dead than the living. If all else fails, there are many spells that can preserve your body and soul until I'm strong enough for you."_

" _Don't worry Issei. I'll be there when you wake up."_

" _Forever."_

o. o. o.

Issei woke up.

The mouse in his hand for his computer had been crushed in his grip. It was the third one this month.

For over half a minute, he didn't move, allowing the haunting thumping of his heart to deafen his ears and blind his eyes, reassuring him that he was back in the waking world.

" **You're up."** Ddraig lamely stated, more bored than worried. It was unsurprising. This wasn't the first time that Issei's had the nightmare.

Knowing that there was no point in playing possum anymore, the teen lifted his head up from his computer desk and blinked the morning sun from his eyes, completely ignoring the screensaver half a meter away from his face showing some random bukkake orgy that caught his attention two years ago.

"How long was I out?" His question was reasonable. He normally didn't get nightmares unless he was asleep for more than three hours.

" **Five hours. All in all, it's the longest you've gone in a while."** The dragon answered simply, not bothering to ask if his host was all right. **"You might want to get ready soon. You're supposed to start making the Devils and that Fallen of yours competent today."**

"… I'm seriously contemplating going back to sleep."

" **Get up you idiot."**

"Fine. Fine." With a groan, he picked himself up from his desk and dislodged the remains of the mouse from his hand. Sleeping from a sitting position murdered his back, but he found himself doing that more than on the couch in his room or the rarely used futon in the corner.

Automatically, he went over a mental checklist of things he had to do in general.

Wash. Get dressed. Eat. Go over some basic training methods for the scrubs. Deal with the Cougar. Set the Ninja Puppy up with the computer he set up last night with the Italian to Japanese tutoring program, preferably without falling into whatever insidious traps this time, check his stocks, finish the dozen or so Porn reviews he's backlogged on, make the eight custom order sex toys that are due by next Friday, and… get back in shape.

… Wait. Shit. That means he has to prepare _that_ disgusting stuff before he leaves.

Those guys might hate him after this weekend, but at least they won't have to deal with downing only that crap for its entirety for sustenance. He's practically doing them a service!

Oh. And finish the homework that he's missed out on.

Fun.

" **Boost."**

In a flash of red light, the Boosted Gear appeared on his left forearm, in all its glory.

Flexing his fingers a bit, as if reminding himself of how it felt, Issei glanced down at the emerald jewel at the front with a calculating gaze.

Might as well prepare a bit before things get started.

*Chack Chack.*

The coiled decorations around the Boosted Gear stretched back and snapped back into place.

o. o. o.

"Where is he?"

"Calm down Sona." Rias chided, albeit just as impatient as her friend. "As grumpy as Issei is, I doubt he's one to skip out on a meeting that he set up in the first place. I think."

Standing in the middle of the Kuoh school field, the two Devil Peerages waited patiently for their supposed teacher to arrive. For the most part, most of them had spent the time catching up with one another and introducing themselves, Gasper from Rias' group and Saji from Sona's.

"So. Is he really as mean as everyone says?" Reya Kusaka, Sona's Bishop asked in a stage whisper. "I heard that Hyoudou's the type that will deck anyone that looks at him funny."

"I wouldn't go that far." Kiba laughed nervously, avoiding eye contact with the others.

"He's an idiot." Koneko deadpanned.

"Yes and no." Akeno smiled, giving no more hints than that. Clearly she enjoyed teasing others.

"Not really." Gasper was the only one that seemed to be on Issei's side. "He just… likes to be left alone. If anything, he's more the type that wants to avoid trouble and attention than anything. It annoys him when people try to make their problems his."

Judging from the reactions from the rest of Rias' group, he was right.

"… He's still a jerk." Koneko held her ground.

Gasper remained uncomfortably quiet, dropping his head in acknowledgement.

"Sona, is something the matter?" Rias looked at her uncomfortable friend suspiciously. "You've been rather disquiet since last night. Does it have to do with what he said about Serafall-sama?"

Sona twitched, all but giving away at least part of her answer. "… Rias, you know things about Sirzechs-sama that the rest of the world doesn't. As his close sister."

"Of course. Nii-sama is family. He is always open with us whenever he can." Rias frowned. "Are you saying that Issei is aware of something similar with your sister?"

The student body president crossed her arms in a way that made it look like she was hugging herself. "Nee-sama, despite her personality… no, because of it, is a surprisingly private person with regard to certain things. Things that she holds close to her chest."

Things that she did not like speaking about. Things that exceptionally few people were aware of.

"And you're worried that he knows of them?" Rias frowned.

"I, don't know. I'm more surprised than anything still. I'm still processing it to be honest. Nee-sama's, surprisingly complicated." Sona looked like she really didn't know if she should be talking about this but was doing so regardless.

"That seems to be the summarizing story of nearly everyone these days." The redhead sighed, dropping the subject. She knew better than to press for information when it came to the Satans, and Sona would hold a grudge if anything sensitive was learned, even by accident.

"… Sorry. I'll try to keep my worries to myself." The Sitri breathed deeply, unconsciously resembling a certain Sekiryuutei, and calming herself down. "You have enough concerns to occupy yourself with."

Rias frowned. "I would have appreciated it if you didn't remind me of that."

Sona opened her mouth to say something before turning in another direction entirely. "They're here."

Indeed, casually walking across the field was Issei, followed in tandem by a half asleep Raynare if her eyes and unkempt hair was any indication. Both were dressed in casual clothing that could double as workout clothes if needed.

"You're late." Rias stated, albeit with a smile.

"This idiot kept on moving in and out of the house through the windows all morning. Trying to avoid the big bad "Ninja Puppy" like she carried the plague." Raynare yawned. "Moron tripped on the edges and fell face first into the bushes twice. Then we took the long way here because "the evil" would expect us to take the direct route."

It didn't help that the first thing he saw when she woke up that morning was him looming over her bed from her window. She literally kicked him out of the house for that.

"I will not be caught off guard again." Issei's eye twitched, glowing with dedication, not bothering to greet anyone. "Who knows what insidious and evil plans the Ninja Puppy is up to as we speak?"

o. o. o.

"A. I. U. E. O. Ka. Ki. Ku. Ke. Ko. Ga. Gi. Gu. Ge. Go… Za?"

"Sa." Asami corrected Asia, the latter trying hard to memorize the Katakana alphabet from the computer that had been left for her.

"Ah. Sorry."

"Don't worry. Japanese is hard to learn for foreigners."

"Moh. I'll work hard. You've been so kind to me. Issei-san even got me this computer. I owe him so much already."

" _This girl, is adorable."_ Asami had to hold back her tongue as the young former nun looked at her with eyes of determination and unintended cuteness. _"Ok. New plan. Step one. Get Issei to get used to her. Step two. Daughter in law."_

o. o. o.

"Eeevillll." Issei hissed, completely unaware that he was aiming his paranoia at the wrong female currently in his home.

Reya looked at the others accusingly. "… Why didn't any of you warn us he was crazy?"

Akeno shrugged. "We thought that Sona told you by now."

"EVIL!"

"Are you certain the nun merely hugged him last night?" Sona glared Rias.

"EVIL HUG!"

Raynare smacked him upside the head.

"Are you certain you should be surprised by his reaction to being hugged from out of nowhere?"

Sona wisely kept quiet.

While everyone was finishing whispering to one another, Issei began to stretch, completely ignoring Raynare moving to the side of both parties and any looks he was getting.

"I assume we are going to start out with exercising?" Rias assumed, watching him get ready.

Issei, snapped out of his paranoid ranting, shook his head. "Nope. Gonna establish the pecking order."

It was the casual way that he said it that sent an ominous feeling of foreboding down the spines of Rias' peerage. They all knew by now that there was always more to Issei's words than at first glance. Even if he did look ridiculous as he continued with his basic stretching.

And stretching.

And stretching.

"Anytime you're ready." Tomoe Meguri, Sona's knight muttered.

"Oi. Unlike some people, I'm still mostly human. Gimme a break. I'm not designed to go full throttle at a moment's notice."

"Are you sure that we are going to get stronger by training under him?" Tsubasa Yura, Sona's rook asked. She felt like she was watching a comedy rather than someone prepare to fight after their supposed teacher started to do squats.

"Don't look at me." Sona glared at Rias, who had the decency to look embarrassed and was blushing in tandem.

Issei's shameless display continued on for a few more minutes before he seemed to finally have enough and addressed the clearly annoyed Devils, standing tall with his hands behind his back. "Ok! Two or three of you, come up so I can humiliate you guys!"

"Is he for real?" Saji deadpanned, not impressed at all.

"He's a real idiot." Koneko answered, stepping up while cracking her knuckles. She was going to enjoy this.

"I'm more interested in seeing if he's the real deal." Tsubasa walked up to join her fellow rook.

"I'll join you, if only to balance things out." Kiba sighed, materializing a sword in hand.

"Whatever you four do, don't go overboard." Sona ordered. "We are still on school property. Whatever damages are made are on your heads."

The Devils flinched. Issei yawned, looking like he didn't hear her at all.

The two sides stared at one another. One in caution. The other in boredom.

"… Are you guys gonna move or not?"

Provoked by his bored question, the two Rooks and the Knight moved instantly. Kiba surrounding Issei to flank his rear while the two girls charged from the front in a classic pincer. The Devils moved at vastly higher speeds than what any human could ever accomplish, finding themselves nearly on top of their target within seconds, faster than most humans would ever have time to react and prepare adequately…

" _And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head: go up, thou bald head._

 _And he turned back and looked o them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them"_

It was a beautiful voice. One of care and nurturing. One of love and longevity, despite the ridiculousness of the words that were spoken.

It made their ears bleed. Literally.

"Haaaaaa?!" At the first words of the sermon, all the Devils there collapsed onto the ground, holding their ears and desperately trying to subdue the violent migraine that was plaguing their skulls. Kiba in particular had wound up skidding on the ground via his stomach, unable to control his fall after moving so fast.

All from the recording on his cell phone being played at a modified max volume held above his head like a loudspeaker.

"I-Issei?! What are you doing?!" The voice itself wasn't loud from where she was, but Rias had to yell regardless, if only to be able to hear herself think through the pain.

What she didn't expect was for the young man, surrounded front and back by Devils, to pull out his other arm, and reveal a hand gun that she had not seen before…

… And then point it not at his opponents, but in her and Sona's direction.

It was an exorcist's gun.

The world stopped. Both Kings knew genuine fear, even if they didn't recognize it at first.

Their hearts froze. Their eyes dilated. They had even for a moment forgotten the pain they were in.

But they still couldn't move.

All they could do was stare down the barrel of the gun.

BANG!

The gun fired off, and for the briefest of moments, Rias thought that the skipping of her heart meant that she had been hit.

It was only later that she and the others realized that the projectile had passed right between the two Kings.

"NO!"

Kiba and Koneko lurched forward, trying to get Issei before he could fire off another shot, while Akeno gathered her magic to join the assault. Sona's peerage was for the most part joining in as well, their reaction time a few moments slower than their comrades'. The pain didn't matter. Their agony didn't matter. The rules didn't matter. The boy had just done something unforgiveable.

"And stop." And with that, the sermon ended as Issei lazily pressed the pause button on his cell phone, flipping the gun in his hand around to deftly catch the sword that Kiba swung at his chest. He would have been split in two if he had not moved in time.

"Why should I do that after what you just did?" The swordsman asked coldly, pressing is blade forward to genuinely harm Issei, no longer smiling.

He made a mental note that not only had Issei managed to keep up with his speed, but that the bastard was somehow strong enough to block his strike fairly easily despite being just a human wielding a weapon not designed for close combat. All the while looking as if he was barely paying attention to anything.

"Because everyone is looking the wrong way." It was the obviousness of his tone that gave him, and everyone else pause.

"What are you blabbering about now, dead man?" Tsubasa cracked her knuckles menacingly.

"I believe he's talking about me."

The Devils blinked in confusion at the voice before remembering that it belonged to Raynare.

And then they remembered about Raynare. The Fallen Angel that was not a part of either peerage that had a distain for Devils.

Who was currently flying slightly behind them.

With several dozen holy spears primed and ready to fire straight at Rias and Sona.

"You have no idea how temped I am to take such an easy shot." It was only because he had let her in on the plan that she had even bothered to get up this early willingly.

She was probably going to hate him later regardless, but at the very least, he knew how to sweet talk a girl with what she liked.

When Issei had claimed that he was going to "humiliate them", he wasn't talking about the people he was going to supposedly fight against. He had meant that he was going to humiliate them all.

Rias and Sona realized that this wasn't going to be a conventional training session.

o. o. o.

"Your situational awareness sucks. No. It's borderline non-existent."

Issei was standing in front of the Devils, looking down on all of them as if they were gradeschoolers. Raynare on the other hand, was standing to the side with her arms crossed, enjoying the show.

"I'm not doing this to train you to be stronger. Any idiot that has a decent amount of power and combat experience under their belt could do that. Scratch that, I expected you to be at least somewhat capable in that field in the first place, being related to the Maou and all. But I also expected you to at least show some competency when it came to battle and knowing what to do when caught off guard."

"You gave us the impression that we were going to be stronger from this gathering." Rias feebly tried to defend herself and the others.

"I am. By beating all those half assed self-entitled assumptions out of you scrubs so the odds of you not dying increases. Any tricks you might learn by the end of this will just be a convenient bonus." Issei held back no punches. "When the sermon started playing, all of you should have instantly been on the defensive. It didn't matter if I was only supposed to fight three of you. When you find yourself in a debilitating situation, you either resolve it or get out of there as soon as possible. Otherwise, you're probably gonna die."

"You two." He pointed to Akeno and Tsubaki. "Are Queens. You are supposed to be there to protect your Kings no matter the cost at all times. When you saw that I was a threat to the Weeb and the Enabler, you should have either gotten your charges out of harms' way, or been in my way. That goes the same for the Rooks. You are designated meat shields for your groups. If you see something dangerous coming your way, your first reaction should be to throw yourselves into it so that the others don't have to deal with it directly. If you can't do that, your next thought should be to protect either your King or the closest Peerage member to you. I saw neither meat, nor shields from either of you."

"I'll show you meat…" Koneko's hands twitched in a violent way that betrayed very violent thoughts.

"Pawns! Bishops!" Saji, Gasper, Reya, Momo, and Ruruko Nimura sat up straight. "Your jobs are to scout out any additional enemies and possible spells coming from any direction that the others are not focusing on! You should have been out on guard for the Cougar the instant you knew something was wrong! Feel the Cougar! Expect the Cougar! Fear the Cougar! For she will not let go once her greedy claws are in you until she tears out your very soul or you pay for her food!"

"Oi asshole! I'm right here!"

"Ignore the Cougar!"

"At least someone's getting into this." Saji deadpanned.

Pow!

"Gah!"

"Knights!" Issei ignored Saji grabbing his forehead in pain from a mysterious pebble that had moved at terminal velocity right into his skull. "You are supposed to be the first responders! The fast units! When something goes wrong, you are supposed to be the first to notice any threats in the immediate vicinity and run interference so the rest of your Peerage can regroup and get their shit together! Man-slave half assed his job by focusing only on me instead of assuming that there might be something else nearby or that there may be another trap!"

"Man-slave" did not like being called out for his mistakes.

"I saw none of any of that from any of you! Those procedures are not examples of "well trained" behavior. Those are supposed to be expected, standard reactions, basic maneuvers that are so ingrained into all of you that you shouldn't even have to think about it. I anticipated Dio and the Runt wouldn't have developed them yet, but to see none of you do even that much is just fucking embarrassing. I don't even need my Sacred Gear in order to wipe the floor with you."

"That's easy for you to say." Ruruko scowled. "You have that recording on your cell phone that makes our skulls split apart."

Rias and Sona frowned in agreement, but also some confusion. Members of the Church have been known to recite passages of the holy bible to paralyze Devils before, but recordings rarely have had much significant effect on them. For Issei's phone to put them all down so easily was… abnormal.

"You mean this?" Issei waggled his phone in front of them. "My handy dandy recording of Gabriel reciting some of the dumbest passages from the bible in case I am surrounded by a large numbers of Devils that want to kill me to make things easier because I actually put an effort into being prepared because I'm _not_ an idiot?"

He had pulled a LOT of strings to get that recording, and it had been worth every second spent and every dirty glare he got from some of the Angels in Heaven.

"There is no way in HELL that's Gabriel." Raynare accused, unwilling to believe him.

"Because she's from Heaven. Duh. Who else can recite bible passages so effectively that even a recording of their voice causes Devils to reenact that one scene of Raiders of the Lost Arc?"

Ruruko held her ground. "That still doesn't change anything. You would have easily lost if it weren't for that.

The Sekiryuutei lifted an eyebrow skeptically, as if saying "oh really?", before breathing in deeply.

Just like every other time he had forcibly calmed himself down.

Or at least, at first it did.

It didn't take long for the others to notice that his jaw seemed to twitch under his skin in a way that certainly did not belong to human biology.

Before anyone could ask about it however, Issei exhaled.

Fire.

A lot of it.

Crimson flames, a deep hue that almost matched Rias' hair pooled out in front of the Devils, smothering them in oppressing heat, but never travelling towards them. Instead, the inferno gathered and grew, larger and larger into a titanic fireball over ten meters in diameter that remained in place…

… Until it began to sprout legs. And a tail. And a head.

Before they all knew it, a giant burning dragon made of pure fire bore down on all of them.

"Cough! Cough Cough!"

And Issei was hacking his lungs out behind it, totally ruining the impression he probably had been going for.

Then again, no one expected his mouth to suddenly be slightly larger and his teeth to be fanged.

o. o. o.

When Issei claimed that he was mostly human, he meant it literally.

Apparently, at some point he had replaced his entire respiratory system with that of a Dragon's.

Lungs. Throat. Mouth. Tongue. Jaw. Teeth. Nasal passage. Trachea. The whole lot.

He claimed that at the time, he thought it would be easier to hide the changes to the unknowing public, unlike, say, if he had replaced an arm or his eyes with that with a Dragon's. That and it would help him control his natural fire breath a bit better.

Changing the heart apparently eventually lead to a complete hybridization, and other possible health risks, so that had been out. Plus, the success rate for that particular transformation was dangerously low.

All in all, it didn't grant him any particularly special abilities outside of a heightened sense of smell and increased his ability to breathe absurd amounts of high quality fire that he could manipulate. And hold his breath really long and get more oxygen into his system.

Oh. And he could bite people really really hard if he felt like it.

On the down side, it had ironically made controlling his fire breath harder to control, not easier. Stronger, but much harder.

Right now though, said fire breather was crouched on the ground with a cloudy aura hovering over him, drawing circles on the ground and crying waterfall tears.

"Can't believe I can't even breathe fire without losing control anymore. I only stopped practicing anything intense for five years. I shouldn't have gotten that bad. Auntie O said that it was like riding a bike, but I still screwed up. I really am the worst. Scum. An embarrassment to all dragons everywhere. Everyone was right. I should just die already."

Neither the Devils, nor Raynare really knew how to approach this issue.

Mostly because the fire dragon was standing guard between the two parties.

Issei might have been embarrassed by his faux pas, but his creation was still exceptionally strong. No one was able to get even close to him without being overwhelmed by the heat the monster's body gave off.

"Um. Issei-sempai? Are you ok?" Gasper hesitantly asked, tilting his head to the side to get a better look at his senior.

"I swear. This hasn't happened in years."

"Fufufufu." Akeno giggled. "Oh my. It sounds like Issei has some quite glaring inadequacies, doesn't it?"

"I'm normally better at this."

"Sure you are." Momo clearly didn't believe him.

"It's true."

"Whatever you say." Reya didn't care.

"I could set the entire school on fire at once if I wanted. No. The entire town."

"Stop making up stories. You're not impressing anyone." Koneko's words shot him through his heart.

"I'm just out of practice. That's all."

"And whose fault is that?" Sona asked, accusingly.

"Please tell me I'm not the only one that can see how bad of a joke this is." Saji deadpanned.

"Auntie O is gonna kill me. Nee-san's gonna laugh at me. If Ass-man ever hears of this, he'll never let me live this down." Issei spiraled even deeper into depression. "I can hear him already. Hey tits for brains. I guess you finally fell to the point that you really are full of hot air. I don't need to fight you now. I just need to wait for you to set yourself on fire again. Don't worry, I'm merciful. You won't die. I'll kick you out before you roast yourself all the way."

Momo turned to Sona. "Is he imitating someone else insulting him, or is he doing it to himself at this point?"

"Most likely? Yes."

"Ah. This place has a bunch of nice trees. Nice strong branches that I can tie a rope to that can hold a human body, save everyone the effort…"

"How did he get to suicide that fast?!" Gasper shouted.

"Do it." Koneko prodded, staring at Issei intensely as if commanding him with her mind. "Jump."

"Ara. Koneko-chan. I'm disappointed in you," Akeno chided, though it was hard to take her seriously with the slightly more eager smile that she had on. "You have to wait until he's actually near the edge before saying such things."

"Hyoudou. I'd appreciate it if you didn't contemplate killing yourself on school property." Sona ordered him in a demanding tone, completely serious.

"You do know that…" Raynare looked at Sona skeptically.

"I know what I said."

"Just checking."

"Doesn't anyone else think that this is getting a bit much?" Rias laughed nervously, one of the few people that wasn't feeling particularly vindictive against Issei at the moment.

"No." Several voices denied her immediately from both Peerages.

"He made our ears bleed." Reya stated hostilely.

"Uh." Saji lifted up a finger. "Not that I don't understand why you're pissed at him, but do you guys really think it's a smart idea to say those things where the giant dragon made of literal fire he made can hear us?"

It was at that point that said giant dragon made of literal fire growled. Whether it was making a point or because it was taking offence to their insulting Issei was anyone's guess.

"You make a valid point Saji." Sona's expression remained completely serious. "Good work."

"I'm happy to be praised, but, please don't for stating something like this."

Having enough of the (maybe) jokes, Rias slowly started to walk around the Dragon to get a better look at her temporary teacher. She didn't miss how the monster was keeping track of her movements with a suspicious glare. "Issei? Are you ok? Are you that embarrassed about what happened?"

Judging from the growing cloud of depression hovering over him, the answers to her questions were, in order, no, and a fat yes.

"I-is it that bad? You said it yourself, you haven't breathed fire for years. It shouldn't be surprising that you're a bit rusty. I'm sure it doesn't happen all the time." She tried to salvage the situation as best she could.

"If you stopped using your Power of Destruction for a few years, would you still be rusty?" Issei sulked, returning his attention to drawing on the ground.

She couldn't answer that without making the situation worse. Devils' lifespans last for millennia if things were good. Getting rusty at using one of their strongest abilities simply because they didn't use it for a few years was unheard of.

"I'm not like you guys. I don't have any natural talent in anything except for my fire breath. Anything else I can do is either from my Sacred Gear or something I had to develop with no original talent in."

Magic. Medicine. Even fighting in general. Everything he could do remotely well were things that he had no aptitude for. No, rather, he was a person that lacked aptitude in general. The only reason why he was able to do them to the degree of proficiency that he had was due to a mix of his abnormal obsession giving him extreme focus, and the Boosted Gear to magnify his learning curve and growth rate.

On a scale of one to ten in terms of natural talent, where ten was a once in a century prodigy, and one was essentially a cripple, Issei sported at best a three to four in most subjects, if he was lucky. Ki would only rank slightly better at a five, but that was only due to the large amount he had. In terms of control, he was naturally just as bad in that department as everything else.

It was only due to his cheating studying methods and obsessive focus when he was younger that enabled him to perform White Magic and a select few other spells at the skill level of a level five or six now, but that was the absolute highest he'd ever get. His theoretical knowledge was much higher than that, but his body had limits that no amount of training would surpass.

His fire breath was the only natural talent he had that could be considered above a five.

Even if he hadn't practiced it extensively, his abilities with it should actually be around _nine_ at the very least. If he had practiced and trained this power for years on end, he probably would have been able to match whoever was the current user of Incinerate Anthem in a straight up literal firefight. The Longinus Sacred Gear that was the cross that Christ had been killed on, and widely considered to be the most powerful fire type Sacred Gear out there.

If he had been a full blooded dragon at birth, Issei would no doubt have had his name travel far and wide as a dragon with abnormally hot and destructive fire.

That's how absurdly powerful and important it was to him. It was a key pillar to his already unstable confidence, something that Issei could say that he was actually good at without help or unnatural training methods, outside of replacing his respiratory system with a Dragon's in the first place.

Even if he had never desired to burn anyone or anything in his life, it was something he had taken pride in.

It was a key pillar that had just been littered with cracks on the discovery that he couldn't use it well anymore.

" **Damn it. Not again. Issei. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're embarrassing both of us in front of a bunch of weaklings."** Ddraig groaned, trying to snap the boy out of another one of his episodes.

"Wow. He's really going deep down the rabbit hole this time." Raynare hummed, more curious than interested in his depressing self-assessment.

"He's been like this before?" Saji asked.

"A couple of times, but not this bad." The fallen nodded her head to the depressed teen. "I was wondering when he'd have a breaking point. He's a hikikomori that's been forced out of his hiding spot. He was bound to snap at some point. Didn't think he'd loose it for something this stupid though."

"Aaah. Now even the useless Cougar's looking down on me. I really am pathetic."

"Hold that thought." Raynare stepped forward, materializing a corrupted spear of light in hand.

That was as far as she got though, as the giant flaming Dragon was suddenly right in front of her, growling deeply at a frequency that made everyone's bones rattle.

"It's independent?" Sona frowned. She could summon water and shape it into animals herself, but even so, her creations could not act separate of her will. Doing so required an absurd amount of talent and knowledge in several fields of magical arts.

Among the younger devils of nobility, she was renowned for her control over her powers. Even so, she was unable to manifest fully autonomous elemental constructs. Yet.

But, Issei could. While supposedly "rusty" no less.

Damn it. He just had to show genuine worth.

"Hyoudou. We did not come to you for practical education. We came for theoretical, one that we can apply in the future. How able you are in your own abilities does not interest me. Do not tell me that you came to us unaware of what you going to teach us in the first place. Even I doubt that you are that sloppy."

"Of course I did. I'd look stupid if I didn't." He sulked.

"You always look stupid." Koneko deadpanned.

"Ara. Could it be that you actually care about how people see you, Issei?" Akeno asked with a sly grin.

Judging from the flinch and growing cloud over him, she was right.

Rias frowned and crossed her arms. He was sensitive about how others saw him? But all he did was push people away. The only other thing he did was… oh.

Oh.

It was starting to make sense now.

All he did was push people away, and make everyone think that he could take care of himself. That he didn't want help. That he didn't _need_ help.

Rather, that there was no _reason_ to help him.

She remembered his ranting from the previous week after the fighting. About how he would just get dragged into things if they didn't get stronger. The training was another way to try and give them another reason to leave him alone. To make them strong enough that they didn't need his help.

He wasn't cruel enough to just make them go away though. Just the opposite. He was too kind to just let them go and possibly get hurt. Ultimately, he was trying to satisfy both what he wanted and what they supposedly needed.

Asami was right. Gasper was right. Issei was at heart a kind person. He just didn't want anyone to know it now. He was terrified of what would happen if he did get close to others again. If people trusted him, they would try to help him. Be close to him. Which was what he didn't want… or at least, he thought he didn't want it.

"… Honestly. You're such a handful." Rias sighed, crossing her arms, finally getting to the crux of the matter. Another piece to the puzzle that was Issei Hyoudou had fallen into place, but there were many more that were missing. "Issei. How much longer are you going to sulk there for? Didn't you say something about training yourself too? The more time you waste, the less ground you're going to catch up while we are here."

"Don't tell me he was going to make more of these things." Saji slowly stepped away from the fire dragon.

"I was gonna practice using my Sacred Gear when everyone was busy. I didn't think I needed to practice using my fire. The Enabler wouldn't let me practice fire magic at the school anyways, so I didn't bother to plan for it." Issei sounded like a child that had just realized he had made a big mistake and everyone was angry at him.

"He's not wrong." Sona shifted her glasses, reflecting the daylight sun off of them. There was no way in hell she was going to let someone practice destructive magic at her school. Hell, she didn't even let Rias or anyone from her Peerage do it. "… You were going to practice using your Sacred Gear here?"

"I wasn't gonna break anything. I was just gonna use the school field and cast a cloaking spell so no one would see what I was doing." He muttered, cheeks puffed out like a child. "I don't wanna train, but I have to. It's gonna suck. My way of fighting's a pain to get right. Especially since I haven't practiced in a while and my body's grown. I gave myself a concussion using it earlier by accident. Aaah. All the things I'm supposed to be good in, I suck at now…"

"Even porn?" Raynare ran her mouth before her mind could even catch up.

It was like a reset button had been pressed.

SNAP!

Issei's head whipped around so viciously that they could hear the bones in his neck crack. His face was scrunched up in rage, cosmetically so since his teeth were actually pointed now and his tongue was slightly longer than normal. It was so bizarre a sight that one could even claim he looked cartoonish.

"BLASPHEMY! SACRILEGE! NON BELIEVIER! HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST I FORGO MY DEDICATION TO PORN!?"

"And he's back." Saji sighed.

"At least we now know a way to snap him out of his depression faster the next time this happens." Momo agreed.

"Why?" Koneko asked, genuinely baffled by the prospect.

"Fufu. I must admit, he is quite amusing when he gets worked up over little things like that. When you aren't the one being yelled at, at least." Akeno giggled.

"Am I the only one here that heard his neck snap?" Gasper asked, slightly concerned. "It was pretty loud. Anyone?"

No one bothered to answer him.

Rias sighed as Issei continued to tirade at Raynare like a man possessed. Oh well. This works too. She supposed that she would just have to inquire and investigate Issei's peculiar personality later. There was no need to rush.

o. o. o.

"So that whole deep breath thing you do wasn't just because you're on the verge of going postal on us all the time?" Saji frowned in confusion.

"Oh no. I'm totally unstable." Issei waved him off with one hand while using the other to heal the minor fractures in his spine that had been made earlier. "I was doing these breathing exercise long before I went nuts. It was to practice controlling my breath. You have no idea how many times I accidentally set stuff on fire when I first altered my respiratory system. It's just convenient that breathing this way doubles as a calming exercise. If I get too heated up, I still might start spewing out tongues unconsciously."

So many unfortunate porn magazines burnt to a crisp in a brief moment of excitement. Don't worry. Your sacrifices were not in vain. Your memories will not be forgotten.

And you bed. And other bed. And work bench. And kitchen table. And college acceptance letter. And tax bills. And text books. And the local playground. And mom's garden. And lunch and…

"That's nice and all." Sona frowned. "But do you really have to keep that thing around?"

"That thing" Sona was referring to was Issei's fire dragon, who was simply sitting on the grounds a short distance away as if nothing was wrong.

Despite being made out of fire, it surprisingly had yet to immolate anything. Unlike its creator, the beast itself was quite docile.

Wait. It wasn't just sitting. It was distracted by the birds chirping in the distance, its tail flickering about, betraying its interests.

Oh boy. He was having second thoughts about leaving it out to make a point later on. At the rate things were going, the dragon was going to forget where it was and possibly set fire to some things that should not be set on fire.

And then he'd have to pay for it.

Meaning more work.

… Again.

" **Aren't you still paying off the debt from that time one of them got overly curious and destroyed some of Azazel's test equipment?"**

Yeah. No. He learned his lesson the first time.

"Fine. Fine. I'll make the child go away so he doesn't cause any trouble." With a quick whistle and some quick orders, he told the dragon to dissipate itself. Surprisingly, the monster actually looked slightly sad at the command before complying.

"Child?" Akeno blinked in confusion, as did several others. It was an odd word choice for someone like Issei to use in general. It was almost as if he treated the construct as an individual in its entirety.

"Now that we've gotten introductions out of the way, and you made your… point," Rias struggled to find the right word to describe what had just happened over the past ten minutes, "how do you intend to train us? You sound like this is going to last for just the weekend. I don't see how any of us could make significant progress in only a couple of days."

Issei shrugged. "Same way I was taught. Via multitasking, longterm multistage projects, and humiliating experiences that you will suppress for the rest of your lives."

Fuck you Ghost. Fuck you long after Fuck you is no longer a thing.

With a stick.

"Can I opt out of this?" Saji lifted his hand, completely unashamed by his request.

His fellow Peerage members grabbed onto him with death in their eyes. "If we suffer, you suffer too."

"Damn it."

"Oh quit being such a pussy. At least the bastard driving you nuts isn't in your soul and can fuck with you while you're asleep."

All the Devils and Raynare stared at Issei.

"Sacred Gear." He lifted up his right arm wrapped in a holy shroud.

"Oh." Rias knew of several Sacred Gears with spirits in them that could drive their hosts insane, but that didn't narrow down what Issei had by much.

"So, how are you going to make us all miserable, exactly?" Sona didn't hold back her disapproval of what was to come next.

Issei rolled his eyes. "First, I'm going to examine all of you to find out what the heck you can actually do. Then I'm going to give you all long term projects, tasks, and subjects to study to actually diversify your skillset. Things that you're going to waste time on long after this weekend. Then, only after all of that, and I start running the Cougar into the ground, I'm going to annoy the fuck out of every one of you when you least expect it so that eventually all of you will be somewhat aware of your surroundings at all times."

"What was that about running me into the ground?"

Sona and the others blinked for a moment. Outside of that last part, Issei's plan actually sounded useful. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Nothing outlandishly unreasonable? No absurd training routines to push us past our limits?"

"Does this look like a scene from some cheap movie or half assed anime? Even if you are Devils working with magic and all that bullshit, it doesn't mean that everything related to training has to be flashy or life altering or push you to the brink of death. Nine times out of ten, simpler ways to train are the most useful. You just have to be creative enough to know what to train and look for in the first place."

The Devils didn't know how to react to that. His surprisingly tempered approach to their development was unexpected.

"If you're all done questioning me in your thoughts, we can start. Oi. Runt. You're up first."

Saji paled. "What? Why me? You spend more time with the Gremory's peerage than mine."

"Because you're just turned and I need to see if anything was overlooked. Now get your ass over here."

"Overlooked?" Sona didn't like the way Issei had just talked about her Pawn's condition. While she might not dote over her Peerage like Rias did, she did not skimp out on their health or treatment. "I hope you are not insinuating anything about me or the way I treat my subordinates."

"I'm not. I'm making a jab about Devils and those in the upper class in general." Issei didn't bother looking at her as Saji reached him. "Ok. Now look straight forward."

"What do you mean by that exactly?" Rias was confused.

"Deep slow breaths." Issei instructed as his hands glowed with white magic, feeling Saji's neck. "I mean that the Devil upper class has a tendency of ignoring or forgetting that reincarnating has on people with Sacred Gears and individuals that come from different mythical backgrounds and species have unusual or adverse effects on their health."

"Forgetting?" Sona didn't like the sound of that, nor did she remember hearing anything of this nature when she was studying to be the King of a Peerage in the first place.

"Follow the light with your eyes. Not your head." Issei held up a finger that was now glowing as if a light bulb was under his skin, and moved it in various directions. "Take the Runt for example. Most Sacred Gear users that don't have their trinkets awake when they are reincarnated have their entire beings jolted shocked. It's an aftereffect of applying a Devil spin directly to something from God's system. Accessing their gears for the first time is easier, but it also sometimes sets up some spiritual road blocks further down the line, and makes some hurdles even more of a pain in the ass to get over. Runt has a Dragon type Sacred Gear, which… one second, yes, was essentially half forced awake after being reincarnated."

"Is that going to be a problem?" Sona was suddenly worried. It wouldn't do if she had accidentally crippled her Pawn in some way.

"It might be nothing, it might mean he'll have to die half a dozen times or get traumatized to insanity before unlocking Balance Breaker. It's too soon to tell."

"Traumatized to insanity?" Saji paled. "Balance Breaker?"

Issei pointedly ignored him. "Mix all of that with the fact that all these changes happened when he's in the middle of puberty, and you have the perfect setup for potential development complications. It would not be unexpected for him to end up being more aggressive and emotional as a result of so many internal changes firing off simultaneously. Not to mention that his sweat and odor glands will instantly be pouring out modified dragonic hormones at abnormal rates. I wouldn't be surprised if half of the Enabler's Peerage winds up at least somewhat infatuated with him by the time summer ends if he spends enough time with them."

"Wait. What?" Tsubaki blinked in surprise. Many of the other girls with her were of a similar mindset.

"And of course you guys wouldn't be warned about such issues, because most Devils don't even bother recognizing or acknowledging them in the first place." Issei sighed, moving his hands to Saji's chest, hands glowing once more. "Devils. Angels. Fallen. The Judeo Christian religions all originate from the Middle East, branching out West and South to Europe, the Americas, and Africa in one way or another. Your magic is based, if not linked to those systems in one way or another. It does not, however, work nearly as well when applied to those that originate from the Eastern Pantheons. Beel's scary good, but even he isn't _that_ good."

Rias worriedly glanced at Koneko briefly. "What sort of issues could come up from reincarnating people from those areas?"

"Depends on what their powers and natures are like. It might be nothing, it might be crippling. Either way, even if it's the latter, it's likely that the Devil upper class would just sweep it under the rug to keep themselves from looking bad. More so if it's in order to hide their own personal fuckups. Conveniently, any "problem" peerage members that aren't meeting expectations can just be chucked off in the middle of nowhere, declared Stray Devils, and then taken care of as someone else's problem. You'd be surprised how many underground groups have turned that into an actual business. They even have competing prices and Christmas specials. Sadistic pricks think they're being witty with that one."

There was more than one Peerage member there that was stunned by his statement. And as much as Rias wanted to refute his claim, even she knew that there were Devils out there that did not treat their underlings with care.

"You sound quite certain of this. I take it you have examples of these supposed controversies?" Sona couldn't deny that what Issei said was possible, no, it was expected. But even she had yet to hear of anyone significant laying the blame on their Peerage members for something they did. Then again, she and Rias didn't exactly go out of their way to learn of such unsavory incidents in the first place.

"I have a list. But I guess the biggest recent example that you'd recognize is Kuro." Issei yawned. It was a partial lie. The biggest one would be him, but Kuro's was more recent. "Runt, where does your Sacred Gear show up?"

"Right arm."

"Mmm."

"Kuro?" The sinking feeling in Rias' stomach grew in magnitudes. She really hoped that Issei wasn't talking about who she thought he was.

"That SS ranked stray cat that drove half the Devil World nuts after she offed her King. Kuro." He verified simply with a shrug.

"You mean Kuroka? The Nekoshou? The one that went mad with power using Senjutsu?" Sona clarified, unwilling to look at Koneko.

"Nekoshou? Yes. Horny as fuck black cat that keeps throwing her panties in my face whenever she has a chance? Yes. Mad with power using Senjutsu? Not in this millennia." Issei deadpanned.

He wasn't joking about the panties either. It was practically her way of greeting him. If there was underwear in his face, Kuro was nearby.

In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if she still wore underwear just to do that in the first place.

"You know her?" Rias blinked in surprise.

"Know her? Weeb, I'm the one that healed her from death's door when she first escaped the underworld. Nearly killed her myself when she triggered half the alarms in my house and collapsed bleeding out at my front steps."

Even he was surprised by his own actions that day. It had been shortly after his meltdown, and by all rights, he was still in the mindset of "kill intruders first, ask questions later".

Then again, she had been one of the few people that didn't screw him over in the end.

Technically.

She didn't help, but then again, she hadn't been in a position to help in the first place.

It was either him or her sister.

There was no point in getting mad at something that was inevitable.

At least she didn't speak against him… unlike some cowards.

"You aided an insane criminal that killed her Master? You are her accomplice?" Sona did not like the sound of this.

Issei rolled his eyes. "Get off your high horse. Remember what I said about Devil elites not bothering to understand foreign powers and covering their own asses? Prime example. Right there."

"You're lying." Koneko found her voice, and it was not a kind or gentle one. "Kuroka went insane with Senjutsu and killed her King. She's a violent, heartless monster."

"If by insane you mean her near perpetual state of arousal, then I completely agree with you. Nutjob can't go ten minutes without trying to hump me and ask for my dragon babies."

"… What?" Sona wasn't the only one that asked this time.

It was a slight exaggeration. Even Kuroka knew that touching Issei from out of the blue was an insanely bad idea. But that didn't mean she didn't try to sneak a hug in every now and then after preparing him for it.

That, or grab his ass.

… He wasn't oblivious. He knew that whenever he did let her close, she would use her mastery of Ki and Senjutsu to calm his own system down.

It was nice, to be able to feel peaceful and calm again, at least for a little while. Resting his head between two glorious oppai…

"Mmmm. Ki hugs." Issei's eyes were glazed over as he lost himself in his memories.

"Issei? Issei! You're zoning out again!" Rias snapped her fingers near his head, already familiar with his occasional daydreaming episodes.

"Eh?! Where are the Oppai pillows of peace and tranquility?!" His head whipped around, eyes filled with confusion and betrayed loss.

Sona decided to ignore his question. "You were talking about the Stray Devil Kuroka."

Issei blinked, getting his head on straight. "Kuro? Oh. Right. The public story has the order of events wrong. She killed the prick that was her King _first_. When she went through with that, the failsafe built into Peerage pieces that're supposed to protect the King from insubordination and rebellion kicked in."

Certain individuals listening to him stood still like statues. Unable to speak or even react properly.

"Like I said before, magics from differing mythos rarely mix well. The feedback from the piece in her screwed with her Senjutsu control, but not before she followed through killing the guy. When the rest of the Peerage came by to see what was happening, they saw her going out of control over their King's corpse and assumed what was the public story now. The rest is as expected. Kuro ran away. Managed to get her powers under control. Got labeled a stray. And no one bothered to look any deeper than that."

"Is that the story she told you? And you believe her?" Sona gave him a disappointed look, as if expecting him to not be so gullible.

"I do. Because unlike _most_ people, _I_ actually have an education on Senjutsu and know what a person that loses control and goes mad with it actually looks like, and all the associated symptoms. Animus infarction. Hyper-sensitivity. Physical mutations. Hyper-dilated pupils. Myocardium irregularities with results resembling Brugada Syndrome. Mutations originating from the chakras, primarily from the Muladhara, Svadhishana, Anahata, and Ajna. I had all the proof I needed when I healed her and saw none of it." Issei yawned. "I have absolutely no skill in the art itself, but that doesn't mean I'm clueless about how it works and how to treat at least some related maladies."

Thank all that was decent that his ability in using Ki hadn't slipped.

"He does sound like he knows what he's talking about." Kiba hesitantly noted.

Akeno stepped forward, putting a hand on Koneko's shoulder to calm the girl down before she erupted. "How do you know anything about Senjutsu in the first place?"

"I was curious." Issei lamely excused himself. "Kuro did volunteer work at a university that I… frequented, when she was part of her Peerage. I talked to her a few times and she seemed to like me. I learned a lot from her. Also saw firsthand that her King was a piece of trash."

"And you think that taking a few lessons from her was enough to make you an expert on the subject?" Tsubaki probed, trying to find a flaw in the explanation.

"Of course not. But the scroll on Senjutsu written and autographed by the first Son Goku I have in my room gives me the impression that I'm more than learned on the subject than most Devils." He wasn't a collector on anything that wasn't porn, but even he was certain that the scroll was worth more than five of his house bare minimum.

"Th-the first Son Goku?!" Sona gaped. "He's one of the most powerful individuals on in the world! The world's leading expert on Senjutsu! His wisdom and experience is legendary, but he's rarely interacted with anyone for the past few centuries! How did you get your hands on such a valuable tome?!"

"I asked for a detailed manual on Senjtusu for my birthday for research. Kuro got me that. How? Fuck if I know. It's not fake though. I had the signature verified and certified by an expert. Either way, I'm not complaining." Issei shrugged, as if dismissing the absurdity of it all. "There's over a dozen visible and permanent symptoms of someone that's lost themselves to Senjutsu. Last time I saw her, she sported a fat zero on it… technically a point five since she does get a bit feral and twisted if she gets a bit pissed, but that's more an aftereffect of being _forced_ to lose hold of her powers, if only for a short time."

Because Issei wasn't bothering to pay attention to those around him, he didn't notice the death glare that Koneko was giving him. Rias, on the other hand, did.

"Issei. What you told us was interesting about Kuroka, but you never explained one important part. Why did she kill her King in the first place? If she didn't do it because she went mad, if she was losing control of herself going through with it, then why risk her life?"

"Turn around. Keep breathing deeply. I'm checking your lungs. Fire breath and all that." Issei instructed Saji with a bored tone, momentarily ignoring Rias and pressing his palms on the young man's back.

"Why? Easy. Like I said, her King was a total prick. I met him before. Asshole didn't like the fact that Kuro was stronger than him and started to get obsessed with Senjutsu. Thought he might get stronger if he tried to do some insane experiments on her sister, Shirou… something or whatever, and try to transplant the spiritual glands that made Nekoshou so good at it so he could use it. Kuro found out, and was not happy, to put it lightly."

Anyone that knew Kuroka knew of her one major rule. You even think about touching her sister, you die horribly. No exceptions.

Rias' peerage, plus Sona were struck mute.

"She has a sister?" Saji, on the other hand, was completely clueless.

Issei rolled his eyes, as if remembering something annoying. "If Kuro wasn't talking about sex, she was talking about her little sister. Shirou this. Shirou that. Total sis-con. Whoever got into a relationship with her would have to resign themselves to the fact that they'd always take second place to the poor kid."

"Sounds like they came as a package." Saji surmised. "Wasn't she affected by the Peerage feedback too?"

"Nah. She luckily wasn't a part of the guy's group if I remember correctly. She was taken care of, but Kuro did all the work. Totally spoiled her, but from what I understand, all they had were one another for a while, so it makes sense."

"What happened to her?"

"If there was one thing that Kuro did regret the day she went awol, it was that she wasn't able to escape with the girl. Kuro practically killed herself all over again when she realized her sister was being made a scapegoat by the Devils. You have no idea how many strings I had to pull to get the full story to Zechs and get her out of the fire. I lost trace of her after that, but Zechs and Kuro both confirmed that she's doing well, wherever the hell she is. So, problem resolved."

All in all, it was probably for the best that they didn't escape together. Kuroka really was on the edge of death by the time she made it to Issei's home, and it wasn't because of the feedback. The odds of either of the two surviving the Devil hunting parties while Kuroka was in such an unstable state was a bad joke at best.

"My brother _knew_ this the entire time?" Rias really didn't want to accept the fact that Sirzechs hid something like this from her and Koneko, but she couldn't deny that he'd do it either.

"Yup. Couldn't do anything about Kuro being labeled a SS stray, but at the very least, the younger sister wasn't completely screwed over. Why do you think that Lucifer _personally_ got involved in the first place when he had no real reason to from an outside perspective?"

Rias opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't find anything to say. Issei was right. Sirzechs was a good person, but he was frequently swamped with work and many political matters. In the grand scheme of things, he genuinely didn't have a real reason or motive to save Koneko. And yet, Koneko was a part of her Peerage because her brother pushed the two together.

Because Issei had helped her.

"Of course, now there's also now a ban on independent experimenting with Senjutsu. If a Devil wants to play around with that stuff, they have to jump through a load of hoops and have a certified Senjutsu Master supervise the entire thing. Certifications which, I might add, are more or less impossible to get unless you shell out a small fortune to a select group of braindead ass-hats that are unable able to tell the difference between Senjutsu and a magic act in Vegas. Funny how that didn't make it into the news."

"Why?" Her voice was soft and trembling, but anyone that even glanced at Koneko could tell that she was going through so many emotions right now that she didn't even know what to feel.

"Why what?" Issei on the other hand, didn't even look at her, too busy writing down notes about Saji. "Ok, Runt. You're doing well so far, but I'm going to give you some special soap and deodorant later to keep your scent glands and hormones from affecting those around you. Also, you're going to want to have more meat in your diet from now on. Whatever the Enabler said you should eat for your standard workouts, add at least two more portions. On top of that, I recommend doing some basic meditation exercises for the next month or two to get your temper under control. At least long enough for you to acclimate yourself to your new condition…"

"Why didn't she take her sister? Why didn't she explain this to her?" The small girl's hands tightened into tight fists.

"That? From what I understand, the poor kid was traumatized to Heaven and back by the whole fiasco and the following fallout. The idiots from the King's family were desperate to hide the fact that he was doing a bunch of crazy illegal experiments behind everyone's back. It would have obliterated their reputation. So, they went about trying to mask it all by blaming the Nekoshou and Senjutsu as a whole at the top of their lungs and throwing money left and right to people that would help spread their "truth". The sister just happened to be the easiest target on hand at the time that everyone could point their fingers at. If you think about it, it was pretty obvious when everyone's attention and the news was focusing on the poor kid that didn't do a damn thing instead of the runaway sister that you know, actually killed the guy. Not exactly subtle."

There was more than one Devil there that was blinking owlishly, absolutely caught flatfooted by how obvious some of Issei's evidence was.

"After everything had calmed down, odds were that Kuro felt that Shirou wouldn't listen even if she tried to show up then. I heard that the sister got put into a good Peerage and is being taken care of. Knowing Kuro, she probably thought something along the lines of "so long as she's safe, I can always tell her later when she's ready. I don't want to ruin that one's happiness any more than I already have." Like I said. Total sis-con."

Apparently that had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Without uttering a word, Koneko turned around and bolted away from everyone as fast as she could.

"Koneko!" Rias shouted in alarm, chasing after her along with the rest of her Peerage sans Gasper, who had been too surprised to follow.

"Hm?" Issei turned to watch the Gremory Peerage run away from him with disinterested eyes. "Eh. Probably a bathroom break. I have been doing nothing but exposition for half the morning…"

He completely missed the bewildered look that Sona's Peerage was giving him, as if asking "are you serious?"

"And thus concludes the sob story of a horny cat that spends more time lounging about fantasizing about her sister than doing anything genuinely nefarious." He summed up the story. "Oh. And a reason why I think upper class Devil society can suck a bag of dicks for all I care."

"… Really?" Sona broke character for once, looking at where Rias had run off to. "You genuinely didn't realize what just happened?"

"What just happened? Did I miss something? I can only do so many things at once." Finally, the glowing around Issei's hands dulled. "White Magic takes a lot of concentration for me to pull off. I don't have a natural talent for it, so I tend to block out most things when used because I need the extra focus."

"And yet you still managed to tell us the whole story of that stray devil Kuroka." Tsubaki tried to poke a hole through his argument.

"It's important in a lot of cases to ensure that the patient is conscious and get them to tell you if something is wrong while treating them." He stood his ground. "If you can't do that much, you have no reason to learn medical arts."

Sona pouted in frustration, knowing that he was right. The Sitri family was heavily invested in the medical field. Some of the best hospitals in the underworld were on her family territory. As a result, she also knew a thing or two about the healing arts.

"Right. Here." He tore off the piece of paper from his notebook and handed it to Saji. "Just follow these instructions and you should be all good. Also, if you encounter a middle aged guy with black hair and blonde bangs that looks like he spends most of his time screwing women but can't hold a relationship for the life of him, run away and let me know."

Saji blinked, taking the instructions. "Uh. Why that second part?"

Issei grabbed Saji's outstretched hand and pressed down on a few specific pressure points. As if on reflex, Saji's Sacred Gear, resembling a black chameleon resting on the back of his hand, materialized.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"Absorption Line. One of the Sacred Gears that contain a shard of Dragon King Vitra's soul. The guy I told you about has three of the others and likes to experiment on people without their permission for fun. I shouldn't have to explain things any further than that."

"R-right." Saji was trembling. "Crazy scientist. More Sacred Gears. Understood."

"Good." Issei turned to his next target. "Dio."

"Gasper."

"Dio." He took out a tennis ball and tossed it to the vampire. Gasper had been so surprised by the sudden action that he barely managed to catch it.

"What is it?"

"A tennis ball."

"… And?"

"It bounces."

"That's it?"

"Why are you looking at me like that? It's just a fucking ball."

"Can you blame me?"

"Without hesitation."

"… Why did you give me a tennis ball Senpai?" Gasper gave up trying to make sense of Issei's actions just as quickly as he had started.

"You're going to practice using The World on it."

"You mean Forbidden Balor View."

"Yes. Like I said. The World."

Sona had been Rias' friend since they were infants, and was one of the first people the redhead contacted whenever she got "an adorable new Peerage member to spoil". Gasper had been no exception. As a result, she was fairly used to seeing pretty much all sides of the Gremory Peerage's personalities.

This, on the other hand, was the first time witnessing kind and shy Gasper actually showing signs of genuine annoyance.

"How?"

"Easy." Issei shrugged. "Toss it up. Freeze it. See how long you can hold it in place. Let go. Repeat. Its control training. Flicking the switch on and off. The faster and stronger you can pull it off, the better. The easier it is to use in general. After a while, try freezing it two times a toss, then three. Be creative."

Gasper blinked in surprise, genuinely astonished that he was given such a low key regimen. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"You think that it will help me?"

"I think it should be a standard for all Sacred Gear users. There's no point in having a game breaking weapon or skill if you can't even get it out on time." Issei deadpanned. "At my best, I could whip mine out and dismiss it five times in a second. Twice if I actually wanted to use it for something. Yours comes out fully activated, so I fully expect you to eventually blow me out of the water once your balls drop. No, rather, with your powers, you should aim for such a ridiculous goal in the first place."

"Turning off and on Forbidden Balor View rapidly… you don't mean?" Sona blinked in surprise, understanding exactly what Issei was getting at.

"What the eye sees is constant, but the electrical pulses that send data it records to the brain are semi-intermittent. The human eyes' normal upper range of recording visual information is around sixty to ninety instances. It's called the flicker-fusion frequency. Of course, it's the normal for generic humans under generic circumstances. It'll be higher for Demons and Vampires in the midst of battle. If Dio can sync his Sacred Gear to that, he could theoretically stop and start time on his target so quickly that from an outside perspective he's slowing them down to whatever speed he wants instead of simply just stopping them. The difficulty of control is significantly higher, but in theory, the physical tax on his body and mind would be monumentally less. Meaning he'd be able to use his powers more without exhausting himself."

"I… can slow down time? Not just stop it?" Gasper blinked in genuine surprise.

"With practice. You're a Devil with a mutated Bishop piece and a Sacred Gear holder. Your powers are so disgustingly flexible as fuck that the cast of Cirque de Solei would be throwing up its arms in frustration trying to compete. Use that. Abuse that. If you have a problem, figure out a way your powers can deal with it and then master that approach. I'm just showing you the first few steps. You have to figure out the rest."

"I, you think I can do that?"

Issei nodded firmly.

"Of course you can. You're Dio."

Sona didn't get what just happened, but it was clear that Issei had just ruined whatever moment he could have had with Gasper from the defeated look on young boy's face and slumped over posture.

"… I'm just going to practice now."

Sona and her peerage watched as the young Vampire walked away with tears in his eyes. "You're a terrible person."

"And you're an Enabler."

"I don't even know why I even bother to try anymore."

"Because I'm unfortunately likely to serve a major role in your life in the future and the longer you go on not figuring me out the longer you're going to drive yourself mad mulling over it."

"… I hate you."

It might have been a trick of the light, but from the corner of her eyes, Sona could have sworn that Issei had smiled, if only for a brief moment.

"Oi. Enabler's minions. Line up. It's your turn to be inspected, humiliated, and given advice."

o. o. o.

Despite all the chaos that Issei had generated around Rias' group and Sona herself, the rest of her Peerage's experience with him had been rather tame in comparison.

Outside of Saji, Sona had a Queen, two Bishops, a Knight, a Rook and a pawn.

He did the two Bishops first at the same time to get them out of the way. Momo Hanakai and Reya Kusaka. Their kits and abilities were roughly the same. Strong in magic. Decent shape. Devils for a couple of years already. Basic experience in fighting Stray Devils. Reya had some talent for communication spells, which could be pretty useful further down the line, but overall, they were pretty generic. Not terrible, just generic.

Save for the fact that Sona had been teaching them Reverse magic, spells that invert the nature and purpose of other spells and abilities.

He had to give the Enabler credit where it was due. As far as spells that held usefulness in the long term, he considered Reverse disgustingly high up there. It was a good call. The only problems with it were that it was near useless against pure physical fighters and it was damn hard to learn.

Their training in the end was fairly basic and straight forward. Try to use their support magic to do nearly everything in their lives. Brush their teeth. Dress themselves. Talk to one another. Bullshit everything all the time whenever feasibly possible.

The constant use of their spells would enhance their stamina and increase the flexibility of their thinking. The girls were clearly designated to supporting roles for now, so there was no point in trying to get them to practice anything offensive. Once their stamina and confidence in battle increased a bit, then they could turn their attention to the offensive.

Next was Tomoe Meguri, a knight who, surprise surprise, specialized in swordsmanship. Katannas in particular.

What was more interesting though was the girl apparently came from a family of exorcists. It took a bit of prodding to get the whole story from her, but apparently she had been cursed by birth by some Demon that had a grudge against her family. One that could apparently only be removed by ironically being reincarnated.

Issei instantly instructed the girl to read up on curse magic. Apparently, people who were afflicted by them at a young age and survived tended to develop an affinity for the things later on.

"You're not a power type, so use your speed for guerrilla warfare when your opponent is stronger than you. Cursing your targets in drawn out fights is perfect for your style. What kind of curse? Why the hell are you asking me that? Go figure it out yourself."

Next was the Rook, Tsubasa Yura. Judging from her expression as she approached him, she was holding a grudge for the whole humiliation bit earlier.

Another almost generic individual. Tsubasa was rather large for her age, sex, and nationality, in a physically fit with muscles way. In fact, she sported a few centimeters over Issei when he had a good look at her. It was clear from the way she walked that she was extremely used and comfortable with fist fighting.

On a side note, she too was also learning magic from Sona, and was making strides to learn Reversal. Her progress was slower than her Bishop comrades, but she was getting there. It would be interesting to see her use it in battle, that was for certain.

Apparently she had known about the mystical world since she was a kid. Her natural perception was exceptionally high, being able to see and physically interact with magic and faeries and the like. Hell, she had even been fighting monsters and evil spirits solo before she had even met Sona.

Issei's instructions were to practice hitting stuff.

She almost started with him.

By "stuff", Issei had meant anything mystical, magical, or spiritual. Fireballs. Mana. Barriers. The more things she conditioned her hands against, the more effective they would become against the magic world until said hands could, in theory, become anti-magic bludgeoning instruments of death. Able to plow through virtually any defense she came across with a solid straight if she trained enough. A metaphorical spear of flesh and bone.

She still almost started with him after he explained himself.

Next was Ruruko Nimura. The pawn.

With blinding striped green thigh high stockings.

She was instantly dubbed "Asian Pipi Longstockings".

Said Longstockings then almost made contact with his face. Many times.

Asian Pipi didn't have any interesting backstory at all. She just happened to stalk Sona long enough to find out that the latter was a Devil and asked if she could be reincarnated. No particular skill in magic. Overall, just a low leveled well balanced scrub.

Perfect scout material.

She was redubbed "Stalker-stockings", and subsequently attempted once more to give him a concussion.

Initially, he thought it was because her nickname shortened was S.S. He was soon corrected, as the murder in her eyes turned apocalyptic when he voiced his thoughts.

Issei, from a safe distance, told her to practice stalking people without getting caught and try and learn about as many things about different individual people as possible without raising any suspicion.

He totally didn't give her such an unassuming task so that she would stop trying to kill him and not offend his sight with those _unholy ugly_ stockings anymore.

A pity too. She had damn juicy thighs. The abominations totally ruined the near perfect "absolute territory" that she had going.

Last before Sona was the Queen, Tsubaki Shinra. The sexy librarian slash secretary with ungodly long ebony hair that went down to her kneecaps.

It was a good thing that her King was wealthy. The poor girl probably spent a small fortune on quality hair care products every month.

Like Tomoe, Tsubaki came from an exorcist clan, purifying spirits. Unlike Tomoe, Tsubaki actually had a Sacred Gear. Mirror Alice. A mirror with the classic "reflect an attack at double damage" effect.

Oh, and she could use a naginata to some degree. Nothing special there. It was a fancy spear as far as he was concerned. A knife on a stick. No special moves with it either.

Between the Sacred Gear and (at least) three Peerage members that were learning Reversal magic, Issei was fairly certain that Sona was planning on horribly mindfucking and abusing anyone that disobeyed her tyrannical rule in the future. God save the world if the Enabler managed to get her hands on someone with actual high grade mind reading-or-twisting powers.

… Oh wait. There is no God anymore. Shit.

Sadly for Tsubaki, Mirror Alice was pretty limited in its use at the moment. Long cooldown time. Limited size. It was more a special move used only for specific occasions rather than a reliable weapon. A gimmick.

He told her to work on that. Go to a local Ikea and start browsing around for any mirror she could see and try to imitate them. Change the shape of Mirror Alice or split it up into multiple smaller mirrors for convenience. Try and see if reflecting attacks at normal strength would reduce the cooldown time. Stuff like that.

As a final project, he suggested she try to lace the blade of her naginata with her Sacred Gear to give it a bit of flair and trick to use in close combat that no one would see coming. Let her smack back enemy attacks at them while in the middle of physical combat.

In a pleasant change of pace, Tsubaki didn't try assaulting Issei after he was done examining and instructing her. Instead, she just thanked him before walking off to do as he advised.

Issei came to the conclusion that she was nice. Boring, but nice.

Throughout it all, Sona watched with an impassive expression, only speaking up to clarify a fact or aspect of her subordinates whenever she thought it was necessary.

It was only after they had left to start their training and tasks, when she was alone with Issei, that she spoke her thoughts. "You're enjoying this."

"Come again?"

Sona shifted her glasses. She probably wasn't the only one that noticed that Issei had gradually reduced the severity and frequency of his insulting comments the longer he worked. He wasn't kind by any regards, but it was clear that he was putting genuine thought and effort into what he was doing. He was actually trying to help them. "… Never mind. It was just a baseless observation."

He looked at her skeptically before shaking his head in defeat before reaching into his pockets for something. "Whatever. So I'm guessing you're versed in the famed Sitri water magic?"

"I thought my sister would have told you everything about me by now."

"If your sister is to be believed, you're at least on par with Poseidon, and every time you smile, angels come down and bow before your radiance."

The Sitri heiress' face turned crimson red and turned away from the young man. She was going to have to have words with her sister later. "… Nee-sama, says a lot of things sometimes."

"No need to tell me twice. We both know Sera's at least three different kinds of crazy." He meant it. He counted.

Sona stilled, her complexion returning to normal as she turned in his direction. "Why does she trust you? If you're telling the truth… Nee-sama doesn't show that side of herself to just anyone."

He shrugged. "I figured it out. Called her out on it like a complete idiot. Got scared shitless. She found me interesting and adorable for some reason. And now I keep mum about it just like everyone else that isn't frozen in an icicle and hidden in that secret cavern she has somewhere in your family territory."

"You even… you know what, never mind. It's better for the both of us if we stop the conversation there."

"Crazyyyyyy."

"Do you have any advice for me or not?"

Issei rolled his eyes, taking out a pack of unmarked gum, and popped a stick into his fanged mouth without bothering to note the glare she was giving him. "… Your Peerage isn't bad for a bunch of generics, but you're putting too much faith in yourself."

"What do you mean by that?" Her tone was hard and unforgiving. It was clear that she didn't like being critiqued or accused of making a mistake.

Chewing the gum, he watched Gasper in the distance, tossing a green ball up in the air and then stopping it as it was about to fall down. The kid was probably trying to time it so that it froze at the highest point. "Right now, you vastly outstrip the rest of your group in terms of raw power and combat ability. Three users of Reversal and Mirror Alice? You have the technical skills and tricks all down to handle most enemies around your level and maybe a couple of tiers above that if you plan right. I doubt the Weeb's entourage would last long against yours if you plan accordingly, and that's not just because you have more minions than she does. But, if you come across someone genuinely strong, your group's gonna be wiped out in no time flat effortlessly. The only people that would manage to last more than a few seconds are you and maybe your queen if your opponent gets sloppy. In that scenario, the Weeb's group has a higher chance of survival. Unlike you, her Peerage isn't overly dependent on the King if put in a tough spot. Just by looking at them, I can tell they know how to at least take a few hits."

Sona blinked once, her posture stiffened slightly. She did not expect him to come to such a peculiar conclusion so quickly.

She expected even less that he had reached the same one she had come to only after half an hour of going over her forces herself.

"… And you think I am unaware of this?"

"I think that you, like everyone else, dislike admitting your faults. Especially in things you take pride in."

"And what do you take pride in?"

"Porn." His answer was immediate and shameless. He blew out a bubble with the gum, popping it loudly as if further exemplifying just how little he cared about impressions.

She sighed in defeat. "I have your analysis. What's your advice?"

"Nothing exceptional right now. Get the Runt up to snuff. Let the others play with their abilities and grow. Build their foundation more to increase their odds of survival. You're not a frontline group, but that doesn't excuse you from being able to at least take a few hits."

"And for me?"

"Get better at fighting." He shrugged. "Your peerage already has supplementary abilities in spades. You're their strongest pillar, no, their foundation. They need to catch up so they can hold their own, otherwise your group's going to stay unbalanced. But, at the same time without you they're screwed in a real fight, and deep down they all know it. Get stronger so when you are forced to draw attention to yourself, you can handle it. It'll be your best hope for survival."

She couldn't argue against that logic, but still… "Survival. You keep on focusing on that. Instead of winning."

"You can't win if you're dead. A short fight means someone's screwed up. You look like a person that hates mistakes."

"Humph." For what felt like the first time, Sona smiled in Issei's presence. "You're wrong. The only mistakes I dislike are ones that I make. I'm actually quite fond of those made by my adversaries."

And people wonder why he called her Enabler. "Whatever you say."

"I still haven't received any specified training advice."

Issei rolled his eyes. "Fine. Sera told me about your habit of shaping your spells into animals, so your control is already good. Start focusing on other styles. Quick draws and other gun-like spells to increase your magic accumulation speed and small scale pinpoint damage. The faster and more accurate, the better. Flooding and territory manipulation for extra boosts for bigger fights and scale adaptation. Both should help increase your control, power output, stamina, and adaptability rapidly so long as you stick to it. Alternate between those two every week to keep things consistent. Play around with animals when you aren't doing those for mid-range flexibility and versatility. Between the three, there shouldn't be a day where you aren't drained of magic by the time you go to sleep. All in all, nothing outlandishly special or unique compared to what you were expecting."

"That's it?" She was surprisingly disappointed.

"Your sister's killed more people with the basics than anything else. Same with the rest of the Satans. Only an idiot relies only on special moves to win all their battles. If you want some monstrous secret ability that will turn you into a final boss character, make it yourself. Don't rely on me for that. I'm just here to make sure you lot are less likely to die in stupid ways."

"Fine."

"…" Issei glanced at her skeptically, his expression unreadable as he continued to chew his gum.

"What?"

"… Your sister was right." He sighed, as if giving up and making a decision.

"About what?" She was beginning to lose her patience.

He shook his head. "If you want something special to do, start working with your Queen doing combo spells and the like."

"I fail to see how there is anything special about that." Despite what she said, Sona's mind was already trying to decode whatever it was that Issei was trying to tell her. He clearly had something in mind.

"Calm down. I'm not dumb enough to spoon feed you everything. If I did, your pride would kill one of us by the end of the week."

"Why would you assume that there exists a situation where I would kill myself before you?"

"Because if you can't kill me, you wouldn't be able to live with the idea of me holding the fact above your head till the end of time." Issei picked his nose with his pinky, clearly not taking anything seriously anymore.

The next thing he knew, Sona had manifested a gigantic orb of water above her with various tentacle like appendages wiggling around its surface. What was even more ominous was the completely dead expression she had on her face. "If the next words out of your mouth aren't useful, I'll put your claim to the test."

It was at that point that Issei decided that he may have reached his quota for messing with Sona for the day. "I-It's not that hard. Use your head that everyone keeps on raving about. Think about what your respective specialties are, what they do, and how they can work together. Similarities and aspects."

Their specialties? Tsubaki was her Queen. She specialized in magic, her naginata and Mirror Alice. Sona specialized in water magic. It couldn't be magic he was talking about in general, so all that was left was the weapon, the mirror and her wat…er.

Oh.

Damn. He actually did say something useful. Part of her was disappointed that he didn't push her luck and go through with her threat.

She wouldn't have killed him, but the action itself would still have proven… therapeutic.

With a flick of her wrist, the conjured water had vanished. "You are insufferable."

"I've been told." He sighed in relief, still chewing the gum. If Sona had attacked him, she'd probably blame the subsequent damage on him too.

She glared his mouth. "Must you do that here? Class is not in session, but I still don't tolerate gum in school."

Issei gave her a look before reaching up to his mouth and pulling back one of his cheeks to reveal his teeth.

His perfectly normal human teeth.

"Just gimme a minute or two. I'll spit it out soon."

Sona blinked, slightly surprised by the fact that the gum actually served a purpose. "You can't revert it back by yourself?"

He shrugged helplessly. "Nope. Dragonification's a funny thing. Dragons are perfectly capable of transforming into humans once they're strong enough and know what they're doing. But, part dragons don't have the luxury. I can keep the initial transformation down so long as I keep it in mind, but once turned I need some way to drain the dragonic energy from my mouth. Since there's no spiritual energy specialists around willing to make out with me every time it happens, chewing on this shit's the best I can do."

Come to think of it, his stock of gum's getting pretty low. He'll have to bug Azazel soon for a new shipment.

"Oi!" Before Sona could say anything about what she had learned, someone called to them from nearby.

"Oh. I was wondering when they'd get back." Issei blinked as Rias and Kiba approached them.

"Sorry about running off like that." Rias apologized with a shaky smile. "Koneko's, not feeling that well. Akeno is looking after her for the moment."

"Must have eaten something bad." Issei shrugged, brushing off the girl's behavior as inconsequential.

He completely ignored the looks he got from the Devils around him.

"Rias, Hyoudou has already inspected and advised my Peerage and myself. His conduct was… as expected, but there is some worth to his words." Sona summarized his interaction with her Peerage briefly. "Since you were not present to hear of what I will focus on, I will leave so I do not intrude on your privacy."

With that and a brief nod, Sona left in the direction that Tsubaki was in.

"Hmmm." Rias watched her friend leave. "How interesting. You must have impressed her, Issei. Sona does not give out compliments frequently."

"I just gave out some pointers. It's up to you guys to follow through on the rest. Nothing special." Issei shrugged off the praise.

Rias smiled, as if expecting his reaction. "Well then, now that we're here, I don't suppose you can get started with Kiba."

"Sure." He turned to the blonde knight, who was once more smiling in a way that clearly didn't reach his eyes. "So. Knight. Sword user. Man slave. And on the brink of a psychopathic meltdown. You have anything else? Practice magic? Cursed as a baby? Secret government project? Bitten by a radioactive spider?"

"You really don't stop, do you?" Kiba sighed. After the past few weeks, he had developed a slight immunity to Issei's cold remarks. So long as he wasn't blindsided by something personal at least,

With a raised hand, the Knight materialized a sword in hand. "I have a Sacred Gear, like you. It's called Sword Birth. I can make any kind of sword I imagine if I focus hard enough. Powers and all. It's pretty flexible."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Issei?" Rias didn't like the twitching in Issei's eye. It was an ominous sign that the young man was going to go off on something irrational again.

"Oi." His tone was dark. "You're not an amnesiac, are you?"

"What?" Kiba blinked in confusion. "No."

"An orphan?"

"Yes, but that's not that uncommon in our world, is it?"

"Please don't tell me you have some half assed hero complex."

"It's kind of hard to do that when I'm a Devil. I'm fine serving Rias." Kiba didn't know where Issei was going with this, but he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like it.

"Fascination with red and black color schemes?"

"Not really. Personally, I've been told I look good in anything."

"Obsession with cooking?"

"I'm ok at it at best. Cooking's more Akeno's hobby."

"You're unable to turn down a request for help regardless of who it is?"

"I try to be helpful, but I do have my limits and obligations. I can't waste my time with every problem that comes my way."

"Habitual urge to clean and fix things?"

"I like to be tidy when I can, but I wouldn't go that far. Again, that's more Akeno's specialty."

Issei's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Survivor's guilt?"

"…" Kiba stopped smiling confidently.

"Son of a bitch. Another one." Issei turned on Rias accusingly, catching her off guard. "How on earth does no one recognize your smothering Weeb potential!? How?!"

"What? Me? What did I do this time?!" She was more confused than surprised at this point.

"DIO!" Instead of answering her, the frustrated young man called for Gasper with a loud bellow.

Within moments, the dhampir was running right up to them, face full of worry. "What!? What happened this time?! I didn't do it!"

Issei pointed accusingly at the still scowling Kiba.

"K-Kiba?" Gasper blinked in confusion. "I… what? What are you talking about? What did Kiba do?"

"Type. Moon." Judging from his words, he fully expected his meaning to be obvious.

"Type Moon?" Rias blinked in confusion, as did Kiba.

Gasper on the other hand…

"Type… AAAAH!?"

Joined Issei in pointing at Kiba.

"Oh please no. Not you too Gasper." The young swordsman was getting frustrated being kept out of the loop.

"You understand what I'm getting at Dio?"

"I know! I'm surprised that I missed it too!" Gasper was an unusual mix of excited and genuine worry. "I mean, there are major differences too, but the resemblance is unnatural!"

"Gasper. Can you please explain why you and Issei are making such a big deal about Kiba?" Rias groaned. She had thought that she had finally gotten past this phase.

"Your Knight, is an expy of one of the most famous Japanese fictional characters of the current generation." Issei groaned, resting his head in a hand. "Between him, Dio, jailbait, and the yandere Yamato Nadeshiko … your entire Peerage is an ode to Japanese Geek Culture. It's like your innate weeb level is so high that you're doing it subconsciously. I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified of you right now."

"He's talking about a character named Shirou Emiya." Gasper clarified. "The Blacksmith Hero, well, he's more of an antihero depending on which version you're talking about. But, long story short, he can use magic to make instant copies of any bladed weapon he sees. Powers and all."

"That's it?" Rias was confused. "Why would he be so popular if he can just copy swords?"

" _Any_ sword. Even ones from legends, to borderline perfection. Even…" Gasper stopped himself, looking at Kiba warily before moving on. "He's one of those characters that wasn't special in almost every way except for a small insignificant gimmick, and then mastered it to the point of literal insanity to help people. His ultimate move is called Unlimited Blade Works. It's a magic spell that pretty much rewrites the world to a landscape where all of the swords he's ever seen or made are pretty much everywhere and available instantly. At once. It's really cool."

Kiba momentarily glared at Gasper, not missing the quick change in subject and figuring out what he was about to say, but not commenting on it. "All my swords at once, huh? That does sound like a pretty interesting skill to have. Sadly, that doesn't sound like an ability I'd be able to use to its full potential if I ever did get it. It's not my style. Even then, I'd probably need to unlock my Balance Breaker to do something on that scale. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Too bad. You're playing the game." Issei shot down Kiba's rejection instantly.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Issei. Kiba's not a magician. He's a close range fighter. He has some skills in magic like all Devils, but that's it. Playing a game just so he might be able to imitate a spell is pushing it. Even for you." Rias chided.

He gave her a dirty look, as if she had accused him of doing something stupid. "I'm not asking him to imitate UBW, Weeb. I'm telling him to play the game to give him better ideas of how to use his Sacred Gear in the first place."

"I don't think Kiba does Archery." Gasper was confused.

"Archery?" Rias and Kiba were more confused.

Judging from the look on his face, Issei was reaching the end of his patience. "Dio. Remember the Type Moon verse and how complex it is. Man-Slave could easily incorporate some of the other aspects of how UBW works, and some of the other weapons abilities into his own Sacred Gear to diversify and make better weapons."

"I… yeah. You do have a point." Gasper relented, shifting on his feet.

"Really? You think me playing a video game is going to help me get stronger?" Kiba deadpanned.

This time, Issei did facepalm, as if the young swordsman had just said one of the dumbest things on the planet. "… Man-Slave. What are you?"

"I'm not answering that question." Kiba didn't trust Issei enough to assume that the desired answer was remotely normal.

"Weeb. What are you?"

Rias realized that Issei was aiming for a specific point. Something important and seemingly obvious. "… A Devil?"

"A Devil." He agreed, much to her relief that the answer was actually benign. "And, what is one of the greatest assets to being a Devil, specifically? An asset that the Angels and the Fallen don't have?"

Rias had to think for a moment, running through the reasons that she knew for the one that Issei might be talking about. "Our, flexible magic?"

"Mhm. Mhm." He nodded. "And, what makes Devil magic in particular so special compared to that of Angels and Fallen?"

"It's… based off of our imagination." Rias slowly was putting together the pieces.

"Good. Now. Is there anything that says that what you imagine can't be based off of another fiction?" He talked down to her as if she was a child. "What if that other fiction's magic system was incredibly complex, intricate, reasonable, had foundation, and had the potential to augment a series of spells or skills that you already knew, in a way to be more efficient and productive if integrated and incorporated properly?"

Rias didn't say anything. She didn't need to.

Kiba had come to the same conclusion she did, even if he didn't like admitting it.

"And this is why Devils are fucking idiots." Issei threw up his hands in the air in frustration. "If even a single percent of the damn population bothered to pick up a decently written comic book or fictional story and put any effort into trying some of that stuff for themselves, they would have won the whole damn war centuries by now. Natural weaknesses to the holy element and God's half assed system be damned."

Everyone thought that Serafall's magical girl show was just a hobby. Well… it was a hobby, but it was so, SO much more.

Crazy woman just _had_ to realize that Sailor Moon had been one of the major gateway anime for fans when they were little.

Well… that and Dragon Ball, but apparently there was some kind of legal blockade with Son Goku that prevented anyone in the underworld from touching that particular trademark.

Beelzebub may have been an absolute genius and monster when it came to magic, but _people_? That was Serafall's domain, and she was so terrifyingly good at it that few would ever even believe the truth if told.

Issei had learned that the hard way.

"But, haven't comic books only been out for the past hundred years? And a lot of the popular comics are based off of myths in general." Gasper blinked in confusion. "And most of the fantasy stories that were earlier than that were based off of the true myths taking…"

"I know what I said!"

"Kiba. I know I may be asking for much, but could you humor Issei for now and play this game he's talking about?" Rias sighed. "At the worst, it's only for the weekend."

"I'm not really into video games." Kiba hesitated.

"It's a visual novel. Like a dating simulator. The most you do is pick what your character says every now and then and read the story. That's it." Gasper elaborated. "There is a bit of romance in it, but it's only between three main… oh."

"Oh what?" Issei frowned in confusion. "Does Man-Slave have something against chicks with inaccurate historical and mythological representations? Or unnecessarily long cooking scenes?"

Grimacing, the young Bishop had trouble looking away from Kiba. "Um… well. There may be a problem getting Kiba to stay on the game. He uh… one of the main characters is a version of, King Arthur."

Like a switch being pressed, Kiba's somewhat amicable expression dropped instantly. "I changed my mind."

Some of the energy that was fueling Issei's eccentricity bled out, giving way to curiosity. "You have a murder boner for King Arthur or something?"

"Yes."

"… Oh." He blinked, not expecting the blunt reaction. "Dio. Give him the Realta Nua version."

"I'm pretty sure that's not going to help convince him, Senpai." Gasper deadpanned. At best, it would only prevent Kiba from trashing whatever computer he was on due to the lack of female King Arthur sex.

"I'm not playing a game that glorifies a hypocrite that wields a useless magic stick." Kiba ground out.

"Good. Because the game is all about tearing apart that kind of useless hypocrisy viciously." Issei deadpanned. "It's full of bad ends too. Ones where your character dies horribly. Others die horribly too."

"You're not convincing me."

"And at the end of the third route, you kill her with your own hands. On purpose. After she was corrupted with a super conceptual god curse that twists even Excalibur into an amalgamation that is anything but holy."

"… You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Bitch, I will hack everything you own that's electronic and load every form of Fate Stay Night paraphernalia there is onto them until you cave in." Issei didn't back down. "… Especially the porn."

"That's a lot of porn." Gasper shivered, knowing just how big the Type Moon fanbase is.

"Please tell me you didn't give him my contact information." Kiba looked at his King with a pleading glimmer of hope.

"Sorry. To be honest I didn't think he'd take it, so I left everyone's numbers and emails with Asami-san." Rias apologized, slightly embarrassed by what had come from her actions.

Kiba cursed under his breath before noticing Issei's surprised expression. "… You were bluffing just now, weren't you?"

"…"

Kiba gave his King an extra dirty look.

"I'm sorry!"

"I was bluffing before, but I'm still going to take credit for that."

"That's not something to be proud of!" Gasper accused.

Kiba grit his teeth, clear annoyance in his expression. There was not a hint of the fake smile and geniality he normally had on. "… How long will it take?"

Issei's confidence lessened slightly at the question. "Eh. The game actually takes a while. It's pretty long. You might not finish it by Monday even if you binge it. The author's known to be a bit wordy at times. At the very least, you'd want to finish the second route, since it has the most relevant information for you. I recommend the third as well for some extra inspiration and unique tricks used."

Nine Lives Blade Works and Crane Wing Three Realms. Good stuff.

"Do I have to play the part where I'm, _close_ , to King Arthur?"

"It's the first of the three main routes. Nonnegotiable. Sorry." Issei shrugged helplessly. "If it makes you feel any better, most people agree that it's the worst of the three."

"It doesn't."

The two male teenagers stared one another down, both unwilling to budge from their decision. Surprisingly, Issei budged first.

"If you quit being a child and do it, I'll sweeten the deal."

"With what? More porn?" Kiba wasn't going to bite.

"I'll fight you for real."

"… I'm sorry?"

"I kicked your ass with a cell phone. Do you really want to leave it with that? Are you that comfortable with rolling over and accepting defeat, Man-Slave?"

Kiba looked like he wanted to rectify that particular issue right then and there.

Tempting. This was far too tempting and everyone knew it. As a knight and a swordsman, his pride had taken a major blow from Issei's display earlier, even if he would not admit it. He was getting offered a legitimate opportunity to kick Issei's ass without getting in trouble.

Or at the very least, a chance to see just how strong he actually was.

Even Rias was tempted by the prospect, judging from the look on her face.

"… No cell phone?"

"No cell phone."

"No tricks?"

"I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to someone that supposedly knows what real fighting is like."

"… No cheap anti-devil tricks or aiming at my friends?" Kiba corrected himself with gritted teeth.

"Outside of that, standard back alley rules, and no bitching allowed regardless what happens in the end." In other words, anything goes so long as they don't murder one another or do anything permanent. Broken beer bottles, knives, swords, guns and all.

They could even call friends to help them out if they wanted.

The Devil was clearly annoyed by the fact that he was enticed by the prospect, but there was no hint of fallacy in Issei's dull eyes. He was genuinely serious about having the fight.

Kiba clearly wasn't happy with this outcome, but all things considered, this really was the best deal he was going to get. "Come on Gasper. The sooner we get this over with, the better."

Grimacing, Gasper followed Kiba, giving Issei and Rias reluctant looks behind him as he tailed the irritated knight.

"He really hates King Arthur, doesn't he?" Issei glanced at Rias.

"He has a grudge against holy swords in general." She relented. She clearly wanted to say more, but she knew better than to get in the way of two boys that were dead set on destroying one another. "I would have appreciated it if you didn't dredge it up again. It had taken him a long time to get over his past trauma in the first place."

Issei gave her a disbelieving look. "That was not him being over it. That was him pretending to be so people wouldn't bother him. Please don't tell me you actually believe that perpetual fake smile of his."

"You're equating his smile to your perpetual act of pushing everyone away?" She accused.

"…" He almost replied. Almost.

"I'm not stupid Issei." She crossed her arms. "Neither is Sona. The only reason why she hasn't figured it out yet is because she doesn't have as much experience as I do dealing with trauma victims. You must have deduced it for yourself as well by now. My Peerage isn't exactly adjusted."

It wasn't something she liked to admit. Akeno. Gasper. Kiba. Koneko. They were all damaged in one way or another. She had invited them into her home when they were at their weakest and most desperate. They were grateful, and did try their best, but Rias couldn't lie. Not a single member under her was completely healed from their ordeals. They just hid it so well that even they forgot about it.

That was, until Issei came along, with the subtlety of a battering ram.

It was understandable in a way. Issei hated and distrusted liars. People that lied to themselves were no different.

It made her wonder, just how much did he hate himself?

The two glared at one another, as if daring the other to say that they were wrong.

"… Tch." Surprisingly, Issei gave up first, turning away from Rias and walking to the school field with a put out expression. "Figures. Can't even last a couple of weeks before someone starts reading me like a book again. Damn it Nee-san. Why do you always have to be right?"

"Issei?" Rias blinked in surprise. "I… where are you going?"

Lifting up his left hand as he walked, he revealed a can of spray paint that clearly had not been on his person earlier. "Gonna tag up the field with markers for my training."

She knew he was changing the subject away from earlier, but the prospect of learning about how he was going to train was too much for Rias to resist. "Tag the field? Sona's going to kill you if you do that."

"Relax. It's water soluble. The Enabler can get rid of it all with a single spell or wait for the next rainstorm to come." He waved her off.

"But what about my training?" She asked, somewhat impatient. The fact that Sona had actually gone with whatever he said was reason enough to assume that he was decent at what he did.

Issei sighed before turning on her. "Power of Destruction, right?"

"Yes. I used it against Viser, when you…"

"When I was used as an extra-large consumable pleasure stick." He finished her sentence with a straight face. "How's your potency control?"

"Potency? You mean power?" She frowned in confusion. "I don't have as much control as Sona, but I am known as the Crimson Ruin Princess."

"Power." He rolled his eyes, saying the word as if it was a curse. Instead, of explaining himself, he held out his right hand and pointed his index finger up between them.

Before she could ask what he was doing, he puffed out his cheeks and blew a small ember of crimson fire onto the finger. Instead of going out, the flames stuck to his fingertip as if it was a candle.

"Watch." He instructed, and despite her confusion, Rias followed it without question.

A few moments later, without changing size or shape, the feeling of the fire itself began to change. The deep crimson red seemed to immerse itself in an endless vermillion, giving off waves of heat that vastly outstripped anything something its size should give off. Rias had to force herself to stay in place, even though her skin soon felt as if it was going to burn and peel off.

Deeper and deeper. Hotter and hotter. It was a hypnotic cycle of pain and power that Rias was certain that Akeno would revel in, until at the very core of the fire, a faint but piercing white light that was in complete contrast to the rest of the immolation was birthed, almost blinding her instantly…

And then Issei closed his fist completely, snuffing out the fire as if it was just any other ember.

"Well?" He asked again, as if his show was nothing remarkable. "How's your potency control?"

Rias shivered. That fire of Issei's. That beautiful, crimson fire that called out to her. At the end… it reminded her of her brother. Of the vast difference between his Power of Destruction, and hers'.

She couldn't tell if the red on her face was a result of the intense heat of the fire, or her own reaction to it.

So distracted, in fact that she didn't notice the small beads of sweat running down the side of Issei's face or his trembling right hand that was glowing in a faint green and white light.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Just because he could breathe and control fire didn't mean that he was fireproof. Fire resistant, yes, but not enough to be unfazed by stabbing himself with an ember that could cut through half a meter of solid steel in a single go.

" **Idiot. That's what you get for trying to show off. Again."**

" _Shut up!"_ Thankfully, healing burns was something he was intimately familiar with. He just had to stall for a few more seconds and all the evidence would be gone.

"I… I'll work on it." Rias, unaware of Issei's internal struggles, relented to his advice. She made a mental note to warn Kiba of what she just saw the next time they had a moment.

That stage at the end… if he had made that giant fire dragon out of that stuff, would the school even be left standing by now?

Issei nodded, already feeling the throbbing in his hand die off. "The Power of Destruction's extremely aggressive in nature. Being able to use and control it in the first place is already a major step. Your brother, no, your family would not have let you out by yourself if you couldn't do at least that much. But you won't get much further than that if you think shaping and directing your power will be enough as if it was like any other magic spell."

She gave him a wary look. "… I'm not my brother." She did not want to be a carbon copy of Sirzechs, much less give people a reason to assume as much.

"You shouldn't try to be. But that doesn't mean that you should avoid some of the same steps he's taken. Restricting your options and ways to get stronger simply because of pride is retarded. Your life isn't the only one you're risking in the end."

Rias puffed out her cheeks childishly, clearly not fond of being admonished. It was, cute. "You've made your point quite clear already."

"You'd be surprised how many idiots can't hear my advice over the noise of me being a jackass."

"So you are doing it on purpose." She glared.

"More like I rarely make an effort to put up a filter." He counter argued.

"That's not much better."

"Never said it was." Having reached the center of the field, Issei bent over, shook the spray can in his hand, and made a large "X" on the ground. "Ok. That's zero, so, one meter should be about…"

Rias sighed. Arguing with Issei always gave her a headache. It was impossible to tell where he was going to end up in five minutes. At the very least, he was far more manageable to deal with when he didn't have anything to rant or rave about. "When it comes to my power, I can channel it and make it stronger, but increasing its potency's been hard for me. I always end up trying to cram more power into a small shape to compress and magnify the effects."

Issei rolled his eyes, not taking his focus off of the ground. "That's because you're doing it wrong. Cramming power that volatile in a small form is what novices do. Stupid power junkies."

"You make it sound so obvious. If that's the case, then why hasn't anyone told me that yet? Why isn't it in any books I have researched?"

"Beats me. Could be that your teachers wanted you to figure it out for yourself. Could be that they didn't want you to learn such a dangerous ability until you had better control over your powers. Could be that they didn't think that you'd need it." He had made eight marks all equidistant from one another and all one meter from the center.

He started the process again at two meters.

"But you think I do." She concluded.

"No." He looked up at her surprised expression. "I'm just giving you advice and one long term goal on how to get stronger. You're the one that determines if you need it or not."

He was done with the two meter marks now. Next were the four meters.

"I…" She didn't expect him to say that. She felt like she was going to get whiplash whenever he jumped between psychotic child and patient sage. "… I feel like I'm getting lectured in one of those old martial arts movies."

Issei rolled his eyes. "With most energy and conceptual based powers, it's pretty straight forward. Meditate with some of your power manifested, then try to turn it inside out. Push in the radiating outer shell while pulling out the near infinite core that is concept itself. The hard part is keeping it up and maintaining stability. If done right, you shouldn't be adding any additional power to it at all."

"That's it?" She was surprised.

"That's it. Simple in concept. Hard in execution. Like I said, it's maintaining stability and control that'll drive you nuts at first." He lost count of how many times he had burned himself learning this trick. He had not stretched the truth on the first day of school in the slightest when he said he had torched his entire arm on accident.

On the bright side, he had come up with a useful medical spell during the ordeal. Getting rid of clothing that had melted into burn wounds was important to prevent infection.

Of course, most people just thought it was just a gimmick to make people naked when they first heard of Dress Break. Plebeians.

… Not that he didn't have a maybe not so insignificant history of using it in that way too. The spell did have a rather interesting secondary effect if one poured enough magical energy into it…

Rias looked curiously at her hands, inspecting the black and red arcs of power that jumped between them as if witnessing it in action for the first time. "But, wouldn't that be dangerous? You said that you'd be, well, doing whatever to us during the weekend while we were training. Wouldn't distracting me while learning this be counterintuitive?"

"Don't worry. I'll find safe moments to drive you nuts without risking anyone's health. Probably when you're checking up on the others' progress. You look like the mother hen type." Issei brushed her off, making some more marks on the ground.

"You mean when you aren't practicing your dancing?" She gave him a wry smirk, making him pause. "Don't be surprised, Issei. I'm a high class girl that has some training in the arts. I know spot markers for a routine when I see them."

He shook his head in annoyance before continuing on with his work. "It's for coordination and control practice. I'm bigger than I was five years ago. I need to get used to things again."

"I figured. Still, I'm surprised. I thought that with your disposition you'd be a more aggressive and Power type of fighter." She hummed in curiosity, her mind already running through all the Sacred Gears she knew of with functions that depended on the user's natural physical size.

Power.

There was that annoyingly useless word again. There was no way to describe just how much he _despised_ that word and all the meaningless weight that people put behind it. "Yeah well, sorry to break it to you, but I'm not a meat head that solves his problems by hitting them. I just yell a lot like one."

"… Yes, well, aren't we all thankful for that at least." He must have let something slip in his tone, because Rias decided to change the subject rather quickly. "… I am a bit surprised though."

"About what?" He was about finished tagging the submarkers within a four meter radius of the center of the field. Nothing too elaborate, but it was all the key locations he'd need to keep in mind for close range maneuvers.

"That you went out of your way to twist the story regarding Kuroka the way you did."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He responded on reflex before his mind caught up to what she had said.

Wait.

Twist the story? He had skipped a few details, but for the most part, he had kept pretty close to what had happened.

"Issei, I haven't known you for long, but even so I can already tell when you're pretending to play ignorant. You know that Koneko is Shirone." Rias sighed. "For all I know, you were looking for an excuse to tell her the whole story since you met her."

Actually, he only realized it was her a few days ago. Kuroka sent him a few texts to check up on him, make a few custom sex toy orders, plus a few dirty photos as was the norm, when he made the connection. Nothing new there.

More relevant was the fact that the black cat had on occasion sent him stalker-ish photos of her sister over the years (he never should have taught her how to use a professional long range camera), so when he vaguely remembered that Kuroka had a sister in the first place, and that Koneko looked somewhat familiar, he just added two and two together.

He almost genuinely tried to reach through the phone and strangle the stray.

He had always thought it was odd when Kuroka had decided to visit him more often than normal starting a couple of years ago. Turns out, it was just an excuse to have a safe place to crash and mooch food while spying on her sister after Rias moved into town.

The urge died quickly though. Partially because technically Kuroka didn't do anything wrong. Partially because he heavily suspected that the horny pussy would just get turned on if he tried to actually choke her with his bare hands. There were few women that Issei knew that had a libido as wide spread as that cat's, and as a purveyor of all things porn, he knew of maaaaaany females with questionable tastes.

"Your point? Does it really matter to Jail-Bait in the end if she knew that I knew who she was? I'm just some loudmouthed stranger that everyone's making a big stink about for some reason that nobody's talking about." He gave her an annoyed look. "I did skip a few details here and there, but I'm failing to zero in on what specific part you're referring to."

"Honestly, why can't you just…" The Crimson Ruined Princess gave him an equally annoyed, yet slightly confused look, as if looking for something that should be there, but wasn't. "… Issei, is what you told everyone the truth? Kuroka killed her King to protect Koneko, and then she was caught by…"

"Her Peermates, yes. They then raised the alarm, and she was run rampant by the entirety of Devil Society for two weeks before she wound up literally bleeding to death on my doorstep." Issei grunted, turning back to extending his range of marks on the school grounds.

Or he would have, if the fact that Rias hadn't said anything for more than fifteen seconds hadn't registered to him.

He was getting an extremely uncomfortable and familiar feeling in his stomach.

"… Weeb. What am I getting wrong?"

Rias hesitated. It was clear that she knew he was not going to like it. "Issei. Kuroka wasn't found by her fellow Peerage members."

… Oh no. Please don't say it. Don't tell him that he…

"You have got to be shitting me."

She grimaced. "She was found by Koneko. Koneko was the one that saw her standing over her king, half transformed from Senjutsu and covered in his blood."

The uncomfortable feeling in his stomach magnified tenfold.

He fucked up. Again.

His heart nearly jumped up his throat.

Not even two weeks outside of the house, and he had already made yet another colossal mistake.

He barely managed to push down the bile at the last moment.

Hadn't he learned from the last time? Why did he keep on making the same mistake over and over again? Why couldn't he just shut up and stay out of other's business like any other rational being?

Every time.

Every _God Damn_ time he tries to do something good, even when there was not even the slightest expectation of compensation. Every time he genuinely tried to make the lives around him just the barest bit more tolerable, it just blows up in everyone's faces.

He knew this. He's gone through this so many times already. Why did he keep on thinking that this time would be different? Just because he doubted that anyone would thank him this time?

Nothing's changed at all. He hasn't change at all.

And, to top it all off. Kuroka, _lied_.

Issei didn't say anything. His gaze didn't deviate from the spot on the ground that he was about to tag, his upper body begging to shake.

"Issei, I…" Rias took a step back, actually feeling the pure malicious emotions coming from him. Killing intent aimed in no direction in particular. From her angle, she could just barely see the look of pure conflict and _rage_ that was on Issei's face. It wasn't the same one he had when he was annoyed or going on a random tirade. He was genuinely angry this time.

"Fuck!" He shouted, crushing the spray paint can into a fist and ignored the blue paint splattering all over him. "Son of a god damn… lying over-sentimental… FUCK!"

His fragmented tirade caught the attention of the few devils that had stayed in the area. No one had been close to hear their conversation, but it was hard to miss him walking in circles shouting his lungs out and chucking the mangled remains of the can off in a random direction. He was so out of it that he couldn't even make coherent sentences for most of it.

"You!" He turned on Rias halfway in the middle of another explosive chain of nonsensical words, pointing at her accusingly. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I… what?" She was caught off guard, not expecting to be a guilty party.

"Why the hell did you leave her side you idiot!?" He snarled, surprising her once again. "That's one of the worst things you could do to her in her current state!"

"I, but, Akeno's with her!" Rias struggled to keep up. Trained in politics she may be, but she was not used to being suddenly put on the back foot like this. "She, Kiba, and I had caught up to her fast and managed to calm her down. After we talked, Koneko said she was getting better and that we could go back. I made sure she was ok. Akeno was keeping an eye on her. She should be fine. Akeno's like an older sister to everyone else in my Peerage and-"

"There's no way she'd be fine! Of course she'd say that! Practically everyone would say that after going through a shock like that even if it wasn't true to calm down the people around them and keep them from worrying!" Issei snapped, completely throwing away her excuse, his mind and mouth running on overtime. "I thought you would have known that by now since your entire peerage combined is roughly a third as unstable as I am!"

"Don't yell at me for this!" Rias lost her temper, clearly uncomfortable with being accused. "I'm not the one that started this mess in the first place!"

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "If I knew that Jail-Bait was the one that found that delusional stray in the act, I would have used another story to use as my example on how much of a failure Devil politics are! Do you have any idea just how badly she's going to blame herself now that she knows what happened? _She_ was the one that came on the scene. _She_ was the one that raised the alarm before anyone else. _She_ was the one that mistook a forced Senjutsu transformation for a willing loss of control for more power despite the fact that as a Nekoshou she's supposed to be naturally able to tell when something's off. _She_ was the one that eventually led things in such a way that Nekoshou and Senjutsu users are all but blacklisted in the devil society. And it was completely by accident! Of course realizing that she fucked up that hard is going to rebound on her! It's not something anyone can just get over in a few minutes!"

Rias' breathing hitched as Issei more or less spelled out everything that had been weighing heavily on Koneko's conscience for several years already, and realized that this new revelation was only going to make these things assault the young girl with a vengeance now.

" _YOU,_ on the other hand,became her sister's replacement in her life when practically the whole world came crashing down on her, her primary emotional pillar. _Not_ the Yandere. _Not_ Kuro. And certainly n _ot_ your whipped and lame duck older brother. If you aren't around when she comes to those conclusions, there's no telling how long it's going to take for her to stop blaming herself for her misunderstanding if at all!"

He was certain that was where Koneko's mind would go after learning what she did. It was what he would have done if he was in her shoes. It was a road that he had already traveled down and had yet to return from.

He couldn't fix this. He was never the one that could fix things. Right now, the only one that could mitigate the damage adequately was Rias.

Rias stood stock still in place, coming to terms with the horrifying fact that Issei had realized her mistake faster than she did. Even scarier, that he had already pegged Koneko's personality down well enough that he knew what the girl was going to do before anyone else.

Clap!

Issei slapped his hands together in front of her face, glaring directly into her eyes. "Why. Are. You. Still. Here?"

"I…"

"Go!" He snapped, blasting a wave of killing intent at her, making her jump again and finally get her sprinting across the property. "Yah! Mush! Allonz-y! Move! Black thong! Good pick for physical workouts! Run bitch run! Just go already!"

Only later would Issei wonder why Rias had gone to a training session dressed in the school uniform. Those miniskirts were _not_ meant for physical activity.

"… Fucking hell." It was only when the Gremory had almost made it to the other side of the school fields that he allowed himself to stop barking at the girl and berate himself for his part in the screw up.

He knew he should have just slept in today.

The dream. Shirou Emiya. Shiroune.

Gods above and below and all around, he hated the color white. Nothing good ever happened whenever the damn thing became significant around him frequently.

In a sick way it was ironic. Vali, the White Dragon Emperor, his "eternal rival", was actually an exception to the rule.

His heart was still racing. His stomach was still turning. His mind was still running at full capacity. He needed to calm down. His temper was at a high. It wouldn't be good for anyone to deal with him now.

"You know." A new voice mused as Issei watched Rias disappeared to wherever Koneko was. "I'm beginning to think that you really don't pay attention to what comes out of your mouth when you speak."

"Cougar… not now." He didn't turn around to address Raynare directly.

This wasn't good. She was the last person he wanted to deal with now. What he needed was a distraction. A way to vent.

Normally he had Porn around for this. Porn could distract him. Porn let him focus on something else. Porn calmed him down. He knew Porn. Porn was understandable. Porn didn't invade his personal life, or harass him, or eat his food, or lie to him, or ruin everything that he held dear.

Beautiful Oppai. Shapely asses. Moans. Sex. Cum. Climaxing. Life and humanity at its most intimate, beautiful, and natural. Why couldn't everyone realize and enjoy the simplicity and bliss of it all?

Ahh. He just wanted to watch porn and not deal with this anymore, but what else could he do now? It's not like back when he was young and used Vali as a convenient sandbag to viciously humiliate whenever the battle junkie got too overconfident…

"Aw. What's wrong? Angry that you accidentally mind fucked that poor little devil? Good job with that by the way. She looked ready to snap when she was running." The Fallen crooned teasingly, her inner sadist coming out in full force to the extent that she looked like she had just murdered someone with glee. "Or are you just miffed that everyone pretty much knows that you're just a softie with some teeth?"

… Sandbag acquired.

"Softie?"

Unfortunately, Raynare missed his eyes flashing dangerously, as if a trigger had been activated.

"Don't pretend. Practically everyone here heard you ream the Gremory a new one." She chuckled, almost crooning to him affectionately as if she was teasing a helpless pet. "Imagine what the world would say if they knew that the infamous Sekiryuutei that torched nearly half of the Bael's territory was actually a- where did you get those?"

While she had been confident and enjoying taunting Issei, said positive emotions gave way to confusion and horror as the teen turned around to face her…

… Holding a rather large and intimidating dildo in each hand.

Needless to say, her teasing and satisfied demeanor had died instantly as her brain tried to catch up to this new turn of events.

"I find it very hypocritical that you of all people would call me a softie, considering the fact that you've been doing nothing but lounging about and fattening yourself on my hospitality. Cougar." Issei was now the one purring like a predator, his eye sockets shining as if his eyeballs had been replaced by floodlights.

He took a step forward.

She took one back.

"Oi oi. Don't tell me you're finally letting go of your repressed urges and letting loose on me, are you? I don't do desperate." She tried to play it tough, but no one missed her quivering voice or the fact that her gaze had yet to turn away from the oversized sex toys.

She… thinks she might be able to handle them. But that would only be after some warming up. And a lot more lube.

Click.

Issei's hands on both tools shifted ever so slightly, flicking the switches that were hidden beneath his fingers.

*Rumble rumble.* *Rumble rumble.*

Raynare paled. Not just because the toys that were as thick as her (admittedly rather slim) arms began to shake and vibrate far more than any dildo she had ever worked with, but the fact that the damn things sounded like they were being powered by the engines of eighteen wheeler diesel truck engines. "… No seriously. Where the fuck did you get those things?"

"I made them. Canceled orders. I run a small side business making high quality custom sex toys on demand. You'd be _astounded_ by the crazy shit that the elites of high society will order and the crazier money they'll pay for them. Human and not."

"And the glowing?"

Yes. The dildos were in fact glowing with magic now. They looked like incredibly short and unstable lightsabers.

The sight would have been hilarious, if one wasn't at risk of being at their mercy right now.

"Seventy four percent of all sex magic has roots in white slash life magic. Next largest contributor at seventeen is soul and mind magic. The remaining nine percent is whatever nifty tricks casters of the other practices come up with in their spare time." Issei stated ominously, making another slow and predatory advance. "I'll keep the one being used now a surprise."

"Of course. H-how silly of me." Raynare swallowed heavily. If the situation was different, she may have been turned on by the prospect of being pleasured by such enhanced toys. Sadly, the fact that they were in the hands of an increasingly psychotic and rapey looking teenager that reminded her of a certain stray exorcist did not tickle her fetish bone. "Y-you know, you're normally supposed to warm up before handling heavy toys like that. You've watched enough porn. No one goes in dry unless they're really fucked up."

"I know. And don't worry."

Squirt squirt.

From the ends of both wiggling monstrosities shot out very suggestive fluid, spraying drops in every direction.

" _They're self-lubricating."_

"Well. Fuck."

"That is indeed is the punishment for failing to complete your training." At this point, Issei was covered in an ominous aura that was a cross between a sadistically evil demon lord that feasted on the misery of others and a sketchy unstable sex fiend that one would find in an unfortunate alleyway.

She swallowed heavily. Clearly she had vastly underestimated what he was willing to do to women if pushed too far. "And… what training is that?"

Issei's eyes flashed with horrifying anticipation.

o. o. o.

Sona stepped outside of the school, slightly worried and concerned. She had heard Issei yell at what sounded like Rias rather viciously a few moments ago, and while it had gotten quiet for a time, the screaming had picked up again. Only this time the one yelling was clearly female.

She didn't know what had happened, but if that boy touched a single hair on her best friend's head she'd-

"WAAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! AZAZEL-SAMAAAAAA! SAVE MEEEE FROM THIS INSANE BASTARD HUMANNNNN!"

Sona barely had time to blink before Raynare sprinted past her full tilt as if her life depended on it and the hounds of hell were after her, tears falling freely in her panic flooded eyes.

"What the-?"

"RUN FASTER COUGAR! FOR THE NEXT THREE HOURS, YOUR CLAPPING FAT ASS IS GOING TO BE MOVING FOR MY EYES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! IT'S UP TO YOU HOW IT'S GONNA SHAKE!"

Seconds later, Issei rushed past her with what appeared to be two glowing dildos that were making diesel truck sounds, looking as if he was a man on a crusade. In fact, if one looked carefully, he was actually gaining on the Fallen despite the fact that by all means she should be vastly more capable than him in all physical activities.

All in all, it looked less like exercising and more like a bad reenactment of a b rated slasher fic. Or a cartoon with a terrible budget and writing.

At that moment, Sona employed possibly the most infamous skill she possessed. The ability to completely and utterly pretend that whatever insane and traumatizing events taking place in front of her, didn't exist with a perfectly straight face. Something she had developed over her lifetime dealing with her sister.

"It's a good thing I set up the privacy barriers around the school." She said out loud, turning around and walking back into the building as if nothing was wrong.

"KYAAAA?! YOU POKED ME! YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO STICK ONE OF THINGS IN MY ASS!"

"I'LL DO MORE THAN POKE NEXT TIME PAWG! NOW KEEP MOVING! I CAN HEAR YOUR CHEEKS SMACKING THEMSELVES LOUDER THAN THAT USELESS MOUTH OF YOURS!"

"DEMON! INHUMAN BRUTE! BASTARD! FREAK! ABOMINATION! BLIGHT! MONSTER! VIRGIN! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE ORIGINAL SATANS! I HOPE HADES TAKES YOU AND BURIES YOUR SOUL IN TARTARUS FOR SEXUALLY HARRASSING A TREASURE LIKE ME!"

"I SWEAR IF THE NEXT THING YOU SAY IS THAT YOU'RE SAVING YOURSELF FOR THAT USELESS HOBO ZAZ, I'M SHOVING BOTH OF THESE THINGS DOWN YOUR THROAT TO SHUT YOU UP! LESS SCREAMING MORE MOVING!"

"I'M NEVER GOING TO BE A BRIDE!"

"LIKE YOU WERE EVER GOING TO GET MARRIED!"

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"

"YOU HAVE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING BUT MOOCH SINCE YOU GOT HERE! YOU EAT MY FOOD! YOU SLEEP IN MY HOME! YOU STAY OUT LATE GETTING PISS DRUNK AND I'M LEFT CLEANING UP AFTER YOUR LAZY ASS WHEN YOU GET BACK! YOU DON'T HELP COOK OR CLEAN OR DO ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE! WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M MAKING FAT JOKES AND CALL YOU USELESS!? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR NON-HUMANS LIKE YOU TO GAIN SIGNIFICANT WEIGHT IF THEY DON'T HAVE THE DISPOSITION FOR IT!? BITCH I'M DOING YOU A SERVICE!"

"STALKER! PSYCHOPATH! SCOURGE OF DECENCY! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

"DO IT! YOU WON'T!"

HONK! HONK!

"WHY DO THEY HONK?!"

"CUSTOM ORDER! TRUCKER FETISH! NOT MY DECISION! KEEP MOVING!"

For an extra measure, Sona made sure to set up an extra magic barrier around the room that she and Tsubaki were training and talking in. Whatever positive impressions she had developed for him in the past few hours no longer existed.

And all was right with the world.

o. o. o.

Seven years ago:

In a realm flooded and dominated by clouds, a small group of angels accompanied a small human boy on top of a seemingly out of place stone walkway that seemed to extend into nowhere.

It had been an unexpected event. A detour in the road trip Issei had been taking with Azazel. Michael's curiosity had been piqued from his estranged brother's claims about the current Sekiryutei. The Fallen Angel may be a wily one at times, but there were some things that even he would not joke about. The sooner he met with Ophis' supposed grandfather figure, the better. Especially since the boy already had ties to the Fallen and the Devils. Azazel had simply underestimated just how quickly Michael would make room in his schedule for Issei's visit.

Of course, the leader of the Fallen, due to his position and circumstances, was stuck pouting in the waiting room in front of the Holy Gates for the duration of the event.

If he was to be believed, the DMVs in America was modeled after the place.

Even so, the Archangel could not help but employ the suspicion that Azazel had managed to slip in his own petty revenge at the last moment. Or rather, he had conveniently forgotten to inform Heaven of a few details.

" _So yeah. Those are the places you want to scratch that Kuroka chick if you want her to be your own personal lap cat."_ Ghost lectured as Issei walked through Heaven with an escort that was desperately pretending to ignore their conversation.

Primarily regarding Ghost's and Issei's personalities.

Michael secretly patted himself on the back for not following Azazel's recommendations to the letter and letting Gabriel guide the unorthodox pair through the clouds. Or any female Angels for that matter.

"Fascinating." Issei was writing down notes at an obsessed rate. "I knew that cat girls were likely to have more nerves on their heads, but to think that they'd be so responsive. Twice the number of superficial temporal arteries and vagus nerves that are five times as receptive as a human's …"

" _Yeah. Just make sure that you have their permission first before trying to pleasure them. Or that they're ok being around you in general. Otherwise they'll get responsive in a way that isn't pleasant."_

" **No doubt from experience."** Ddraig snorted.

" _Third wife bruh. And subsequent kids. I actually wrote a book on the do's and don'ts of inter-sub-species long term relationships."_

"Wait, you were married to a cat girl?" Issei paused, genuinely surprised.

" _Cat Woman, no relation to the DC Universe. Ah Cecilia. Fuck I miss her. The things she could do with her tongue…"_ Ghost sighed, clearly getting lost in memories.

"I can imagine." The boy rolled his eyes.

" _You haven't lived until you've gotten a full body tongue grooming kid. Mmm! Getting tingles all over just remembering it."_

"And now I… huh. That actually sounds pretty nice now that I think about it."

" _Trust me. Imagination absolutely fails to meet the real thing in this case."_ Ghost was giddy with nostalgia. _"Just make sure to be somewhat scrubbed up before the appointment. Grooming or not, they will get pissed if you expect them to lick random shit that's stuck to your body."_

"That goes without saying."

" _You'd be surprised."_

" **Don't tell me you're trying to get our host to relive your life."**

" _Haha. Nah. Kuroka doesn't look or act anything like her. I just thought that she might be a good fit for the kid once he grows a bit. Girl looks like she needs a few extra people on her side. What with that ass that's her King."_

" **Hm. Can't argue with that."** Something about Ddraig's tone indicated that he wasn't convinced about something.

"What happened to her?" Issei asked. "Cecilia?"

" _Five time widower. Can't get to five without hitting three at some point. One of the shit sides of being immortal unfortunately."_

"Oh… sorry."

" _No worries. That's what happens when a mortal marries an immortal. Mortal dies first most of the time. There's no point in getting angry over something like that."_

" **Why not marry another immortal?"**

" _You'd think that would be the logical thing to do, but the thing about multiversal class heavy hitting immortal monstrosities like me is that most of them have their own stories and unreasonable responsibilities to manage. Get too big and these responsibilities tend to clash more often than not, screwing up any hope of a stable long term relationship. Mortals on the other hand normally just tend to go with the flow, which makes conflict of interest less likely in the long run. Despite how I act and look, I'm actually abnormally high up on the totem pole. When I do have a job to finish, things happen, whether other realms and deities want it or not. Being in a position like that makes things… difficult, sometimes."_

"How difficult?" Issei was confused.

Ghost let out a bitter laugh. _"Five time widower, remember? Not all of them went out from natural causes."_

"You, couldn't protect them?"

"… _Reality's a mean bitch sometimes. It's why I enjoy stabbing it in the face as a past time. With a rusty spork and broken chopsticks. Fate's a lazy cunt too, with a swollen infected ego bigger than nearly everyone else's. If everyone knew just how that useless waste of divinity actually functioned and did her job, she wouldn't even have a yoctomal of the followers she has now."_

" **You don't get along then."**

" _What was your first clue?"_ Ghost spoke as though he was tasting something terrible. It wasn't often that the immortal genuinely badmouthed anyone in general. He mocked and ridiculed perpetually, but there were few things that he genuinely distained.

Issei frowned, glaring at his right arm. "That's not going to happen with me. I'm going to protect my Harem. If anyone even tries…"

 _Something stirred._

" _Whoa. Easy. Easy. Calm down. I'm just telling you what my fucked up existence is like. You haven't pissed off anyone big yet so you still have hope for the easy life kid."_ Ghost laughed nervously, noting how the Angels nearby were suddenly on alert. Just the idea of anything hurting the kid's future potential Harem was enough to put the normally happy and calm kid on the edge.

The Immortal had been right. Issei was interesting, and in a way that even he didn't expect. It wasn't the Sacred Gear or Ddraig that had caught his attention, but something else far more unique.

Problem was that it probably would have been for the best if Issei had waited a bit longer to be interesting in this particular way.

It wasn't a matter of questioning Issei's maturity in using his powers and nature. Rather… it was more appropriate to say that his powers and nature were fundamentally not suited for a child. As a result, Issei was naturally a bit, unstable, when agitated.

Of course Issei didn't know this. Neither did Azazel or any of the kid's new "friends". The only ones that were aware of the sensitive details were Ddraig and Ophis.

It was understandable. After all, in this world, there were few beings out there that were capable of realizing their true nature as easily as Dragons could…

 _Nothing_ and _Infinite._

 _Dream._

 _Domination._

 _Supremacy._

And in Issei's case…

"Is there a problem?" Michael asked, suddenly worried about the ominous feeling he had felt for a moment.

" _Nah. No worries. Just the kid overreacting slightly to something stupid I said."_ Ghost waved off the Archangel's concern.

"I see." It was clear that he didn't, but their guide didn't admit it. "I must admit, when Azazel mentioned you, I had expected something…"

" _More impressive? Imposing? Mature?"_ A dry laugh came from the ebony Sacred Gear.

"Exceptional." Michael chose his words carefully. "I have been exposed to Gods, and conceptual beings before. If you are what everyone claims, then you have me at a loss as to how you do not give the same… impressions, as they do, or greater for that matter."

" _Ohoho. Someone's asking for some pretty deep info."_ Ghost was clearly amused by the Angel's insinuations, much to the confusion of the lesser messengers of God there and Issei. _"Hmm. How do I put this so that I answer your question but leave you with five more?"_

"Don't?" Issei offered hopefully.

" **This is why I refrain from asking him questions."** Ddraig stated blandly to Michael.

" _Oh spare me. I'm just the only one with the balls to admit that I'm actually doing it out of all you cowards. At least I'm not the kind of idiot that does it perpetually and pats myself on the back each time like I actually did something impressive or worthwhile, even when it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary. Hypocrites."_ Ghost snorted. _"Bottom line? I can turn my mystic mojo on and off whenever I want. I wasn't born a mega super stupid OP ubermench God-ish person thing. I started as a normie. Because of that, there were some tradeoffs when it comes to my powers, control and authority if you compare what I can do to one of my peers. Unfortunately, the kid is already familiar with one of the drawbacks I have."_

Issei grimaced, knowing instantly what Ghost was talking about and instinctively gripped his right hand tightly into a fist, as if the memory itself was hurting him. "Did you have to bring that up? I hurts enough just going through it as it is."

" _Just making a point. And again, I really am sorry you were dragged along in dealing with my bullshit. I was hoping that this trinket I'm in would be able to keep it all inside."_

"Well." Michael coughed. "I am unsure about your condition, Ghost, but there is a chance that you may be able to strengthen the Sacred Gear you are in. We have arrived."

Seventh Heaven.

Home to the Sacred Gear System, God's System, and…

" _So this is where the big OG used to crash eh?"_ Ghost whistled as the group stood right in front of a gate that showed… an endless plane of unnatural white. It couldn't be considered blank or empty, because there was without a doubt _something_ of unmeasurable power and significance there, making the very atmosphere there heavy with a sensation that could not be put into words. _"Not bad. A bit bland, but not bad."_

"I take it you can make sense of my father's realm?" Michael asked skeptically.

" _You should see my place."_

" **You have a place?"**

"… _In a manner of speaking."_ Ghost evaded the question in a cryptic way. _"All in all though, it's all right. At least it's clean and easy to manage. How many have access to this crib? I'm guessing… around two twenty? Wait. Two twenty five."_

Michael couldn't hold back his surprise. "Two hundred and twenty seven Angels have access to Seventh Heaven. I must admit, I am still skeptical about Azazel's claims about you, Ghost, but regardless you do seem to have some sort of affinity to my father's realm."

" _Keep watching. Maybe I'll make a believer out of you by the end of this."_

"I can't tell if I should be humored or insulted."

" **Insulted. It makes things more consistent that way."** Ddraig gave Michael his two cents.

Issei nervously held out his right hand, flexing his fingers slightly, as if trying to get close to a roaring fire. "Are you sure about this? Even I can tell that it's not safe for me to go in there. The spiritual energy index of this place is so high I feel like I'm about to enter Chernobyl."

The Angels were conflicted. On the one hand, Seventh Heaven just got compared to the location of the world's largest nuclear accident. On the other hand, the one doing the comparison was a nine year old.

" _Obviously. What did you expect? This is a genuine God's pad. Weak mortals and lower tier beings would get screwed over ten ways to Sunday if they went in without proper care. Those Angels that can come in here aren't allowed to because they have permission. They're allowed to because they can actually handle being here in the first place."_

" **He's right. It's best to consider the realm in front of you an entirely different dimension with its own rules."** Ddraig agreed with Ghost. Even he wouldn't be reckless while in this territory.

"Then how is young Issei to enter and interact with Father's system safely?" Michael asked curiously. "Do you need a guide or assistance?"

" _Nah. We're good. I taught the kid a trick that's useful in situations like this. Didn't think he'd have to use it so soon, but show's what I know."_ The spirit inside Blind Eternity chuckled. _"Ok. Nice and easy. You're just keeping yourself together Issei. I'll be handling the bulk of this. No need to rush."_

The boy swallowed heavily before nodding. "Ok. But if something goes wrong…"

" _I'll bail you out. No worries. My powers trump Yaweh's by eons."_

Somewhat consoled, Issei breathed deeply, using the exercises he employed when calming himself down and controlling his unstable fire breath, and focused…

"Oh?" Michael frowned as the child, became more distinct was the best way to put it. It was as if he was sticking out from the rest of the world despite there being no real change in him.

He wasn't generating power. He wasn't transforming. He wasn't doing anything really. Issei Hyoudou was still just a boy with some sacred gears, but for the moment, the child's mere existence seemed to be exemplary compared to everything around him. A good analogy would be as if the entirety of a painting had been done with a certain style and quality of paint, but suddenly a part, Issei in this case, was now comprised of far more vivid and rich colors paint, and in a slightly more detailed style.

And yet, even so, Issei's image still paled in comparison to the overwhelming impression he was getting from the being in his right arm. The thing felt genuinely _alien_ to him, and Michael was not one to use that term lightly. Even from where he was standing, it was as if the gauntlet had full authority over a critical aspect of everything around it, no matter how powerful or weak it was. Almost as if it was a divine entity in itself.

Michael had been skeptical about Azazel's words earlier. But now he was worried that his brother may very well have underestimated the boy's second tenant.

" _Just match yourself with me and walk in. Keep focused and follow my cues. You're doing great."_

Before Michael could ask what was happening, Issei stepped forward into God's territory.

That lone step was more than most Eight Winged Angels could accomplish. And it didn't stop there.

"This feels weird." Even the boy's voice seemed to stand out more than normal now. "It's like… like…"

" _Walking in a cloud of steel wool that's been soaked in disinfectant since the primordial era?"_

"Un."

" _That's what highly concentrated ambient holy energy feels like to those not in tune with the element. If you weren't using Presence, you'd be "scraped" and "disinfected" to oblivion right now. Oh, and you might want to make sure not to breathe any fire. You'd be surprised just how flammable this shit can be sometimes with right spark."_

"Now you tell me."

Michael held his tongue, following the pair as they slowly moved forward. He put aside the blasphemous comments the pair were making and focused on what exactly this Presence power was in the first place.

" _Keep at it. I know that this is a bit much, but this is just a trial run. Its good practice, and we're just going to do a quick look at the system this time around. Nothing major. Just keep at it and we'll be out of here in no time. And hopefully without any side effects."_

"Wait. Side effects?"

Issei was in there for half an hour.

There were side effects.

And like that, the Angels joined the Fallen and the Devils in observing and investing in Issei.

o. o. o.

Omake: Moments in the lives of Issei and Vali:

Two boys were sprinting across the campus of Yale University.

"Fight me!"

"No!"

A boy with silver hair was chasing a young Japanese boy across the cafeteria.

"Fight me!"

"Leave me alone!"

Vali Lucifer burst into Issei Hyoudou's room just as the latter was finishing an experiment.

"Fight me!"

"Fuck off already!"

The White Dragon Emperor glared at the back of the Crimson Dragon Emperor's head as he walked away.

"… Harems are stupid."

The Crimson Dragon Emperor stopped walking.

Two hours later, Azazel answered a knock on his apartment door.

He found young Vali hog-tied in just his boxers, with a dildo in his mouth, several other sex toys taped to other parts of his frame, and twitching in a way that clearly indicated that the child had undergone some severe nerve damage.

On the young boy's forehead was a sticky note.

 _I fought him. I also have pictures._

The leader of the Grigori looked pityingly at his "not" adopted son.

"You insulted The Harem, didn't you?"

"Urk. Gurgle. Mprht."

"Did you learn your lesson?"

"Fughnguuu."

"Close enough. Let's just get you inside before anyone-"

"EEEEK!"

"Sees us. One sec Vali. Gotta get rid of the evidence."

"Guh."

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thought I was going to finish this faster. Thanks CrayZayJay for betaing.

Slams head on table.

Why?! I was trying to make the chapters smaller for this story!

Ugh. I now remember why my first fic took so long to finish. Writing for large groups of characters and trying to make them all significant at least once during a scene is a pain in the ass and takes FOREVER. Gotta remember to avoid scenarios like this. Does nothing but kill time and space.

So. Training period. As you can see, Issei's an ass. A pragmatic ass, like Goblin Slayer (Watch it when it comes out. WATCH IT.) Every now and then, a bit more of his personality and thought process leaks out behind the swearing and yelling that, in all honesty, I really need to cut back on.

If you haven't figured it out yet, Issei's not a power type in this fic. He's a technique type.

I'm not going into deep detail into how everyone develops for this. Just giving a good overview on what directions they're likely to take.

As for Issei's snafu with Koneko? Personally, I like what I did there. It was messy. Choppy. Rushed. Completely out of place, and unscripted. Which completely fits into this Issei's character and allows for the plot to go in different directions later on. The fact that it didn't go to plan only allows for the reader to see yet another part of his personality in the way he reacts to failure when he's genuinely trying to help someone.

… And the ways he tends to cope with failure.

Does this mean that everything was planned? That Rias' peerage was purposefully designed to have people related to Issei in some way by the Satans in some over complex plot?

No. Don't even try. That's just crappy writing. The only person in Rias' peerage that Issei had a direct or indirect hand in setting up was Koneko. Everyone else was just dumb luck.

I slipped in a few new things about Issei. Replacing his respiratory system with a Dragon's was something I thought of from the start. Didn't want to cop out with the whole "Dragon's heart" thing, and I wanted to be a bit more efficient than just replacing the arm. Probably could have timed and presented it better for a later chapter, but meh. Don't care much about being THAT consistent for this story.

Also hinted about some of his other abilities. I wasn't exactly subtle about them, so that's a thing.

On a side note, this will not be the last time you'll see the sex toys he makes as a side job/hobby come into play. Not by a long shot. (Insert evil perverted laughter.)

So that's enough of that.

Real news.

For those of you that don't know already, I'm focusing most of my attention back on Take Two Round Two, and have already started on the next chapter. So rejoice and expect much madness, chaos, and epic ass kicking to be had soon. I'm going all out on this one. Sorry for the wait guys.

Work's work. Youmacon's coming up. New anime season coming with some damn good stuff around the corner, if not here already. Cousin got married.

Been reading a lot of light novels lately. Gonna be honest, I'm not exactly a fan of the ones made in China. Most of the fantasy ones always do the same thing over and over again. MC has a problem. MC needs to eat a rare animal part or cultivate (meditate) or secret martial art until they get a new power or ability. MC curbstomps villain/dungeon of the week. Rinse repeat. It gets real old real fast. They don't even bother to come up with new systems either. It's always cultivation, martial arts, or some animal part that's the solution to their problems, and none of it explains why their enemies who are "oh so strong" wind up looking useless by the end of it all as if they weren't special to begin with. It's just… boring after a while. PETA would have a cow if they read any of this shit.

Eh. Sorry to rant. Just my two cents there. Nothing about China in general, just the lack of diversity or imagination annoys me.

So… that's about it. Nothing much to say atm. Just writing, reading, hanging with friends and playing games for now.

Oh. And apparently this story is already near the top of the DxD fanfiction lists on the site.

How? Over 1k reviews already? Seriously. How? I'm not putting that much effort into this thing.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! THE CRAZY TRUCKER FETISH LADY ALSO WANTED THE LUBRICANT TO SMELL LIKE KEROSENE BUT ISSEI COULDN'T DUE TO HEALTH VIOLATIONS! AND REVIEW AGAIN!


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